Bah Humbug - The Elf on the Shelf

http://www.blogspot.com/photos/elf_on_the_shelf_fisting_ball_gagged_cat

it's a running gag!

http://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-snc6/393049_10151342769616293_2060939532_n.jpg

Ugh my mother in law brought this up on the weekend - apparently all her friends' grandkids have one; I can only assume we will receive one as a gift from her eventually. My kids are too little for it still but even when they're older this will not be for us.

― franny glass, Tuesday, 11 December 2012 03:59 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

Yup, we received one yesterday as a gift. Even though my husband and I have already agreed on it creepiness and general unacceptability, we feined enthusiasm. So now I'm worried how to respond next year when she wants to know what we named it etc.

"His name is 'Boxy' because, guess where he lives!"

Box Hill

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Box_Hill,_Victoria

I think there's More to the No Touch rule than PPlains is willing to investigate. Think Santa requires a visit from the authorities.

Yeah, human services workers might want to use something else in their investigations.

"Now where on this doll did he touch –"

"DON'T TOUCH THE DOLL! HE WILL NO LONGER BE PURE AND MAGICAL IF HE'S TOUCHED!"

now the bloody thing is on my feed too
GET IT OFF GET IT OFF ugh

posted today:

http://i412.photobucket.com/albums/pp201/sharonjoy666/D6BBD6C4-4454-496E-AC54-ADAC275EEBFE-1953-00000173221613F6.jpg

http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8357/8267871198_7f8e421c1c_c.jpg

Finally, someone remembers the Reason for the Season.

http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8343/8243932772_dd7a32b5fe_z.jpg

Coming up next: Genitals

http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8204/8232570253_bceedc406c_z.jpg

Note the straw placement

http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8057/8269767947_327c76ea7a_c.jpg
http://adventuresofagrownup.files.wordpress.com/2012/08/goodfellas_body_meat_freezer_09-300x225.jpg

http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8489/8284431873_3b641ab1b5_c.jpg

God, Santa. No seriously. I can't tell you how much I love watching that girl swim.

http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7161/6582609673_62cb402735_z.jpg

More syrup. Don't think that this Barbie is officially licensed by Mattel, if you get my drift.

http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7014/6503669673_0605d1026e_b.jpg

*sighs* *puts camera down* *sobs*

http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7168/6510917541_a413455907_z.jpg

jesus christ. I mean, i love christmas more than most normal ppl and I seriously want to murder these people so much

I have never heard of this.

http://www.lilblueboo.com/wp-content/gallery/elf-on-the-shelf-pg-13/elf-in-a-blender.jpg

They're airing the Elf on a Shelf special this year alongside The Michelin Man's Holiday Drive and Charmin's Dingleberry Bears' Christmas Pooptacular for maximum marketing synergy.

I'd never heard of the elf on the shelf until last year. Not I invoke it all the time, all year.

December 11, people. December 11.

http://alittlemoore.files.wordpress.com/2013/11/alittlemooreelf2013calendar.jpg

This is definitely the kind of thing my family would give us and if we get one, I'm sending it to pplains because I don't want the vile thing in my house.

Send it to me piece by piece, starting with the fingers, and we'll be ok.

then you will forever have a small vicious ghost in your house, the ghoul of the yule.

This is awesome! You all act like Christmas isn't supposed to be creepy...

I hadnt heard of this until earlier this week. When people are saying surveillance that is just figurative/epistemological isn't it? I was just getting an image of it being a recording device, like a baby intercom thing or something. Much too creepy but it would explain why one shouldn't touch it,

yeah i think so. to me the worst part is how blatantly it's marketed, like clearly xmas is already commodified beyond recognition but making a "tradition" out of something that was manufactured from day one to be a huge cash cow seems like a symptom of a larger problem

So it's cheap plastic crap. Looks like a doll from the €2 store. I should have waited until I had a better view of the photos before commenting, still I had it in my head that surveillance might be actual before seeing the thing.
Is this going to become a tradition or are the public going to wise up? How long does a fad normally last at the outside? Just wondering if it's still a fad if it lasts 2 or 3 years.

& are all the elfs the same? there aren't any ethnic variants are there? Must be doubly creepy to have the white boy looking at you if you aren't white.

Also how good is a pair of eyes permanently looking off to the side going o be at keeping an eye on things? They didn't this one through did they?

don't know if this makes him the ghoul of the yule, but maybe Ghost of the Christmas Roast

http://elfward.robinwoodphoto.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/Elf-on-the-Shelf_0175.jpg

to me the worst part is how blatantly it's marketed, like clearly xmas is already commodified beyond recognition but making a "tradition" out of something that was manufactured from day one to be a huge cash cow seems like a symptom of a larger problem

I hadn't heard of this til I saw this thread a couple days ago, and to me the worst part is that I didn't come up with something like this. I'd love to cynically fleece people with a fake christmas tradition.

Finally, for once, Facebook comes through for me.

https://scontent-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-frc3/q71/1493205_10153585717635494_1939651066_n.jpg

Note the 'death lights' in the background. Another totally authentic not-in-any-way-bogus Christmas tradition brought to you by XmasMegaCorp Inc. Also available in a flashing 'photo-epilepsy' edition.

Yup, we received one yesterday as a gift. Even though my husband and I have already agreed on it creepiness and general unacceptability, we feined enthusiasm. So now I'm worried how to respond next year when she wants to know what we named it etc.

― franny glass, Wednesday, 26 December 2012 17:37 (11 months ago) Permalink

Haha. We responded to this situation by conveniently forgetting it in the box at her place since last Christmas, and not bringing it up again.

Haaaa nice one.

I used to get a lot of tacky, inappropriate stuff from my step family that I would "leave" at my parents' house when I went back home after the holidays. Good tactic.

Waitamo:

Although they cannot be touched, or else they may lose their magic,

If the point is these things are santa's eyes n ears, then surely the *first* thing any enterprising kid would do is touch, nay, DESTROY the elf, that it may never get the truth back to Santa!

...or was I just a twisted little kid?

KILL THE ELF. IT KNOWS TOO MUCH

So what's Santa going to say if Dingles the Elf doesn't show back up to report on the Muldrew household? What if he sends MORE ELVES to investigate?

I don't think you've thought this through, Trayce.

Obvious as hell, but I LOLed.
http://i1301.photobucket.com/albums/ag118/floralefay/elfonshelf1_zpsb806003c.png

So what's Santa going to say if Dingles the Elf doesn't show back up to report on the Muldrew household? What if he sends MORE ELVES to investigate?

I don't think you've thought this through, Trayce.

Aw shit.

I have a pretty dope shelf elf. It's at least 50 years old (family heirloom). It goes on the bannister.
It's an actual doll, though. It's an elf on a shelf, not The Elf On The Shelf (tm). It looks kind of like Liza Minelli

I have one very smart and literate friend who has been posting these to fb, and I'm sort of taken aback, but at the same time I know firsthand how stupid being a parent can make you

Idk about this magic business, i just like to be festive.

these elves are so shitty. they all need big velvet coats with gold trim or something.

There are a lot people with posts today about Elf on a Shelf. First of all, I know not everyone likes it and that is okay with me. However, don't tell me that I'm not a Christian because I do Elf on a Shelf with my boys. That is not okay with me. I'm a Christian because I have asked Jesus into my heart and he is Lord of my life and I have a personal relationship with him. This is why I'm a Christian and it has nothing to do with Elf on a Shelf. That is my rant for today!

Unfortunately, the Elf knows what's in their heart - that they haven't really accepted Jesus into their life and are just pretending to be a true Christian.

This elf makes me hate christmas.