Defend the Indefensible: Jared of Subway

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Milkmaid utterly OTM. Jared OTM about why fried chicken is "bad." My main problem with Subway is that they don't state clearly enough that if you want Jared-like success, you need to hold the cheese, mayo, oil and soybean oil based sauces.

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Wednesday, 27 July 2005 16:10 (eighteen years ago) link

If Jared manages to convince those Senators he's testifying in front of to outlaw fried chicken then I will destroy him.

― laurence kansas (lawrence kansas), Wednesday, 27 July 2005 16:23 (eighteen years ago) link

I kind of feel sorry for him, annoying as he is. Imagine having to eat as much Subway as he must, it's a soul destroying business.

― Leon C. (Ex Leon), Wednesday, 27 July 2005 16:27 (eighteen years ago) link

J'agree the smile is hideous.

Now, is it my imagination or is he hiding a bit of a belly in the latest round of ads? Those tuna subs have over a thousand calories you know.

― everything, Wednesday, 27 July 2005 16:29 (eighteen years ago) link

he has the grossest lips of any living human

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Wednesday, 27 July 2005 16:30 (eighteen years ago) link

He did look a little bit heavier in the latest commercials.

― Leon C. (Ex Leon), Wednesday, 27 July 2005 16:31 (eighteen years ago) link

HE'S JUST A MAN WHO LOVES FAME, SANDWICHES AND MONEY - WTF IS WRONG WITH THAT?! - THAT IS THE AMERICAN DREAM

― Dr. Glen Y. Abreu (dr g), Wednesday, 27 July 2005 16:32 (eighteen years ago) link

d'ream

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 July 2005 16:33 (eighteen years ago) link

Subway is deceitful in the grams of fat: "Addition of cheese or condiments may alter fat content..." Who doesn't add some kind of condiment?

Yeah, and Jared needs a stiff kick in the groin.

― andy -, Wednesday, 27 July 2005 16:33 (eighteen years ago) link

hilarious Achewood strip about Subway using Jared in their advertisements:

http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=01172003

― Uncledoj, Wednesday, 27 July 2005 16:34 (eighteen years ago) link

http://www.whichwich.com/assets/photo_montage/food_1.jpg http://www.gettysburg.edu/college_life/osa/orgs/class_2005/Senior%20Slide%20show/crow%20hoes.jpg http://www.zdeinvestments.com/images/money-stacked.jpg http://www.prizes1.com/America%20No%201%20Hand.jpg

― Dr. Glen Y. Abreu (dr g), Wednesday, 27 July 2005 16:36 (eighteen years ago) link

"hilarious Achewood strip"

― I'm Hi, Jared Fogle (ex machina), Wednesday, 27 July 2005 16:36 (eighteen years ago) link

apparently the american dream has been amended to "fame, money, sandwiches and shit-tons of babysitting work"

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 July 2005 16:38 (eighteen years ago) link

Subway is deceitful in the grams of fat: "Addition of cheese or condiments may alter fat content..." Who doesn't add some kind of condiment?

Well, you could have mustard. Also, many condiments/sauces (ketchup, BBQ, salsa) are fat-free (but not calorie free).

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Wednesday, 27 July 2005 16:42 (eighteen years ago) link

What's great about that photo in the ad is that you know that was the best shot they got out of that session. The rest of the pictures made children cry.

― Paunchy Stratego (kenan), Wednesday, 27 July 2005 16:45 (eighteen years ago) link

In Jared's defense: on that Triumph the Insult Comic Dog live DVD thing, Jared takes his zings like a man, while the "Dell Dude" douchebag tries very, very unsuccessfully to retort Triumph, which, might I remind you, is a puppet with a man's hand up it's ass.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 27 July 2005 17:18 (eighteen years ago) link

He can buy and sell you several times over.

― Aimless (Aimless), Wednesday, 27 July 2005 17:24 (eighteen years ago) link

if him and the Verizon weezer guy are crossing the street in front of my whilst I drive and I'm forced to run over one of them, it ain't gonna be Jared.

― gear (gear), Wednesday, 27 July 2005 17:29 (eighteen years ago) link

I love though how, though he's lost all the weight, Jared's mouth remains ginormous enough that he might eat several bags of dicks in one bite, were he so inclined.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 27 July 2005 17:39 (eighteen years ago) link

thanks for the visual, nickalish.

― kelsey (kelstarry), Wednesday, 27 July 2005 17:56 (eighteen years ago) link

Just a moment! Quality of Subway aside, I like Jared, because he has a quality much ignored and passed over, esp. in the world of advertising - mildness. He can't even muster anger at the Chicken Selects. Imagine if every fucking EXTREME commercial were replaced by something mild, like Jared or the Motel 6 guy.

― G. Litwack, Wednesday, 27 July 2005 23:53 (eighteen years ago) link

At least they haven't resorted to talking action figures/lawn gnomes

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Thursday, 28 July 2005 00:00 (eighteen years ago) link

or a guy in a rubber king suit that says "Meeeeheeeatnormous, CHEEEESEnormOUS"

― Kim (Kim), Thursday, 28 July 2005 00:12 (eighteen years ago) link

I just wouldn't want to hear Jared say that I mean.

the BK is awesome

― Kim (Kim), Thursday, 28 July 2005 00:15 (eighteen years ago) link

the bitties! the begging, the scrounging!

― mookieproof (mookieproof), Thursday, 28 July 2005 00:20 (eighteen years ago) link

First of all, Subway sucks. You can start with their corrugated cardboard bread, if you like.

Second of all, if I hear anyone compare this fuckhead Jared with TOM BODET, MOTHERFUCKER EXTREME again, it'll be too soon.

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Thursday, 28 July 2005 01:14 (eighteen years ago) link

what's wrong with tom bodet? he leaves the light on for you.

― caitlin oh no (caitxa1), Thursday, 28 July 2005 01:24 (eighteen years ago) link

do britishes know who fogle is?

― cutty (mcutt), Thursday, 28 July 2005 03:24 (eighteen years ago) link

mongrels certainly do

― shine headlights on me (electricsound), Thursday, 28 July 2005 03:30 (eighteen years ago) link

Do they overdub a mongrel accent on him for commercials down there?

― Truckdrivin' Buddha (Rock Hardy), Thursday, 28 July 2005 03:32 (eighteen years ago) link

Don't answer that -- dumb question.

― Truckdrivin' Buddha (Rock Hardy), Thursday, 28 July 2005 03:32 (eighteen years ago) link

litwack otm re: mildness though, the only defense I was going to offer is that I don't hate him even though I really should, and that's gotta count for something. I think it's very creepy that he's able to eat Subway sandwiches for months(years?) at a time but other than that, he's just an affable, maladjusted dorky go-getter and I'd rather see him get the big mascot bucks than some loudmouth asshole actor.

― tremendoid (tremendoid), Thursday, 28 July 2005 04:30 (eighteen years ago) link

"the Motel 6 guy"

His name is TOM BODETTE.

― Tim Ellison (Tim Ellison), Thursday, 28 July 2005 05:02 (eighteen years ago) link

ts: jared fogle vs. the illiterate cows dreamed up by the chick-fil-a marketing team

― club soda (Jody Beth Rosen), Thursday, 28 July 2005 07:55 (eighteen years ago) link

ILLITERATE COWS, BY FAR.

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Thursday, 28 July 2005 16:07 (eighteen years ago) link

chic-fil-a gives money to abortion clinic bombers

― 3, Thursday, 28 July 2005 16:09 (eighteen years ago) link

So they really do like illiterate cows.

― Leon C. (Ex Leon), Thursday, 28 July 2005 16:12 (eighteen years ago) link

hahaha

― 3, Thursday, 28 July 2005 16:15 (eighteen years ago) link

"six grams of fat or less..."

― busway, Thursday, 28 July 2005 20:27 (eighteen years ago) link

CHICK-FIL-A NOOOOOO0000000000000OOOOOOOOOOOOO00000000000OOOOOOOOOO

― geoff (gcannon), Thursday, 28 July 2005 20:32 (eighteen years ago) link

The building I live in shares basement space with a Subway, and their weird, indefinable smell (I suppose its their bread baking) seeps into our elevator banks. It's most unnerving.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Thursday, 28 July 2005 20:33 (eighteen years ago) link

I don't much like Subway, and Jared kinda irritates me, but hey, go him. In what other country would a formerly fat guy get his 15 minutes of fame for eating sandwiches?

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 28 July 2005 20:39 (eighteen years ago) link

I'd bet that he'd be big in Ethiopia.

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Thursday, 28 July 2005 20:47 (eighteen years ago) link

do britishes know who fogle is?

The Jared adverts ran for a few weeks in 2003 here, I doubt anyone without exposure to American culture could remember who he is. Subway tend not to advertise on TV here, for some reason.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Thursday, 28 July 2005 20:52 (eighteen years ago) link

Because they SUCK!

― Chewshabadoo (Chewshabadoo), Friday, 29 July 2005 13:00 (eighteen years ago) link

When I was 15-16 i worked for Subway for one year. I gained so much weight from just having to eat there. I think the mayo was seeping into my hands when I had to mix the tuna and seafood crap. The subway smell is a mixture of the bread, and having to chop up all those onions and tomatos, and having to deal with vats of mayo. You couldn't wash the smell out of your clothes. Fuck a visor.

― Mendoza Lineman (Carey), Friday, 29 July 2005 13:09 (eighteen years ago) link

you were like susan sarandon in atlantic city

― j blount (papa la bas), Friday, 29 July 2005 13:11 (eighteen years ago) link

OTM Uncledoj! Never seen ads, only know him from Achewood. My personal fave on the subject is the next in the series.

― Kv_nol (Kv_nol), Friday, 29 July 2005 13:32 (eighteen years ago) link

I think the Asian ad above works a lot more if you remove the huge green lettering and sing silently to yourself "Love, exciting and new..."

― Joe (Joe), Friday, 29 July 2005 23:38 (eighteen years ago) link

FRED GRANDY
**your purser**

TED LANGE
**your bartender**

AND
JARED FOGLE
**your Subway guy**

― Joe (Joe), Friday, 29 July 2005 23:40 (eighteen years ago) link

Skipping 167 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

just this week i have had long conversations w both a prison guard and a parolee (for a sexual offense), and pretty much everything you've heard about prison violence is true, or worse

― jason waterfalls (gbx), Thursday, 17 March 2016 14:13 (eight years ago) link

Is that Tool video accurate, that's what I want to know.

― pplains, Thursday, 17 March 2016 14:15 (eight years ago) link

haven't a clue

what i did hear is that in the first few weeks of imprisonment, in the diagnostic unit where long-term housing determinations are made, prisoners didn't typically know that their fellow inmates had been convicted of. unless, that is, they were sex offenders, in which case the guards would pin up newspaper clippings to the bulletin board

― jason waterfalls (gbx), Thursday, 17 March 2016 14:19 (eight years ago) link

just wanna clear my good name here and say that I'm not advocating prison violence, no sir, not my style. I'm just saying that regardless of circumstance, everything the personality Jared Fogle ever does, whether that includes being beaten in a prison brawl or just sitting there peacefully in a comfy chair with his hands folded and his big ol Jared Fogle face all over his face, it will be funny

― del griffith, Thursday, 17 March 2016 14:35 (eight years ago) link

i can think of a few things he's done that aren't, and never can be, funny

― jason waterfalls (gbx), Thursday, 17 March 2016 14:37 (eight years ago) link

Prison violence is a disgrace no matter who the target is.

― Treeship, Thursday, 17 March 2016 15:01 (eight years ago) link

prison violence is actually extremely lit

― extremely online (Lamp), Thursday, 17 March 2016 15:06 (eight years ago) link

I had been avoiding this story and am boggling that Jared got beat up by someone named Nigg (who I really, really hope is not black)

― i like to trump and i am crazy (DJP), Thursday, 17 March 2016 15:13 (eight years ago) link

he is not (afaik)

― There was a hole bunch of problems whit his campaigns (crüt), Thursday, 17 March 2016 15:23 (eight years ago) link

Is he Vietnamese?

― pplains, Thursday, 17 March 2016 15:40 (eight years ago) link

Violence is bad no matter who gets beaten, the race of the assailant, the name of the assailant, whether the violence occurred inside or outside of a prison, or whether or not the victim likes sandwiches or child pornography or child prostitution, that's my opinion on the issue

― del griffith, Thursday, 17 March 2016 15:50 (eight years ago) link

cosigned

― wizzz! (amateurist), Thursday, 17 March 2016 17:41 (eight years ago) link

i don't feel bad for him exactly but man jared fogle has got to be #1 on the "least suited for a prison fight" list

― nomar, Thursday, 17 March 2016 17:47 (eight years ago) link

I am against the death penalty and do not advocate this in any way but does anyone really think he's going to survive in prison for 5 years cuz I don't

― Οὖτις, Thursday, 17 March 2016 17:48 (eight years ago) link

i'm not sure but i think he's more likely to die of a heart attack than a shiv

― nomar, Thursday, 17 March 2016 17:50 (eight years ago) link

also he's in there til 2029 at the minimum, he'd be released when he's in his early fifties.

― nomar, Thursday, 17 March 2016 17:50 (eight years ago) link

he's going to starve without sweet onion teriyaki sauce

― There was a hole bunch of problems whit his campaigns (crüt), Thursday, 17 March 2016 17:50 (eight years ago) link

Treeship kool-aid mans into thread with "guys, have some empathy for the child-fucking sandwich man"

― Whiney G. Weingarten, Thursday, 17 March 2016 18:00 (eight years ago) link

i'm opposed to the horrific conditions in america's prisons, what can i say

btw i'm glad i caught you. the other day when i came home my roommate tried to put glasses on his pitbull to take a photo of it. the dog was already wearing one of other friend's plaid shirts. this hipster puppies trend has really lasted

― Treeship, Thursday, 17 March 2016 18:11 (eight years ago) link

http://thisdayintechhistory.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/mortal_kombat_finish_him.png

― T.L.O.P.son (Phil D.), Thursday, 17 March 2016 18:16 (eight years ago) link

second part was not a burn. anyone who knows me knows i love dogs and pictures of dogs.

― Treeship, Thursday, 17 March 2016 18:20 (eight years ago) link

Yeahhh, I guess I'm just the kind of person who thinks that good things are good and bad things are bad. I suppose I'm a lot like Jesus Christ in that way? What can I say...

― del griffith, Thursday, 17 March 2016 18:32 (eight years ago) link

i don't understand the controversy here

― Treeship, Thursday, 17 March 2016 18:35 (eight years ago) link

i won't begrudge anyone a bit of schadenfreude about terrible things happening to terrible people, it just shouldn't be institutionalized

― jason waterfalls (gbx), Thursday, 17 March 2016 18:59 (eight years ago) link

yeah, that's fair

― Treeship, Thursday, 17 March 2016 19:14 (eight years ago) link

right, prison abuse is awful for many of the same reasons that capital punishment is awful. the state shouldn't be in the business of institutionalizing retribution.

― wizzz! (amateurist), Friday, 18 March 2016 05:14 (eight years ago) link

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