Bah Humbug - The Elf on the Shelf

really into the mensch on a bench tbh

http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/style-blog/wp/2014/12/16/the-elf-on-the-shelf-is-preparing-your-child-to-live-in-a-future-police-state-professor-says/

Now I'm waiting for someone to create The Laddie With Zawadi

Second, yeah I get that the whole narrative of judging children on whether they've been nice or not has always been part of the game, but having a physical representation of Santa's unblinking eye hiding in the corners and sending back reports to headquarters? Just another way that adults in 2040 will think nothing of having government cameras monitoring them in their own homes.

Vindicated!

Also, didn't realize until now that this picture wasn't photoshopped.

http://img.washingtonpost.com/rf/image_908w/2010-2019/Wires/Images/2014-11-27/Reuters/2014-11-27T180140Z_01_NYK009_RTRIDSP_3_USA-THANKSGIVING-PARADE.jpg&w=1484

guy who stands outside of cvs all the time asking for money was there today and he kept saying "he's watching! who's watching?" trying to provoke people into saying "santa claus."

So there's 24 days of the advent calendar = 24 different wacky scenarios for EOTS. Multiply that by... we'll aim low and say eight years. That means 192 different wacky scenarios to be used.

So maybe you get to recycle one as "tradition" each year. Maybe you move to a new home in those eight years with a fresh game architecture. That's still 92 ways to fuck around with an elf doll you gotta come up with.

All that work and the kids will still hate you for this. Good job, elf people.

You could always just stage a wacky EOTS torture and dismemberment scenario over a number of days and then never have to worry about kowtowing to this scam ever again!

good luck, pp, I have a few magic-believing 12/13 yo students who are still freaked out they maybe killed elf on a shelf

You're kidding me.

Afwiw, there is no elf in my house a surprisingly low number of shelves, all things considered.

http://i.imgur.com/dCLxKCv.jpg

s/emptily/creepily

Also, why is he holding his hands in front of his crotch like that?

Probably freak out your guests if they can see his erection.

There's a rule when it comes to Elf on the Shelf: No touching.

That's why a 7-year-old Old Bridge, New Jersey girl panicked recently when she accidentally threw a ball and knocked over her Elf on a Shelf. Fearing that the Christmas magic was gone (that's an Elf on the Shelf rule, too) Isabelle LaPeruta made a desperate call to 911, NBC New York reported.

A 911 operator patiently told the frightened young girl that she can just explain she made a mistake and that no harm was done.

Police are required to visit a house where a child places a 911 call, however, even if it is just about a toppled elf. Once at the house, they found the girl in tears but were able to comfort her, according to Old Bridge Police Lt. Joseph Mandola.

"To her, it was an emergency when she touched the elf, and she's going to ruin Christmas, so that was her emergency," said Old Bridge Police Lt. Joseph Mandola. "In her mind, she did right, and it was fine with us."

The police said they girl apologized and won't call 911 again – unless it really is an emergency.

http://www.al.com/news/index.ssf/2015/12/girl_calls_911_after_knocking.html#

"We're happy that children are becoming more comfortable with notifying the authorities at the slightest indication on an aberration inside their household. Parents keep an eye on their kids, sure, but who keeps an eye on the parents?"

Related Elf on the Shelf Ideas & Resources
Elf on Shelf Ideas
25 Days of Elf on the Shelf Ideas
Elf on the Shelf Ideas for Arrival
Elf on the Shelf deals
Elf on the Shelf Names
Elf on the Shelf Girl Names
Elf on the Shelf Boy Names
Jennifer’s Elf on the Shelf Ideas
Elf on the Shelf Videos
Elf on the Shelf Ideas: 51 Creative Suggestions
Elf on the Shelf Ideas: 51 MORE Creative Suggestions
Clothes for Elf on the Shelf
Elf on the Shelf Accessories
Add your own Elf on the Shelf Ideas and photos to our gallery
View our Elf on the Shelf Ideas Pinterest Album
Elf on the Shelf Ideas for Adults ONLY!
25 Funny Elf on the Shelf Ideas
Kindness Elf Ideas
Elf on the Shelf Printables
Elf on the Shelf Pets
Easy Elf on the Shelf Ideas

http://dangerousminds.net/comments/fck_the_elf_on_the_shelf_heres_krampus_in_the_corner

I... I thought this was a joke at first. Like a Liartown gag, but no, you can really buy this.

https://i.imgur.com/7KzHxSQ.jpg

https://www.amazon.com/Elf-Surveillance-Santa-Camera-Dummy/dp/B0773S4KXM/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1511967511&sr=8-1&keywords=Elf+Surveillance+Dummy+CCTV+Camera

why is it called "dummy child surveillance camera"?

(also: "elves behaving badly" -- indeed they are, spying is not very elfin at all! but this too seems a strange up-front admission)

Because it's not a real camera - just a shiny black dome with a blinking red light.

I mean, a real surveillance camera - a cheap one - wouldn't cost much more than this thing.

One day the kids will discover they hadn't been recorded the whole time, a fake eye watching over them. Then their belief in Santa will disappear. Then they'll stop believing in God. Then they'll get caught shoplifting at Target because, hey who says those cameras are real anyway?

https://www.askideas.com/media/16/One-Ear-Funny-Scared-Cat-Face.jpg

i have never heard of this but it reminds me why i moved out of the united states

https://i.imgur.com/uLqBRDu.jpg

If I've learned anything from the movies this year, kids love festive charlatans holding red balloons.

if i saw that i would run screaming out of the goddamn house

https://i.imgur.com/8nOJ4eK.jpg

"Daddy, it's hugging me too tight!"

https://i.imgur.com/98RZREq.png

Note to any social media marketers out there: When the comments on your post are nothing but people tagging other people, you have struck gold, my friends.

Ok, Ronan Farrow. Good one.

https://i.imgur.com/EaZ02ci.jpg

Heroes.

https://i.imgur.com/6d2q87m.jpg

That's all I've got... for now.

https://i.imgur.com/F0IXwoX.jpg

That dummy survelliance camera is just a ruse to get all the younguns USED to being MONITORED all the time so the MAN can get away with the ORWELLIAN STATE

I love the picture of the kids jumping with joy that there's now a camera watching them

https://i.imgur.com/j8fPh7U.jpg

Poor guy

Dinovember is what we do instead, we just have dinosaurs doing goofy stuff and causing "trouble" every morning she thinks it's cute

Those kids are jumping for joy on the bed! This is a clear breach of household rule #34 and must be punished. Too bad they chose to enact their criminal deeds under the watchful eye of Dummy Surveillance Camera!

https://www.thecut.com/2017/08/cognition-builders-family-intervention-parenting-help-adhd.html

For God's sakes, let's not bring Rule #34 into this.

At a friends house and who do i see walking in but this fux0r hanging from the curtain

That cognition builders story, wtf

(xps to Karl Malone) David Bowie's "The Barfing Gnome"

https://scontent-sjc3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/120204164_625933848316217_1136268561088120593_n.jpg?_nc_cat=1&_nc_sid=110474&_nc_ohc=vF540pjFlwkAX_5tWUG&_nc_ht=scontent-sjc3-1.xx&oh=5a2489bc23b23c98d8fc6a9f6572bfa7&oe=5F95BD90

When the link dies: An EotS skeleton made out of chicken bones, with barbecue sauce on it. Text: "The elf was delicious, had the cookies for dessert. Thanks! Santa"

I guess that's ketchup, not BBQ sauce.

For hope in national politics, one must still look toward Georgia:

Robert Leonard, a judge in metropolitan Atlanta, is doing what he can to stop the tyranny of the Christmas tradition of “Elf on the Shelf,” issuing an order banning the tiny creatures from sitting and spying, then dropping lumps of coal in the stockings of mischievous kids in Cobb County.

tackling the important issues

He’s got my vote!

You will hide when I say you must hide
Elf on the Shelf

I was born for spying!