Can't wait until whoever the Irwin Chusid of 2035 is compiles all of these songs on some hipster-bait anthology
― If Assholes Could Fly This Place Would Be An Airport, Friday, 18 March 2011 17:50 (thirteen years ago) link
wow Pato is extra creepy in "Without Your Love"
yeah, seriously. I'm imagining that the weird blue vortex is the inside Britt's brain, and Pato has shrunk himself down to the size of neuron so he can learn about her innermost thoughts and eventually return to his normal size and get her to fall in love with him.
― administratieve blunder (unregistered), Friday, 18 March 2011 17:51 (thirteen years ago) link
Potentially fraught question: Is Pato a "Magic Negro"?
― sarahel, Friday, 18 March 2011 17:53 (thirteen years ago) link
omg why did the give Danika this terrible terrible song
oh wait, all the songs are terrible
Danika is the first one who sounds like a legitimate singer to me, tho (well, aside from the ultra-hilarious CJ); she's a little boring but is pretty clearly fitting the niche Keri Hilson and Ciara are working
omg Pato again, saying some stupid shit
― ancient, but very sexy (DJP), Friday, 18 March 2011 17:53 (thirteen years ago) link
okay the autotune on Jolie Adamson is killing me, lolololol
and again this song is horrible, TRY WRITING A RHYME YOU DOUCHEBAGS
― ancient, but very sexy (DJP), Friday, 18 March 2011 17:54 (thirteen years ago) link
stellar commentary, Dan. are you watching these all for the first time?
― administratieve blunder (unregistered), Friday, 18 March 2011 17:56 (thirteen years ago) link
I'm listening to them; can't really "watch" at work due to lack of privacy
okay Lena is winning by default here because she's not singing one of their songs
― ancient, but very sexy (DJP), Friday, 18 March 2011 17:56 (thirteen years ago) link
CJ Fam otoh is like a whole other level from everyone else, this girl is straight up hilarious
― ancient, but very sexy (DJP), Friday, March 18, 2011 1:48 PM (2 minutes ago) Bookmark
^^ haven't watched a lot of these and probably won't before the close of the poll but that one's pretty amazing. how old is she, anyway? Ark's age ranch is supposedly 13-17 but she looks like 8
― some dude, Friday, 18 March 2011 17:57 (thirteen years ago) link
okay "Girl Swag On" is really giving "Friday" a run for its money, holy shit
― ancient, but very sexy (DJP), Friday, 18 March 2011 17:58 (thirteen years ago) link
"Crush On You" is kind of like a dry run for "Friday" with the AutoTune and references to saturday and partyin' and friends
― some dude, Friday, 18 March 2011 17:59 (thirteen years ago) link
This rap break in the Danika song is so Real McCoy.
― if I hate the headline, I'll make up a headline (Abbbottt), Friday, 18 March 2011 17:59 (thirteen years ago) link
Areiana Dvornik sounds like a budget Christina Milian
She'll never be a star, looks like her name fell out of a bag of Scrabble tiles.
― Ian Curtis danced like a tortured chicken DO U SEE (Phil D.), Friday, 18 March 2011 17:59 (thirteen years ago) link
wtf is "Girl Swag On" even about, besides making the listener laugh as hard as humanly possible
― ancient, but very sexy (DJP), Friday, 18 March 2011 18:00 (thirteen years ago) link
i keep looking for Rebecca Black's friends to turn up as "stars" or characters in these other videos.
― sarahel, Friday, 18 March 2011 18:01 (thirteen years ago) link
btw if my name was "Tyler Shamy" I would be changing that shit immediately to, like, anything else
also he's terrible
― ancient, but very sexy (DJP), Friday, 18 March 2011 18:01 (thirteen years ago) link
the world really didn't need another Mika
― ancient, but very sexy (DJP), Friday, 18 March 2011 18:02 (thirteen years ago) link
ooh make way for Kaya
actually she's pretty good, too
but of course her song sucks ass
― ancient, but very sexy (DJP), Friday, 18 March 2011 18:03 (thirteen years ago) link
the "girl swag" girl actually defends herself against the haters by pointing to the urbandictionary definition of swag. it's about BEING BULLIED AND STANDING UP FOR YOURSELF.
she's a pretty confident, charismatic performer even though her pants creep me out.
― administratieve blunder (unregistered), Friday, 18 March 2011 18:04 (thirteen years ago) link
Kenyauda LaNai - Swear We CAN'T HEAR YOU
― ancient, but very sexy (DJP), Friday, 18 March 2011 18:04 (thirteen years ago) link
Man, "Girl Swag On," I just . . . the spastic dance movements, the backup dancers in what appear to be white, hooded union suits, the long-haired dude with the Gibson SG thinking "man, I'd better be getting more than scale for this bullshit," the droopy vinyl leggings . . . the whole thing is like Exhibit A for "Dear Al Qaeda, Please Destroy America Faster."
― Ian Curtis danced like a tortured chicken DO U SEE (Phil D.), Friday, 18 March 2011 18:05 (thirteen years ago) link
Oh man, the "boyfriend" in the Sarah Maugaotega video is my hero:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZeTtJ0_-2sk&feature=related
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sMS6oq4zTac&feature=related
― Peyton Flanders (Nicole), Friday, 18 March 2011 18:05 (thirteen years ago) link
*mumble mumble* WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Thanks, Kenyauda's mom
― ancient, but very sexy (DJP), Friday, 18 March 2011 18:06 (thirteen years ago) link
ooh I liked this more when I couldn't hear her
okay you can tell "My Jeans" isn't by Ark because, even though it is really young and cloying, there appears to be some basic songcraft going on
― ancient, but very sexy (DJP), Friday, 18 March 2011 18:08 (thirteen years ago) link
probably because they're all so formulaic and dumb, watching these videos and listening to these songs reminded me of the Mr. Show megaphone crooners sketch, though if these kids were singing about electric sports bras it would be better.
― sarahel, Friday, 18 March 2011 18:10 (thirteen years ago) link
lol
― administratieve blunder (unregistered), Friday, 18 March 2011 18:12 (thirteen years ago) link
This is basically CJ Fam vs Madison
― ancient, but very sexy (DJP), Friday, 18 March 2011 18:14 (thirteen years ago) link
Pato rips on Ted Hughes:
up above the skylike an eagle up on highcan't relate to your painthe way you feel deep insideyou're a bird in the skylike an eagle up on highbaby baby you got my high
― No more war/No more hate/Got my girl swag on/Got my girl swag on (seandalai), Friday, 18 March 2011 18:16 (thirteen years ago) link
baby baby you got me high, rather.
too bad none of these rip on Sylvia Plath </shakey mo>
― sarahel, Friday, 18 March 2011 18:17 (thirteen years ago) link
CJ Fam singing "So What"
this girl is hilarious
― ancient, but very sexy (DJP), Friday, 18 March 2011 18:18 (thirteen years ago) link
I listened to most of these already but CJ Fam is still new to me and WAU
― SBlendor in the grass (bernard snowy), Friday, 18 March 2011 18:20 (thirteen years ago) link
kind of awestruck by this swagger:
I am the bestgirl all aroundin the papersand in town
It is kind of amazing though how Rebecca is in this entire other level of weird given everything on display here.
― ancient, but very sexy (DJP), Friday, 18 March 2011 18:23 (thirteen years ago) link
I'm pretty sure a few of these girls are nothing more than holograms + voice synthesizers, like the ones that are popular in Japan. Danika is definitely has no existence outside of the music video, and I'm still on the fence about Ashley Rose.
― administratieve blunder (unregistered), Friday, 18 March 2011 18:24 (thirteen years ago) link
Alana Lee is the only one who comes across as sweet and sincere, and I could see "Butterflies" being recorded by some Disney second-stringer (Hannah Montana's little blonde friend?). I'd like it more if her vocals didn't sound so processed, but she still gets my vote.
― administratieve blunder (unregistered), Friday, 18 March 2011 18:30 (thirteen years ago) link
if CJ Fam was sweet and sincere, she wouldn't work
― ancient, but very sexy (DJP), Friday, 18 March 2011 18:31 (thirteen years ago) link
CJ Fam looks like she's about ready to punch a window or knock someone's teeth out. zero tenderness in that girl.
― administratieve blunder (unregistered), Friday, 18 March 2011 18:35 (thirteen years ago) link
gotta be CJ.
pop stuuhhr
― circa1916, Friday, 18 March 2011 19:02 (thirteen years ago) link
CJ is bossy
― An adult guest rapper (donna rouge), Friday, 18 March 2011 19:09 (thirteen years ago) link
Methinks the 24 karat charisma of Lil Nay Nay would be giving CJ a run for her money if she had a video.
― Spectrist, Friday, 18 March 2011 19:12 (thirteen years ago) link
someone needs to edit together the audio of every 'rap verse' from these songs into a Best of Pato mixtape, complete with gun sounds and DJ shouts
― some dude, Friday, 18 March 2011 20:48 (thirteen years ago) link
― some dude
OMG YES!!! Lift all the intros too and jam them all in the beginning... "Yo.. ARK music... commin atcha..."
― Threadkiller General (Viceroy), Friday, 18 March 2011 20:57 (thirteen years ago) link
haha seriously if anyone has the technical ability to do it, go for it and just give me an exec producer credit along w/ DJ Whoo Kidz Bop or whatever
― some dude, Friday, 18 March 2011 21:00 (thirteen years ago) link
No Lil Nay Nay, no justice...
― Loud guitars shit all over "Bette Davis Eyes" (NYCNative), Friday, 18 March 2011 21:02 (thirteen years ago) link
Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.
― System, Saturday, 19 March 2011 00:01 (thirteen years ago) link
no contest!
― SBlendor in the grass (bernard snowy), Saturday, 19 March 2011 00:13 (thirteen years ago) link
christ, if you guys love her so much then why don't you start a CJ Famn Club, send her some famn mail, maybe publish a CJ Famnzine?
― administratieve blunder (unregistered), Saturday, 19 March 2011 00:25 (thirteen years ago) link
her song is abt wanting to be normal again except she already is normal why dont u see
― ice cr?m, Saturday, 19 March 2011 00:27 (thirteen years ago) link
this is too much for me. I think I need a flow chart.
― administratieve blunder (unregistered), Saturday, 19 March 2011 00:31 (thirteen years ago) link
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LVpu6MnXBhQ
― reggae mike love (polyphonic), Wednesday, 20 July 2016 19:37 (seven years ago) link