shit that looks like an onion article but isn't

http://www.startribune.com/local/minneapolis/172500101.html?refer=y

Undisclosed 'concern' has Mpls. South HS in lockdown; police involved

Minneapolis South High School is in a lockdown Wednesday for what officials are calling a “concern in the school community.”

During the lockdown, classes are being conducted as usual, but students will remain in the rooms, the campus was closed during the lunch period and students with an open hour are not allowed to leave the building, said School District spokeswoman Rachel Hicks.

The district has yet to disclose what has prompted the lockdown.

“We are working collaboratively with the Minneapolis Police Department to monitor the concern,” Hicks said in a written statement. “However, we are unable to share details of the concern because of our ongoing investigation.”

Police Sgt. William Palmer confirmed that his department is involved “to a degree,” but he referred questions back to the district.

That would certainly be one of the drier Onion stories.

certainly would.

http://consumerist.com/2012/10/03/fancy-new-taco-bells-hope-to-go-upscale-with-eaterys-image/

“We wanted a look that’s totally different, to show that we’re an upscale brand,” said the executive VP of big-time Taco Bell franchisee Alvarado Companies. “You walk in and it feels new and fresh.”

haha OMG is taco bell gonna try to 'dinner service' like burger king did in the late 80s???

I'd never seen Demolition Man before, but a friend pointed out on fb that this is a movie prophecy come true. Wiki says: "All restaurants are Taco Bells, which "won the franchise wars" and evolved into fine-dining establishments that serve nouvelle cuisine."

Norwegian prisoners livid about having to wear slippers in the visiting room.
Hard to play football (google-translated link)

http://www.cbc.ca/news/world/story/2012/10/09/roach-eating-contentant-dies.html

sadly that doesn't sound like an onion article to me at all ... not because someone died but because since that lady died during the water-drinking contest it doesn't seem so unlikely anymore

Yeah but water intoxication is a thing and roach intoxication just isn't.

OTOH it's possible he died from suddenly being massively, massively squicked out.

Police use Taser on blind man after stick mistaken for sword

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-lancashire-19979184

Like they need an excuse to beat up someone.

http://www.vita.mn/crawl/174838641.html

lol

BREAKING: A former Minnesota actor is currently looking for work.

http://www.blackyouthproject.com/2012/10/spike-lee-fired-from-james-brown-biopic-replaced-by-the-help-director/

oof.

Hah, srsly misunderstood that as "the Help! director" - Richard Lester to helm madcap romp based on the life of James Brown

Me too.

see that would be something

Bush's FEMA Director During Katrina Criticizes Obama For Responding To Sandy Too Quickly

http://thinkprogress.org/security/2012/10/30/1110901/bush-fema-director-katrina-hits-obama-sandy/

http://www.newsnet5.com//dpp/news/local_news/cleveland_metro/woman-who-drove-along-sidewalk-to-avoid-stopping-for-cleveland-school-bus-must-wear-idiot-sign

is that, like, allowed?

Bush's FEMA Director During Katrina Criticizes Obama For Responding To Sandy Too Quickly

http://thinkprogress.org/security/2012/10/30/1110901/bush-fema-director-katrina-hits-obama-sandy/

― pun lovin criminal (polyphonic), Tuesday, October 30, 2012 12:39 PM (6 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

wow, seriously? are we sure this isn't a joke

i read that for 5 minutes before i realised this wasn't the real Onion thread

awesome

lmao @ the schoolbus passing video

More from Cleveland, this time from our free weekly, SCENE, a review of chain restaurant/Hooter's competitor The Tilted Kilt. Some highlights:

The Tilted Kilt has been labeled a "breastaurant," but looks will only go so far. It takes more than a good-looking staff with partially exposed assets to survive.

...

The clientele was a virtual Ellis Island of diners. To our right, a family of four with two teenagers dined. Sprinkled around the rest of the bar and seating area were business people in suits, a group of women celebrating an occasion, some families, and groups of guys watching the game. They all seemed to be comfortable and enjoying the sports bar atmosphere.

A kilt-wearing server arrived quickly, and showing professional training, identified herself, asked if we had ever eaten there before, and walked us through the menu. She told us that the staff is encouraged to sit with guests and strike up a conversation, which is exactly what she did, talking with us about everything from the Browns to the casino and Cleveland in general.

. . .
We started off with the Irish nachos. Replacing the usual tortilla chips with house-made potato chips is a unique take on this perennial favorite. The Kilt wisely uses "old school" liquid cheese sauce, and as a bonus, the sauce is a blend of cheeses, giving it a slightly elevated taste. The ground beef on the nachos was uneventful and under-seasoned, calling to mind Taco Bell's Nachos Bell Grande.

Read it all, I beg you.

that woman actually did it multiple times!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HqyHv-niL5I

xp Even though we were stuffed to the gills, I pleasantly coerced myself into a dessert.

I think he means he jerked off.

yeah i assumed by the camera and the tone of the driver's voice that she'd done this routinely. bizarre that it didn't occur to her to just leave ten minutes earlier or choose a different route.

"Irish nachos" seems offensive somehow

Irish Nachos are like regular nachos but instead of tortilla chips there are crispy sliced of baked potatoes on the bottom!

oh ffs

Jewish Nachos = Matzchos

http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/borowitzreport/2012/11/republicans-consider-welcoming-people-who-believe-in-math-and-science.html

nice try tho

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2012/10/02/nebraska-man-accused-attacking-wife-with-sandwich/

The newspaper says court documents don't detail the ingredients, but a deputy found several pieces of lunchmeat on the carpet outside a bedroom and some pieces of bread in the bedroom.

Oh god...

http://csiloveyou.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/copvom.jpg?w=300&h=224

http://brunswickpolice.org/images/CPA_crime1.jpg

http://www.wpxi.com/news/news/local/kung-fu-instructor-students-fight-armed-robber-squ/nSxph/

http://www.politico.com/news/stories/1112/83709.html#ixzz2C1DTuXgG

whoa, a nsfw warning would've been nice for that headline.

lol i just clicked it and they change the headline. now i can't remember what it said but it was better. it was like Grover Norquist: Romney a 'poopy head'

Interview is here: http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=50134975n

About 1:45 in.

http://i.imgur.com/qdFtl.png

Mitt Romney: Painted As Poop

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_md02271HfA1qzigjno1_1280.jpg

wc

was waiting for that

pretty sure she came up on the lifecoach guru nuthouse thread

http://tampa.cbslocal.com/2012/11/07/police-robbery-thwarted-after-chinese-restaurant-workers-fail-to-understand-demands/