Boredom, apathy and life fullfillment

life is so...unfuckingfutile.

so this is me. depressingly so. recently my attempts at getting out the rut has included: making sure i do *something* most days between 2 and 5 (i.e. chores, housework, gardening etc.) and an hour run between 5 and 6. i'm hoping that once shit is done around here, i keep the schedule of doing stuff and being active can jump over into learning to do something, like messing about in my dad's workshop to do some sort of beginner carpentry or something. idk. i need to get out of bed.

Don't underestimate the extent to which a shitty job can make everything else suck. You spend the majority of your waking hours preparing for work, traveling to and from work, or being at work. It's exhausting and if you aren't at least going to a place that gives you some modicum of pleasure, be it the work you do or the environment in which you work, it's brutal. I spent the last five years in a job that ground me down, mind and body. Just yesterday I finalized an offer with another employer and I get to give my notice tomorrow and holy shit, the difference in my brain between Thursday before I had the offer and yesterday when we finalized the negotiations is night and day. "Find a new job!" is completely facile advice for a million reasons, but if it's something you can focus on, it think it could help a lot.

But in the five years when I felt my life essence slipping away from me every time I dragged my weary bones down the hall to my desk, I managed to find a few things to help get me through. I used WCC's approach and took a second job teaching at a community college, which turned out to be incredibly fulfilling and fun. I also did volunteer work here and there for organizations/causes I feel passionate about, which gave me purpose and helped me meet people.

I also took the creative hobby approach, because making things with my hands is very soothing to me and stimulates my brain. My most recent folly is a metalsmithing class, which is basically magic. I mean, when you start heating metal with a blowtorch and then sticking it to other metal with other pieces of metal and then in the end you've made a ring you can wear, it's alchemy as far as I can tell. I also am really digging the elemental nature of manipulating heat and fire and metal. The things I'm making aren't going to win any awards but the fact that I made them at all amazes me every time.

I guess finally, it took me accepting that I'm not really going to change/save the world or be super famous or awesome and that what I've got now is pretty much life, and that's okay. Being happy and content can be a goal and something I'm satisfied with.

Maybe in order to live a less hopeless existence, you should always have an answer to the question: "If you had more money than you could spend in a lifetime, what would you do?". I'm sure that's a pretty depressing question to be asked, especially as many would argue that the idea of money as life's only tether is illusory to say the least. But I think it is important to have this in mind.

In my mind, I think I'd dedicate my life to making and seeking out music. I'd work on putting together a music studio, teach myself how it works and how to record and compose better and then open it to the public - have free workshops for kids and adults etc. I'd travel the world and write a blog or book about the different music scenes in different countries (away from traditional "world music" terms - I'd be more interested in, say, the clubbing scene in Kenya if there is such a thing).

Money's the tough subject. I know people who've basically turned travelling or a hobby into their career or livelihood; and really it hasn't taken that much money - just a little bit of dough to get them off the ground. After this they find themselves teaching abroad or merely just travelling from one place to another, working where they can and surviving day-to-day. But like the Pulp song "cos when you're laid in bed at night / Watching roaches climb the wall / If you called your dad he could stop it all" - I've been told by wide-eyed free-spirits that I should "do whatever I want to do, if you want to travel do it; if you want to start a business, do it" - but it's easy to say this when there's a safety net made of capital there in case everything goes up the spout. Most of us end up working a day to earn that daily penny, and not all options are laid out to us.

I regret not having been able to do an internship or work experience in a place more suited to my interests in earlier years, but it wasn't viable financially. Instead a few years ago I decided to start learning the ropes by teaching myself. I knew I enjoyed writing, but hadn't done anything in a while so I contacted a few people who put me in touch with editors and I started writing about music, and what do you know I got some good feedback (and some equally bad feedback, but what do you expect?). I wanted to play my favourite music out loud, so I hired out a small venue and put on a club night, which led to a bigger venue and then gig nights and six years later I'm doing them regularly and pulling a good crowd and being invited onto festival committees etc.

It is disheartening though, to think that all this was borne through pure depression and frustration and despite a modicum of recognition and self-satisfaction, I'm no further ahead in life by most people's standards (fiscally and vocationally than I was 5 years ago.

Don't underestimate the extent to which a shitty job can make everything else suck. You spend the majority of your waking hours preparing for work, traveling to and from work, or being at work. It's exhausting and if you aren't at least going to a place that gives you some modicum of pleasure, be it the work you do or the environment in which you work, it's brutal.

otm

and in that environment even if you know what you want to do to get out of the rut, you don't have the time or energy for it.

i totally disagree with this though:

Maybe in order to live a less hopeless existence, you should always have an answer to the question: "If you had more money than you could spend in a lifetime, what would you do?".

i think embracing uncertainty and trying to live in the moment is more key to not feeling hopeless, not some pipe dream fantasy that's irrelevant to your actual life, the one that's actually in your power to change

My main problem is perhaps the opposite to most in that I find I have not enough hours in the day to cram in everything I'd like to do. Yesterday was a total indulgence for me as I spent the second part of the afternoon watching episodes of Breaking Bad - and that wasn't before going to see my Dad and sister, tidying up the house, doing my washing and thinking about this unfinished review I'm working on. I still felt guilty about having spent so much time essentially watching TV though.

i think embracing uncertainty and trying to live in the moment is more key to not feeling hopeless, not some pipe dream fantasy that's irrelevant to your actual life, the one that's actually in your power to change

But "embracing uncertainty and trying to live in the moment" isn't always an option for a lot of people. Many find that their lives have developed such an unbroken pattern that they rarely encounter uncertainty. I do see what you're saying here Lex, but the idea of "living in the moment" almost comes off as empty Facebook-post rhetoric unless you have the privilege of being able to live a varied and exciting lifestyle.

you should always have an answer to the question: "If you had more money than you could spend in a lifetime, what would you do?"

Good advice - but one I'm depressingly completely unable to answer

How much of happiness is down to:

a: fulfilment of our own expectations
b: fulfilment of others' expectations

I think for many they'd be kidding themselves if B wasn't a major factor in their pursuit of happiness.

If I had more money than I could spend I'd do exactly what i do now, except i wouldn't go to work. ie nothing. I'd be v happy with that.

My answer to that question is always going to be "Pay off my student loans faster."

i would buy a huge fish tank!

Good idea of you also paid someone to clean it!

*if

xpost to pandemic. What is nothing though? Just sitting and staring? There's a pet theory that says that the human psyche suffers from a kind of perpetual ambient torment - a kind of mental tinnitus - that can only be drowned out through sleep or stimulation. A lack of stimulation, i.e. boredom, is therefore detrimental to the human soul.

very true! xpost!

yeah i don't really go in for the 'human soul'

or what have you. come on man, i can't parse "I would do nothing" as an answer - you'd go mad if you literally just sat there wasting away.

by do nothing i mean nothing like any of the activities mentioned in this thread, classes, activism, exercise, travel, blogging etc etc etc. When not at work I watch tv, listen to music, read about football. That's about it.

lol that's quite close to home

would also add drink wine

perpetual ambient torment - a kind of mental tinnitus = the superego's minatory complaint that you must enage in 'meaningul' 'structured' 'rewarding' 'activities' in lieu of just say drinking a couple of bottles of wine with a friend or watching hard target

I would buy a big big house in terrible repair and undertake some kind of renovation scheme. For fun. With some kind of balance between hiring out the technical work and making myself do the rest. Right now I'm so tired of my job eating my life that I could be happy for a long time just waking up when I'm ready, making my own coffee, and drinking it in a place where there is sunlight while I plan my day.

xp that is my animus

that isn't to say that isambard kingdom brunel should have spent more time lazing about and less time building bridges, rather that the ardent hobbyist who builds cantilever bridges out of cereal boxes in their garden is not deserving of any more esteem than the person who would rather just do nothing

house renovation like laurel's is tempting* but i'd fear i'd get the building weatherproof and one room habitable and then not bother with the others.

* and people make a good living from exctly this, buying, renovating, selling at a profit

my problem with this thread is the 'boredom' bit. i don't go out much, or seemingly do much, but i have a high boredom threshold and just don't register this inactivity as a problem.

^^^

you can tell you people aren't from the uk because television programmes about people renovating old houses are pretty much the only thing that exists here

(but i am!)

(very much in the kevin mccloud camp rather than the sarah beaney camp though - at least his criticisms are done on camera at the time and not voiceovered afterwards like hers seem to be.)

hahaha so true

i was otm'ing the high boredom threshold not anything involving renovation

I don't want to make a profit, though, I want to make a "statement" and a home. Having my own home that I decide things for is like some unlivable dream to this renter.

Once the renovation was done, I'd start on the garden. At night I would host northern soul all-nighters in my barn and drink a lot.

Funny how, when asked about what they would do if they had more money than they could spend in a lifetime (or some equally astronomical figure that would genuinely allow them to think of money as no object), the answer a lot of people give seems to lead to the eventual creation of MORE money (e.g. starting a business, or investing in land, or renovating a house and selling it at a profit). It's not that I don't blame anyone for saying this, but the idea of profit and gain appears to be depressingly inherent in so many people's minds, even when presented a situation where money (or the value of money) practically ceases to exist.

xpost that was nothing to do with Lauren's choice because "having an idyllic home to live in" is the ultimate aim in her case, but working towards building it is part of the satisfaction.

I also watch TV, hang out with friends, watch movies, go to the opera, read lots - I don't really think of those things as "nothing," but more like "quiet leisure," which I think is just as important (or more!) as active leisure like classes or home improvement projects or volunteerism. For me, the shit job was really eroding the enjoyment from the quiet leisure activities since there wasn't a balance with more active stuff that I enjoyed.

Quiet leisure is still doing stuff - far from doing nothing.

My 2nd favorite thing to think about if I had fuck-off wealth is ways to give it away. (1st favorite: never work for a paycheck again)

If I had big funds I'd buy us a perfect house outright, set up a fund to give an income adequate to allow us to buy food and new stuff (clothes, culture, recreation, etc etc), set up a travel fund, and then do what I do in my leisure time all the time - cycle, play football, write, read, cook, etc - and probably take on some more hobbies besides. I enjoy my job, but its not a vocation - I do it so I can afford to do that other stuff anyway.

DL - yes, definitely, but I think that people often consider quiet leisure as "doing nothing."

hmm, i do, but only because my 9-5 is my designated quiet leisure time

yeah quiet leisure can be pretty sweet - in my original post I was referring more to doing stuff that I don't even particularly enjoy that much or at least don't bring me anything: drinking with the same people I've seen the day before and the day before that one, watching a series out of habit because I can't even seem to be able to commit to a challenging feature length DVD. I think my problem might be somewhat interlinked with mild ADD symptoms tbh.

"Quiet leisure" is no more or less fulfilling or indulgent than partaking in amateur sport (I'm talking about walking, cycling, having a hitabout - not marathon running or whatever). It's a welcome pastime with certain benefits, but ultimately achieves little in the long-term rather than a superficial sense of "that was a great run and I feel better for it" or "I really enjoyed that book and I feel better for it".

Lots of little triumphs can and do outweigh one big one, sometimes.

Yeah, especially since most of us are going to live our lives without big triumphs, or with very few. Life is the lots of little triumphs for 99.999% people.

And there's nothing wrong with small triumphs. None at all. In fact one of the biggest causes, as Aimless alluded to upthread, of unhappiness is expecting to experience massive beneficial sea changes in one's life. In my experience such changes happen infrequently and are usually the result of an equally major crisis such as a redundancy or a break-up.

ultimately achieves little in the long-term rather than a superficial sense of "that was a great run and I feel better for it" or "I really enjoyed that book and I feel better for it".

Feeling better for it is the name of the game, though, if you don't HAVE to work for anything? Apart from contributing to causes or setting goals for yourself somewhat arbitrarily, aren't your own feelings like the major indicator of whether a thing is "good" or not? If quiet leisure makes you feel better, clears or calms your mind, gives you time to process, mull, whatever, then it is "good." If you feel enervated and unsatisfied, then it is "bad." That seems embarrassingly simple, tbh...?

Another question is "If you were given the option of utter financial security and comfort (so for example you could build that dream home and never have to work again for the rest of your days), except you would in turn never be able to do the one thing you enjoy most that you do today (in my case I would lose the use of my ears and therefore not be able to hear music again) - which would you choose?".

I don't know for sure what the one thing I enjoy most that I do today is, but this is a total monkey's paw question so I'd decline the utter financial security and comfort. Like, if I accepted the security, the one thing I enjoy most would be spending time with Jeff and he'd be hit by a bus and I would win millions of dollars in settlement money from the city. Not going to risk it.

Or it would be sleeping, and I would die cackling and mad in my luxurious Lakeshore Drive mansion, surrounded by concerned servants (including the fish tank cleaner).

Feeling better for it is the name of the game, though, if you don't HAVE to work for anything? Apart from contributing to causes or setting goals for yourself somewhat arbitrarily, aren't your own feelings like the major indicator of whether a thing is "good" or not? If quiet leisure makes you feel better, clears or calms your mind, gives you time to process, mull, whatever, then it is "good." If you feel enervated and unsatisfied, then it is "bad." That seems embarrassingly simple, tbh...?

― check the name, no caps, boom, i'm (Laurel), Tuesday, 28 August 2012 16:09 (6 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

It is simple, but it depends on whether ultimately one is satisfied by fleeting short-term satisfaction until one's dying days, or whether one feels they have a more long-term calling. If hunger, strife, debt were completely cancelled out, would we spend our days sitting around picking our bums, shagging each other senseless and watching Friends re-runs or would people end up getting frustrated? Would the idea of work-fulfilment and achievement beyond winning a game of 5-a-side eventually seep out of the global consciousness or are human beings so innately narcissistic that many would feel unhappy without the concept of a higher calling?

I actually applied to the family trust fund this year for something like that, but no answer yet. But if they deliver then I'm luckier than a lot of people.

fingers crossed bud

yes, fingers crossed

I recently booked tickets for a family event and and all the various legs of transport and accommodation were so expensive and so much hassle to organise (plus coordinating with other people, begging for and then having to rearrange days off work, etc) and then I thought "apparently some people book flights and hotels every year in places they don't even know anything about, for fun??"

I am lucky tho in that I guess the hassle is a bigger deterrent than the cost but the cost is p shocking too

i never go anywhere but i don't really care

Some globetrotting artist once said a bored person will be bored anywhere, smug fucker!

― calzino, Wednesday, July 27, 2016 9:29 AM (8 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

ya this isnt true for me

i guess maybe for some people it could be

but im definitely happier in certain cities

i think the reason you get bored is the difference

if you just feel bored because you dont do anything for whatever reason then i can see that artist being right

not my case though

boredom/apathy/lacko'fulfillment stuff always seems to strike me worst in the summer. It's like a reverse SAD.

boring stuff is cool..
http://www.wsj.com/articles/SB10001424052748703395904576025482554838642

For seven hours on that Saturday, 20 speakers held forth on a range of seemingly dreary diversions, from "The Intangible Beauty of Car Park Roofs" and "Personal Reflections on the English Breakfast," to "The Draw in Test Match Cricket" and "My Relationship With Bus Routes."

boring stuff is cool..
my wife disagrees

i don't really do boredom. apathy and lack of fulfilment however.

yeah, same. but I do apathy and lack of fulfillment exceptionally well

i suspect ILX has got a pretty 1337 cadre of people with these skills

we could create a poll, but i kinda don't care

what is the difference between boredom and apathy? is apathy just general boredom at nothing in particular? while boredome is directed at a particular thing/'interest'/hobby?

I can be apathetic - generally disinterested in doing things - without being bored, i.e. i can sit around the living room gazing out the window at people walking/cycling by while not necessarily feeling that my lack of activity is tedious.

Yeah i love my apathy time tbh