thread of inappropriate professional attachments

DANGER! DANGER! DANGER WILL ROBINSON! DANGER! DANGER!

http://www.healingtoday.com/lost_in_bass_files/image058.gif

^^^ actual gif of real-time ilx'ing

inappropriate robotic attachments

If somebody makes a thread to park their day-to-day feelings, the LEAST others should be able to manage is:

-don't come here just to shit on someone who's made the effort to isolate a narrative in a particular place so you're not troubled elsewhere;
-have the self-awareness to understand you'd be really cross if someone disrespected you in this way;
-people feeling conflicted happens in real time, so it's unfair to pretend that's not a thing for more than one person here.

That's all; it's been a stressy day so me/the internet parting company for the night lest I give myself a nervo watching Newsnight a la social media.

everyone otm

Suzy absolutely OTM.

I was always under the impression that this was a thread simply to describe workplaces crushes: do you have one, have you had one, share the awkward/cuteness.

That I have very much enjoyed reading other people's experiences, sharing their feelings and silliness. It makes me feel less of a freak, that I'm not alone, that other people go through this stuff, too, and we all somehow manage to deal and either enjoy/torture ourselves as appropriate. I thought the other day, after Aimless's first post, of stating explicitly "I can't speak for Rayuela or Hazel or Fizzles, but I'm not looking for advice. I'm just looking for other people's funny or awkward or charming stories and a place to share mine." But stupidly I chose to be nice instead of saying what I really thought.

If you are so sure of your infinite wisdom to turn it into a THREAD OF INAPPROPRIATE UNSOLICITED ADVICE anyway, be aware that your observations are worth the paper they are written on. That goes double if you are separated by gender, culture, age, etc. from the people you are so worthily attempting to ~advise~. A bunch of men telling a grown woman how she should experience her own emotions is really NAGL. If someone is repeatedly ignoring the ~helpful advice~ you were not asked for, but you were arrogant enough to presume was wanted anyway, it might *not* be a character flaw in the advisee. Especially if it is very clear that you are not "advising" or ~calling out for inattention~ any of the other people on the thread who are participating in the actual spirit of the thread.

Anyway. I think f.Hazel has entirely the right idea, of using outright bribery and flirtation as a way of diffusing inappropriate professional attachments. I might try this in the future, but this morning, I have rather hilariously (to the rest of the office, at least) managed to zing OfficeBoy into a grovelling mess of contrition due to a banter gone wrong. Twice.

the problem with advice, from my perspective anyway, is that it tends to assume that a person isn't aware of the weaknesses/options out/how other people wd do it. In fact, the people suffering (specifically me here - WCC seems to be having a blast) tend to be more acutely aware of their weaknesses and the potential solutions than the person offering the advice - they've been pored over endlessly, agonisingly. you know the goddam advice you just cant do anything about it. that's why they're weaknesses! it's therefore a question of personality or will, and there, I'm afraid, advice is at best inutile, and usually, being rather the perspective of differing personalities than any special clarity, unwelcome.

there's no hate in the point I give, I just want room to fuck up. yea, even that has its amusing side.

(and MW's advice made me laugh tho (in an amused way - its probably not bad advice as it goes) as it almost exactly describes what I did (right down to the hair). but I ballsed it up innit.

ditto with this being a space to vent my neuroses in an almost certainly futile attempt to expunge them in a space that is not in front of the lustworthy coworker in question, rather than seeking advice on how to ...what...not feel lustful feelings? to control them? to make it happen? (almost never a good idea!)

mw's advice made me laugh because that's something i would never be smooth enough to do, and would almost certainly make everything a gazillion times worse.

elaborating above that i don't think i can control my lustful feelings by sheer force of will but i congratulate and envy those who can

Well, that has backfired badly.

To everyone who said, this wouldn't end well, you were right, this has not ended well.

After being told that we should work together, and me making an effort to try and understand what he was doing and what he needed me to do (he is training to be one of the portfolio analysts, I am a SQL programmer who looks after the data and does data pulls)

I then find out yesterday that he 1) went to my boss and 2) went to my other, junior colleague to ask for SQL training. Essentially so he won't have to work with me. So yeah, he basically went to everyone else in my department - all the men, I notice - and I don't even know if it's just to cut me out of working with him, or if he is actually after *my* job (I wouldn't put it past anyone, I have had to deal with this shit in the past, from hotshot new young men who join, I get told "train them to do your stuff" and then a few months later, they have either cherry-picked all the fun and interesting stuff out of my role, or indeed cherry-picked me out of a job. This is the shit that happens when you work in finance.)

This on top of some stray comments yesterday that made it quite clear that he's one of those men who has quite specific ideas on what constitutes a ~lady~ - and that I don't measure up (quelle surprise.)

This is basically the sort of fucking stupid office politics shit that I LOATHE and would in any situation - the fact that it's him doing it, that basically makes it feel like double the betrayal.

But basically this has in one swoop changed him from "someone I thought I could have a laugh with" to "someone I will never trust, professionally or otherwise." Fuck this shit, seriously.

ah fuck, sorry to hear that WCC.

Well, it just completely justifies and reiterates my policy of never, ever, ever make friendships at work. This is why I have such a low opinion of general humanity - because whenever I let down my guard, or even think "hey, this could actually be OK" someone comes along to shit on me.

well I'm off on holiday now - maybe it's time to take this opportunity to destroy the crushes, feel the strength of independence from emotional attachments, and CRUSH instead our enemies.

just mustn't go anywhere near her eyes when I get back.

Oh! Exciting. Where are you going on holiday?

Perhaps there will be an ~holiday fling~ to take your mind off it?

I don't have much hope of experiencing Viking Lust (or Pictish. I'm not choosey) in the Orkneys but you never know.

(It goes without saying but: Aimless - don't think about offering any advice)

These have not as much to do with the coworker you like, as much as the fact that they're there with you every damn weekday. People are charming, so much so that it can hurt.

WCC that sucks, but maybe he was too proud or something to ask you for training, like he wants to impress you? Or at least be on your level to better 'battle' with? But yeah with the other stuff :/
Sounds like you're a good SQL trainer though, which believe me is not something many people can do well.
I still kind of want to see a picture of this guy...

Hmmm. I didn't think about that explanation. 20-something boys are weird in ways I guess I don't understand. I just really felt like he was going behind my back, I didn't think that he might be intimidated or proud.

The other stuff, like, out of context it might have been funny, but it was just the two things together.

We were kidding around before work - one of the directors is about to go on holiday, and there will be a new woman in the office to cover for him. And I said "I'm really glad that there's going to be another lady in the office." (Because it is really overly blokey at the moment.) At which OfficeBoy turns to me and says "Ooh, you best not let AnalystX hear you saying that" (AnalystX being a young, attractive, very ladylike female colleague, the only other full-time female in the office every day.) At first I said "I said *another* lady, not *A* lady" - then turned him and said "Why? Are you trying to say that *I'm* not ~a lady~?"

At which he turned beet red and started stuttering, then put his head down on the desk and covered it with his arms, going "argh I give up" or something really weird like that, instead of just laughing and saying sorry. And I tried to make a joke out of it but really... that was pretty clear to me. Young, attractive, feminine ColleagueX is ~a lady~ and I'm ... ????? Like, fuck that shit.

In general, I think it would really just be for the best if I didn't work with this lad at all.

On second thought, I probably do just scare the shit out of him. He is a child, basically.

Also, this thread is de-indexed, right? And if not, please can it be? thanks.

Oh hai, I have one of these now.

hey wcc, sorry to hear about that -- perhaps there's a perfectly reasonable explanation?

even if there isn't, you're better off, and at least now you know to be wary of him?

it sounds as if he thought you were counting yourself as a lady but not analystx, hence 'you'd best not let her hear you saying that', presumably because she might be offended, but then you were offended and he felt awkward about offending you and gave up.

Or he was dismayed that you were so ready to assume that he can't hear the difference between "a lady" and "another lady".

I read it the same way as estela.

No, those readings really don't match at all to what he said and how he acted. He really thought I said "a" and did not think through what he implied about me.

But this is not the issue, the issue is him going behind my back to my colleagues and that I am going to have to bite the bullet and talk to him about if I want work not to be unpleasant in a small office.

This should probably no longer be on this thread and now be on the "stupid annoying cow-orkers" thread.

So we went for a walk and ~talked~ about it and the whole thing was basically down to a complete misunderstanding based 90% on our office's terrible lack of communication between the home-workers and the people in the office.

Which is good because it means we're all friends again and the office isn't tense any more.

But it's also bad because for 3 days I thought my crush was over and I was really relieved, and now it's back worse than ever.

And it's so stupid because he is such a little gym-bunny that works out like 5 times a week and I hate that in a man, I normally find it a real turn off. But at the same time, today he was wearing a rather translucent white t-shirt today and he kept stretching and he does this thing where he rolls one shoulder blade and then the other and underneath the shirt he's just so fucking *lithe* and his shoulders go ripple-ripple-ripple and then he starts fondling his neck and I'm just a *mess*. Like, it's clear he doesn't even realise he's doing it, and he certainly doesn't know that it reduces me to jelly and takes away all my ability to work or even think about anything. Why are people even allowed to walk around being that hott? He was telling me about his physics degree at lunch yesterday and he was saying he wanted to get into modelling, and I thought to myself "yes, you're certainly hott enough, but you're a bit short to model?" for about half a minute until I realised duh, he was talking about data modelling, because we were talking about maths. Because he is not just hott but stupidly, annoyingly clever, too.

And I just uuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I need this to go away again so I can concentrate on my job. Which has just got about a billion times harder this week because my boss is on holiday and I'm doing his job as well as mine own right now and argh.

Bah, I hate young male gym-bunny coworkers who are goodlooking and get told they're clever. (transference of one hate-crush onto huge swathes of humanity)

If only there were a way to average my hate-crush with your crush-crush and have them cancel each other out.

(Speaking of opposites, apologies if this totally advice-free post was just as annoying as, well, y'know...)

(ha ha where is "thread of inappropriate professional detachments" ha)
(ok, it's the stupid annoying coworkers thread, but I liked the concept)

Ha ha, no, I totally relate to your post.

I should by all means really hate him, he's just really charming in a puppyish kind of way, as well as clever and stupidly good-looking. But this could very easily turn into a hate-crush because there is so much about him that would be irritating as fuck if I didn't like fancy him so much.

He doesn't look like a gym-bunny, he can actually put his arms down. Suspect from what he says that he's one of those super-weedy dudes who goes to the gym in a desperate attempt to bulk up, not realising that there are actually girls who really like super-weedy dudes. Sigh.

In case any super-weedy dudes get here by googling "super-weedy dudes how to bulk up", WCC is correct!

Including results for super-weed dudes how to bulk up
Search only for super-weedy dudes how to bulk up

Oh, there's more that I could say on this subject, but, um, it was stuff he's told me about his life. And this thread is for documenting my super-crepey and inappropriate crush, not for recording the minute details of his life, which would be creepier than I could stomach.

Dear super-weedy dudes of the UK: please don't feel obliged to bulk up. There are lots of ladies who like your body just fine the way it is. I wish I could say this to OfficeBoy but that would kind of give the game away about how attractive I think he is.

Hear hear and also lol @ the modelling mix-up

lol I too read the 'modelling' bit as 'male modelling' and was starting to go into full Michael-Elphick-in-Withnail-"you-want-working-on-boy" mode when I realised 'oh he meant data modelling'.

We work in Finance, we both deal with data analysis, so modelling in that context *always* means data modelling and mathematical projections. There was no reason for me to think "male model" except for the fact that he has the looks of one.

(Well, except for the height. He is actually shorter than me, which I am finding curiously adorable.)

God would this crush just go away already. It is warping my brain.

just to return to something upthread, let's not forget that a lot of people (nobody in particular) actually enjoy talking about how fucked up their lives are, and giving them unsolicited advice on how to fix things kinda fucks up that hobby

That was inflammatory and unnecessary.

Yes, agreed, and also I think it's more likely that some people have accepted their lives and the imperfections inherent in those lives, and the assumptions that random strangers have that 1) they understand those lives and imperfections better than the advisee and 2) have any right to comment on them or attempt to change them, are just really fucking arrogant, and can get tae fuck.

Let's not forget that a lot of people (nobody in particular) actually enjoy pissing on other people's chips, and people telling them "actually, we don't want you pissing on our chips" kinda fucks up that hobby, too.

nah it wasn't my intent to be inflammatory, i just think it's necessary to understanding the dynamic of threads like this

and why i generally stay off them nowadays

You are completely wrong, with regards to other people's motivations, and if you want to totally misunderstand the dynamic of this thread, that's your right. But it doesn't give you any special insight into what is going on here, and you're being a massive tit.

like some people might come on this thread and go "oh hey i should give some helpful advises" without actually realizing that's not the point, took me years to figure that out, incredibly dense as i am

so i thought i'd point it out to the n00bs

well, i am incredibly dense

"Threads like this" = what? Crush threads? Threads I'm posting on? Just fuck off with your condescending chip-pissing attitude. No one wants you here, least of all yourself, clearly.

Douche.

wow that was inflammatory

FUCK, OFF.

misplaced comma!

srsly i'll fuck off now, you're right this is not really my scene but i was just trying to be helpful in addressing your screed of Friday, September 7, 2012 1:29 AM