Polyamory

FoS, everything you talk about seems to be from a mono -> poly transition scenario. This is naturally a big step, and fraught with difficulties, but IME is not how most poly relationships start. It's much more usual that all parties at all stages know there is a poly-potential relationship going on, and things develop organically from there.

teach me to be subtle

Ms laura has talked abt this in quite a lot of detail in other threads. she does have periods where she doesn't post much etc so er, if its urgent or something, an email might be required etc.

I think I have the same sort of reaction as jess: the catholic in me would react against it but since I've buried that (but it is still there, deep in me) I think it is something i would consider if it ever came up.

Less snarkily, I think we've got a couple different styles of relationship on the table for which the word "polyamory" is used (ya got yer swingers, yer open relationships, yer threesomes and moresomes, yer dawgs n' doormats) so that it becomes pretty meaningless to say whether "polyamory" works or not. It's really only ever a question of whether people in a relationship (regardless of the numbers) are happy, confortable, and fulfilled in it.

At first I thought this read, "but ILM is not how most poly relationships start." And I was like, "WHAAA??? It's not???"

(jess, ILX being dicks if you ask for advice, unsurpising!)

i think this is disgusting and morally uncoscionable!

i think this is disgusting and morally unconscionable!

Because I am in a I AM SINGLE AND SAD ABOUT IT TOO mood, I think that poly people could at least have the decency not to make lonely people feel even *more* lonely. But this goes for mono people as well. IN FACT IT GOES FOR ALL PEOPLE. I am going to stick with the interweb.

The hardest thing abt *being* in a poly relationship I wd think is to have the self-esteem and confidence not to feel a bit rub when yr partner is off with s/one else and obviously happy about it and making COMPARISONS and agh headbreaking.

However, I can see positive things abt poly as well - I've seen people be extremely happy and more relaxed in their "relationships" when one person doesn't develop into the be-all-and-end-all - just simply, someone who you er... "dig". And I can see that as a healthy attitude to have.

Then again I am shunning company and party on Friday night so you probably should't listen to me as the healthy attitude type of person eh?

Er yeah, sorry about that Stars. I wasn't thinking straight, and my not posting anything on the thread must've made it sooo much better. I can be a total fuckwit at times.

yeah, the self-confidence thing was mostly the reason i revived - not that anything has really progressed yet - but being the type of guy i am, i don't tend to pull in massive amounts of the laydeez, so y'know, there are "no worries" on my end, but since for most of my (ha ha) adult life i have located the majority of my self-esteem and confidence in the undying affection of my partner ("nyeah nyeah...you can't have them") (which totally isn't healthy, btw!!) i am a bit worried about my already low low low LOW levels of uh self-esteem (and rather high levels of self-hate.)

This makes me so happy I can't describe it.

i mean nobodys asking where your car keys are

(TO SPELL IT OUT FOR EVERYONE JESUS PEOPLE)

BASICALLY SHE AND I BOTH DECIDED THAT WE SHOULD BE FREE TO EXPLORE NOT JUST CASUAL SEX BUT ALSO THE POSSIBILITY OF EXTRA RELATIONSHIPS (GOD THAT SOUNDS SO LAME), BUT THIS IS JUST A FREEDOM NOT A MANDATE OR EVEN A POSSIBILITY RIGHT NOW.

ONE TIME AT BAND CAMP...

jess had a threesome with Tatum O'Neal.

thats actually kinda cute

I love how if certain posters try to get advice or shoulders round these parts, everyone seems to feel that it's open season, as if we're robots. It'd be cool but it ain't true. Meanwhile, if jess was (fill-in-here-not-gonna-spell-it-out-which-posters-get-treated-like-drama-sadsacks) everyone would be horrified and running about with their hands in the air! I can't decide which is more annoying.