tell the barista your five-year-old has a concussion
― click here if you want to load them all (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 26 June 2012 19:17 (eleven years ago) link
ZS - I know. I don't like that sort of thing, I guess. My dad is a chef and used to host dinner parties a lot. One of his friends smothers every single thing he eats in ketchup. Yes, everything. My dad thinks it's disgusting in insane but if Bob was at a dinner party my dad wouldn't say a word, he'd just put some ketchup into a sauce boat and put it next to Bob's table setting and let him drown his filet mignon in the crap. It wasn't in insult to the cooking, it was just some guy's weird food thing.
― (✿◠‿◠) (ENBB), Tuesday, 26 June 2012 19:18 (eleven years ago) link
if you want an espresso over ice buy an espresso machine and make it yourself
― max, Tuesday, 26 June 2012 19:18 (eleven years ago) link
I can understand chefs wanting to maintain some kind of overall quality control, which I guess can be put at risk if you let people who don't know what they're doing ask for stuff they think they would prefer. It's also part of the branding of the place I guess -- snobbism = artistry.
― click here if you want to load them all (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 26 June 2012 19:19 (eleven years ago) link
you do realize a barista-quality espresso machine costs thousands of dollars and is complicated to operate
― click here if you want to load them all (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 26 June 2012 19:20 (eleven years ago) link
dammit, i meant to add that initial post was intended to be read in the manner of a "Read all about it!" newspaper kid from 1916.
anyway, my actual take on this is that coffee shops should serve it if customers ask for it, but in small, espresso-appropriate glasses, to foil the people looking to make an ice latte on the cheap.
― Mad God 40/40 (Z S), Tuesday, 26 June 2012 19:22 (eleven years ago) link
i really have no problem with restaurants or coffee shops refusing to do or make stuff they think is gross and weird! they are not really obligated to cater to whatever requests except to the extent that it will put them out of business. there is no moral imperative here. i guess its dickish if they wont give you salt and pepper but if their food sucks and they refuse to give you salt they will probably go out of business so who cares
― max, Tuesday, 26 June 2012 19:22 (eleven years ago) link
and if customer takes the small, espresso-appropriate glass and dumps it into a larger cup and then adds free cream to it from the counter,
FISTICUFFS
― Mad God 40/40 (Z S), Tuesday, 26 June 2012 19:23 (eleven years ago) link
is this related at all to serious hot dog places that won't serve sausages with ketchup?
― Philip Nunez, Tuesday, 26 June 2012 19:24 (eleven years ago) link
98% of US coffee drinkers wouldn't be able to tell a shocked espresso from shinola (myself included) so who gives a shit what savage abominations the coffee buying populations want to visit on their beverages?
That said, go on and refuse service, snooty coffee shops. Eventually this particular brand of artsinal snottery will go out of style and you'll start losing profits to the 7-11 down the block and rethink your stance. Or not.
― carl agatha, Tuesday, 26 June 2012 19:25 (eleven years ago) link
― click here if you want to load them all (Hurting 2), Tuesday, June 26, 2012 3:20 PM (3 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
i think if all you want is espresso over ice a consumer-quality machine is just fine!
― call all destroyer, Tuesday, 26 June 2012 19:26 (eleven years ago) link
Intelligentsia here in Chicago cause OUTRAGE a couple of years ago when they stopped selling 20 ounce coffees/lattes bc coffee is not meant to be consumed in large quantities or some such utter bullshit.
― carl agatha, Tuesday, 26 June 2012 19:28 (eleven years ago) link
they can serve whatever size they want
― call all destroyer, Tuesday, 26 June 2012 19:29 (eleven years ago) link
agh latté
Still wrong
― Love Max Ophüls of us all (Michael White), Tuesday, 26 June 2012 19:31 (eleven years ago) link
no they can't this is America we have the right to oversize bladders
― Mr. Que, Tuesday, 26 June 2012 19:31 (eleven years ago) link
i don't think 7-11 would make me an espresso slurpee, but maybe i should test this...
― Philip Nunez, Tuesday, 26 June 2012 19:32 (eleven years ago) link
i demand that my 7-11 espresso slurpee be served with no ice
― Mad God 40/40 (Z S), Tuesday, 26 June 2012 19:34 (eleven years ago) link
Seriously, as I mentioned upthread, a coffee granita is awesome.
― Love Max Ophüls of us all (Michael White), Tuesday, 26 June 2012 19:37 (eleven years ago) link
definite right to refuse btw. 'the customer is always right' has destroyed the US and we need to take it back imo.
this is otm, people who expect coffee shops to cater to their every whim might as well be eating at BURGER KING ESPRESSO
― Faith in Humanity: Restored (dayo), Tuesday, 26 June 2012 19:40 (eleven years ago) link
hear hear
― max, Tuesday, 26 June 2012 19:40 (eleven years ago) link
Glad you're not small business owners.
― (✿◠‿◠) (ENBB), Tuesday, 26 June 2012 19:43 (eleven years ago) link
My "utter bullshit" comment was referring to the notion that one cannot enjoy coffee if the coffee is served in a vessel larger than some arbitrary size that the people at Intelligentsia decided is the right size for coffee. Enjoyment is way to subjective to make that kind of pronouncement.
As with espresso over ice, I don't care what they will and won't serve. They can refuse to serve coffee unless you bring your own bowl carved from the skull of your enemy for all I care.
― carl agatha, Tuesday, 26 June 2012 19:43 (eleven years ago) link
Or good thing rather, not glad. lol.
(fyi trademarking concept of coffee shop that only serves coffee in bowls carved from the skulls of your enemies)
― carl agatha, Tuesday, 26 June 2012 19:44 (eleven years ago) link
I think you could go somewhere with that tbh.
― (✿◠‿◠) (ENBB), Tuesday, 26 June 2012 19:44 (eleven years ago) link
z s he best solution would be for your frend to pack his cheeks with ice prior to entering the coffee shop, ordering an espresso, downing it really quickly through his ice packed mouth, then jumping on the counter and mooning the baristas with his exposed buttocks painted with "DON'T TREAD ON ME" in mustard packets
― Faith in Humanity: Restored (dayo), Tuesday, 26 June 2012 19:44 (eleven years ago) link
I'm going to need some smaller enemies
― Love Max Ophüls of us all (Michael White), Tuesday, 26 June 2012 19:45 (eleven years ago) link
lol
― (✿◠‿◠) (ENBB), Tuesday, 26 June 2012 19:46 (eleven years ago) link
Siege warfare against a daycare.
― carl agatha, Tuesday, 26 June 2012 19:46 (eleven years ago) link
if I ran a coffee shop we would only serve hot water and the music would be a deafeningly loud recording of coffee beans being ground
― mississippi joan hart (crüt), Tuesday, 26 June 2012 19:50 (eleven years ago) link
noizepresso
― Faith in Humanity: Restored (dayo), Tuesday, 26 June 2012 19:51 (eleven years ago) link
if i ran a coffee shop it would be an open field where customers are invited to grow their own beans and raise their own dairy cattle. still $4.39 a cup tho.
― pvmic bellvm (goole), Tuesday, 26 June 2012 19:52 (eleven years ago) link
xp ha that reminds me of a new artinsinal doughnut shop that opened near my work that was playing the uncensored version of Can I Get A at an extremely loud volume the last time I went in there. Take that, tourists.
― carl agatha, Tuesday, 26 June 2012 19:54 (eleven years ago) link
the real question here is if it's acceptable for coffeeshops make their iced coffee by putting drip coffee on ice/in the fridge (vs cold press).
― 40oz of tears (Jordan), Tuesday, 26 June 2012 19:57 (eleven years ago) link
whether or not you believe in the rigid application of the customer is always right, retail contexts are not just sites of pure exchange and are full of subtle pressures passively or coercively produced by the owners/employees
thus a boutiquey coffee shop with a solemn and hieratic devotion to good coffee, whatever that means, is essentially there to dissuade you from bad coffee in all its forms
even so.....once the customer says they want bad coffee, there is surely a ritual for giving them bad coffee, a series of stuttered/monotone areyousures, an awkward clunking of ice, the mordant stares of coffee lovers nearby, the customer's hurried shamed exit and the absolution of normal service being resumed
― dis civilization and its contents (nakhchivan), Tuesday, 26 June 2012 19:59 (eleven years ago) link
lol I didn't even know cold press was a thing until last week at which point I made my own and, yes, it was very good. Guess I'm going to the wrong coffee shops.
― (✿◠‿◠) (ENBB), Tuesday, 26 June 2012 20:00 (eleven years ago) link
i recently asked "how do you make your iced coffee?" and the surly barista just pointed to a tank of it.
― 40oz of tears (Jordan), Tuesday, 26 June 2012 20:03 (eleven years ago) link
haha
― pvmic bellvm (goole), Tuesday, 26 June 2012 20:03 (eleven years ago) link
re the savages topping up their espressos over ice, my whole thing is half the time they're adding half-n-half to it. Like, loads of it. Which has to taste beyond foul.
"Sir, it's clear that you hate coffee in all forms...wtf are u even doing here"
― Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 26 June 2012 20:05 (eleven years ago) link
Espresso over ice w/ loads of half and half (and sugar) sounds like a pretty good approximation of espresso over ice cream.
― carl agatha, Tuesday, 26 June 2012 20:07 (eleven years ago) link
IT IS SAVAGERY AND I WON'T STAND FOR IT
hand me my skull-cup
― Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 26 June 2012 20:08 (eleven years ago) link
iced espressos sound perfect actually. most times i'm buying coffee, esp in a chain coffee shop, it's because i need to be perked up not because i want to savour the taste. and usually i need to be perked up quickly or on the move which means i don't have time to wait for the stupid thing to cool down.
i usually order iced black coffees - definitely when it's hot but usually when it's cold - cuz it's like an extra massive slap in the face to wake me up. i get terse with baristas who are confused by this simple order.
i have no opinion on people who do the latte trick. i have no real opinion on people who put milk in their coffee other than mild disdain.
― bitch I'm on the 242 (lex pretend), Tuesday, 26 June 2012 20:08 (eleven years ago) link
lemme back up:
reminds me of loser Deadhead fans who'd make "salad" from the nacho condiment bar at concerts.
the nacho what at the where now?
― pvmic bellvm (goole), Tuesday, 26 June 2012 20:09 (eleven years ago) link
maybe bad coffee should be really expensiveespresso over ice for nine dollarsa possibly byproduct of this: people would then start ordering expensive coffee, to drink ostentatiously
or maybe the constituent parts of coffee should be broken apart, and charged like a salad, per ingredient, meaning that milk abuse would cost money
& maybe there should be the opposite of a loyalty card, but i can't think how it would work yet
― blossom smulch (schlump), Tuesday, 26 June 2012 20:11 (eleven years ago) link
xpost goole: concert arenas that serve hotdogs, nachos etc usually have a little stand nearby with kethcup, mustard, onions, jalapenos etc as hotdog/nacho toppings/condiments
cheapskate hippies would make salad from the condiments and eat it as a meal because they are lame
― Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 26 June 2012 20:12 (eleven years ago) link
that is nasty enough to serve as its own punishment
― pvmic bellvm (goole), Tuesday, 26 June 2012 20:14 (eleven years ago) link
onion and jalapeño salad w ketchup and mustard dressing sounds good
― Faith in Humanity: Restored (dayo), Tuesday, 26 June 2012 20:14 (eleven years ago) link
the original 'vegan hotdog'
― pvmic bellvm (goole), Tuesday, 26 June 2012 20:15 (eleven years ago) link
stay away from me dayo, u dirty hippie
― Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 26 June 2012 20:16 (eleven years ago) link
the opposite of a loyalty card, but i can't think how it would work yet
Every fourth espresso on ice w/half and half, the barista gets to kick you in the crotch.
― Love Max Ophüls of us all (Michael White), Tuesday, 26 June 2012 20:19 (eleven years ago) link