At what age did you lose your virginity?

The idea that good sex requires love and obligation and a guilt complex is uhhh, fine if that works for you but don't foist that on others.

http://www.wearysloth.com/Gallery/ActorsK/85783-19426.jpg

i don't think jrn's position has to be about love and obligation and a guilt complex though. it's true that first time sex (whether overall first time or with a new partner) isn't a big deal but the reason it's not a big deal is perhaps less about some brutally objective physical fact than it is that when you're with someone you're comfortable around, and there's some distinct mutual feeling, then intimacy and sex are pretty easy.

mh, could you explain how you interpreted my post as opposing casual sex? I'm really curious.

i can't imagine having sex with a prostitute and not feeling paralyzed with self-consciousness about the fact that they (probably) aren't attracted to me. this seems like awful advice for a first timer.

How do you feel when you imagine having sex with a non-prostitute?

but an essential part of the experience will be missing, because you'll be having it with someone who doesn't really want you

If you're having casual sex, you're doing it to have sex and not feel deep love and romantic feelings and the like? And presumably the other person does want you (to have casual sex with them). Saying that you're missing something _essential_ misses the point that it's _casual sex_.

but jrn's saying that "essential part" is missing in sex with a prostitute, not (necessarily) in casual sex

sex is just a body thing when you get down to it. something that just happens on a different level than things like acceptance, love, or any of that shit. we add all those different layers to it because that's what we do. is there any great meaning behind whether someone's body wants to fuck you? if you imagine you're a sex god i guess i could see that as important. or have some great need to be accepted unconditionally by every person you want to screw.

i've had casual sex where i didn't give a crap about the other person, and vice versa. it's just fun with someone else. then you part ways. costs about $6 in beer. it all depends on what you want and feel comfortable with, but there's nothing great or special about what sex is. it's just our bodies doing their thing.

and there's the other end of the continuum

i wouldn't see a prostitute, personally, but i don't think there's anything wrong with that. my taste is that the other person having fun is part of me having fun. has to be mutual. but it doesn't make you a shit person if you really want to get off and you see someone who can help you with that for money. might even be good for you as long as you're safe about it.

Several years back I knew a woman who *loved* having sex with first-timers, especially older ones, guys who were shy, uncomfortable talking with women, or clueless about how to initiate a relationship, but were generally nice guys. She would all but offer herself up to anyone she knew to be a virgin as long as they were nice to her and not repulsive. When I asked her why, she said these men always treated her so well and made her feel important, because she was important to them. She was also amazed at how good they were in bed, perhaps because they'd spent so long just thinking about sex, asking their friends about it, or reading up on it.

I wonder how common this is.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ah7VxQHs-gI