Defend the Indefensible: Jared of Subway

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if him and the Verizon weezer guy are crossing the street in front of my whilst I drive and I'm forced to run over one of them, it ain't gonna be Jared.

― gear (gear), Wednesday, 27 July 2005 17:29 (eighteen years ago) link

I love though how, though he's lost all the weight, Jared's mouth remains ginormous enough that he might eat several bags of dicks in one bite, were he so inclined.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 27 July 2005 17:39 (eighteen years ago) link

thanks for the visual, nickalish.

― kelsey (kelstarry), Wednesday, 27 July 2005 17:56 (eighteen years ago) link

Just a moment! Quality of Subway aside, I like Jared, because he has a quality much ignored and passed over, esp. in the world of advertising - mildness. He can't even muster anger at the Chicken Selects. Imagine if every fucking EXTREME commercial were replaced by something mild, like Jared or the Motel 6 guy.

― G. Litwack, Wednesday, 27 July 2005 23:53 (eighteen years ago) link

At least they haven't resorted to talking action figures/lawn gnomes

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Thursday, 28 July 2005 00:00 (eighteen years ago) link

or a guy in a rubber king suit that says "Meeeeheeeatnormous, CHEEEESEnormOUS"

― Kim (Kim), Thursday, 28 July 2005 00:12 (eighteen years ago) link

I just wouldn't want to hear Jared say that I mean.

the BK is awesome

― Kim (Kim), Thursday, 28 July 2005 00:15 (eighteen years ago) link

the bitties! the begging, the scrounging!

― mookieproof (mookieproof), Thursday, 28 July 2005 00:20 (eighteen years ago) link

First of all, Subway sucks. You can start with their corrugated cardboard bread, if you like.

Second of all, if I hear anyone compare this fuckhead Jared with TOM BODET, MOTHERFUCKER EXTREME again, it'll be too soon.

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Thursday, 28 July 2005 01:14 (eighteen years ago) link

what's wrong with tom bodet? he leaves the light on for you.

― caitlin oh no (caitxa1), Thursday, 28 July 2005 01:24 (eighteen years ago) link

do britishes know who fogle is?

― cutty (mcutt), Thursday, 28 July 2005 03:24 (eighteen years ago) link

mongrels certainly do

― shine headlights on me (electricsound), Thursday, 28 July 2005 03:30 (eighteen years ago) link

Do they overdub a mongrel accent on him for commercials down there?

― Truckdrivin' Buddha (Rock Hardy), Thursday, 28 July 2005 03:32 (eighteen years ago) link

Don't answer that -- dumb question.

― Truckdrivin' Buddha (Rock Hardy), Thursday, 28 July 2005 03:32 (eighteen years ago) link

litwack otm re: mildness though, the only defense I was going to offer is that I don't hate him even though I really should, and that's gotta count for something. I think it's very creepy that he's able to eat Subway sandwiches for months(years?) at a time but other than that, he's just an affable, maladjusted dorky go-getter and I'd rather see him get the big mascot bucks than some loudmouth asshole actor.

― tremendoid (tremendoid), Thursday, 28 July 2005 04:30 (eighteen years ago) link

"the Motel 6 guy"

His name is TOM BODETTE.

― Tim Ellison (Tim Ellison), Thursday, 28 July 2005 05:02 (eighteen years ago) link

ts: jared fogle vs. the illiterate cows dreamed up by the chick-fil-a marketing team

― club soda (Jody Beth Rosen), Thursday, 28 July 2005 07:55 (eighteen years ago) link

ILLITERATE COWS, BY FAR.

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Thursday, 28 July 2005 16:07 (eighteen years ago) link

chic-fil-a gives money to abortion clinic bombers

― 3, Thursday, 28 July 2005 16:09 (eighteen years ago) link

So they really do like illiterate cows.

― Leon C. (Ex Leon), Thursday, 28 July 2005 16:12 (eighteen years ago) link

hahaha

― 3, Thursday, 28 July 2005 16:15 (eighteen years ago) link

"six grams of fat or less..."

― busway, Thursday, 28 July 2005 20:27 (eighteen years ago) link

CHICK-FIL-A NOOOOOO0000000000000OOOOOOOOOOOOO00000000000OOOOOOOOOO

― geoff (gcannon), Thursday, 28 July 2005 20:32 (eighteen years ago) link

The building I live in shares basement space with a Subway, and their weird, indefinable smell (I suppose its their bread baking) seeps into our elevator banks. It's most unnerving.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Thursday, 28 July 2005 20:33 (eighteen years ago) link

I don't much like Subway, and Jared kinda irritates me, but hey, go him. In what other country would a formerly fat guy get his 15 minutes of fame for eating sandwiches?

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 28 July 2005 20:39 (eighteen years ago) link

I'd bet that he'd be big in Ethiopia.

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Thursday, 28 July 2005 20:47 (eighteen years ago) link

do britishes know who fogle is?

The Jared adverts ran for a few weeks in 2003 here, I doubt anyone without exposure to American culture could remember who he is. Subway tend not to advertise on TV here, for some reason.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Thursday, 28 July 2005 20:52 (eighteen years ago) link

Because they SUCK!

― Chewshabadoo (Chewshabadoo), Friday, 29 July 2005 13:00 (eighteen years ago) link

When I was 15-16 i worked for Subway for one year. I gained so much weight from just having to eat there. I think the mayo was seeping into my hands when I had to mix the tuna and seafood crap. The subway smell is a mixture of the bread, and having to chop up all those onions and tomatos, and having to deal with vats of mayo. You couldn't wash the smell out of your clothes. Fuck a visor.

― Mendoza Lineman (Carey), Friday, 29 July 2005 13:09 (eighteen years ago) link

you were like susan sarandon in atlantic city

― j blount (papa la bas), Friday, 29 July 2005 13:11 (eighteen years ago) link

OTM Uncledoj! Never seen ads, only know him from Achewood. My personal fave on the subject is the next in the series.

― Kv_nol (Kv_nol), Friday, 29 July 2005 13:32 (eighteen years ago) link

I think the Asian ad above works a lot more if you remove the huge green lettering and sing silently to yourself "Love, exciting and new..."

― Joe (Joe), Friday, 29 July 2005 23:38 (eighteen years ago) link

FRED GRANDY
**your purser**

TED LANGE
**your bartender**

AND
JARED FOGLE
**your Subway guy**

― Joe (Joe), Friday, 29 July 2005 23:40 (eighteen years ago) link

I like jared.

― Jeff-PTTL (Jeff), Friday, 29 July 2005 23:43 (eighteen years ago) link

fuck! i forgot about that smell. you go in there for 5 minutes and you're stuck with that greasy, cheesy, bready smell. i haven't been to subway in almost a year and i still have flashbacks. groooossssssssssssssssssssssss

― caitlin oh no (caitxa1), Friday, 29 July 2005 23:49 (eighteen years ago) link

it's because one of their bread-baking ingredients is lips and assholes!

― ghetty green (eman), Saturday, 30 July 2005 00:36 (eighteen years ago) link

he has ruined the name jared. try having a customer service job where your name is jared and you wear a name tag and everyone thinks it's hilarious to ask you if you're the subway guy when you clearly aren't.
FUCK ONE JARED FUCKING FOGLE.

― Jared, Saturday, 30 July 2005 00:55 (eighteen years ago) link

don't forget about one of the key components of the subway smell -- the rotting lettuce.

― cost fucked madonna (Jody Beth Rosen), Saturday, 30 July 2005 01:50 (eighteen years ago) link

rotting lettuce + pesticides that never got washed off.

― cost fucked madonna (Jody Beth Rosen), Saturday, 30 July 2005 01:50 (eighteen years ago) link

IF YOU THINK SUBWAY IS BAD TRY THE BLIMPIE AT THE UNIVERSITY OF ROCHESTER. WORST SAMMICHES EVER!!!!

― I'm Hi, Jared Fogle (ex machina), Saturday, 30 July 2005 03:30 (eighteen years ago) link

Debilitate the Indefatigable

http://www.paulkatcher.com/images/jared_big.jpg

― ghetty green (eman), Saturday, 30 July 2005 03:34 (eighteen years ago) link

ew, blimpie. that's a bridge too far.

― cost fucked madonna (Jody Beth Rosen), Saturday, 30 July 2005 04:02 (eighteen years ago) link

i associate blimpie with skeezy old unemployed junkies reading the racing form and trying to make one cup of soda last for hours and hours. also it smells like pine sol in there.

― cost fucked madonna (Jody Beth Rosen), Saturday, 30 July 2005 04:04 (eighteen years ago) link

i associate ~~starbucks~~ blimpie with skeezy ~~young~~ old unemployed ~~"artists"~~ junkies reading the ~~internet~~ racing form and trying to make one cup of ~~coffee~~ soda last for hours and hours. also it smells like pine sol in there.

― cost fucked madonna (Jody Beth Rosen), Saturday, 30 July 2005 04:07 (eighteen years ago) link

yall on ile sure are some lil bitches about fast food!! i worked at subway, its clean enough for me, and that and blimpie is like where you go when you got a couple extra bucks and you feel like spoiling yourself

― 3, Saturday, 30 July 2005 04:17 (eighteen years ago) link

still not as bad as when miccio dissed sbarro tho- SORRY YOUR HIGHNESS!!

― 3, Saturday, 30 July 2005 04:17 (eighteen years ago) link

sbarro can be okay as long as you stay away from the one in times square, but you can say that about anyplace that has a franchise in times square.

― cost fucked madonna (Jody Beth Rosen), Saturday, 30 July 2005 04:22 (eighteen years ago) link

haha i guarantee i can stay away from the one in times square

― 3, Saturday, 30 July 2005 04:25 (eighteen years ago) link

The only place here I've ever seen Sbarro is at the airport. All it seems to be is very overpriced, very poor quality "Italian" food about as nice looking as a reheated frozen pizza. Maybe it isnt the same thing here tho.

Subway is dreadful, but I dont like franchise takeaway anyway (McDs, BK, Subway etc). Thankfully Aus still has plenty of proper local takeaways that do real burgers and souvlakis and chips so I needed fret.

― Trayce (trayce), Saturday, 30 July 2005 04:32 (eighteen years ago) link

argh needn't, not needed.

― Trayce (trayce), Saturday, 30 July 2005 04:33 (eighteen years ago) link

Skipping 167 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

Treeship kool-aid mans into thread with "guys, have some empathy for the child-fucking sandwich man"

― Whiney G. Weingarten, Thursday, 17 March 2016 18:00 (eight years ago) link

i'm opposed to the horrific conditions in america's prisons, what can i say

btw i'm glad i caught you. the other day when i came home my roommate tried to put glasses on his pitbull to take a photo of it. the dog was already wearing one of other friend's plaid shirts. this hipster puppies trend has really lasted

― Treeship, Thursday, 17 March 2016 18:11 (eight years ago) link

http://thisdayintechhistory.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/mortal_kombat_finish_him.png

― T.L.O.P.son (Phil D.), Thursday, 17 March 2016 18:16 (eight years ago) link

second part was not a burn. anyone who knows me knows i love dogs and pictures of dogs.

― Treeship, Thursday, 17 March 2016 18:20 (eight years ago) link

Yeahhh, I guess I'm just the kind of person who thinks that good things are good and bad things are bad. I suppose I'm a lot like Jesus Christ in that way? What can I say...

― del griffith, Thursday, 17 March 2016 18:32 (eight years ago) link

i don't understand the controversy here

― Treeship, Thursday, 17 March 2016 18:35 (eight years ago) link

i won't begrudge anyone a bit of schadenfreude about terrible things happening to terrible people, it just shouldn't be institutionalized

― jason waterfalls (gbx), Thursday, 17 March 2016 18:59 (eight years ago) link

yeah, that's fair

― Treeship, Thursday, 17 March 2016 19:14 (eight years ago) link

right, prison abuse is awful for many of the same reasons that capital punishment is awful. the state shouldn't be in the business of institutionalizing retribution.

― wizzz! (amateurist), Friday, 18 March 2016 05:14 (eight years ago) link

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