Friday the 13th: Jason Goes to POLL

I hate horror movies and have somehow managed to see two of these

1-9 are on AMC this week btw. So you can make a more informed decision on the weekend.

caught a bit of 1 last night and it was horribly edited - like, all the kill shots were cut out! so stupid

i think 4 is the best, followed probably by 2.

Freddy vs. Jason

[Vote]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Meut1UpZzaA

I like 1, 2 and 4 (never seen any of the others), but man, the absolute flying leaps it takes even to get from 1 -- in which Mrs. Voorhees is the killer and Jason, if he exists anywhere outside Adrienne King's head, is a scrawny, melonheaded freak at the bottom of a lake -- to 2, in which the killer is a fully-grown roid-freak Jason, is staggering. It makes no narrative sense whatsoever, even within the loose constraints of the genre.

Also, if these movies are all considered to take place in the same continuity, they make even LESS sense. Assuming the first one takes place the year it was released, in 1980:

-- Part 2 takes place, according to the movie itself, "five years later," in 1985 (but was released in 1981)
-- Part 3-D takes place the day after Part 2, so also in 1985 (released 1982)
-- Part 4 takes place the day after Part 3, so also in 1985 (released in 1984)
-- Part 5, released in 1985, takes place 5 years after Part 4, so in movie time, they're up to 1990, five years ahead of "real time"

. . . it's like, by the time you get to "Jason Takes Manhattan" these damned things should be taking place on a fucking moon colony.

To futz it up even more, "Jason X" was released in 2002, begins narratively in 2008 -- 28 years after the first one took place!! -- jumps forward to 2010, then the bulk of it takes place in 2455.

This series of reviews on the films discusses the timeline at the end of each entry. (links to all of them at the bottom)

http://mynewplaidpants.blogspot.com/2009/02/all-friday-fellas.html

Part 2 probably had the hottest guys, overall.

great link gukbe - many lolz

LOL#1
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_Ne5Lb2SiFHg/SZWJtb25cmI/AAAAAAAAbwk/u4OtbF6XiN4/s1600-h/friday1+bill6.jpg

The notion that any one of the sequels is even close to as good as the original is just completely laughable.

whut

all u need to know about VIII JTM is that Jason decapitates a dude simply by punching him really hard in the face!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mj07Flf1iX0

Part 3 is on right now. The awkward 3-D bits are pretty lol.

The F13 series actually manages to be worse than the post-Halloween II Halloween movies, which is no slouch in the suck department

i kind of love manhattan

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_r556L3Codc

voted V. III & VII have a place in my heart as well.

II is probably the best one, but V takes it; not only does it have the most nudity, it also has the highest body count, a seriously disturbed, borderline-psychotic good guy, and a trick ending (hint: Jason Voorhies is not the killer...which perhaps should disqualify it in the eyes of most)

VII has a telekinetic girl, so that's pretty cool...

III has 3d kitsch factor, and the prototypical ilxor, Shelley.

Siskel and Ebert so obnoxiously self-righteous about their "dead teenager movies". kids have been going to the movies to see shitty monster films forever dudes.

The Portable Friday the 13th

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ww59WG8PqJ4

This is only a problem if you live to challop.

Part I has the best photography, and one great gore effect (the axe in the head), but that's about all I can say for it. The "twist" is lame and unearned, and ultimately it's just not scary. The general amateurishness of it is really pretty annoying; at least most horror franchises start out with a much better movie (Halloween, Hellraiser, NOES etc.)

But really, none of these movies are scary. There's really only one great moviemaking moment in the whole series: the shot in part 2 when the Final Girl is hiding in the shed and we see baghead Jason through the window, charging full bore at the shed.

I would vote for part VII if they had left all those crazy gore effects in, but since they didn't I'll vote for 2.

The notion that any one of the sequels is even close to as good as the original is just completely laughable.

― Hatch, Wednesday, October 20, 2010 12:14 AM (2 hours ago) Bookmark

They're all just different kinds of horrible.

Siskel and Ebert so obnoxiously self-righteous about their "dead teenager movies". kids have been going to the movies to see shitty monster films forever dudes.

― circa1916, Wednesday, October 20, 2010 1:31 AM (1 hour ago) Bookmark

otfm

still these movies are all pretty terrible

but kinda simultaneously awesome

http://www.fridaythe13thfilms.com/saga/bodycount.html

minute by minute for each film

Jason Voorhees
1 (23) : Axel - surgical hacksaw to the throat, neck broken
2 (24) : Nurse Morgan - gutted with a scalpel
3 (25) : Hitchhiker - knife through the neck
4 (26) : Samantha - knife through the torso
5 (27) : Paul - spear to the groin
6 (28) : Terri - spear in the back
7 (29) : Mrs. Jarvis - killed offscreen
8 (30) : Jimmy - corkscrew through hand, cleaver to the face
9 (31) : Tina - thrown through a window, lands on a parked car
10 (32) : Ted - knife to the head through movie screen
11 (33) : Doug - head crushed in Jason's bare hands
12 (34) : Sara - axe to the chest
13 (35) : Rob - garden harrow to the throat

Tommy Jarvis
14 (1) : Jason Voorhees - machete to the head

The F13 series actually manages to be worse than the post-Halloween II Halloween movies

I believe you meant post-Halloween III movies.

but kinda simultaneously awesome

"dying teenager" movies really lack the eccentricity of these films. So bland and wacky poplocker-free...

"dying teenager" movies today, I mean

one negative side of Scream-into-Scary-Movie is that the wackiness and the horror are now kept pretty separate in mainstream stuff. Back in the day actual Jason would have punched the head off a guy who was Soulja-Boy-esque. Now Jason kills Ambercrombie models while a guy actually playing Soulja Boy gets his head punched off in JASON'S STUPID.

1
rest are filth

this thread inspired me to watch the F13th re-boot. had to turn it off about 2/3 way through. honestly probably the worst of the bunch. besides being exceptionally bland and populated by beautiful young men and women who look almost identical, you've got a thinking Jason who sets clever little traps and has a secret underground lair. i expect these movies to be bad, but fuck, at least make Jason the Big Dumb Jason that we grew up with.

1 and 4 had the Savina treatment. I think 4 is the canonical choice amongst the nerds. Will not disagree.

Savini*

Part 3 was on TV last night - lolled at victim reading Fangoria, specifically an article about TOM Savini

Watched the original again the other night just for grins. I had forgotten that they actually killed a real snake on screen. Assholes.

Tie between 4 and "goes to hell."

they stand so much higher than the rest

The TV edit of the girl in the tent being cut in half from Goes to Hell was a real treat. Making out a bit then blood on the dude's face and that was it.

IV is the best, and features the most sympathetic characters, too. Lots of innocent folks on the periphery just trying to get by. VI is the funniest (on purpose). Which is the one with the not terribly graphic but pretty horrible sleeping bag death? VII? Yep, VII:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GRJWz8QO8ag

Dunno what it says that one of the less graphic kills was one of the most infamously censored scenes.

Uncut VII scenes (with commentary) here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rZMWBszkx68&feature=related

Sleeping bag kill the best ever, any slasher.

Part VI by far! Why hasn't anybody given that one any love? CJ Graham wasn't as good as Jason as Kane Hodder, but it's the one where they figured out that the series was funny, not scary, and proceeded accordingly. Some of the best kills, an awesome Alice Cooper song, and one of the most spectacularly idiotic character resurrections in movie history -- it's a winner.

The rest kind of suck, although the first and seventh have their moments. Part IV is boring, the guy who played Jason sucked, and the kills weren't very clever. The primary reason it's notable is because of Corey Feldman and Crispin Glover, but that's really it.

this series is way more dependable than Nightmare, btw

That's just empirically false. Nightmare has three great films in the series (the first, third, and New Nightmare), part 4 is somewhat entertaining (and directed by Renny Harlin and written by Academy award winner Brian Helgeland), and part 2 is brilliantly campy. Parts five and six are the only out and out stinkers.

part 4 is somewhat entertaining

This is underselling it by several miles. If nothing else, it has Heather Langenkamp's "Just The Ten Of Us" co-star Brooke Thiess being turned into a cockroach. It also has a very cool "time loop" scene.

it doesn't really hang together as a film, but it does have some of the most creative dream sequences. The showdown with Friday at the end is pretty great.

Back in the day actual Jason would have punched the head off a guy who was Soulja-Boy-esque. Now Jason kills Ambercrombie models while a guy actually playing Soulja Boy gets his head punched off in JASON'S STUPID.

Still trying to parse this.

voted Jason X, only because an acquaintance of mine is in it and has the first death (and the scene with Cronenberg).

Back in the day actual Jason would have punched the head off a guy who was Soulja-Boy-esque. Now Jason kills Ambercrombie models while a guy actually playing Soulja Boy gets his head punched off in JASON'S STUPID.

Still trying to parse this.

Sorry, basically I'm just saying that instead of gross dead teenager movies with a wacky side, you have humorless gross dead teenager movies and wacky parodies of gross dead teenager movies.

i tried Jason X and I just couldn't. something about horror films and bro comedies from the early 2000s has always rubbed me the wrong way, so once they all got on the spaceship and started fucking each other.

the kill where he froze the girl's face and smashed it was cool though!

*and started fucking each other I just got really annoyed, like I know that's the F13 formula but these were scientists in space acting really dumb and shirking their responsibilities for a little sexy time.

i feel you to a degree, but no movie has funnier dialogue than jason x, cf. "what's a bike?"

"hockey mask"?

"it was a sport before it was outlawed in 2024"

OH BOY NO MORE HOCKEY SOON

all this crazy shit happened and yet gender relations have not progressed at all since the late '90s, i love it

rewatched Part II. liked it better - it has long dull spots but they play with pacing better, and Jason actually being a child-like hillbilly wearing JC Penney's finest Paul Bunyan attire actually works pretty well.

guessing they thought it felt too much like Leatherface and then Incredible Hulk shows up in later films

beginning of 3 starts with news reporter talking about the most heinous crime in local history...you mean besides the other three incidents?

lol I love figuring out which scenes were obviously shot with 3-D in mind in the third one.

baseball bat... juggling... eye-popping out of a guy's skull

they never really did 3d better

I believe I've referred to it in the past as Handles!: The 3-D Experience.

Like there's a point in Muppetvison 3-D where Fozzie whacks a paddleball at the camera as a gag re: the super obvious 3-D tricks they intend to avoid. F13 III is that gag repeated for 90 minutes. Gloriously stupid.

The eyeball squeezed from the socket really is the high point of the series.

David? David? David? David? David? pic.twitter.com/O21MNNdRwn

— Jay Bauman (@JayBauman1) October 16, 2020

Think I'm going to go see Part VI tonight

Love Part VI. Perhaps the least boring/most (intentionally) funny of the bunch.

Cool. I've only ever seen the first one, but I'm going to assume that these do not need to be watched in order.

Heh, these movies do not need to be watched, period. But VI, as I saw someone put it, is at least a real movie.

vi: jason lives
vii: the new blood
ii
tie: jason takes manhattan / jason x (basically the same movie, boat vs. space)
iv: the final chapter
v: a new beginning
i
iii
jason goes to hell
reboot

weird that they all changed lol

― american bradass (BradNelson), Tuesday, April 23, 2019 3:28 PM (four years ago) bookmarkflaglink

it is time to revise my rankings:

7: the new blood
2
6: jason lives
x
takes manhattan
1
4
3
5
reboot

not ranked at all, just floating in off in its own deranged universe:
jason goes to hell

Is that worst-to-best or best-to-worst? I honestly can't tell, lol.

I do know the meta opening of reboot was pretty clever, as was the meta opening of "My Bloody Valentine" reboot.

Jason Goes to Hell is the rare horror movie I turned off back when I was a dumb teen, and again when I was an even dumber adult trying to give it a second chance

Fun fact: that is the only one I've ever seen in theaters. It was pretty shitty.

it's best to worst, obv!!!! i do need to rewatch the reboot, it's been a few years, i do remember the first twenty minutes completely ruling xxp

i love them all like they are my children though, even 5 which has the home for mentally-troubled teenagers (located just a few miles from the two most annoying hillbilly caricatures ever), one of the most fucked up landscapes in the whole series and in any slasher movie

lol, VI was so much fun. Great crowd at this screening. The deputy's "Megan..." "MEGAN!" got the best laughs.

5's kinda my favorite for how sleazy and gross it is. It's of a piece with Danny Steinmann's other works, The Unseen and Savage Streets, for sure. Some kind of minor auteur of unpleasantness and tonal whiplash.

Rata-tata-tata-tata-touie!

This whole scene is so funny. Like a parody of a clever escape scene.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=evg2Xl-tlo4

In a movie world populated mostly with morons, it doesn't take much to be the smart one.

*half the county has been brutally murdered*

Sheriff: I can't believe Tommy Jarvis would do this.