26. getting up to get water multiple times during the day at work is a great way to stay hydrated and avoid doing work #worksucksiknow
― j. sargent & lil k3v (deej), Monday, 25 October 2010 02:21 (thirteen years ago) link
obv not recommended if your job isnt soul sucking remedial busywork
― j. sargent & lil k3v (deej), Monday, 25 October 2010 03:09 (thirteen years ago) link
27. trick yourself into exercising by biking places that are downhill, you will need to come back #uphillstrategies
― candid gamera (s1ocki), Monday, 25 October 2010 03:13 (thirteen years ago) link
28. create an appropriate hash tag for everything you post onto the internet so that you can easily search for it if you ever need to reference yourself. #internet
― dayo, Monday, 25 October 2010 03:15 (thirteen years ago) link
25. If you need to use the restroom, excuse yourself right away – never wait. #tychobrahe'sdeath
― 17th Century Catholic Spain (Abbbottt), Sunday, October 24, 2010 8:22 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark
25a. and don't feed your pet alcohol and let it walk down the stairs for it may stumble and die. #tychobrahe'smoosedeath
― karl...arlk...rlka...lkar..., Monday, 25 October 2010 06:31 (thirteen years ago) link
26. when you masturbate - prepare some toilet paper to be near you in advance
― Zeno, Monday, 25 October 2010 11:39 (thirteen years ago) link
not to mention the hairbrush. how many times have i had to look for that thing under the bed, with my moist wang picking up dust.
― progressive cuts (Tracer Hand), Monday, 25 October 2010 11:44 (thirteen years ago) link
Now that's what I call a pro tip...
― Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Monday, 25 October 2010 11:45 (thirteen years ago) link
10. there's no need to buy poisonous bug sprays to get rid of fruit flies, just spritz 'em with windex and they'll fall out of the air. #pestcontrol
10b. there's no need to buy poisonous bug sprays to get rid of fruit flies, just put that last bit of wine in a cup and put one drop of liquid soap in to break the surface tension. the greedy fucks will drown. #pestcontrol
― Fetchboy, Monday, 25 October 2010 11:55 (thirteen years ago) link
27. If you hate mopping just leave an old towel on the kitchen floor and when you spill wipe it using yr foot.
― Fetchboy, Monday, 25 October 2010 11:57 (thirteen years ago) link
28. if you hate cleaning just don't clean and die from disentery
― Zeno, Monday, 25 October 2010 11:59 (thirteen years ago) link
29. if you contribute to this thread add hashtags to your tips #smh
― candid gamera (s1ocki), Monday, 25 October 2010 13:51 (thirteen years ago) link
30. instead of drinking either expensive good bourbon or cheap nasty bourbon, buy a single bottle of the former and hold it under your nose while sipping the latter #aromas
― quique da snique (bernard snowy), Monday, 25 October 2010 14:04 (thirteen years ago) link
31. no phone? pay a friend who you see often to act as your designated 'phonesman', pretending to be you and passing along any important information #socialnetworking
― quique da snique (bernard snowy), Monday, 25 October 2010 14:07 (thirteen years ago) link
32. shit in public toilets, you will need to clean your home toilet less often #freeriderproblem
― quique da snique (bernard snowy), Monday, 25 October 2010 14:09 (thirteen years ago) link
33. Working on a deadline, need to turn in some work, but too broke to pay for your own internet? cafes will often neglect to turn off their wi-fi, take your laptop and sit on the sidewalk in front. #haveactuallythoughtaboutdoingthis
― j. sargent & lil k3v (deej), Tuesday, 26 October 2010 01:52 (thirteen years ago) link
34. its pretty easy to make pasta, just put it in some boiling water #pasta
― max, Tuesday, 26 October 2010 02:29 (thirteen years ago) link
lol <3
― cathedral-sized jellyfish in your mind (Trayce), Tuesday, 26 October 2010 02:29 (thirteen years ago) link
35. goth 2 boss #goths
― mookieproof, Tuesday, 26 October 2010 03:49 (thirteen years ago) link
33b. A team of two -- one to drive, one to man the laptop -- can easily locate unsecured wifi networks by trawling middle-class suburban neighborhoods. #torrentingdoctorwhoepisodesonvacation
― christ a Journey medley (reddening), Tuesday, 26 October 2010 06:01 (thirteen years ago) link
^^this is how identity thieves work
― J0rdan S., Tuesday, 26 October 2010 06:02 (thirteen years ago) link
36. blackface seems to be on the outs these days #blackface
― max, Tuesday, 26 October 2010 06:12 (thirteen years ago) link
37. your online identity is gonna get raepd #thievery
― mookieproof, Tuesday, 26 October 2010 06:14 (thirteen years ago) link
38. need to know what a word means? check the dictionary, it has most of them #words
― max, Tuesday, 26 October 2010 06:16 (thirteen years ago) link
39. when you collect 100 coins in super mario brothers, you get an extra life. be careful, however, as you will stop gaining lives when you reach 99. #100coins
― dayo, Tuesday, 26 October 2010 07:19 (thirteen years ago) link
40. an easy thing to steal from your roommates is laundry detergent, cuz no one ever remembers how much they have #savings
― J0rdan S., Tuesday, 26 October 2010 07:38 (thirteen years ago) link
earlier i tried to c and p my friend a youtube link, instead i c an p'd
18. if you murder someone, try not to be seen, as its illegal― max, Monday, October 25, 2010 12:14 AM (Yesterday) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink#murder― J0rdan S., Monday, October 25, 2010 12:15 AM (Yesterday) Bookmark
― max, Monday, October 25, 2010 12:14 AM (Yesterday) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink
#murder
― J0rdan S., Monday, October 25, 2010 12:15 AM (Yesterday) Bookmark
― zorn_bond.mp3, Tuesday, 26 October 2010 10:03 (thirteen years ago) link
lol
― creatively bankrupt ILXors whose display names are just '00s ephemera (crüt), Tuesday, 26 October 2010 10:23 (thirteen years ago) link
41. Coming into work late makes the day go by all the faster. #iphonealarmclock.
― http://tinyurl.com/beaaarrr (Pleasant Plains), Tuesday, 26 October 2010 14:27 (thirteen years ago) link
42. got rice? got beans? cook both and eat them together for a meal that is heartier than either one eaten alone #foodsynergy
― quique da snique (bernard snowy), Tuesday, 26 October 2010 15:20 (thirteen years ago) link
43. a necktie makes a good "tourniquet" should your business lunch be strafed with gunfire. #endtimes
― progressive cuts (Tracer Hand), Tuesday, 26 October 2010 15:22 (thirteen years ago) link
44. two knives can basically be used as chopsticks if you don't have forks #twoknives
― candid gamera (s1ocki), Tuesday, 26 October 2010 15:27 (thirteen years ago) link
45. two knives can be used to kill someone twice as fast #needmoreknives
― peter in montreal, Tuesday, 26 October 2010 15:29 (thirteen years ago) link
46. want to drive faster on the highway? try the leftmost lane. #travelinamerica
― call all destroyer, Tuesday, 26 October 2010 15:34 (thirteen years ago) link
47. So you've got a lot of salsa but you're down to the tiny broken shards of tortilla chips in that bag of Santitas? Mix them in a bowl and eat it with a spoon! #mexicancereal
― Trip Maker, Tuesday, 26 October 2010 15:38 (thirteen years ago) link
48. robots will eventually do all our household chores, so it's ok to put off doing the laundry and dishes. #rationallaziness
― peter in montreal, Tuesday, 26 October 2010 15:40 (thirteen years ago) link
don't like a thing? no problem! there are lots of other things #things
― cozen, Tuesday, 26 October 2010 15:43 (thirteen years ago) link
50. music sounds aboslutly fucking amazing when youre drunk get drunk more often #getdrunkmoreoften(#hashtagswithinhashtags(#howfarwillItakeit(#idunno)))
― dayo, Tuesday, 26 October 2010 15:44 (thirteen years ago) link
51. if you find something funny, laugh out loud #lol
― cozen, Tuesday, 26 October 2010 15:45 (thirteen years ago) link
52. drink water to stave off a erection #lifesavers
― dayo, Tuesday, 26 October 2010 15:55 (thirteen years ago) link
wait I meant hangover
...#shit
53. Want to drive slowly on the highway? See no. 46, but do the opposite of that. #converse
― your favorite homoerotic savior imagery (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 26 October 2010 15:58 (thirteen years ago) link
54. A little nutmeg might make it taste better, but it might not. #mysteryofnutmeg
― 17th Century Catholic Spain (Abbbottt), Tuesday, 26 October 2010 15:58 (thirteen years ago) link
lol @ #mysteryofnutmeg
― your favorite homoerotic savior imagery (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 26 October 2010 15:59 (thirteen years ago) link
#seriouslywhatsupwithnutmug
― kate78, Tuesday, 26 October 2010 16:03 (thirteen years ago) link
55. nutmeg is spelled nutmeg #nutmugfail
― candid gamera (s1ocki), Tuesday, 26 October 2010 16:03 (thirteen years ago) link
56. ipad not big enough? buy 5 and throw 3 into the river. #biggeripad
― dayo, Tuesday, 26 October 2010 16:09 (thirteen years ago) link
― zorn_bond.mp3, Tuesday, 26 October 2010 16:10 (thirteen years ago) link
A+++
― moonship journey to baja, Tuesday, 26 October 2010 16:18 (thirteen years ago) link
pro tip: always be a masochist
― mh 😏, Sunday, 11 December 2016 20:40 (seven years ago) link
i prefer cutting my tongue on a glass-sharp fragment of Tootsie Pop
― slathered in cream and covered with stickers (silby), Monday, 12 December 2016 00:26 (seven years ago) link
pro tip: scotch tape your taco upside-down to the ceiling. put magnets on the inside of the hanging taco shell. now you can throw other magnets toward the ceiling and see if you can get them to stick. don't forget the hot sauce!!
― Karl Malone, Monday, 12 December 2016 00:40 (seven years ago) link
people have definitely choked to death on hard taco shells. people are dead.
― Treeship, Monday, 12 December 2016 00:50 (seven years ago) link
i envy them
― mh 😏, Monday, 12 December 2016 01:15 (seven years ago) link
https://i.imgur.com/1eaCaMY.gif
― pplains, Sunday, 17 September 2017 00:08 (six years ago) link
Ok lol
― i believe that (s)he is sincere (forksclovetofu), Sunday, 17 September 2017 04:25 (six years ago) link
O_o
― Squeaky Fromage (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, 18 September 2017 02:51 (six years ago) link
Hot
― El Tomboto, Monday, 18 September 2017 03:04 (six years ago) link
wow
― k3vin k., Monday, 18 September 2017 03:11 (six years ago) link
that truly is a pro tip
― the last famous person you were surprised to discover was actually (man alive), Monday, 18 September 2017 03:50 (six years ago) link
I seriously considered purchasing magnetic eyelashes the day
― Right column Leftist (sunny successor), Monday, 18 September 2017 07:21 (six years ago) link
Your phone should be able to fit in your mouth! If it doesn't, bring it back to the phone store for a replacement. #oralfixation #protip
― faculty w1fe (silby), Wednesday, 29 August 2018 22:55 (five years ago) link
infinite free drinks at fast food places if you just have the restaurant cup - yes this is technically stealing but i have never gotten caught in weeks
easier if there is a back door entrance to slide in through the side
― Ross, Wednesday, 29 August 2018 22:59 (five years ago) link
b-b-b-but you shouldn't really drink a lot of soda?
― niels, Thursday, 30 August 2018 17:23 (five years ago) link
brb, heading to the apple store to attempt to shove each of the demo phones into my mouth
― Dan I., Thursday, 30 August 2018 20:20 (five years ago) link
you can use a 3D printer to make prop phones at home and test how those fit in your mouth without leaving the house!
― Paleo Weltschmerz (El Tomboto), Thursday, 30 August 2018 20:25 (five years ago) link
When you say "in my mouth" do you mean the whole thing? Because
― Noodle Vague, Thursday, 30 August 2018 20:38 (five years ago) link
and by "in my mouth" do you really mean in my mouth or...
― Dan I., Thursday, 30 August 2018 21:19 (five years ago) link