Which foreign name for Scrooge McDuck sounds most like a 13-year-old Arsenal Youth prodigy?

i mean

where's Bosko Billaban?

Quack Wilshere

Quack!

(aaron ramsey's leg, that was)

can't believe we never did 'your favourite jokes about arsenal'

Q: How does Criag Eastmond address Arsene Wenger?

A: Mallard! (Mi'lord!) (Mallard is a famous duck!)

Stewart DOWNing

ok is it gonna be favourite duck jokes about arsenal because that's gonna be a pretty niche concept tbh

you don't understand! Unbeaten For A Season is my duck!

Hleb moved to Barcelona because of england's fowl weather

Joakim Von And has that perfect fusion of Latin American and Eastern European so I'm going for that.

A large group of ducks gather in a circle. One duck stood up and walked around the circle patting every duck on the head chanting duck, duck, duck, GOOSE! The one that was patted on the head last started to cry. All the other ducks asked why? The tearful waterfowl replied, "It's true!"

can somebody explain this to me please? It is a duck joke.

q. what did the arsenal soccer player do when the other soccer player kicked the ball at his head

a. he ducked! (duck)

Bendtner canardly run in a straight line

What's the difference between a duck with one wing and a duck with two wings?

A difference of a pinion

(i'm not even bothering to link to arsenal at this stage tbh)

This guy walks into a quiet bar. He is carrying three Arsenal Reserves. One in each hand and one under his left arm. He places them on the bar. He has a few drinks and chats with the bartender.

The bartender is experienced and has learned not to ask people about the footballers that they bring into the bar, so he doesn't mention them. They chat for about 30 minutes before the guy has to go to the restroom. The footballers are left on the bar.

The bartender is alone with the footballers. There is an awkward silence. The bartender decides to try to make some conversation. "What's your name?" he says to the first footballer.

"Kieran Gibbs," said the first footballer.

"How's your day been, Kieran Gibbs?"

"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of Fran Merida all day."

"Oh. That's nice," says the bartender.

Then he says to the second footballer, "Hi. And what's your name?"

"Carlos Vela," came the answer.

"So how's your day been, Carlos Vela?"

"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. If I had the chance another day I would do the same again."

So the bartender turns to the third footballer and says, "So, you must be Jack Wilshere."

"No," growls the third footballer, "My name is Fran Merida. And don't ask about my damn day."

Q. What's the difference between a mallard and Robin van Persie?
A. One of them is an animal that reproduces exclusively by gang rape and the oth-

haha i fucked that up

shd read

This guy walks into a quiet bar. He is carrying three Arsenal Reserves. One in each hand and one under his left arm. He places them on the bar. He has a few drinks and chats with the bartender.

The bartender is experienced and has learned not to ask people about the footballers that they bring into the bar, so he doesn't mention them. They chat for about 30 minutes before the guy has to go to the restroom. The footballers are left on the bar.

The bartender is alone with the footballers. There is an awkward silence. The bartender decides to try to make some conversation. "What's your name?" he says to the first footballer.

"Kieran Gibbs," said the first footballer.

"How's your day been, Kieran Gibbs?"

"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of Fran Merida all day."

"Oh. That's nice," says the bartender.

Then he says to the second footballer, "Hi. And what's your name?"

"Carlos Vela," came the answer.

"So how's your day been, Carlos Vela?"

"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of Fran Merida all day. If I had the chance another day I would do the same again."

So the bartender turns to the third footballer and says, "So, you must be Jack Wilshere."

"No," growls the third footballer, "My name is Fran Merida. And don't ask about my damn day."

That makes even less sense.

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?

Make it watch Arsenal until its bill withers.

Q: Who is going to score the winner for Spurs against Arsenal later this season?

A: Eider Gudjohnsen! (Eidur!)

Q. What is an obsessive Arsenal fan's favourite breakfast item?
A. Eggs Fabr-egg-as, like an egg

one day i'm walking down the road and i met cesc fabregas bouncing a brick.

I say, "no way a bouncing brick, i haven't seen one of those in years! I used to love those things!"

He says "do you wanna have a go? you've got to be very careful though, cos if you bounce too hard it'll go way way up in the sky and you'll never see it again"

I say, "don't worry, I have lots of practice with these things- I was quite a pro in my youth."

So he gives me the bouncing brick, and after a few test bounces I've recalled all of my old prowess and am giving it over arm, under leg, behind my back pimped out bouncing brick moves.

He's very impressed, and says "i can see you're a true afficionado- tell you what, you keep that one, i have more at home"

I'm delighted, and after thanking him head off, bouncing my new brick. After a while I meet kieran gibbs.

he says- "Wow, great a bouncing brick, I've never seen one of those! give us a try!"

I'm not sure- "be careful, if you bounce it too hard it'll go way way up in the sky and it'll never be seen again"

He has a go- he bounces it too hard first time, it goes way way up into the sky and it's never seen again.

arsene wenger gets on a plane to india with his duck. the hostess says "i'm sorry mr wenger, that duck has to go in the cargo hold"

he says, "it''s ok, he has a ticket."

"that's not the point sir, animals aren't allowed on the plane"

wenger's indignant- "this isn't an animal, it's my best friend, he has a and a passport. i eat with this duck, see movies with this duck, post under the same ilx name as this duck and generally am very matey with this duck altogether. how dare you call this duck an animal."

they work out a solution. the duck is secured to the wing of the plane with a leather strap, and given an oxygen mask (his ticket is refunded). the gentleman is given the window seat to provide constant assurance and support for the creature.

thirty thousand feet up, the strap breaks.....

the duck's tail feather is smouldering in the engine, and he's trying heroically to grab the end of the strap in his beak. every person on board is crowded round the windows shouting "come on duck! come on duck! come on duck!"

an updraft beats the duck back again. his tail feather is clearly alight now. he's inches from the strap, and giving his all. he slowly beats his way towards the strap again. inside- "come on duck! come on duck! come on duck!"

he strains every duck sinew in his body, and gets the strap firmly in it's mouth! cheers of relief all round.

then whack! a sudden impact knocks him loose, and directly into the jet engine. he's incinerated

he was hit by a bouncing brick

See, I read the second one first

can a mod change the thread title to "indecipherable jokes about soccer"

Q: What does Arsene Wenger definitely not do to his 13 year-old youth players?

A: Ducks them! (Fucks them!)

can a mod change the thread title to "indecipherable jokes about soccer"

in fairness, it already says that in Queen's English

oi!

yeah i could tell that i didn't take the audience with me on that one tbh

i laughed

mostly at 'he was hit by a bouncing brick' though

waldorf salad--now that's some british humor i can get behind

the version i'm familiar with is the spear-chucking/monkey being thrown out of plane one, but <3 punchlines being irascibly explained by an unanswered comedian

ususally you tell one at the beginning and give it a while tbh

yeah, ilx doesn't roll like that

Version I'm familiar has Paddy throwing away half bricks for some reason, a subsequent joke then involving a dog getting thrown out of a train window and then being seen with a half brick in its mouth

You gotta leave it to cook a while, yeah

bouncing brick is the peak of this towering thread

good luck mr que

duck walks into a bar says 'got any nuts?'

barman- 'no'

'got any nuts?'

'no'

'got any nuts?'

'no'

'got any nuts?'

'no'

'got any nuts?'

'no'

'got any nuts?'

'ask me again and i'll nail your bill to the bar'

'got any nails?'

'no'

'got any nuts?'

ok lol

hahahaha

The only interest I have in football is roque santa cruz so I don't recognise some of the names or.......themes but I think I get the gist and am lol-ing, esp at the bill withers one. Great thread.

Q: How could Arsene Wengers financial approach to signings be described.
A: As tight as Scrooge Mc'Ducks Arse (Contains a duck reference, a Scrooge McDuck reference (a famously stingy character), a common phrase relating to being penny pinching which relates to Arsenals famous policy of no big money signings and also contains the word 'Arse' which features in both the name of the club and it's manager.

hahaha! well when it's broken down like that...

i have just given up on getting arsenal into any of these obviously

jarlrmai knows whats up tbh

^

Flu goin round arsenal. In line for jabs new signing kim shellstrom says to bacary sanya "im really looking forward to working with you, what is your favoured position btw?" to which sanya replies "right back at you"

(right back is bacary sanya's favoured position and sneezing is common when one has the flu)

("at you" is to he pronounced as "achoo", in the manner of a sneeze, for the purposes of this joke)

:D

There is a 'symphonic Finnish prog-rock concept album' about Scrooge McDuck that has been recently released

not finding a lot of name value in the current arsenal youth contingent, the counterpoint of chuba 'chubs' akpom and chukwuemeka 'chuks' aneke about as interesting as it takes

was prepared to hate hector bellerin for having a shit name and being another ex-barca youth player ready to take queen wenger's shilling, until i saw this photo of him and felt his move into the EPL was verging on the TE lawrence level of unlikely yet seamless acculturation

http://i.imgur.com/Wcmmh9D.jpg

It's such a beautiful album that it far exceeded my expectations. It keeps the signature style of Tuomas's writing but brings it to a new level

Who's that in the photo with Bellerin?

lauren laverne

a black mass of clothing

Joakim Von And has that perfect fusion of Latin American and Eastern European so I'm going for that.

― Maraca Son Sistema (Matt DC), 16. marts 2010 17:26 (4 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I don't get this at all...

arsenal just lost the youth cup final

Arsenal: Josh Vickers; Tafari Moore, Brandon Ormonde-Ottewill, Leander Siemann (Stefan O’Connor 71), Julio Pleguezuelo; Ainsley Maitland-Niles, Gedion Zelalem, Glen Kamara (Austin Lipman 83), Jack Jebb; Alex Iwobi (Daniel Crowley 59), Chuba Akpom (c)

Substitutes not used: Ryan Huddart (GK), Alfred Mugabo

Chelsea: Mitchell Beeney; Fankaty Dabo (Isak Ssewankambo 59), Andreas Christensen, Jake Clarke Salter (Isaiah Brown 70), Ola Aina; Jordan Houghton, Charlie Colkett (Reece Mitchell 81), Ruben Loftus-Cheek (c); Alex Kiwomya, Dominic Solanke, Jay Dasilva

Substitutes not used: Bradley Collins (GK), Kasey Palmer

Whilst Arsenal have yet to enter the transfer market for any first-team players, the club have been busy making numerous acquisitions at U18 level.
In addition to the previously announced deals for Kristopher Da Graca, Jonatas Centeno, Savvas Mourgos and Elias Hatzitheodoridis, the club have this week finalised moves for promising youngsters Ben Sheaf and Hugo Keto.
Sheaf, a homegrown central-midfielder signed from West Ham’s famed academy, and Keto, a goalkeeper recruited from HJK in his native Finland, have both been capped by their countries at U16 level.
For all the promise of those listed above, however, Arsenal’s biggest success at youth level this Summer may well prove to be the retaining of the services of an existing player.
Chris Willock, an attacking midfielder deemed so talented that he trained with the first-team at London Colney last season whilst he was still as schoolboy, was the subject of considerable interest from Manchester United, where his brother Matthew, formerly of Arsenal, currently plays.
However, last weekend Willock confirmed that he has signed a two-year scholarship deal with Arsenal and will continue his development at the club. Although he struggled with several injury setbacks last season, Willock demonstrated his considerable promise during his 12 appearances at U18 level and also made the bench in the FA Youth Cup.
There are some other promising Hale End products in this intake, most notably Kaylen Hinds, a striker who featured in the UEFA Youth League last season, and George Dobson, a defensive-minded player with genuine leadership qualities. Tyrell Robinson, a dangerous winger, is also worth keeping an eye on, with Marc Bola, Aaron Eyoma and Chiori Johnson having also commenced their scholarships this week.

Rooting for Hugo Keto

should find a Bryan Ferr to complement Marc Bola

The entire concept of Scrooge McDuck confounds me. Charles Dickens's Ebeneezer Scrooge reincarnated as an anthropomorphic billionaire duck who lives in the US but speaks with an intelligible Scottish accent (unlike his impedemented nephew, Donald) has adventures along with his 3 grandnephews (also ducks wearing baseball caps).

immigrant got rich raised yank ducklings idgi

in the show did he ever talk about his times growing up in Victorian England and being spooked by various ghosts?

IIRC the only time the gang went to England they were warned that it was 'haunted'. The whole country!

not only is Glen Kamara unrelated to Chris he also appears to be Finnish. curious

he has 36 followers on twitter

His family has an old haunted castle. Though he himself grew up in poverty.

In other news, young trio Glen Kamara, Tafari Moore and Josh Vickers have all signed professional terms at the Emirates. Mainstays of the under-18s last season they’ll be hoping to turn heads for the under-21s this season with a view to a potential shot at a run out in the Capital One Cup.

Tafari is a good name

tafari is ethiopian/amharic (haile selassie's birth name & ras tafari = prince tafari) his middle name is lalibela which means his parents are either v serious rastas or v patriotic ethiopians

Spurs youth just gave rafferty pedder some minutes

Hope he gets a song

"Sknerus McKwacz" still makes me laugh today

missed this before, good stuff

https://www.newyorker.com/news/dispatch/the-strange-story-of-dagobert-the-ducktales-bandit

This is wild.

that was awesome, thank you!

Yeah that was incredible

Why hasn't anyone made a film about that yet?

More Germans btw.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HR9wq-J0nCE