emotional tmi

In order to go back to past experiences, you have to be able to remember them. I uaually can't. There's a good reason for that - just the thought of trying to remember them is beyond scary. It would destroy what little is left of me.

oh man i remember NOTHJING before 5. My father was an alcoholic. My first real memory is of my mom throwing my brother and I in the car at 3am and never going back home. Recently I made the mistake of casually asking my brother if those years had been really bad. His answer was a short 'Yes.' but his tone implied so much more and my whole body felt like it iced over. I know I'll never be asking anything about those days again.

apparently there was a point when i wanted to note progress, but really i no longer have any interest in discussing my progress or providing updates to my emotional state.
it remains a horrifying idea to even consider tbh.

the difference is that i no longer care. i think mookieproof suggested that maybe it's ok to not want to be an open book. that's what i'm going with atm.

― La Lechera, Tuesday, January 24, 2012 12:59 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark

I just got a strong wave of this feeling again and noticed the date on this post -- maybe I'm just tired of emoting after the holidays?

this thread is like endorphins to me

hate to bump this thread but re: emotional regulation
http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/11/the-science-of-laughing-through-the-tears/382824/

got to corpse pose today and just started bawling in the middle of the class. it's happened a few times before; generally some ichor that needs an outlet. kinda embarrassing but I figure if it gets to that point idgaf.

ugh it's like springing a leak! but better than exploding.

yep