I'mma lay your LOLs on the dresser and EXCELSIOR them shits with a spiked bat!

Hahah thank you, I was figuring out how best to do that for this thread myself.

(SLIGHTLY EDITED:)

Could a powerful computer artificially inseminate goats?

NB: This is not my job at present, but I am merely curious about this in a general sort of way.

― Aimless

it could not naturally inseminate goats

― we're up all night to eat biscuits (Autumn Almanac)

what if they were using nanotechnology?

― Aimless

na-a-a-a-anotechnology

― we're up all night to eat biscuits (Autumn Almanac)

:D

From the "Shutter Island" thread:

movie was hilarious and dumb and gorgeous and i fully approve

― The Finnish Question........after question......after question....a (darraghmac), Wednesday, April 24, 2013 11:36 AM (8 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

like a nolan movie with 90% less annoyance

― The Finnish Question........after question......after question....a (darraghmac), Wednesday, April 24, 2013 11:36 AM (8 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Don't forget the many long and lingering shots of dead bloody children

― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, April 24, 2013 11:39 AM (5 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

tbf i said 'gorgeous' once

― The Finnish Question........after question......after question....a (darraghmac), Wednesday, April 24, 2013 11:39 AM (5 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

[Question] Why is it that every time I'm walking down the street, somebody wants to stop me...

― pplains, Wednesday, April 24, 2013 1:17 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

What's that for?
-- Aja
---------------------------------

he's pointing toward the magical scrapple.
-- scott seward

------------------------------------

What?
-- Aja

----------------------------------

the magical scrapple gave me my other christmas gift this year
-- fiddo centington

---------------------------------

What?
-- Aja

--------------------------------

What what?
-- fiddo centington

---------------------------

What was your other gift?
-- Aja

-------------------------------

Tonight on Crossfire!
-- Ned Raggett

sorry, ancient lol. kills me every time.

I may have had no finer moment on here.

haha

its a perfect thing.

i miss fiddo

Can't help read Ned's Crossfire line in a Tom Servo voice.

er, can't help but read

I'm sure that's what I was channelling.

I wish I knew what crossfire was. Still funny though

a pretty good Robert Ryan movie in which he hates Jews.

xpost don't worry i just remembered Google is a thing

saddingly, crossfire is now remembered as "the show that Jon Stewart ethered"

Yeah, but it was cool when they tried to retool it for the youth market after that:

http://i100.photobucket.com/albums/m23/jackdevries/crossfire3.jp

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rCwn1NTK-50
imo

d'oh, that's what i was trying to post a jpeg from

got caught up in it, i guess

great minds got caught up

oh fuck off

― 乒乓, Thursday, April 25, 2013 3:55 PM (42 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

"and from then on, 4/25 became celebrated as 'Dayo Go Ham Day'"

― Call me at **BITCOIN (DJP), Thursday, 25 April 2013 15:58 (38 minutes ago) Permalink

I wonder if Bono realizes what the children are really saying when they chant "Ali, bomaye!" at him and his wife

― da croupier, Thursday, April 25, 2013 2:21 PM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

perfection

from prometheus thread:

As evidenced by the number of revives that led right back to ground already covered, many posters saw the high volume of traffic on the thread as an 'invitation' to travel to this movie's 'planet' and discover the 'origins' of the discussion. What happened then was something they never could have prepared for, something they were never warned against. BRRAAAAAANNNNNNG

― Doctor Casino, Thursday, 25 April 2013 18:43 (26 minutes ago) Permalink

a thread has its reign

― unprepared guitar (Edward III), Thursday, 25 April 2013 18:45 (24 minutes ago) Permalink

BRANNNNNNNNNNG

― Doctor Casino, Thursday, 25 April 2013 18:47 (22 minutes ago) Permalink

we were so rong

― unprepared guitar (Edward III), Thursday, 25 April 2013 18:48 (21 minutes ago) Permalink

http://www.boston.com/ae/music/blog/2013/04/wahlberg_for_bo.html

― turds (Hungry4Ass), Thursday, April 25, 2013 5:49 PM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

heard the sf shows this week with this band were amazing

― akm, Thursday, April 25, 2013 7:22 PM (39 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

wtf wrong thread

― akm, Thursday, April 25, 2013 7:47 PM (14 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Amanda Palmer ‏@amandapalmer 42m
someone commented: "you don't know how to stop drawing flowers in the margins of a train wreck." and i thought...perfectly put. yes.

― Chuck E was a hero to most (s.clover), Thursday, April 25, 2013 1:15 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

are you literally standing a few feet from an actual wrecked train, drawing flowers?

― Guayaquil (eephus!), Thursday, April 25, 2013 2:54 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

This was my interpretation, doesn't sound like a particularly helpful response to a rail accident tbh.

― Gavin, Leeds, Friday, April 26, 2013 10:17 AM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

art is always a valid response

― Call me at **BITCOIN (DJP), Friday, April 26, 2013 10:17 AM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

"Paint me a life preserver!"

― Mark G, Friday, April 26, 2013 10:34 AM (44 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

maybe the train wreck is her, and she's drawing flowers in the margins of herself

― flesh, the devil, and a wolf (wolf) (amateurist), Friday, April 26, 2013 10:48 AM (30 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

so poetic

― hoda nkotb (Stevie D(eux)), Friday, April 26, 2013 10:53 AM (25 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

she is the train wreck

― Emperor Cos Dashit (Adam Bruneau), Friday, April 26, 2013 11:10 AM (8 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

so lucky she wasn't a first responder at the marathon

― Moodles, Friday, April 26, 2013 11:15 AM (3 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Edited.

With edits:

--

report from a friend djing a wedding on Long Island last weekend:

"had 50 middle-aged people from Ohio dancing to Get Lucky, dropped it right after 'we are family' :)"

― ְ֮֠֓֟֬֩ (gr8080), Friday, April 26, 2013 7:42 AM (5 hours ago)

*Like*

― licorice oratorio (baaderonixx), Friday, April 26, 2013 8:30 AM (4 hours ago)

middle-aged ? how old were they when homework was released ?

― AlXTC from Paris, Friday, April 26, 2013 8:38 AM (4 hours ago)

Did any of them get lucky?

― Deafening silence (DL), Friday, April 26, 2013 8:43 AM (4 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

They are from 1974 and 1975. They were in their early 20s.

― Moka, Friday, April 26, 2013 9:45 AM (3 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Oh wait you meant the audienc? My bad.

― Moka, Friday, April 26, 2013 9:46 AM (3 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

middle aged means 50-65 now fyi

― ְ֮֠֓֟֬֩ (gr8080), Friday, April 26, 2013 10:12 AM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

newsflash: if you bought homework when it came out, you probably ARE middle aged.

:(

― flesh, the devil, and a wolf (wolf) (amateurist), Friday, April 26, 2013 12:39 PM (21 minutes ago)

if you are on ilx you are probably middle aged

― iatee, Friday, April 26, 2013 12:39 PM (20 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

;_;

xp

and ;_;

― Le Bateau Ivre, Friday, April 26, 2013 12:39 PM (20 minutes ago)

also you might be a redneck

― brb buying poppers w/my employee discount (forksclovetofu), Friday, April 26, 2013 12:59 PM (52 seconds ago)

do they sell fleshlights shaped like a rolled-up copy of the constitution yet?

― the girl from spirea x (f. hazel), Friday, April 26, 2013 5:30 PM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Or a gun barrel.

― nickn, Friday, April 26, 2013 5:45 PM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

'hmong'?

― the bitcoin comic (thomp), Friday, April 26, 2013 3:19 PM (5 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hmong_people

― Call me at **BITCOIN (DJP), Friday, April 26, 2013 3:21 PM (5 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

yeah i googled it a few seconds after i posted it because i realised i was being that guy

― the bitcoin comic (thomp), Friday, April 26, 2013 3:21 PM (5 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

poverty is very high hmong them

― iatee, Friday, April 26, 2013 3:22 PM (5 hours ago)

LOL

although it's pronounced "mung" so...

you're pronounced mung.

in the 70s I attended a couple of hmong be-ins

did it feel as though you were hmong friends?

at my first job out of high school we had an old guy who would come into the store every day - usually in his bathrobe + slippers, unshaven/hair uncombed, tongue lolling, mumbling to himself - and he would proceed to rent some movies, usually random blockbusters plus some porn. when you checked out his stuff a message would come up on the computer screen that THIS CUSTOMER HAS RENTED OVER 1,000 RENTALS FROM THIS STORE. TREAT HIM WITH THE UTMOST CARE AND RESPECT.

― four Marxes plus four Obamas plus four Bin Ladens (Shakey Mo Collier), Saturday, April 27, 2013 12:35 AM (9 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I don't think that guy had a valuable opinion about anything

― four Marxes plus four Obamas plus four Bin Ladens (Shakey Mo Collier), Saturday, April 27, 2013 12:35 AM (9 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

and that man's name was

― four Marxes plus four Obamas plus four Bin Ladens (Shakey Mo Collier), Saturday, April 27, 2013 12:36 AM (9 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

John Simon

― four Marxes plus four Obamas plus four Bin Ladens (Shakey Mo Collier), Saturday, April 27, 2013 12:36 AM (9 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Two days ago one of my ilx posts contained the words 'subw4y gift c4rds'. Today, out of the blue, for the first time in my life, I got an email offereing me a $25 subw4y gift c4rd for filling out a survey. In about five years I expect to open my front door and see a hologram of me selling me magazine subscriptions.

― Aimless, Friday, April 26, 2013 5:55 PM (3 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

subway gift cards

― iatee, Saturday, April 27, 2013 12:10 AM (2 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

yeah, what an odd one

subway gift cards

free money

this feels like a Prairie Home Companion lol

In the '70s, Robert Plant was a golden god...imagine if he'd had a tip jar!

He sort of did, but it was not a "jar," if you get my drift.

― Josh in Chicago, Monday, April 29, 2013 10:55 AM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

also wasn't just the tip

― Call me at **BITCOIN (DJP), Monday, April 29, 2013 10:55 AM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i had a dream last nite that i was selected to do the warmup dj set for daft punk's premiere live performance of Random Access Memories material and i was super nervous but spent a lot of time preparing and did an adequate job

then when daft punk took the stage it was a total disaster, like a real life "shreds" video. they got so embarrassed they tried to do "one more time" instead but that was a disaster too and they were booed off the stage

then i got home to my computer to see that instead of posting the next "the creators project" video they accidentally uploaded a video of george clinton high on crack instead

i woke up very anxious for daft punk

― ְ֮֠֓֟֬֩ (gr8080), Tuesday, April 30, 2013 12:47 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

lol poor gr8080

amazing.

THE STOOGES
PROFESSOR OF DESIRE
2LP CD DIGITAL

― daft on the causes of punk (schlump), Monday, April 29, 2013 8:28 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

This is?

― Hinklepicker, Monday, April 29, 2013 8:30 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

well clearly the stooges thread is not ready for my sweet philip roth analogies

― daft on the causes of punk (schlump), Monday, April 29, 2013 9:00 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

NEXT WEEK'S STORY

There is a toilet roll thief at large at Baselricky Town Hall, distracting Gerald and his Health and Safety team from a vital investigation into the safety of playground swings.

we could play bingo with this

― mistah WRIGHT! WHAT you doin'? (Autumn Almanac), Wednesday, 1 May 2013 03:33 (6 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

fucking a toilet*
fucking a toilet roll*
having trouble with the toilet's flush mechanism
putting his foot into the toilet bowl in order to operate the toilet's flush mechanism
being drenched by the toilet's flush mechanism which never seems to work properly am i right punters
being unable to open the cubicle door because cubicle locks are always broken am i right punters thatcher's britain
fucking the toilet door to get it open because the lock is broken/the door got stuck somehow*
the toilet roll thief hiding the toilet roll down his trousers so it sort of looks like an erection
fucking a playground swing*
copping a playground swing in the testicles
sitting on a playground swing and doing something innocuous that results in an orgasm face*
fucking the big metal frame that holds the playground swing*
fucking the playground merry-go-round*
fucking the playground helter skelter*
middle england annoyance at someone who has parked illegally at the playground
a whiteboard acronym gag that spells 'L-I-C-K M-Y A-R-S-E'
wright's daughter's girlfriend making a friendfeed reference
annoyance at, i dunno, not knowing whether to press 0 before sending a fax

* potential feedlines for missus johnson the jamaican cleaner

― mistah WRIGHT! WHAT you doin'? (Autumn Almanac), Wednesday, 1 May 2013 03:46 (5 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Character is even more important than situation in comedy and Gerald certainly is a character. If I'm honest, there's a bit of me in the character (at least my wife says there is). I've certainly been known to sneak in after she's loaded the dishwasher and secretly re-load it to my own satisfaction!

― mistah WRIGHT! WHAT you doin'? (Autumn Almanac), Wednesday, 1 May 2013 21:39 (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

bet she laughs like a drain when you fuck the rubbish bin

― mistah WRIGHT! WHAT you doin'? (Autumn Almanac), Wednesday, 1 May 2013 21:40 (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Needs thread context imo but AA is having a captain's innings on that whole thing for real