Polyamory

x-post: I'm not sure if that's a euphemism... But obviously, like every relationship, it is going to be decided by you and her.

also, "guys"? hetero-sexism springs forth again, and again, and again on this thread.

Hmm, just got your second post, if you're happy I'm happy, but you don't sound happy.

I'd also recommend checking-out the following two books (Amazon carries them):

The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities
by Dossie Easton, Catherine A. Liszt

and

Polyamory: The New Love Without Limits: Secrets of Sustainable Intimate Relationships
by Deborah M, Dr. Anapol

(They're the only 'self-help' books that I've ever read that I thought were worth the time ... well, the only ones that aren't purely about sex stuff.)

Also, there's a book called Three in Love which is a look at historical polyamorous relationships - it can be a real eye-opener, though many of those relationships did not last.

In regards to Mary's comment about sitting at home while your S/O prepares for a date and intimacy with someone else ... that does happen, and it can be painful. You need to know that you can accept that pain and isolation, and your S/O needs to know the same. I'd suggest that, especially at first, getting to know others be done by both of you, so you know who that other person is and don't feel as pushed aside as you might well feel, initially.

Finally, seek out some on-line or real-time support and discussion groups - you'll run into the typical horny and annoying teenage males, but you'll also find some people who can provide you with insight and support.

Good god people, have some sensitivity. Jess was looking for advice, yes, but also some reassurance. Telling him his relationship is doomed is not exactly helpful.

I'm the other guy? Who knew?

I only think you've brought up some good arguements.

Perhaps as someone wbo is still dealing with this herself, I appreciate it. But I think this is a good thread, dumb-ass responses and all.

oh, and ESOJ, I'm completely serious.

who the hell is otis

og poster from '01

ha i think we gathered that dude

name: Otis

well, i mean he was here a lot, not just some dude who posted a few times and split.

holy shit i posted on this thread haha...i believe in yesterday

/ paul mccartney

http://img509.imageshack.us/img509/7425/imageuploadimage.jpg

Velko, are you some OG poster too? What name did you previously use?

Christ I have no idea who I was referring to in my example way back in 03... but if it is who I suspect, he's since married and settled down, haw.

Otis was a dude that Jordan S. and his friends gathered

Also a friend of Ally's and one reason for the founding of ILE

Otis Redding - I've been loving youn

Odd the train of thought that led me from here to how do i become a mason .

weird thread upthread but let's do the all important thing where we ignore stuff from 5 years ago.

simple maybe stupid question, maybe better suited for the genderqueer thread but thought i'd put it here--anybody have resources on navigating being a straight primary partner for a queer person? their desires are ~not about me~, obviously, but i could use some help or advice dealing with the strange feeling i get when i stay home while they go for a prowl at pride.

(also, as a favor to me, i'd appreciate it if folks didn't get real 'girl/boy problems' thread on me--this isn't a 'relationship problem,' just a request for help if folks can direct me to any.)

If you're not into the polyamorous thing then you should discuss it with your partner. The worst thing you could do imo is pretend you are okay with something you're not. You will start feeling resentful, and then suppress this feeling because you feel bad about feeling it, and then your partner will pick up that you are repressing feelings of discomfort and feel guilty, but then resent you for making you feel guilty, and then feel guilty again for resenting you when you never explicitly said you felt weird about what she was doing in the first place, etc.

(sorry i didn't read your second post. hope you find relevant info hoos)