shit that looks like an onion article but isn't

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shit that looks like an onion website but isn't

http://www.guyspeak.com/

J0rdan S., Tuesday, 23 March 2010 21:01 (fourteen years ago) link

If a guy confines a girl to the friend zone, does that always mean he finds her unattractive?
Panama Jackson answered this question on March 23, 2010 12:00 PM

Not at all. You can be the most attractive woman on Earth and be relegated to the friend zone. You see, you might ALSO be batsh*t crazy. There's no easier way to end up in the friend zone then pure insanity.

You see, ugly women end up in the friend zone by default. They don't get put there. They just live there because most men will not attempt to romance or win the love of a busted broad.

And even still, attractive women pretty much have to go way far out there to end up in the friend zone. Men will put up with a lot from attractive women. We'll deal with her strange comments and terrible taste in music. We'll build really big wooden horses and storm beaches until one of our homeboy's gets shot in his why-are-you-famous achilles heel. But there is always a point where you've gone too far. And it varies by man.

For instance, I couldn't deal with a really hot chick that got violent after being drunk. And I mean violent with pool sticks and throwing kettles into pots to make formal introductions.

So inconclusion, read my lips. If you're in the friend zone, it's probably not just because you are unattractive. You might be hot. It's probably because you are insane.

Thank you and good night.

It was written.

J0rdan S., Tuesday, 23 March 2010 21:02 (fourteen years ago) link

oh dear God

Mr. Que, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 21:02 (fourteen years ago) link

lol oh boy

http://www.guyspeak.com/personas/reformed-player/

J0rdan S., Tuesday, 23 March 2010 21:04 (fourteen years ago) link

o_O

harbl, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 21:04 (fourteen years ago) link

Didn't Dave Eggers used to freelance/edit Maxim or some lad mag?

Philip Nunez, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 21:37 (fourteen years ago) link

Esquire

Mr. Que, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 21:40 (fourteen years ago) link

Eggers worked briefly at Esquire, which is a men's magazine but a touch classier than Maxim.

jam master (jaymc), Tuesday, 23 March 2010 21:41 (fourteen years ago) link

That seems a bit like saying Playboy is a touch classier than Juggs.

he's always been a bit of an anti-climb Max (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Tuesday, 23 March 2010 21:52 (fourteen years ago) link

esquire occasionally has some good stuff

just sayin, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 21:53 (fourteen years ago) link

Esquire used to (and maybe still does) run fiction and long form essays--don't think Maxim ever has. Esquire has gotten a lot trashier in the past few years, but still.

Mr. Que, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 21:54 (fourteen years ago) link

maxim = #1 source for biting satire

☀☃ (am0n), Tuesday, 23 March 2010 22:18 (fourteen years ago) link

This guy's shit reads so much like he's trying to overcompensate for complete lack of balls imo.

ABBAcab (Trayce), Wednesday, 24 March 2010 00:09 (fourteen years ago) link

IM A MAN WOMEN ARE CRAZY SLUTS PS I EAT SALAD

I mean wtf.

ABBAcab (Trayce), Wednesday, 24 March 2010 00:10 (fourteen years ago) link

For those of you who aren't familiar with this gender normative term

glad this guy went to college!

it is just like an unknown puzzle till the end of the world (dyao), Wednesday, 24 March 2010 01:14 (fourteen years ago) link

lollll

ABBAcab (Trayce), Wednesday, 24 March 2010 02:12 (fourteen years ago) link

Police: Shirtless man with sword 'hunting werewolves'

Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 24 March 2010 15:54 (fourteen years ago) link

Should we tell Mr. Smedley?

Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 24 March 2010 15:57 (fourteen years ago) link

Schizophrenic, Psychotic or Meth?

Il suffit de ne pas l'envier (Michael White), Wednesday, 24 March 2010 16:01 (fourteen years ago) link

Why not a trifecta, really.

Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 24 March 2010 16:03 (fourteen years ago) link

now why would you make fun of someone who's trying to protect us all?

ksh, Wednesday, 24 March 2010 16:03 (fourteen years ago) link

I'm philolycanthropic that way.

Il suffit de ne pas l'envier (Michael White), Wednesday, 24 March 2010 16:04 (fourteen years ago) link

The man disarmed himself without incident

Given the circumstances, a certain Monty Python sketch comes to mind.

Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 24 March 2010 16:05 (fourteen years ago) link

hey look esquire still publishes fiction. and look who it is. Mr. Columbia MFA program

http://www.esquire.com/fiction/james-franco-fiction-0410

Mr. Que, Wednesday, 24 March 2010 18:36 (fourteen years ago) link

saw that in the magazine, quit reading when I saw:

Joe sucks off his cigarette.

Aside from general juvenile LOLs I can't believe no one in his MFA program or at Esquire saw that and suggested he look for an alternate phrasing.

FIST FIGHT! FIST FIGHT! FIST FIGHT IN THE PARKING LOT! (milo z), Wednesday, 24 March 2010 18:38 (fourteen years ago) link

that has to be intentionally worded that way

ksh, Wednesday, 24 March 2010 18:40 (fourteen years ago) link

gee, do you think

Mr. Que, Wednesday, 24 March 2010 18:41 (fourteen years ago) link

Do any of you feel like correcting Mr. Franco's work like that one guy did to Dan Brown?

Philip Nunez, Wednesday, 24 March 2010 18:47 (fourteen years ago) link

its not all that bad a story? i dont know if it wouldve been published if it werent franco but really its not dan brown-level

max, Wednesday, 24 March 2010 19:52 (fourteen years ago) link

not very onion-esque either

☀☃ (am0n), Wednesday, 24 March 2010 19:58 (fourteen years ago) link

sorry am0n

Mr. Que, Wednesday, 24 March 2010 20:05 (fourteen years ago) link

;-)

☀☃ (am0n), Wednesday, 24 March 2010 20:28 (fourteen years ago) link

Police: Shirtless man with sword 'hunting werewolves'

― Ned Raggett, Wednesday, March 24, 2010 11:54 AM

haha C.H.U.D.s

☀☃ (am0n), Wednesday, 24 March 2010 20:33 (fourteen years ago) link

the black gaping gap

W i l l, Thursday, 25 March 2010 14:28 (fourteen years ago) link

That's kind of like the onion though - it's a funny campaign by a dairy consortium (you're weak because you don't drink enough milk, etc).

StanM, Sunday, 28 March 2010 14:11 (fourteen years ago) link

haha, so it is

it is just like an unknown puzzle till the end of the world (dyao), Sunday, 28 March 2010 14:13 (fourteen years ago) link

I kept on thinking though, if it's gonna take 2-30 weeks for delivery, that milk is going to be pretty gross by the time it gets to you

it is just like an unknown puzzle till the end of the world (dyao), Sunday, 28 March 2010 14:14 (fourteen years ago) link

man, milk be doing virals huh?

forksclovetofu, Sunday, 28 March 2010 14:14 (fourteen years ago) link

Pizza Pizza Royalty Income Fund and Pizza Pizza Limited Announce the Passing of Pizza Pizza's Chief Executive Officer 8:16 AM EST

puff puff post (uh oh I'm having a fantasy), Wednesday, 31 March 2010 16:32 (fourteen years ago) link

Spotting this in the print edition today:
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/science/medicine/article7080666.ece

Perhaps a bit more Iannucci than Onion.

Michael Jones, Wednesday, 31 March 2010 16:34 (fourteen years ago) link

Police sting involving rabbit costume sparks criticism in Glendale.

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 1 April 2010 17:35 (fourteen years ago) link

“One of the violators said he was confused by it,” Sgt. Dennis Smith told the News-Press. “He said he hopped in front of him.”

goole, Thursday, 1 April 2010 17:39 (fourteen years ago) link

If only they had picked a bee costume for their sting, it would have been a lot less confusing.

StanM, Thursday, 1 April 2010 18:07 (fourteen years ago) link

three weeks pass...

http://www.cnn.com/2010/SHOWBIZ/Music/04/27/mia.music.video/index.html?hpt=T2


M.I.A. music video elicits strong online response

By Lisa Respers France, CNN

(CNN) -- If singer/rapper M.I.A.'s purpose was to get people talking about her new single "Born Free," she succeeded.

The Sri Lankan-born artist debuted the graphic video on Monday. Immediately, fans took to social media to debate its scenes of military force, violence and brutality.

"M.I.A. is a provocateur and someone who tries to rile people up in a variety of ways," said Saul Austerlitz, author of "Money for Nothing: A History of the Music Video from the Beatles to the White Stripes."

"I think one of the main routes that she takes to that end is the political, and this video has a lot of political resonances, things like Guantanamo, the Iraqi insurgency and the Taliban all sort of jumbled together and rebranded."

The almost nine-minute video for the song from her upcoming album includes nudity as well as scenes of brutality. Directed by filmmaker Romain Gavras, the video revolves around the rounding up of red-headed young men by a group of military commandos.

At one point, a boy is shot point-blank in the head and another young man is blown to pieces. YouTube reportedly yanked the video in light of its content.

Sasha Pasulka, managing editor for pop culture website "Evil Beet," said M.I.A. couldn't have played the publicity game better.

"It's much better for her that YouTube pulled it because now she gets to rant about that," Pasulka said.

And rant the artist did. She took to her official Twitter account to berate her record label, Universal Music Group, for the video being pulled.

"(Expletive) UMG WHO WONT SHOW IT ON YOUTUBE!" she wrote before tweeting four minutes later "OK NOT UMG FAULT!"

A request by CNN for comment from M.I.A.'s publicist did not receive a response.

Pasulka said M.I.A. is following the tradition established by artists such as Michael Jackson in using a longer video as a means of artistic expression. And while it is not clear exactly what message M.I.A. is trying to get across, Pasulka said it is obvious she is trying to provoke thought among viewers.

"If you look at M.I.A.'s life, there is a history of political activism," Pasulka said. "She's the daughter of a revolutionary who fought for an independent state in Sri Lanka, so she is obviously trying to make a political statement."

On Twitter, fans like one who goes by the moniker "ziggy0stardust" appealed to the artist for her inspiration by writing "@ M.I.A. can u tell us what u were tryin (sic) to say wiv (sic) the born free vid please" while other reactions ranged from those like "Hadge" who wrote "I just watched M.I.A.'s new music video for "Born Free" and now I feel like throwing up. What an awful, awful video" to those like SEFGray who tweeted "M.I.A's Born Free video blew me away, along with the actors."

MTV.com writer James Montgomery hailed M.I.A. for the unflinching video.

"Yes, it's brutal and at times a bit overly dramatic, but it's also a form of political protest, a downright subversive bit of art created by an artist on a major label, Interscope," Montgomery wrote.

Austerlitz pointed out that the video's director is the son of Costa Gavras, a noted filmmaker whose work has also blended politics and entertainment. M.I.A.'s video also took inspiration from the 1971 film "Punishment Park," written and directed by Peter Watkins, Austerlitz said.

"['Punishment Park' is] a movie about a totalitarian state where young people are rounded up, brought out to a deserted area and essentially told if they could outrun the police, they could live, but that the police would basically be hunting them," Austerlitz said.

"It's sort of a dystopian look at late '60s American protests and student movements," Austerlitz added. "It's clear that the second half of the video has been taken almost shot for shot from that film.

In an age where so many musicians are trying to break free from the pack and be viewed as artists with something to say, Pasulka said M.I.A. may have succeeded in generating even more buzz than the industry's current poster girl for all things provocative -- Lady GaGa.

"I would say she out-GaGaed Lady GaGa," Pasulka said. "This has the potential for even more coverage than all of the interest that surrounded 'Telephone.' "

by another name (amateurist), Wednesday, 28 April 2010 02:50 (thirteen years ago) link

key passage:

And while it is not clear exactly what message M.I.A. is trying to get across, Pasulka said it is obvious she is trying to provoke thought among viewers.

"If you look at M.I.A.'s life, there is a history of political activism," Pasulka said. "She's the daughter of a revolutionary who fought for an independent state in Sri Lanka, so she is obviously trying to make a political statement."

by another name (amateurist), Wednesday, 28 April 2010 02:51 (thirteen years ago) link

"...Continued Pasulka, 'We just don't know what about.'"

by another name (amateurist), Wednesday, 28 April 2010 02:51 (thirteen years ago) link


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