I'mma lay your LOLs on the dresser and EXCELSIOR them shits with a spiked bat!

haha, what's the context of that?

cow-orker thraed

faintly curious about my suppose back-catalogue of religion zings tbh

And it's followed by this gem from pplains:

And here's what our co-workers do:

CO-WORKER: I think I'm at the wrong intersection. Could you give me directions to the coffeeshop?

YOU: Sure. It's fairly nearby. First, just go back to –

CO-WORKER: Okay, this bus just stopped and I'm giving the driver my fare. What next? *doors shut*

― pplains, Monday, October 8, 2012 7:57 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

can i point out that i am WEARING A VULVA RING in that photo and yet the notable thing is the room i happen to be in?

i have eaten a loooooooot of food cooked in that kitchen this week. mmmmmm

― lex pretend, Saturday, September 29, 2012 2:57 PM (1 week ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

a... vulva ring?

― Technology of the Big Muff (DJP), Wednesday, October 10, 2012 12:31 PM (10 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

You know, for your hand vulva.

― Ned Raggett, Wednesday, October 10, 2012 12:35 PM (5 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

wtf

in fairness, most vulvae aren't translucent

―Technology of the Big Muff (DJP),Wednesday, October 10, 2012 12:50 PM (13 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I mean, I can't speak for Tilda Swinton

―Technology of the Big Muff (DJP),Wednesday, October 10, 2012 12:51 PM (13 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

forget it jho it's grimestown

anyway, Hitch bio shd be 30 minute 1-take scene of young Hitch getting locked up in the police cell and then cut straight to him throwing birds at Tippi Hedren

― thread lock holiday (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 11 October 2012 07:14 (2 hours ago)

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/d/d4/Hitch_poster.JPG/220px-Hitch_poster.JPG

Yeah, in hindsight, this was the wrong way to go. But hey, it's been seven years - franchise is about due for a reboot.

Every time this thread gets bumped I'm afraid that Marilyn Haggerty passed away. May she stay evergreen.

― pun lovin criminal (polyphonic), Wednesday, October 10, 2012 12:51 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

"I died today. Or yesterday. I don't remember."

― the ones that I'm near most: fellow outcasts and ilxors (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Wednesday, October 10, 2012 1:00 PM (Yesterday)

One two three:

---

i didn't know reddit was owned by conde nast, haha

― there is no dana, only (goole), Thursday, October 11, 2012 8:31 AM (13 minutes ago)

conde totally nast

― there is no dana, only (goole), Thursday, October 11, 2012 8:31 AM (13 minutes ago)

Miss Conde if you're nasty

― Tom Hardy & the Batbreakers (Phil D.), Thursday, October 11, 2012 8:33 AM

What if the thing we've all been missing lo these past few years is that Romney is really schizophrenic?

― Raymond Cummings, Thursday, October 11, 2012 1:02 AM (16 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Working on the Romney must be nightmarish in a Catch-22 esque way

― Raymond Cummings, Thursday, October 11, 2012 1:13 AM (15 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Or maybe like 1984. Just, you know, "up is down," "a square is a circle," etc.

― Raymond Cummings, Thursday, October 11, 2012 1:16 AM (15 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

do you mean schizophrenic or multiple personality disorder

― The Owls of Ja Rule (DJP), Thursday, October 11, 2012 1:18 AM (15 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

The latter actually

― Raymond Cummings, Thursday, October 11, 2012 1:22 AM (15 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

could be schizophrenia, i saw him lookin into his hat

― lag∞n, Thursday, October 11, 2012 1:24 AM (15 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

was it full of peepstones and golden plates?

― Frobisher the (Viceroy), Thursday, October 11, 2012 5:00 PM (2 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

that was the joke i was makin fwiw

she can rappel into my bedroom at night anytime

― max, Friday, October 12, 2012 11:56 AM (34 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

what if it ends up being shot and edited like tree of life

― Author ~ Coach ~ Goddess (s1ocki), Friday, October 12, 2012 10:57 AM (50 seconds ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

shot of OBL peeking out into hallway / cutaway to water rushing over a waterfall / elegaic handheld shot of the tip of a submachine gun grazing a blade of grass / close up of OBL wearing inscrutable facial expression / close up of navy seal looking pensive / "mother, brother, guide me..." / scene of OBL, wearing free-flowing white robe, walking on a desolate beach as unseen seagulls cry on the soundtrack

― flesh, the devil, and a wolf (wolf) (amateurist), Friday, October 12, 2012 12:01 PM (30 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

...shot of american flag flapping in the breeze against a overcast sky / in long shot, a man kneels in a field / obama VO: "who started this?" / in a steadicam shot, a silhouetted obama wanders through a postmodernist beach house, randomly pressing his hands to the glass walls / in truncated handheld shots, revelers outside the white house hoist beers and cheer / obama: "who put this evil within us?" / another shot of water rushing over a waterfall / a lone sunflower sprouts in the courtyard of OBL's compound / fade to black.

― flesh, the devil, and a wolf (wolf) (amateurist), Friday, October 12, 2012 12:06 PM (25 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

credits begin: "starring burt macklin, FBI"

― flesh, the devil, and a wolf (wolf) (amateurist), Friday, October 12, 2012 12:07 PM (24 minutes ago) Bookmark

classic

I can't reconcile forks' description of his life with forks' level of progress in Tokyo Jungle.

― JimD, Friday, October 12, 2012 1:19 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

minor edits for lols:

I've never seriously thought of suicide, but if the button-device were just lying around the house... I dunno, I might eventually press it just out of curiosity, to see whether it was the real-deal, to resolve the tension of the unpressed button, because it's a forbidden button to be pressed.

― jim, Friday, 12 October 2012 07:48 (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i would throw it into the ocean (dramatically)

― ciderpress, Friday, 12 October 2012 07:49 (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Seal in lead box, solder shut, tie to cinderblock, throw in ocean off cliff at tip of Patagonia where no one goes.

― purveyor of generations (in orbit), Friday, 12 October 2012 07:50 (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

great, u just gave bear grylls the ultimate weapon

― Randy Carol (darraghmac), Friday, 12 October 2012 07:53 (2 hours ago) Bookmark

I can't reconcile forks' description of his life with forks' level of progress in Tokyo Jungle.

― JimD, Friday, October 12, 2012 1:19 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

― The Owls of Ja Rule (DJP), Friday, October 12, 2012 1:20 PM (19 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

lollll

so why does the re-woken engineer wake up and want to kill them

nothing in this movie makes sense unless you make up fanfic explanations for like 70% of the shit that happens

― Author ~ Coach ~ Goddess (s1ocki), Friday, October 12, 2012 12:33 PM (17 minutes ago)

did you guys watch that x-files movie fight the future? that had some black goo stuff as well, and also indeterminately motived aliens.

― Philip Nunez, Friday, October 12, 2012 12:33 PM (16 minutes ago)

have you ever woken me up from a nap? I kill people, too

― ɥɯ ︵ (°□°) (mh), Friday, October 12, 2012 12:33 PM (16 minutes ago)

people would come up to me and point and say "there stands the slowest person in the world" but of course it would sound like high pitched unintelligible squeaking to me

― 乒乓, Friday, October 12, 2012 3:51 PM (32 seconds ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

What about a button, or machine, that when you enter it, you play out the rest of our life in a virtual state where everything plays out in the most positive possible way. You wouldn't even realise it wasn't real and you were guaranteed that everything in your life were to pan out in utter bliss. Would you do it?

― where is el airoporto? (dog latin), Friday, October 12, 2012 1:17 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

only if the machine also chopped up my body and sprayed bits of me into the faces of everyone who's ever loved me

― there is no dana, only (goole), Friday, October 12, 2012 3:52 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i mean, let's raise the stakes here

― there is no dana, only (goole), Friday, October 12, 2012 3:52 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

automato is basically ED-209 from robocop but with ketchup instead of machine guns.

― flesh, the devil, and a wolf (wolf) (amateurist), Friday, October 12, 2012 Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

http://www.discogs.com/artist/Automato

liberals totally Etch-a-Sketch when it comes to Biden's past horrors.

― cancer, kizz my hairy irish azz (Dr Morbius), Saturday, October 13, 2012 10:39 AM (10 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Horrors! Just in time for Halloween. I'm going as Biden during the Clarence Thomas hearing.

― Josh in Chicago, Saturday, October 13, 2012 11:12 AM (10 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i'm going as 09 biden advising obama against a surge and in favor of immediate troop drawdown from afghanistan that way when women ignore me it'll be in character.

― balls, Saturday, October 13, 2012 6:01 PM (3 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I'm going as Jim Lehrer. To make it look good I'm wearing real pancake makeup.

― the ones that I'm near most: fellow outcasts and ilxors (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Saturday, October 13, 2012 6:12 PM (3 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I'm going as Jim Lehrer with an actual pancake on my head, in honor of Dan Lacey.

― Doctor Casino, Saturday, October 13, 2012 6:13 PM (3 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

while we're at it burt you're misspelt 'bert'

― Randy Carol (darraghmac), Saturday, 13 October 2012 23:53 (2 days ago) Permalink

Only funny in context but

should i have loaded all messages i thought this was about someone getting butthurt about pitchfork and bon iver pepsi ads in 2012

― Lamp, Monday, October 15, 2012 12:30 PM (26 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

there was this woman with a jesus necklace so i told her that if god was real he would hate her and then i spit on her child, it was SO liberating i love you guys

― I have done bad. I love my pj's. (zachlyon), Sunday, October 14, 2012 10:42 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

wait what thread was that?

Can you say for sure that a Pope Romney would not censure Galileo? Can you say for sure that a Shoeless Paul Ryan wouldn't throw the 1918 World Series? Can you say for sure that a folk-icon Ron Paul would not go electric at Newport???

― something of an astrological coup (tipsy mothra), Monday, October 15, 2012 7:29 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

tweens who will no longer stand idly by

― Cornelius Chi-Dubem Udebuluzor (Nilmar Honorato da Silva), Monday, October 15, 2012 5:56 PM (4 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

tween

― We demand justice: who murdered Chanel? (Matt P), Monday, October 15, 2012 5:58 PM (2 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

it doesn't really work in the singular

― Cornelius Chi-Dubem Udebuluzor (Nilmar Honorato da Silva), Monday, October 15, 2012 5:59 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

twixts

― a hauntingly unemployed american (difficult listening hour), Monday, October 15, 2012 6:00 PM (22 seconds ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

ZS on how future Obama/Romney debates should be done:

how about a series of escalating uncomfortable situations? romney and obama just have to stand there and deal with whatever comes however they see fit. first some lady walks up to obama and starts calling him a muslim or whatever. then you find an extremist who hates mormons with a visceral passion and throw him at romney. this Religious Confrontation portion of the debate should actually be pretty easy for them as they'll make appeals to tolerance and support each other. but then there's a staged event where someone in the audience is assaulted and it initially appears that one of romney's sons did it. obama is somehow the only eyewitness to the event and is required to testify on stage, but every time he starts to speak his microphone gives off crazy feedback and jim lehrer covers his ears in disgust. then everyone in the auditorium starts making out for a few minutes and the candidates have to figure out what to do with THAT. someone turns the heat up to 84. the clocks are adjusted so that it appears that the 90 minutes have elapsed, which causes confusion because obviously it's only been about 20 minutes or so - or has it?! the debate concludes with a real life fire in the auditorium, and the doors are locked. there's a key that sits in a locked box between obama and romney, but the only way to open it is to answer some sort of trivia question that only one of them would know the answer to. but it's a really hard question so it takes a few minutes and meanwhile people are dying. something along those lines.

― down w/ obana...he is the reson were in dept (Z S), Tuesday, 16 October 2012 09:12 (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

would tune in!

fantastic

debate house

with Pat Sharp

pretty dependent on context in the reddit thread, but

tell me more

― Mary Ty$ Band (Whiney G. Weingarten), Tuesday, October 16, 2012 8:44 AM (7 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

like did he have a job?

― thread lock holiday (Noodle Vague), Tuesday, October 16, 2012 8:47 AM (4 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

yo, i seriously hate costco. but i love BJs.

― formerly r. bean (soda), Monday, October 15, 2012 8:09 PM (Yesterday)

well really, who doesn't?

― The Owls of Ja Rule (DJP), Tuesday, October 16, 2012 10:13 AM (1 minute ago)

was facebook the first website that really stripped away the Internet Handle layer-of-anonymity that had been standard since AOL or whatever, and asked you to just use your real name? when i signed up for it, the justification for that being okay was it was college-only and sectioned off by school so only your classmates could look you up.

anyway it seems like that was the beginning of the end for the screen name era of the internet, now people just stick their real names in their twitter handles or whatever like it's no big deal, when 10 years ago we were all being taught that the #1 rule of using the internet was not to reveal personal info

― ciderpress, Tuesday, October 16, 2012 1:31 PM (5 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

getting people to use their real name was prob factor #1 in its success, imo

― 乒乓, Tuesday, October 16, 2012 1:32 PM (4 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

otm

― Cunga, Tuesday, October 16, 2012 1:34 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i'm gonna name my kid tylerdurden08334 just to keep him safe

― there is no dana, only (goole), Tuesday, October 16, 2012 1:36 PM (0 seconds ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

nothing mean meant by this, and i know enbb didn't mean it in a mean way either, but i lost my shit at

kind of reminds me of a mean-spirited "truth or dare" game I was on, on a bus in high school. I had to simulate a sex act with a chair, and was known as a chair-humper

it annoyed the shit out of me, but there were moments over the next few years where it'd be a funny punchline, so... whatever

so whenever you feel like getting pissed off at the burrito stall comments, jon, just take this bit of advice from a chair-humper:

it gets better, and people forget the dumb joke if you ignore it

― ɥɯ ︵ (°□°) (mh), Tuesday, 16 October 2012 16:33 (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I thought RS was responsible for that comment which I thought was funny at the time. If there's a whole thing around it and it's been following you around then I don't know about any of that.

― (✿◠‿◠) (ENBB), Tuesday, 16 October 2012 16:33 (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i don't know this thing just reminds me of the cliques that evolve on here. even wcc has a handful of defenders and speaking up for when she goes on a tear about something. but i've repeatedly asked to not have to deal with this bullshit with k3vin and not one fucking person is willing to come to my defense. like, ugh, fuck this place lately.

― HAPPY BDAY TOOTS (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Tuesday, 16 October 2012 16:35 (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

lol chair humper

― (✿◠‿◠) (ENBB), Tuesday, 16 October 2012 16:35 (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I did, too

i <3 you for telling that story.

god, if that was the worst thing to come out of that game my life would have been an easier time in high school

chair humper, meet mr tumnus

darragh otm, awesome in-thread QED from enbb

In re: Alex Cross:

--

Perry doesn't do anything for me, at least out of drag, so I just look at the poster for this as an invite to lick Fox's armpits.

(roids NAGL tho)

― cancer, kizz my hairy irish azz (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, October 17, 2012 8:39 AM (20 minutes ago)

hoping there's a nude scene so i can yell "hot cross buns!"

― da croupier, Wednesday, October 17, 2012 8:51 AM (8 minutes ago)

argh

― The Owls of Ja Rule (DJP), Wednesday, October 17, 2012 8:57 AM (3 minutes ago)

And from that day forward, DJP was forever haunted by the phrase "Tyler Perry nude scene"

― The Owls of Ja Rule (DJP), Wednesday, October 17, 2012 8:58 AM (1 minute ago)

Really the only problem with hot cross buns here would be the frosting.

is it possible to FedEx a punch

Only a donkey punch. Cockpunches have to go US Mail.

(sorry)