Which foreign name for Scrooge McDuck sounds most like a 13-year-old Arsenal Youth prodigy?

Q: How could Arsene Wengers financial approach to signings be described.
A: As tight as Scrooge Mc'Ducks Arse (Contains a duck reference, a Scrooge McDuck reference (a famously stingy character), a common phrase relating to being penny pinching which relates to Arsenals famous policy of no big money signings and also contains the word 'Arse' which features in both the name of the club and it's manager.

hahaha! well when it's broken down like that...

i have just given up on getting arsenal into any of these obviously

jarlrmai knows whats up tbh

WHAT IS A DUCK'S FAVOURITE PREMIER LEAGUE FOOTBALLER TO EAT?

BREAD HANGELAND

yes

arsene wenger calls up alex ferguson and says 'do you weesh to go feeshin with mee'. ferguson replies 'anatidae thanks'

Q: Which footballer can't crouch down properly?

A: Gary Teale (a teal is the littlest duck in Britain!)

holy shit @ dmac's latest

wd work better with martin o'neill tho

fuck it would too y'know

Q: Which Arsenal player incurred the biggest bill at their last New Year party?

A: Andrei Arshoveler (Andrei Arshavin!) (A shoveler has the biggest bill of any duck in Britain!)

what do you call an arsenal player who is performing open heart surgery

a duck

Bacary Surgeon

Arsene Wenger goes on holiday and leaves Steve Bould in charge of looking after his pet cat. After three days of checking in and feeding the cat, all is well, but on the fourth day the cat is killed when it falls off the roof trying to chase after a duck. Steve Bould phones Arsene Wenger and says "BOSS, YOUR FUCKIN CAT'S DEAD". Wenger is devastated and has to take a moment to compose himself. He then says "Jesus Steve, zat is a terrible shock. For me, you can not say zis in such a blunt way. What happened?". Steve Bould said "I fed the cat and then he went out into the garden. He started chasing a duck on the roof and he fell off and fuckin died didn't he."

Wenger says "you should really try to soften the blow when something like zis appens - you should have said 'Mr Wenger, please sit down, I av some bad news. I fed your cat as usual today but afterwards he went outside and climbed onto the roof in pursuit of a duck. He slipped and I'm afraid he did not survive the fall.' " Bould reflects and agrees that he should have been more sensitive.

Arsene Wenger returns to his holiday and mourns his cat. Three days later, he receives another call. It is Steve Bould. With some concentration, Steve Bould carefully says "Mr Wenger, please sit down, I have some bad news. I fed Aaron Ramsey as usual today but afterwards he went outside and climbed onto the roof in pursuit of a duck."

lollllllllll

^^^

hilarious thread, i voted for joakim von and

Q: When Arsene Wenger watches his young reserves do press-ups, what duck does he keep saying over and over again?

A: Pochard! (Push hard!)

lol @ all this

Q: How many lightbulbs does it take to screw Arsene Wenger?

A: Bangers and mash!

Arsene Wenger is at the training ground when he sees Nicklas Bendtner strolling along being followed by twenty quacking ducks. "What are you doing with zose ducks?" he asks his misfiring centre-forward. "They just keep following me - I don't know what to do with them," replies the man mountain. "Well, take zem to the zoo!" instructs his prudent but short-sighted manager.

The next day Arsene Wenger is at the training ground again and once more he sees Nicklas Bendtner being followed by twenty quacking ducks. "I thought I told you to take them to the zoo!" he yells in exasperation. Straight away Bendtner replies "Oh shit, yeah, I forgot."

one from the archives

Q: what comes from sweden, has red and white feathers, and has one leg shorter than the other?
A: An-duck Limper

Q: what comes from sweden, has red and white feathers, and has looks good in underwear?
A: Fredduck Longbill

Q: arsenal would have had a clean sheet if it wasn't for which loony tunes' ejaculate?
A: daffy semen

This thread.

You all ought to be run out of town on a Rail (Rallus caerulescens)

Paul Merson staggers home from the pub drunk and tries to sneak in without his wife noticing. He stumbles over a lamp, smashing it, and vomits all over himself. His wife comes downstairs and sees him on the floor, drunk, penniless and covered in sick. She says "Paul, I'm tired of this. If you come home in that state ever again I'm leaving you."

Merson awakes at noon, hungover and consumed with shame. He vows to his wife and to himself that he will turn over a new leaf from this day. He resolves to go and feed the ducks in the park in order to clear his head and appreciate the simple pleasures of life.

Three hours later, Merson is in the pub, pissed out of his face. His shirt is covered in vomit. Ray Parlour walks into the pub and says "fucking hell Paul, you're in a state." Merson says "I've done it this time. I was only supposed to go and feed the ducks. I told Lorraine I'd never get so pissed I cover myself in puke ever again. And I've fuckin' done it. It's over."

Parlour is sympathetic and thinks the situation over. He says "I tell you what Paul. I'm gonna give you a breath mint and £20. You go home, clear your head as fast as possible and tell Lorraine that you bumped into me in the park and that I was pissed out of my head and I threw up on you. Say you've turned over a new leaf and you looked after me and took me home and I gave you £20 to get your shirt dry-cleaned because I felt so bad about throwing up on it. You can tell her it'll only cost a fiver so you've made a £15 profit in three hours and you looked after a friend in need."

Merson sees this as his last chance to change the direction of his life, thanks Parlour profusely and staggers home, carefully feigning sobriety and practising his speech in his head. He goes into his house and says to his wife "Lorraine, I know I look terrible, but listen, I bumped into Ray in the park and he was pissed and he was in a dark place like I was and he got sick on me and I had to take him home and make sure he was OK but he felt so bad he gave me £20 to get my shirt dry cleaned and it'll only cost a fraction of that so we've even got a bit more money spare." Merson clumsily pulls out the £20 to demonstrate this, but inadvertently pulls out another £20 note he had forgotten was there. Lorraine says "well...that's nice, I suppose, Paul, but there's £40 there, not £20."

Merson considers the situation and says "oh yeah I forgot, he shat in my pants as well."

tl;dr

(too long; duck related)

vermaelen serene
gliding on the surface but
legs thrashing below

quack. david bentley
quack. once the future, now past
quack. a single tear

Q. Why did the duck indiscriminately shit on everyone that went near the duck pond
A. It learnt from its father, Paul Merson

poseidon, take back
thy duck. i shall have once more
sweet aaron ramsey

Thierry Henry is out on the town. A club promoter in a duck costume offers him a flyer. Henry says "oh no, I learned my lesson about handbills!"

Ted Drake

i fuckin knew i was getting déja vu at this shit:

What else could go wrong for Gordon Brown in the next six months?

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

mckwacz

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

i was rooting for Paperon de Paperoni.

Skrue McDuck 0

how

mckwacz robbed

^^^quality DN

:) it's a niche thing, unless he has a mixtape out i haven't heard.

this has to be one of the front runners for thread of the year right?

xpost it's almost as good as my completely ignored post here: Messi

also J that's a big call but yeah it's been A+

bold prediction, we like to see those on footy threads

Patinhas McPato
Skrue McDuck

these are the only two where if i heard them during a germany-switzerland world cup game or something i would go "ehh... that doesn't sound right"

xp i don't get 80's louchpop references, but i'm sure it's very nice

ah cmon now dagobert duck is reaching a little

dagobert's one of the names mixed up in all that grail nonsense, which country's that form i wonder? they are sending our kids MESSAGES