https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cg5y9GsrB3A
I don't know why Ark removed this one from their channel. it contains one of Pato's finest moments, in which he stands in front of a green-screened colonoscopy video, flashes every gang sign he knows, and utters the immortal lines
come on Mr. DJ, won't you spin that track yo, spin that track yolike "Smooth Criminal," and g's say, "Hush, are you ok? Hush, are you ok?"
....while shooting stars and airplane contrails crisscross in the foreground. amazing.
― administratieve blunder (unregistered), Friday, 18 March 2011 17:12 (thirteen years ago) link
Pato's job must be really draining. I mean, every time he makes a video he has to revisit his old adolescent dreams and heartbreaks and neuroses just so he can come up with a few lines of poetry for the benefit of some teen girl he hardly knows. I feel for him.
― administratieve blunder (unregistered), Friday, 18 March 2011 17:22 (thirteen years ago) link
omg Sabrina rhymes sometimes
it's like next-level for these guys
― ancient, but very sexy (DJP), Friday, 18 March 2011 17:34 (thirteen years ago) link
Wanna make me switch my laneWanna make me switch my game
― No more war/No more hate/Got my girl swag on/Got my girl swag on (seandalai), Friday, 18 March 2011 17:37 (thirteen years ago) link
so take it easylet's take it easycuz I don't wanna rush thisI don't wanna rush thisno no
LEARN SOME MORE WORDS, AND THEN USE THEM
― ancient, but very sexy (DJP), Friday, 18 March 2011 17:38 (thirteen years ago) link
"Butterflies" sounds like a rejected Aly & AJ song
― ancient, but very sexy (DJP), Friday, 18 March 2011 17:40 (thirteen years ago) link
okay Abby Victor for the 3 seconds I watched her is smirkalicious
― ancient, but very sexy (DJP), Friday, 18 March 2011 17:41 (thirteen years ago) link
these guys don't believe in ballads
― ancient, but very sexy (DJP), Friday, 18 March 2011 17:43 (thirteen years ago) link
these guys don't believe teenagers are capable of sophisticated language use
― sarahel, Friday, 18 March 2011 17:44 (thirteen years ago) link
well...
― suggest and ban is my favourite combination (history mayne), Friday, 18 March 2011 17:45 (thirteen years ago) link
wow Pato is extra creepy in "Without Your Love"
― ancient, but very sexy (DJP), Friday, 18 March 2011 17:46 (thirteen years ago) link
Britt Rutter really got a raw deal with the Autotune. "tag me aw nuh summavree (summavree), yuh nah will be togetheeeeer." but I guess it's possible that she isn't capable of intelligible speech, and the engineers spent weeks processing her babbling into something semi-coherent.
her song is practically a ballad compared to most of the typical Ark fare. it's melodically subtler and more sophisticated than a lot of the other ones (in the verses, anyways. the chorus is pretty ass). I feel like it's a blatant ripoff of some other song, but I can't put my finger on it. 'Rescue Us' by My Favorite is the most similar one I can think of, but that's not quite it.
― administratieve blunder (unregistered), Friday, 18 March 2011 17:46 (thirteen years ago) link
c'mon, when you were a teenager, history mayne, was your vocabulary that limited?
― sarahel, Friday, 18 March 2011 17:47 (thirteen years ago) link
Ashley Rose is almost good...? Oh wait I got to the "tell me tell me tell me" bit, never mind
CJ Fam otoh is like a whole other level from everyone else, this girl is straight up hilarious
― ancient, but very sexy (DJP), Friday, 18 March 2011 17:48 (thirteen years ago) link
kept hoping CJ would bust into "the sun'll come out tomorrow"
― sarahel, Friday, 18 March 2011 17:49 (thirteen years ago) link
Areiana Dvornik sounds like a budget Christina Milian
― ancient, but very sexy (DJP), Friday, 18 March 2011 17:50 (thirteen years ago) link
Can't wait until whoever the Irwin Chusid of 2035 is compiles all of these songs on some hipster-bait anthology
― If Assholes Could Fly This Place Would Be An Airport, Friday, 18 March 2011 17:50 (thirteen years ago) link
yeah, seriously. I'm imagining that the weird blue vortex is the inside Britt's brain, and Pato has shrunk himself down to the size of neuron so he can learn about her innermost thoughts and eventually return to his normal size and get her to fall in love with him.
― administratieve blunder (unregistered), Friday, 18 March 2011 17:51 (thirteen years ago) link
Potentially fraught question: Is Pato a "Magic Negro"?
― sarahel, Friday, 18 March 2011 17:53 (thirteen years ago) link
omg why did the give Danika this terrible terrible song
oh wait, all the songs are terrible
Danika is the first one who sounds like a legitimate singer to me, tho (well, aside from the ultra-hilarious CJ); she's a little boring but is pretty clearly fitting the niche Keri Hilson and Ciara are working
omg Pato again, saying some stupid shit
― ancient, but very sexy (DJP), Friday, 18 March 2011 17:53 (thirteen years ago) link
okay the autotune on Jolie Adamson is killing me, lolololol
and again this song is horrible, TRY WRITING A RHYME YOU DOUCHEBAGS
― ancient, but very sexy (DJP), Friday, 18 March 2011 17:54 (thirteen years ago) link
stellar commentary, Dan. are you watching these all for the first time?
― administratieve blunder (unregistered), Friday, 18 March 2011 17:56 (thirteen years ago) link
I'm listening to them; can't really "watch" at work due to lack of privacy
okay Lena is winning by default here because she's not singing one of their songs
― ancient, but very sexy (DJP), Friday, 18 March 2011 17:56 (thirteen years ago) link
― ancient, but very sexy (DJP), Friday, March 18, 2011 1:48 PM (2 minutes ago) Bookmark
^^ haven't watched a lot of these and probably won't before the close of the poll but that one's pretty amazing. how old is she, anyway? Ark's age ranch is supposedly 13-17 but she looks like 8
― some dude, Friday, 18 March 2011 17:57 (thirteen years ago) link
okay "Girl Swag On" is really giving "Friday" a run for its money, holy shit
― ancient, but very sexy (DJP), Friday, 18 March 2011 17:58 (thirteen years ago) link
"Crush On You" is kind of like a dry run for "Friday" with the AutoTune and references to saturday and partyin' and friends
― some dude, Friday, 18 March 2011 17:59 (thirteen years ago) link
This rap break in the Danika song is so Real McCoy.
― if I hate the headline, I'll make up a headline (Abbbottt), Friday, 18 March 2011 17:59 (thirteen years ago) link
She'll never be a star, looks like her name fell out of a bag of Scrabble tiles.
― Ian Curtis danced like a tortured chicken DO U SEE (Phil D.), Friday, 18 March 2011 17:59 (thirteen years ago) link
wtf is "Girl Swag On" even about, besides making the listener laugh as hard as humanly possible
― ancient, but very sexy (DJP), Friday, 18 March 2011 18:00 (thirteen years ago) link
i keep looking for Rebecca Black's friends to turn up as "stars" or characters in these other videos.
― sarahel, Friday, 18 March 2011 18:01 (thirteen years ago) link
btw if my name was "Tyler Shamy" I would be changing that shit immediately to, like, anything else
also he's terrible
― ancient, but very sexy (DJP), Friday, 18 March 2011 18:01 (thirteen years ago) link
the world really didn't need another Mika
― ancient, but very sexy (DJP), Friday, 18 March 2011 18:02 (thirteen years ago) link
ooh make way for Kaya
actually she's pretty good, too
but of course her song sucks ass
― ancient, but very sexy (DJP), Friday, 18 March 2011 18:03 (thirteen years ago) link
the "girl swag" girl actually defends herself against the haters by pointing to the urbandictionary definition of swag. it's about BEING BULLIED AND STANDING UP FOR YOURSELF.
she's a pretty confident, charismatic performer even though her pants creep me out.
― administratieve blunder (unregistered), Friday, 18 March 2011 18:04 (thirteen years ago) link
Kenyauda LaNai - Swear We CAN'T HEAR YOU
― ancient, but very sexy (DJP), Friday, 18 March 2011 18:04 (thirteen years ago) link
Man, "Girl Swag On," I just . . . the spastic dance movements, the backup dancers in what appear to be white, hooded union suits, the long-haired dude with the Gibson SG thinking "man, I'd better be getting more than scale for this bullshit," the droopy vinyl leggings . . . the whole thing is like Exhibit A for "Dear Al Qaeda, Please Destroy America Faster."
― Ian Curtis danced like a tortured chicken DO U SEE (Phil D.), Friday, 18 March 2011 18:05 (thirteen years ago) link
Oh man, the "boyfriend" in the Sarah Maugaotega video is my hero:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZeTtJ0_-2sk&feature=related
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sMS6oq4zTac&feature=related
― Peyton Flanders (Nicole), Friday, 18 March 2011 18:05 (thirteen years ago) link
*mumble mumble* WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Thanks, Kenyauda's mom
― ancient, but very sexy (DJP), Friday, 18 March 2011 18:06 (thirteen years ago) link
ooh I liked this more when I couldn't hear her
okay you can tell "My Jeans" isn't by Ark because, even though it is really young and cloying, there appears to be some basic songcraft going on
― ancient, but very sexy (DJP), Friday, 18 March 2011 18:08 (thirteen years ago) link
probably because they're all so formulaic and dumb, watching these videos and listening to these songs reminded me of the Mr. Show megaphone crooners sketch, though if these kids were singing about electric sports bras it would be better.
― sarahel, Friday, 18 March 2011 18:10 (thirteen years ago) link
lol
― administratieve blunder (unregistered), Friday, 18 March 2011 18:12 (thirteen years ago) link
This is basically CJ Fam vs Madison
― ancient, but very sexy (DJP), Friday, 18 March 2011 18:14 (thirteen years ago) link
Pato rips on Ted Hughes:
up above the skylike an eagle up on highcan't relate to your painthe way you feel deep insideyou're a bird in the skylike an eagle up on highbaby baby you got my high
― No more war/No more hate/Got my girl swag on/Got my girl swag on (seandalai), Friday, 18 March 2011 18:16 (thirteen years ago) link
baby baby you got me high, rather.
too bad none of these rip on Sylvia Plath </shakey mo>
― sarahel, Friday, 18 March 2011 18:17 (thirteen years ago) link
CJ Fam singing "So What"
this girl is hilarious
― ancient, but very sexy (DJP), Friday, 18 March 2011 18:18 (thirteen years ago) link
I listened to most of these already but CJ Fam is still new to me and WAU
― SBlendor in the grass (bernard snowy), Friday, 18 March 2011 18:20 (thirteen years ago) link
kind of awestruck by this swagger:
I am the bestgirl all aroundin the papersand in town
It is kind of amazing though how Rebecca is in this entire other level of weird given everything on display here.
― ancient, but very sexy (DJP), Friday, 18 March 2011 18:23 (thirteen years ago) link
This seems to have gone unnoticed:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9UCdcW0RgII
― naked human pyrami (seandalai), Saturday, 13 August 2011 03:10 (twelve years ago) link
long live rop
― sonderangerbot, Saturday, 13 August 2011 03:48 (twelve years ago) link
WE HAVE BEEN SLEEPING ON ALL OF THIS!!! http://www.youtube.com/user/patomuzic
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hi1_Hbn2jqw
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRj9T_On9Js
GREAT BRITAIN REPRESENT!!!
― Cong rat ululations (seandalai), Wednesday, 15 August 2012 00:16 (eleven years ago) link
TWEENCHRONIC
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3OiCYNDNV9k
― unregistered, Tuesday, 19 February 2013 19:33 (eleven years ago) link
Tweenchronicity is the experience of two or more tweens that are apparently causally unrelated or unlikely to occur together by chance, yet are experienced as occurring together in a meaningful manner.
― every soulless meta poster is a ✰ (Nilmar Honorato da Silva), Tuesday, 19 February 2013 19:36 (eleven years ago) link
chronic = w33d, iirc
― unregistered, Tuesday, 19 February 2013 19:39 (eleven years ago) link
OMG MOUSTACHE DUDE
glad to see they've kept the cheering " bits from "It's Thanksgiving"
― marc robot (seandalai), Tuesday, 19 February 2013 19:40 (eleven years ago) link
Geekygirl4everme 5 hours agoAnnoying and a really bad example on what kids should be doing. Skip rope but can you do it with out the representation of drugs and alcohol?
geekygirl4everme otm
― scream blahula scream (govern yourself accordingly), Tuesday, 19 February 2013 19:41 (eleven years ago) link
can I just
SKIP ROPESKIP ROPEEVERYBODY EVERYBODY DO THE SKIP ROPE
I hope that girl who poured Pixie Stix into her eyes got adequate medical attention
― Ima R.A.E.D. (DJP), Tuesday, 19 February 2013 19:59 (eleven years ago) link
Was nice of them to set up the shooting around Patrice Wilson's day job, though.
― this is called money bags (Phil D.), Tuesday, 19 February 2013 20:00 (eleven years ago) link
MegaJudy7 20 hours agoThese girls are gunna end up on Maury
These girls are gunna end up on Maury
guilty lol
― Ima R.A.E.D. (DJP), Tuesday, 19 February 2013 20:02 (eleven years ago) link
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wWLhrHVySgA
― polyphonic, Wednesday, 16 October 2013 01:41 (ten years ago) link
Pppppht.
― Has talent, needs to figure out how to improve (staggerlee), Wednesday, 16 October 2013 04:00 (ten years ago) link
CJ Fam auditioned for X Factor and apparently made it through to bootcamp, but there's no footage of her audition, only this video
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iUuA2U-tHxU
― monotony, Wednesday, 16 October 2013 09:51 (ten years ago) link
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p2cQSPRTdhg
― the geographibebebe (unregistered), Thursday, 7 May 2015 17:21 (eight years ago) link
lol chill
― nose, Thursday, 7 May 2015 17:56 (eight years ago) link
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LVpu6MnXBhQ
― reggae mike love (polyphonic), Wednesday, 20 July 2016 19:37 (seven years ago) link