Boredom, apathy and life fullfillment

some Zizek 101 here, but a good point well made:

happiness is a conformist category. And moreover, none of us really want it. Which is a good thing, since the pursuit of happiness is an Enlightenment value that gets at only one aspect of what it means to live a good life.

"Let’s be serious: when you are in a creative endeavor, in that wonderful fever--'My God, I’m onto something!' and so on--happiness doesn't enter it," he says. "You are ready to suffer. Sometimes scientists, I read in a history of quantum physics... were even ready to take into account the possibility that they (would) die because of radiation. Happiness is, for me, an unethical category." It's also boring.

You can be happy without being moral. You can be happy without being interesting or engaged in the world around you. You can be happy without having a single creative idea or interest or passion. You can get everything you desire, and still not be happy. So why even focus on finding bliss?

i remember talking in the office a while back, and everyone saying how if they could pack it in if there had no money worries, and yet, when you find yourself in that position, the reality is not that straightforward.

I have had this conversation as well, particularly as it pertains to coworkers of mine who are old enough to have retired 20 years ago but stick around. I always insisted that I would retire tomorrow if I could, but whenever people ask what I would do, it usually involves working, just somewhere different.

Leaving the job market at 44... yeah, that's daunting. There's so many variables - your line of work, what kind of pension benefits you have coming to you (so if you couldn't get back into the workforce, it would be okay), the job market. If you did, you would probably have to find a way to stay current in your field, but if you do that, why not work? Bah. So much to consider.

exactly my point(s) carl.

so much to consider, and all that while dealing with the fall out from the emotional intensity and demands of day 2 day stuff for the kids ..

still could be worse ..

gah this thread hits home hard

I work in a pretty pleasant office, but my job has now reached crashing levels of boredom. Soon to change, though I'm not party to when that will actually happen.

but I get home and I'm just a lump. I'm working up the will to start walking again after work - I live near a lovely neighborhood full of trees and big houses that I enjoy walking through...the weather has been so interminably hot these past few months that I used that as an excuse not to go. But I need to and now that the weather's cooling it might be the right time.

We are also heading towards some very dark times financially in a matter of weeks so any dreams I had of taking art classes or dancing classes are going back out the window again. So it's either drawing at home off my own bat or writin. Cooking is a thing that fulfills me, so that keeps me from just petering out creatively all together.

A little voice keeps telling me I should be writing more for myself, and I want to...but I'm so crushed by the vanity of the exercise. Like, who on earth would want to read what I dreamed up in my silly head, that hasn't been contractually asked of me. And the question of being good enough is so soulsucking. I need to not care about that but how do you even start?

sigh. idk.

A lot of people like this - http://750words.com/

Not that it is by any means a cure-all, but my strategy for when boredom and apathy become overwhelming is simply to teach myself something new. Maybe it's a career-relevant skill, maybe it isn't. Maybe it's cooking something I've never cooked before. For me apathy is tied to the mundane, and the best way to break that sense is to remind yourself that the world is filled with new experiences if you are willing to try them. Get in your car or on the train and travel to a place you've never been, or get on the bus and go to a different neighborhood. Bring a camera, bring a notebook. Maybe it seems obvious but it usually helps me.

http://deuceofclubs.com/books/166worthless.htm

There's so much shit to do. But really, why bother with any of it? You're going to die eventually. Then you're really going to wonder whey you bothered with all that shit. (216)

What advice would you give someone who cannot find the motivation to do anything - even things they know they enjoy - because they're too far gone down the line of "What's the point" or "I'm irrationally averse to doing it"?

is it really harsh and unhelpful to think that nobody else can answer those questions for you, or even really suggest a route thru? whatever enlightenment (nb not Enlightenment) we achieve is only coming thru ourselves i think

i never feel closer to the answers than when i realise i'm asking the wrong questions

Someone else can open a door for you (often without even being aware they're doing it) but only a person themselves can choose to step through it.

yeah i mean i think u can take cues, ideas, mantras from other people but the whoness of you? the point - tho i don't like that word either - is internal only if it is a thing

internal only, if it is a thing at all

is what i meant

have/had to lose all notions of "failing" before i cd get past it i think. likewise everything else that's unsatisfactory

i can reconcile this with still having swathes of sadness

caveat that i still believe there's a bunch of Maslow-y stuff that needs to happen first

I think counselling, therapy, self-help books, religion even, can be hugely helpful - more than just cues or mantras - depending on the person of course, and yes of course they have to want that change. maybe even the 'whoness' of you, who seems somewhat resistant to that idea (if i am reading you right) is less permanent than you think. but just to speak from my own experience, cbt didn't completely change who i am but it did stop me from lying in bed all day every day wanting to die.

i don't really believe in a permanent "me" but it's necessary to think/speak like that sometimes? yeah there are a bunch of ideas - therapies included - that can make us less ill. none of them can imbue purpose afaik

i'd probably include those things that make us "well" in the "Maslow-y stuff" category - one needs a certain level of wellness or self-cohesion or whatever the hell it is before one can proceed to notions of fulfilment? but also probably a lot of therapeutic interventions are doomed to fail because the underlying problems are the existential ones they're not equipped to address. getting some kind of brain chemistry balance is probably necessary but a long long way from an answer

you could train a chimp to get up and go to a job every day but you couldn't train it to want those things

well i haven't completely escaped the existential problems, far from it. but one thing i got from counselling is that purpose, motivation, whatever, is far more *external* than i realised. which fits in with wcc's post upthread about doing something that connects with yr values and with other people.

What advice would you give someone who cannot find the motivation to do anything - even things they know they enjoy - because they're too far gone down the line of "What's the point" or "I'm irrationally averse to doing it"?

Not being glib, but speaking from experience with that feeling - therapy and possibly anti-depressants.

ironically, that stuff works because it helps you feel more apathetic to killing yourself

Anti-depressants make me nauseous or have other unwanted side effects, and have no effect on my mood even after using them for months. Therapy only made things worse.

You should definitely not do either of those things then.

bored of everything right now

still keeping healthy though

so stoked to graduate from depression thread to this one

any bottle of port in a storm

I feel more despair than boredom really, listening to people talking of the benefits of overseas tourism on the radio is making me feel sad. Probably sounds like self-pity, but my holidaying days are on hold for now. Some globetrotting artist once said a bored person will be bored anywhere, smug fucker!

feel you dude, i'd settle for a day in Brid at the moment but train tickets are not cheap

I actually applied to the family trust fund this year for something like that, but no answer yet. But if they deliver then I'm luckier than a lot of people.

fingers crossed bud

yes, fingers crossed

I recently booked tickets for a family event and and all the various legs of transport and accommodation were so expensive and so much hassle to organise (plus coordinating with other people, begging for and then having to rearrange days off work, etc) and then I thought "apparently some people book flights and hotels every year in places they don't even know anything about, for fun??"

I am lucky tho in that I guess the hassle is a bigger deterrent than the cost but the cost is p shocking too

i never go anywhere but i don't really care

Some globetrotting artist once said a bored person will be bored anywhere, smug fucker!

― calzino, Wednesday, July 27, 2016 9:29 AM (8 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

ya this isnt true for me

i guess maybe for some people it could be

but im definitely happier in certain cities

i think the reason you get bored is the difference

if you just feel bored because you dont do anything for whatever reason then i can see that artist being right

not my case though

boredom/apathy/lacko'fulfillment stuff always seems to strike me worst in the summer. It's like a reverse SAD.

boring stuff is cool..
http://www.wsj.com/articles/SB10001424052748703395904576025482554838642

For seven hours on that Saturday, 20 speakers held forth on a range of seemingly dreary diversions, from "The Intangible Beauty of Car Park Roofs" and "Personal Reflections on the English Breakfast," to "The Draw in Test Match Cricket" and "My Relationship With Bus Routes."

boring stuff is cool..
my wife disagrees

i don't really do boredom. apathy and lack of fulfilment however.

yeah, same. but I do apathy and lack of fulfillment exceptionally well

i suspect ILX has got a pretty 1337 cadre of people with these skills

we could create a poll, but i kinda don't care

what is the difference between boredom and apathy? is apathy just general boredom at nothing in particular? while boredome is directed at a particular thing/'interest'/hobby?

I can be apathetic - generally disinterested in doing things - without being bored, i.e. i can sit around the living room gazing out the window at people walking/cycling by while not necessarily feeling that my lack of activity is tedious.

Yeah i love my apathy time tbh