Six Tips for Avoiding an Office Affair

40. Never look at people when you talk to them. Look at your computer screen or your phone instead.

^always worked for me

41. do not suppress flatulence

42. Add libido-suppressing drugs to the office water-cooler.

0. Don't sleep with anyone who works in your office, for fuck's sake.

43. work from home. every bloody day. by yourself. staring out the window. trying not to procrastinate. hoping for a better life.

^^^ rejected lyrics for Radiohead's 'Fitter Happier'

44. "I'm trying to go for a Paul Ryan widow's peak thing here with my hair"

45. "did i ever tell you about the suit of human skin i've been working on?"

46. Horribly mutilate your genitals.

47. Horribly mutilate the genitals of your co-workers.

48. "Do you like this hat that I made out of a hobo's scrotum?"

49a "It was a real challenge to stretch and tan it."

(sorry that should have been 48a)

49. Group e-mail everyone in the office with a link to this thread and 'lol' as the subject.

50. Work in IT.

51. pull someone aside so far that you've both exited the building then run back inside before they do and lock them out to avoid temptation

52. Have an orange on your desk that's gone completely brown and dry.

53. Make sure all other employees at your workplace are of a gender or species in which you have no sexual interest.

54. modify your workspace to include a standing desk and a giant bucket full of cement that will cover you from the waist down

55. Divorce your spouse.
56. Stop working.

Several of the OP tips are good advice. #6 just seems creepy.

I'm guessing the intention of #6 was that by knowing their family, you'd fully realize the gravity of initiating an affair with them.

But seeing as how you presumably already know your SO's family and that apparently isn't enough of a deterrent, I'm skeptical of its efficacy.

leak a fake email alleging you had gay sex with a prostitute in an attempt to conceal the affair

I have a mental exercise I do sometimes if the thought crosses my mind where I picture myself in a movie about an embarrassing affair. I'm always played by an aging Kevin Kline in this movie.

lol mookie

this one seems relevant to a conversation I had a while ago where someone claimed it is difficult to remove things from your list of skills on linkedin if you have "endorsements":

uncheck "casual sex" on your linkedin

― goole, Tuesday, October 30, 2012 11:57 AM (2 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

is it really a skill if it's casual

the skill is in keeping in that way

filthy casual

I did all of those things, and still nowt. (when I was single, OK?)

― Mark G, Tuesday, October 30, 2012 4:54 PM (2 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

The good thing about not being famous is never needing to write your autobiography.

I actually did have an orange on my desk that had gone brown and dry. We left it as an experiment because our office had no natural light or air. It went very crispy, and rattled a little when you shook it.

57. Kill your co-workers.