Kids say the darndest things

hahaha

Thank you for starting this thread. I love this stuff.

A friend at work has a two year old who has started using "Obama" as a name for pretty much everyone. He asks qustions all the time about Obama too. They're potty training him and so the other night she was asking Henry who poops. He said, "Mama poops and Daddy poops and Henry poops!" She asked who else poops thinking he's say grandma or something and he replied with, "Obama poops!!"

my 7 year old nephew to his mom:

"I stopped sucking my thumb. When you get older it loses its taste."

That is exactly what I concluded about thumb-sucking (at an embarrassingly older age). Though it took having my arm in a plaster cast for seemingly years (I broke my arm three times in quick succession) to stop me in the end.

Also, Obama totally does poop!

Re: Honeymoon - "Did you GO to the moon?"

my son when 3ish, upon eating something good: "I can't believe my mouth!" I promise he made this up himself.

AWWWWW!!!

My kids are too old for their current sayings to be here...

But, Alice (particularly) would say such WTF things back in the day. Most (or, man) are all over ILE, but here's one of the top ones...

She was about four, I reckon.

I was explaining the whole "eggs in mummy's tummy" business.

Alice: "But how did the eggs get there?"
Me: "They were all there when Mummy was born"
Alice: "hmm. So, that means My egg and Amber's egg are exactly the same age"
Me: ".... yeah!"
Alice: (saying nothing, but now has decided Amber doesn't have 2 years superiority anymore)

Ophelia told her father: "Wannes is in love with me." I know, not the darndest thing but still made go all AAAAAWWWWWWWWW.

my son when 3ish, upon eating something good: "I can't believe my mouth!" I promise he made this up himself.

― Euler, Wednesday, February 11, 2009 7:20 PM (1 week ago) Bookmark

Get that kid a TV commercial.

haha yeah

i was driving beeps home from daycare last week and had silver jews playing in the car. so black and brown blues comes on and i start singing along at the top of my voice when i look in the rear view mirror and beeps is smacking her knee along with the song with a big smile on her face. she catches me looking at her and says 'you go, mama!'. let it be known i have the worst singing voice ever. kid is good for the ego.

I will work on the tv thing!

I love that my kids love my singing. It helps that it's mutual; when they're caterwauling away I tend to complement them (you know, like you do when they bring you their latest painting or sculpture).

My youngest kid, age 2, went canvassing with my wife for the Dems during the campaign last fall. Now she's taken to calling the paper subscription inserts in magazines, "Democrats". I guess it's because they're like the voter info cards that we distributed? But now she is hoarding a big pile of these things and gets angry when you take her Democrats. Silly stuff but I love it.

I love that all the two year old kids in SF know and mangle the words "Barack Obama."

nothing like this ever happens to me

Howie knows a lot of animal names but always calls a cat "Miaow", even though he can spell the word. Hence the following conversation:

Us: "Howie, what's the first letter of cat?"
Howie: "C!"
"And what's the second letter of cat?"
"A!"
"And what's the last letter of cat?"
"T!"
"[Pointing to letters in book] So, what does 'C-A-T' spell, Howie?"
"[Thinks for a moment...} Miaow!"

my nearly 12-week-old has been babbling non-stop. it's such a nice change from shrieking.

(Apologies if I've already told this story on ILX, can't remember)

A few weeks ago, Ava was being extremely naughty, pushing Pam away, shouting "Don't talk to me! Don't look at me!", etc. Pam wrote down "Naughty girls don't get visits from their friends or treats or get to go to the park" on a slip of paper and handed it to the noncommunicative hell-child.

Ava read it out loud, looked at the paper for a few seconds and then announced, "I'm going to tear this into tiny pieces." It was all Pam could do not to burst out laughing right there...

haa :)

this morning: "there are so many things in this room, it's like an optical course"

SS, that's the cutest thing ever! Ophelia requests all my music to stop playing so she can listen to her music. Grrr. Elisabeth loves most music we play. This morning she immediately started waving her hand when Marvin Gaye started singing. She also looooves Pulsinger.

its still so weird to me these little creatures have already developed their own tastes. that silver jews moment was a rare one. usually she'll sit there going 'wonderpets? wonderpets? wonderpets? wonderpets? brobie? wonderpets? wonderpets? wonderpets? wonderpets? wonderpets? " etc until we put it on.

nickelodeon brainwash

she found a tampon and asked what it was. i mumbled her mommy bleeds every month and that it stops the bleeding.

"so mommy leaks."

uh yeah, i guess....

Edward, I'm amazed. That's amazing.

We remembered another one from our son a few years back, when he was 2-ish: out of the blue one day, he asked "why we is not ducks?". I didn't know what to say. Really, why? The mind boggles.

My friend did this facebook thing earlier where she had to ask her kids a series of questions about herself and write in their answers. Her sons are around 6 and 4, I think.

Q: How tall is your Mom?

A: "15 degrees" -Ben "Probably 10 inches high" -Zac

i seriously can't get over "15 degrees"

I know, I love it.

I showed Beeps a full page face ad of Gisele Bündchen in the lastest issure of Glamour and asked 'who is that?' She replied 'Mama!' Damn straight.

keep that one around!

hopefully her eyesight will never improve

Howie does that when we read the book 'Terrible Trolls' -- points at them and says "Mummy! Daddy!"

I will have to send him round to Beeps for some training.

I showed Beeps a full page face ad of Gisele Bündchen in the lastest issure of Glamour and asked 'who is that?' She replied 'Mama!' Damn straight.

A keeper! :-)

z (4-yr-old) industriously constructing puzzle on the floor, while rex (11 mos.) repeatedly crawls through it, picks up pieces, sticks them in his mouth, etc. z fairly patiently nudges rex away two or three times, says "no, rex," but on about the 4th time, in exasperation, he yelps, "DAMMIT REX!"

kids swearing: classic. One of my kids didn't really understand what the word dammit was, so he'd say, "debit", as in "debit card", which got us off the hook with my mother-in-law.

z (4-yr-old) industriously constructing puzzle on the floor, while rex (11 mos.) repeatedly crawls through it, picks up pieces, sticks them in his mouth, etc. z fairly patiently nudges rex away two or three times, says "no, rex," but on about the 4th time, in exasperation, he yelps, "DAMMIT REX!"

― paper plans (tipsy mothra), Monday, March 16, 2009 6:50 PM (2 hours ago) Bookmark

ok so this is the funniest/cuetest thing i have read in a while

Agreed. That's so cute.

it cracked us up. but i guess we need to do some policing of it before he gets to kindergarten.

Apparently in kindergarten I referred to a toy car as "that goddamn son of a bitch". Wasn't mad, that's just what I called it.

i once very cheerfully yelled to my pal "see you later, asshole!" as our parents were taking us home from preschool. my mom was not, uh, thrilled

^ That is awesome.

ha i once came home from school in 1st or 2nd grade and told my parents "the bus driver is an asshole" not really knowing what that meant :-/

Alice has been known to bang her fist on the table and yell 'dammit!' but I strongly suspect her dad has been coaching her for his own amusement. Though come to think of it she's also started a thing of regularly shouting 'it's a deal!' and shaking hands with us. Clearly a future CEO :(

OK, heree goez:

In Venice, back at the flat, playing whist:

Mum: "Hearts!"
Alice: (Oh, fuMMMFTH)

The sound of Alice slapping her hand over her mouth, too late.
She got embarrassed, we just laffed. (She was 8)

Future son‘s latest thing is fighting to stay awake when he has something that he wants to do, then giving in immediately when he realizes he can’t do that thing.

Two days ago, we were driving home from an event, with plans to go play outside, when it started raining:
FS: It’s raining
Me: Yeah. I’m sorry, buddy. Looks like we won’t be able to play in the yard.
FS: Awww….snores

Last night:
Me (turning off TV): Well, it’s time to snuggie-down.
FS: But Scooby-Doo’s almost on.
Me: Sorry, buddy: it’s late.
FS (within 20 seconds): snores

Ava's two-part exploration of Bossness, with special reference to World Poverty.

Last night -
"Sometimes little children can be the boss. You get to be the boss sometimes, Daddy, but kids can be the boss too. Sit down over here next to me for a DISCUSSION."
Tonight -
"Some people don't ever get to be the boss. Some people don't have any food or clothes or medicine. They just cough."

LOL.

RS's co-worker's husband let their 4 year old watch Austin Powers last week after which said to her, "Mom, you're kind of a lot like fat bastard." !!!

We let ours (4 also) watch Gremlins a few weeks ago, after which he kept immitating the "flasher" Gremlin from the bar scene.

If you were thinking about letting your kids watch Gremlins, that's one of many things to note, along with Phoebe Cates breaking it down about the non-existence of Santa(this was during a boring grown-up part though, so I don't think he noticed).

Gremlins was one of those movies that pushed the MPAA over the edge to create a PG-13 rating.

yeah my kids so want to see gremlins but it ain't happening

re: PG-13, I always thought indiana jones and the temple of doom was the proverbial straw?

These are sooo goood

dan there's a really good telling of the Greek myths suitable for kids that has this neat framing device of a storyteller who's travelling to a storytelling competition, and the stories are all as if he's telling them to people he meets along the way. I'm on a train but I'll try to find it when I get home. The language is really nice and the stories are a good length. Ah hang on I found it - Atticus the Storyteller's 100 Greek Myths - https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/337789.Atticus_the_Storyteller

Cool, will check it out. She has a book or two on greek myths, but most of her knowledge comes from repeated listening to the podcast Greeking Out. She still agrees that she's not quite ready for the Percy Jackson books, which people tend to recommend for age 8 or so.

Those poems are both amazing!!!

My daughter now 11 burned through many Percy Jackson books a few years ago. I read the first one aloud with her and wasn’t impressed. I found both the writing and the character depth to be a cut below most of the oodles of other kids’ fantasy series we’ve read. I imagine as you get deeper into it you get invested, it’s a pretty big extended universe, but I would agree that 7 is young. They’re violent.

yeah. the writer has a "presents" series of other mythological stories and one sounded good and was supposed to be ok for younger, called Race to the Sun. It was actually pretty violent and scary at times but she was never bothered by it.

"Why does goofy talk but pluto doesn't?" made my brain explode, I love that so so much. Very New York school, which obv makes sense ;-)

awesome poems!

tired kid got in a shit tonight about having to turn his light out before finishing his book.
after about 10 minutes in bed he came down to where we were watching TV and said "I'm going to say ten words including these ones. Sorry." then disappeared to bed again.

That's brilliant.

whoa!

5yo

"don't think about telling mom i went in the store without a coat"
" ... "

"YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT IT"

Opal wrote and drew a valentines day car, with an image of a Dachshund. It says "We Be-long together".

When she recites it she puts a lot of emphasis on LONG. Then says "get it?"

Then she asked me what melancholy meant after it was mentioned in Through the Looking Glass which I'm reading to her every night. After explaining it (more or less) she said I can remember that because watermelon is great and cauliflower isn't and if you put them together it's gross and that would make me sad.

Then she came up with an as-yet drawn valentine card that would be a drawing of a slice of watermelon saying "I would be MELON-choly without you"

Emphasis on MELON obviously.

I told her we should go into business making cards and I suddenly regret selling all of my letterpress equipment.

aw

melon cauli is an awesome concept

My younger kid asked the question every parent dreads:

“Daddy, why did they take the ‘HBO’ out of HBO Max?”

Time for the talk

A question a child might ask, but not a childish question

Today she asked my wife — “Mommy, what is ‘Robert Lowe’ famous for?”

My older kid asked me what a “mosh pit” is, which I thought was pretty funny.

it’s like a ball pit made of people

Absolutely full of germs.

“Why do psychopaths have such a bad reputation?”

Lol, is that promoted by the press campaign around this book (and perhaps this very interview)?

https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2024/02/25/magazine/patric-gagne-interview.html

lol

wow, some very sophisticated abstract wordplay by Opal

She hasn't stopped. She keeps writing poems. She wrote one for school that said "inspired by Dr Seuss" and is like "I do like tacos on a boat..."

My wife is having her book launch party at NY bookstore P&T Knitwear and apparently Opal is going to read the above poem about poems. I think it's likely she'll freeze and back out but we'll have to see.

my 9 year old son is really into sports leagues and stuff. whenever he does 'creative' projects it's making tournament brackets or organizing teams into divisions and stuff like that. we have this little baseball game and he wants to make a tournament to replicate the actual MLB playoffs. he also uses his little Chromebook for this stuff (there are online scoreboard apps and such). anyway recently he stumbled upon some website which sells software used for scheduling for businesses, which has a promo image that looks a bit like a baseball schedule. apparently he input his email address into the "find out more!" box (Chromebooks accounts have to have a gmail address) and now a sales rep is contacting him. he is writing back telling him about his baseball league using all these long run-on sentences, as kids do. but this dude keeps responding to him. he even knows his name - Andy. he got home from school yesterday and had to check if Andy wrote back to him. I wonder if this guy thinks he's talking to a kid or an elderly person. either way my son thinks he made a new friend!

amazing

Opal's latest poem, a birthday card for her best friend Peter, who's birthday is the day after hers...

"When I'm in need your always there. Your always kind and you always share.
You have lots of trick up your sleeves.
We work together just like branches and leavs.
When we are together we are one of a kind, no catagory.
When we are together we have a crown of glory!
This is the end of this poem, but before we drop the curtan,
When we are together, nothings for certain!
It's the end but still the start.
I want you to know your always part of my heart."

omg these last 2 posts are both amazing ♥️♥️♥️♥️

Opal rules at poetry!

book deal pls stat

last night during dinner Opal was talking about what our lives must've been like before we were born and she said "You spend all your time sitting on the couch reading a book called 'The Meaning of the Word Sad'" and after we cracked up at that she said "and a book called 'I'm Blue, What Should I Do?"

my kid's been into video games since he was 5 (thank you pandemic) but he's getting to the point where he wants to go beyond Mario stuff. the kids in his class are really into Fortnite and Minecraft and I don't really want him to be into that sort of stuff just yet. he does love sports though and gets really excited about sports arcade games so I was telling him about Madden. and he nodded his head and said "oh so it's like Linebacker Alley 2!!"

"You spend all your time sitting on the couch reading a book called 'The Meaning of the Word Sad'"

this is amazing and hilarious

9yo has 'opened a detective agency' for any mysteries I may have.
He said 'You don't have to pay me anything for detective work, just be nice to me. To me, that's worth about £1.50'

A kinder detective agency if you will

Opal's latest poem. She was proud to say it's her first poem that doesn't rhyme. Even though it sort of does. But I understand what she means.

Still

The clouds are still
The pond is still
My thoughts are still
The rocks are still
The houses are still
My pencil is still
The cars are still
My room is still
My bed is still
My heart is still
The night is still

Wow! She has a knack for it, for sure.

My daughter's (age 13) creative outlet is through her digital art, which I'm not going to share here. Some of it is fan art, but she has a lot of original characters as well. And on more than one occasion, she's told me these complicated stories explaining her art. I've begged her to write them down, but she won't do it. I've even offered to take dictation, just so she can have a record of these creative impulses, but she hasn't taken me up on it. I want her to be able to remember it, just because I know that she barely has any memory of the characters and universes that she created when we would play toys together in her early childhood. I've also tried explaining to her that when she gets older, these stories could serve as a good basis for something to revise and put out there into the world.

Could you record the conversations with her?

Well, it's been a while since she has brought up any of the stories around her art. When she shows me her new characters, I still ask if there is any background. If there is, she hasn't let me in on it. The longest stories that she told me were probably a year or so ago. Maybe I'll ask if she still remembers them and would be comfortable with recording them. Thanks for the suggestion.

Here's Opal's latest poem. I'll stop sharing all of these, it's getting too much. This one she described as her "Shakespeare Poem", we're not sure what she means by that, she's never read Shakespeare or had any read to her, she's only had the plot of Romeo and Juliet described to her. I think she thinks it's deep and uses the word "thee" and thus is Shakespeare. Also note, this is firmly tongue in cheek. She's written some sad ennui-filled stuff in the past, but this is a joke to her for sure, apparently the title is a phrase she repeats over and over again to annoy two of her classmates.

"
Floating in a void of only blank existence
––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

I love thee
more than we can see
For "no us" means
nothing and there's always
a new beginning
and we are floating in a void of
blank existence.
Yes my dear, listen and hear.
We are floating in a void in
a void of blank existence.
Floating in a void of blank existence.

-opal
"

Opal's (very good) poem reminds me of:

"This is not about a kingdom which is in the past, but it is about a kingdom called Not, which although it is not, yet is”
— Sun Ra, KINGDOM OF NOT, rec.1956

Which is also good (and also repeated to annoy)

I'm enjoying Opal's poems.

thanks.

https://y.yarn.co/c4c95f9b-86f9-42bc-8319-95ccc3e7b392_text.gif

Whereas my 9yo managed to insult the whole of Wales when we were out walking in Cardiff (we live in England) - he saw a sign and said "Why does that sign look like a child typed random letters on a typewriter?" - he wasn't trying to be clever, I think it hadn't occurred to him what the Welsh language looks like, despite having a friend who speaks Welsh with his family...