on every artist-specific message board ever

28. One-upmanship. i.e. "I've been a fan since [early album]", "I've seen the band live [enormous figure] times", "I've met the band [enormous figure] times and here's the pictures to prove it".

29. Heated defenses of the use of the band's songs in commercials.

29. a "what are your favorite [x] songs?" thread where superfans fill their lists with rare, unreleased tracks (usually rough demos leaked against the artist's consent) that are nowhere near as good as the artist's authorized work.

29a. mass outrage when favorite demos and live tracks don't make it onto the album ("why wasn't I consulted!?")

(30 & 30a, should be)

Ha, I was once consulted re which demo / live track should go on an album! They listened! I had to send them mp3 bootlegs of said song cos they couldn't remember how it went!

ooh, what band (or do you not want to say)?

was it Starsailor

Haha! It was the really obvious one. Like, too obvious.

People linking to their own band's music on myspace.

32. Assumption that any serious fan is familiar with most of the extant bootlegs

33. People show up to ask fairly reasonable questions about the band, get savaged by regulars who have seen the question too many times before
34. Artist eventually takes down message board due to an over-abundance of number 4

35. Participants seem considerably more interested in talking about obscure and very different side projects by band members than other bands who do actually sound like the band they love.

Participants seem considerably more interested in talking about obscure and very different side projects by band members than other bands who do actually sound like the band they love

Nothing wrong with that, why would you want to engage in chat about some other band who sound like your faves but aren't as good?

500 posts by Saturday

X-Post: Because they are good too?

36. One user that always seems more interested in their post count than actually saying anything of substance, as if they feel a higher post count gives their posts (which are often unneccessary) substance and compensates for a lack of anything to say.

remove "artist-specific" and yeah that's true

i'm not gonna say who it is though

37. clarification that people disappointed by pre-release album leak should not judge until they've heard the ~mastered~ version, as although it is not a difference that anyone can hear it makes a huge difference believe me i have heard some mastered unmastered albums in my time

38. tattoo design solicitation, bootleg t-shirts

39. LET's WRITE AN [artist] SONG!

40. People getting really geared up about how fantastic the veteran band/artist's new album is although everybody outside the group stopped paying attention to that act 20 years ago.

41. Pictures of forum meet-ups during big 'events', grinning and posing for the camera, and the inevitable fall-out and strained relationships between forum members that you know is going on behind the scenes due to the very nature of forum politics.

42a: On a synthpop act's board, members complaining about the new album containing too many guitars
42b: On a metal act's board, members complaining about the new album being to "soft", containing too many synths and not enough screaming and growling
42c: On a prog act's board, members complaining about too many tracs on the new album being too short
42d: On a dance/techno act's board, members complaining about how the new album contains too much vocals and too traditional song structures.

i hung out on sooo many artist-specific boards before finding ilm and this thread is giving me major flashbacks

Spot on!

― Sick Mouthy (Scik Mouthy), Friday, 21 October 2011 04:06 (8 hours ago)

I was going to say frogbs should earn a "get out of SB free" card for that but he just C+P'd it

yes it is a glimpse into the life of those who were shaped by "Move Your Ass" and "Crank It Up"

the weird thing is that parts of that rant sound like actual Scooter lyrics

My mother, who is not at all internetty or au fait with modern music at all (although still loves The Who) actually moderates a board for a lesser-known singer-songwriter. This is pretty much the only music she ever listens to (although she did request the Mumford & Sons CD for her bday) and goes to loads of the gigs, does the merch etc. She has quite a few tales to tell about the one or two obsessive ladies who are all over the board and then go to every gig and try and spend ages with the singer and can get a bit psycho.

First internet site I ever 'hung out' on was a Swedish Suede fan site...

(although she did request the Mumford & Sons CD for her bday)

SB'd your mum for this

haha

hey their name is practically an anagram of Songs for Mums

43. Lengthy, Nicholson Baker-esque accounts of trips to shows, including train times, length of walk to venue, meals consumed, other forum members met, other forum members not met, respective positions of forum members in venue ("and Jackie said she saw Debs and Linda in Block C"), amusing incident involving security staff, signs of acknowledgement by band members ("I shouted WE LOVE YOU NICKY and he smiled right back at me, LOL bless him!")...

44. New album, not perceivably different from their last six, is coming out. Wide-eyed dreamers start speculating that maybe this is the one that finally breaks (band) through to a wide audience, or alternately, returns them to their former glory. Jaded regulars rant about how the ''sheep who listen to that Britney Spears cr*p'' will never get the subtle genius of (band). 500 posts by Saturday, album flops but excerpt of single used in toothbrush commercial.

I don't know how to react to this thread, I laugh and cry at the same time.

Jaded regulars rant about how the ''sheep who listen to that Britney Spears cr*p'' will never get the subtle genius of (band).

Would not happen on a Britney Spears message board ;)

Ok, fair enough, but I stand by my conviction that, everywhere else, Britney Spears remains shorthand for ''pop drivel listened to by popular kids.''

Thread is gold BTW.

45. Random googler / interloper / friend of another fan / person, who has heard new album by chance in odd circumstances and who normally likes a totally different genre of music, who registers just so they can make an elongated post detailing how the hi-hat playing is nowhere near as exciting as [insert metal band].

46. 100-post threads asking people to literally rate and rank every song by the artist

47. Friday night "virtual forum pub" thread for people to talk shit in as if they were down the pub together. Possibly named after a real pub.

48. Recurring "Random thread" which is allowed to get to 50+ pages in length before being locked and another one started, and which is meant to act as a repository for all the off-topic forum gossip and nonsense.

49. Fools Panel / Fantasy Football / premiership scores predictions thread. Only thing that maintains activity during band hiatuses.

50. Birthday call-outs to 'permanent' forum members.

51. Geezer who doesn't know about soundcloud or mediaserve still trying to trade tapes from '98 C.H.O.A.D. Festival.

52. Rolling picture thread where people post pictures of themselves, usually to choruses and coos of 'oh my god, you're teh hotness' and 'oh wow! like the [hair/outfit/shoes]' ... when really you know everyone is looking at each other pictures going 'loser! loser! loser!'

http://img1.ranker.com/list_img/54365/339540/full/the-very-best-of-the-futurama-fry-meme.jpg?version=1308337289000

Uncomfortably close to home :(

lol Turrican

though really, half of these could apply here, so it's not a big deal

53. Disapointment is expressed that the "rare tracks" on an upcoming reissue/compilation is material that they've already heard.

54. that guy who posts nothing but snarkly one-liners about how everything is trash and everyone is stupid, and when he gets called out a bunch of posters rush to his defense "hey, that's just xxxxxxx for ya!"

This thread is kind of making me hate (band), just based on their obnoxious fans.

116. uncomfortable sexual tension

117. Hurt/Heal forum games

118. Attempts to sway the result of sites' clickbaity polls/tournaments/etc

119. Lecherous and/or lovelorn comments directed at photos of any female artist/band member

120. Regular hate/trolling/banning/invasions/general animosity toward the one artist designated as an untalented copycat of the forum's subject

121. Year-end lists and freakoutery about how the forum's subject is not on them

122. non-musical sub-boards that invariably includes a Politics board where the discourse rarely hovers slightly above cringeworthy

123. avatars which features the poster quoting himself one time he shined some other n00b who said something stupid about <band>

*THE one time

124. No activity because everyone has moved to Facebook.

125. "Hey! So, I bought two copies of the new album on vinyl today, and (*insert painfully long description of the pressing, the weight of the vinyl and the sound quality*), I've gone one of the items right here with me - the other, of course, is going to stay sealed LOL."

*gone=got

103. Young member of the forum, possibly brainwashed into liking said band/artists by his/her middle aged divorcee parents, who take him/her to gigs by said band/artist simply to have someone to go with because the realities of parenthood and work have decreased their social circles significantly, makes occasional posts about how he/she finds the 60+ year old singer/keyboardist/bassist attractive.

― You’re being too simplistic and you’re insulting my poor heart (Turrican), Thursday, August 27, 2015 4:48 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

"on every artist-specific message board ever"

Incredibly, I've seen that happen quite a few times.

126. "What songs should [band] cover?"

127. "What songs are you sick of hearing live?"

128. Alternate versions of albums that include demos and b-sides from the same era

129. Arguments about drummers

130. "Help me make a mixtape for friend who only knows the hits"

131. Songs tournaments

132. Someone gives way more thought about the band's music and lyrics than the band themselves ever did

133. Has anyone heard this obscure b-side by (band) named "Call Out Research Hook," I have ordered a CD with it for $11 and can't wait to hear it!