pro tip

34. its pretty easy to make pasta, just put it in some boiling water #pasta

lol <3

35. goth 2 boss #goths

33. Working on a deadline, need to turn in some work, but too broke to pay for your own internet? cafes will often neglect to turn off their wi-fi, take your laptop and sit on the sidewalk in front. #haveactuallythoughtaboutdoingthis

33b. A team of two -- one to drive, one to man the laptop -- can easily locate unsecured wifi networks by trawling middle-class suburban neighborhoods. #torrentingdoctorwhoepisodesonvacation

^^this is how identity thieves work

36. blackface seems to be on the outs these days #blackface

37. your online identity is gonna get raepd #thievery

38. need to know what a word means? check the dictionary, it has most of them #words

39. when you collect 100 coins in super mario brothers, you get an extra life. be careful, however, as you will stop gaining lives when you reach 99. #100coins

40. an easy thing to steal from your roommates is laundry detergent, cuz no one ever remembers how much they have #savings

earlier i tried to c and p my friend a youtube link, instead i c an p'd

18. if you murder someone, try not to be seen, as its illegal

― max, Monday, October 25, 2010 12:14 AM (Yesterday) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

#murder

― J0rdan S., Monday, October 25, 2010 12:15 AM (Yesterday) Bookmark

lol

41. Coming into work late makes the day go by all the faster. #iphonealarmclock.

42. got rice? got beans? cook both and eat them together for a meal that is heartier than either one eaten alone #foodsynergy

43. a necktie makes a good "tourniquet" should your business lunch be strafed with gunfire. #endtimes

44. two knives can basically be used as chopsticks if you don't have forks #twoknives

45. two knives can be used to kill someone twice as fast #needmoreknives

46. want to drive faster on the highway? try the leftmost lane. #travelinamerica

47. So you've got a lot of salsa but you're down to the tiny broken shards of tortilla chips in that bag of Santitas? Mix them in a bowl and eat it with a spoon! #mexicancereal

48. robots will eventually do all our household chores, so it's ok to put off doing the laundry and dishes. #rationallaziness

don't like a thing? no problem! there are lots of other things #things

50. music sounds aboslutly fucking amazing when youre drunk get drunk more often #getdrunkmoreoften(#hashtagswithinhashtags(#howfarwillItakeit(#idunno)))

51. if you find something funny, laugh out loud #lol

52. drink water to stave off a erection #lifesavers

wait I meant hangover

...#shit

53. Want to drive slowly on the highway? See no. 46, but do the opposite of that. #converse

54. A little nutmeg might make it taste better, but it might not. #mysteryofnutmeg

lol @ #mysteryofnutmeg

#seriouslywhatsupwithnutmug

55. nutmeg is spelled nutmeg #nutmugfail

56. ipad not big enough? buy 5 and throw 3 into the river. #biggeripad

lol

A+++

57. if you find walking too slow for your tastes, and driving too fast, try a bike! #goldilocksprinciple

58. tired of losing your cordless mouse? use string and hot-glue to attach it to your computer -- just like a real mouse!

59. #forgettingsomething #memoryaid #postswithonlyhashtags

60. Cool with smelling bad? dont shower #terribleadvice

61. Never date anyone who thinks "Bad Romance" is a legitimate blueprint for a relationship

62. Never date someone who forgets hashtags #miloz

63. If you have lots of Excedrin but don't know what to do with it, try reading ILX for a while #bamnomoreexcedrin

64. Do you like pretzels and do you like hummus? Dip your pretzels in hummus #tastysnack

65. today i didn't want to cross the house to get the dustpan after sweping, so i used windex and a paper towel to "sweep up" the dust pile #dirtbagcore

Do you like pretzels and do you like hummus? Dip your pretzels in hummus

This one sounds like it should be said by Dr Steve Brule.

"dip your pretzels in hummus, dummy! For your health!"

Hitting the snooze too often? Place your alarm across the room so you have to physically get out of bed to turn it off. Program a second alarm to go off a minute later even farther away, in another room. Keep strategically placing alarms around your house at important stations, like your bathroom and kitchen, and spaced every 50 feet or so along your path to work or school. The final alarm is placed at your desk at work or school, along with a tasty muffin. Now you're cool AND on time! #efficiency

67. if you make a sock, keep that account logged in a separate browser. for example, if you use firefox, keep that shit on ie or chrome. #banaka

if it's raining out and you drive to work, try to leave a little earlier than usual or you might be late #weather

68. ATMs are located in every drugstore and department store (as are weapons dealers and medicine peddlers). Never carry a lot of cash with you; leave it in your account. If you die, you come back with half the cash you were carrying #gameproprotipsarenotjustforEarthbound

69. Don't waste time with shit attorneys take matters into your own hands.

70. Don't try to sneak up from behind on someone using a hula-hoop. #stalking_the_sockhop

you can use a 3D printer to make prop phones at home and test how those fit in your mouth without leaving the house!

When you say "in my mouth" do you mean the whole thing? Because

and by "in my mouth" do you really mean in my mouth or...