Do I need to call an exorcist for my girlfriend?

hurting, your girlfriend sounds cool.

...or wait, i mean to say that i have hairy nipples!! don't mock or denigrate me!!

I hate reading virtually everything I've written in the past - except, for some reason, ILE posts.

Haha, I'm in the kitchen, and I hear her calling out something that sounds like a question. I walk into the bedroom, and, appearing to be fully awake she asks "The P is poofy?" and I say "What?" and she says, grinning, "The P is poofy again?" and I say "What does that mean?" and she says "It's poofy!" looking like a happy toddler and goes back to sleep.

what the hell ever happened to Vichitravirya XI anyway

Got taken by aliens for having too much knowledge.

I still think the fibonacci furniture rearrangement thing is really damn awesome :D

i used to sleep walk/talk on a nightly basis when i was a kid, mostly (i think) due to stress. one time, my mum came into my room and found me at the foot of my bed and when she asked me what i was doing, i told her i was "trying to find the pictures for the tv". another time, i was sharing a room with my older bro and he had come home late one night only to find me sitting up in bed with my eyes wide open. he started talking to me but i didn't respond. he thought i was just being a goof but quickly realised something wasn't right. he went and got my parents, and they couldn't wake me up - i just sat there staring straight ahead and apparently not blinking (altho i think that's probably a gross exaggeration) for about 15mins. my parents thought i was possessed. eventually i just lay back down and closed my eyes.

another time, when i was a bit older, i woke up, standing naked under a cold shower with my mother screaming in my face. pretty traumatic. stupid woman never learned after all those years that you should NEVER try to wake someone while they'll sleepwalking - it's incredibly frightening. especially if you're in a cold shower.

I've always wanted to do the Linda Blair routine. Wouldn't that be utterly cool? Just y'know, go up 'n' down on the bed. Not necessarily spin my head or anything like that.

When she was conscious, she explained to me that she thought I had "rearranged the room according to the fibonacci sequence."
-- Hurting (Hurtingchie...), May 13th, 2005 5:08 PM. (later)

No, THAT'S some fucked up shit. Like, I can't even get my head around the concept.
-- Sasha

No, you're both wrong. It's unbelievably sexy. Hurting, you should marry her.

-- moley

hurting 2 - you DID end up marrying her, right?

Sod the exorcism, record her rambles and use 'em as samples in some wikkid choons man!
-- Trayce (trayce), Friday, May 13, 2005 3:43 AM (2 years ago) Bookmark Link

yes i love this

Fuck yeah I married her ; )

awesome :)

moley to thread: tell me who i'm gonna end up married to!

this thread is so cute. your wife sounds rad, hurting!

I can totally understand the concept now. What a difference two years makes.

Ha, I used to do something like this. My dad would sometimes pass room at night and find me sitting up in bed, eyes open with a crazed grin on my face. He'd tell me to lie down and go back to sleep and I would.

I also had a habit of laughing in my sleep. I guess it runs in the family because I've heard my little brother do it. It's both adorable and creepy.

I am glad there's a witness to the poofiness! P was getting overlooked for real.

Oh yeah, I forgot to add that a couple of weeks ago she woke up and said, "Mar Mar Mar...SHMAR!" She then told me, "That's what the kids say."

Well, didn't really *wake up* obv

Har Mar Supershmar?

Mar Mar Mar...SHMAR!" She then told me, "That's what the kids say."

"Cloning. Lots of it."

awesome

never let this woman go

For a minute I really thought that her Bronx first graders had started saying "mar mar mar...shmar!"

Haha I'm gonna get killed for this if he reads it, but my bf is a notorious sleep talker (and sleep um.. other things but lets not go there). The other night we'd dozed off while Aphex was still on the stereo in the other room and, thinking he was still half awake, I mumbled we should maybe turn it off and sleep properly.

He then proceeded to grab his shirt and try to put his feet through it like it was a pair of pants. He kept at it for some time while I giggled and said "wtf are you doing, thats a shirt not your pants", and he just got frustrated and kept trying. Eventually he gave up and put the shirt on properly, but then told me it was like a metaphor, or something equally nonsensical as an explanation. When I said I still didnt get wtf he was on about he goes "oh this is so frustrating! *sigh!*" and went back to sleep. Tee hee.

omg abbott to thread.

i have also done weird shit in my sleep, but i don't think i hold a candle to my friend jeff, who is a sometime ilxor, so i'll let him tell you himself if he wants to.

This sounds like the beginning of a Twilight Zone episode about a record producer with an uncanny ability to uncover new sounds that the kids will like.
(multi xpost)

jackballs.

I don't think I can compete with the crocfarmer/hogbutcher tmi/cio tag team so I'm out.

oh god i'm going to MISS HIM!

Hahaha kenan I have woken my boyfriend up by SCREAMING random shit and jumping out of bed. As you know. But I don't think I ever mentioned the v endearing thing he did once in his sleep: he started by doing this rapid air smooching, like kissing the air ultra fast 30 times in as many seconds. Then he started making these sweet, satisfied sounding descending pitches: "Hu-um, hah-hum, ha-hum, hmm-um," and then the same thing an octave higher: he did like a whole scale of them & started over!

i want to watch a youtube video of that so bad

I ran really fast out of bed once at 3 am or so, expecting to see a Christmas tree and stockings and gifts. But there weren't any. I was so baffled. Where did they all go? What were we going to do for Christmas morning?

It turns out it was MARCH. I was 22 at the time.

one of the reasons you rock: you go TOTALLY FUCKING NUTS every night in your sleep.

YOU'RE ON THE LOOSE WIG!

Me? Or the generic "you" as in 'you guys' or 'the human race'?

My dad has a lot of dreams about Saved By The Bell! Seriously, talking about dreams with him is like getting crap fanfic read out loud.

the loose wig

That is the best fucking thing I've ever heard!

a friend of mine from work takes zombie movies too seriously and has had dreams that her mom tried to eat her...

nowhere near as cool as what you guys are talking about but blah....

That is the best fucking thing I've ever heard!

There's a whole record. Del Close. Allegedly one of Brian Wilson's favorites. I'll sendspace it to you.

I only go nuts if I fall asleep sitting up

abbott, check yr email

I got woken up the other night by some sleep talk, the end of which which went like this:

He: (impatiently) "What if we have to wait an HOUR for him to play?!"

Me: "Who?"

He: "Rivers Cuomo!"

My ex-boyfriend slept through alarms all the time. Once ours went off and he said "Are they serving breakfast?" "Who?" I replied. "The Rice Krispy company." "I doubt it," I said. "Well, why did they wake me up so early?"

BAHAHAHA wow!

They are the only two guys I've dated who talk in their sleep. A good way to encourage it is to ask them nonsense questions while they're drifting off. If they catch you, you can pretend you're talking in your sleep yourself. I love sleep talk!

The guy I am currently with spouted once off a long string of unrelated words (earlier that same Rivers Cuomo night, actually!), and he acted really adamant about whatever he thought he was saying, and grabbed my arm really firmly. It was complete nonsense, definitely not a sentence. All nouns.

My youngest sister always talks in her sleep (and sometimes sleepwalks). When she was very young they all sounded like The Incredible Journey-style adventures:

"We have to get the rabbits over the mountain"

"We can't let the cookies fight with the onion"

"I can't put that many squirrels in my backpack. I can't help feed them all."

Actually thinking about how fucked this exorcism shit is. This is most likely a woman with schizophrenia or some other mental condition that leads to her not sharing consensus reality, shall we say, and they're telling her "it's because you're possessed by a malevolent supernatural force", should be criminalized tbh.

to be fair exorcisims are exceedingly rare, plus how the fuck do you know

dreher seems to have recounted the story of the couple in question before:

https://www.theamericanconservative.com/dreher/nathan-story-occult-sabrina/

a sick, sick man

Mind you, Nathan is one of the least woo-woo friends I have. Again, he works as what you might call a “symbolic analyst” in a very worldly occupation, and lives in one of the biggest and most secular cities in America. He’s been a faithful Catholic for as long as I’ve known him, but not especially interested in that mystical side of the faith.

“Once you’ve seen reality through the eyes of spiritual warfare,” he told me yesterday, “you can’t go back. It’s everywhere.”

He told me other detailed stories, including accounts of bizarre, poltergeisty things happening in their apartment, and his wife being unable to stand the presence of blessed objects (a classic sign of possession). Again, readers: if you knew these people, Nathan and his wife, you would be even more shocked by all this than you are now. This is the kind of family that takes European vacations, and lives a sophisticated cosmopolitan life. And yet this horror has overtaken them. The wife goes through periods in which she hears foul blasphemies, and feels compelled to commit suicide. In the exorcism sessions, Nathan says the demons, under compulsion from the exorcist, speak of these things — in particular, how they intend to destroy Nathan’s wife, and her family life.

Kronsteen1963 says:
October 3, 2018 at 2:00 pm
In the summer of 2000, my father-in law passed away. He was a devout Christian and spent the last 6 weeks of his life at his home under Hospice care. The day after we brought him home, he began to see things. He would look out his bedroom window and complain that he saw 3 men standing in his garden. They weren’t doing anything except staring at his house. We looked out the window and saw nothing. He insisted that they were there and asked us to chase them away because they frightened him.

Later that day, we had some friends over to his house to visit him. During dinner, he pointed towards a friend and asked, “Who is he? I don’t recognize him.” We replied, “That’s our friend Kyle, you know him.” He replied, “Yes, I know Kyle. But who is standing next to him?” There was no one there. We told Dad that we couldn’t see anyone. I asked Dad if this person frightened like the three in the garden. He replied, “No, he doesn’t frighten me at all.”

What did my father-in-law see? I’m sure rationalists have an easy explanation – a dying old man who is having hallucinations. But, he wasn’t drugged up or losing his mind. Until the last two weeks, he was a lucid as you or I, and we had numerous conversations about all sorts of issues.

As a Christian, I have my own ideas of what my father-in-law saw. I believe this stuff is real. The Bible says it is. Jesus, his disciples, and Paul all cast out demons. I fully understand why an atheist would think this is nonsense, but have a tough time understanding why a Christian would.

[NFR: It is common for people in the last days of life to see figures who are invisible to the rest of us — usually people they knew in life, who have since died. Talk to hospice nurses. It’s also in the literature. I don’t think there is necessarily anything sinister about this stuff. Though my father’s hospice nurse did tell me that once she had a patient who screamed in his final moments that demons were dragging him to Hell. It unnerved her. He was an Episcopal priest, she said. — RD]

Mind you, Nathan is one of the least woo-woo friends I have. Again, he works as what you might call a “symbolic analyst” in a very worldly occupation, and lives in one of the biggest and most secular cities in America.

love these bits he always puts as a preamble that are implicitly saying "this person isn't a bumbling rube from buttfuck nowhere therefore this deeply superstitious and irrational behaviour of his can't be put down to lack of sophistication, but must instead be grounded in fact"

fuck i shouldnt have opened this thread in the dark

u kno wut they say

This is the kind of family that takes European vacations

Probably picked up some kind of evil infection when they were over there.

Love the use of “Again, readers” there — it really adds to the atmosphere and sense that this is an insane man who believes he’s privy to insider occult intel.

Did I never outline the time B sleepwalked into the kitchen one morning (there had, to be fair, been a LOT of drinking the night before) and proceed to ramble to me in a flawless Irish accent about how he had to be sure they'd cut the RED wire, and not the BLUE wire, or else the whole thing would blow up, and we had to hurry or the others'd be after us.

It was like he was channeling someone else and was reaaaally disconcerting.

Did he pee on the rug right after that?

Thankfully no.

before, then

Probably my favourite ILX thread, the phrases "did the envelope pengalope" and "is there bingling", will never leave me.

the fibonacci sequence is my fav

Days when i wonder whether i need to summon a demon for my wife but that's another thread

ive a couple sleep-talking stories i hadn't recounted itt

my ex-wife, still sleeping, once woke me up at about 6am to ask me "can i taunt (sic) you to a chicken pizza?"

my friend jonny, sleeping in a travel lodge while the rest of us were still awake from all the drugs, turned over in bed, sat up, and shouted "Kelly Clarkson".

didn't sleep talk, and i never have night terrors, but a few times in dreams where it appears i'm going to get stung, bitten, etc by an animal (which happens a lot), i've actually thrown myself out of bed.

one of these times i was dreaming I was fleeing a shitload of bees (enough to kill me) and I was jumping into the water to escape them and in the process I actually rolled out of my bed and faceplanted my cheek onto the oak dresser next to me, woke up bleeding.

I'd forgotten about B being sad about catbus leaving the bed, hahahaa.

B, in his sleep: “I think I’m going to go lie down now”.