becoming a "regular"

The social side of being a regular, fitting in and chatting to the other regulars, is something which mostly eludes me and sometimes I am mystified as I watch relative newcomers manage it, eying them suspiciously and silently from my glaring, skulking corner (perhaps where I go wrong - who'd have thought)

OH GOD YES THIS FEELING. it is the worst, i care about it far more than i do personal failures far more important (no career; failure of all my long term relationships; slow decline of my brain, looks) measured by any orthodox schema

I order the same sandwich at the work canteen every time I go in there, and they always ask me if I want 'my usual', and then usually need me to remind them the exact details of what my usual is and feels like the message is 'we have noted that you are a tedious prick who eats the same lunch every day, but you are not memorable enough for us to actually remember what that lunch is'

occasionally i find that being a regular can foster a strange kind of dislike. just the repetition of the same role of you as customer and them having to give you things because you're giving them money - it can slowly lead to a faint sourness. have definitely noticed this in certain types of divey pubs or whatever (where presumably some posh cunt like myself is boosting the real estate value while simultaneously irritating the landlord, even if not enough for them to be outright rude - or even if they actually like you and you otherwise get along with them)

could be all in my head. i guess i mean it can be hard to build a real relationship with someone where there is money changing hands.

that is true. In my teens/early twenties I was a "regular" at a record store that eventually began to seriously decline in quality, but for whatever reason I felt either obliged to or was too used to going, which can breed a kind of resentment. When I would later come back after not going for awhile, I would feel guilty, or make up excuses about being away. I mean it was pretty stupid of me, but still.

I don't really like places with regulars, it seems kind of anti-egalitarian. I'll rake a shared anonymity over a kind of privileged intimacy, which I'd rather avoid anyways (come to think of it, I tend to find it uncomfortable when people recognize me at stores/cafes, and so avoid returning too frequently - as if somehow they're going to be offended or find it weird that you're supporting their business???? But mostly that's just being asocial).

The social side of being a regular, fitting in and chatting to the other regulars, is something which mostly eludes me and sometimes I am mystified as I watch relative newcomers manage it, eying them suspiciously and silently from my glaring, skulking corner (perhaps where I go wrong - who'd have thought)

― undergraduate dance (a passing spacecadet), Wednesday, March 4, 2015 2:28 AM (4 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

these people are socks imo

from the thread title I thought this was about ilx

give it some time to get meta

http://www.webmd.com/food-recipes/20060823/how-roughage-keeps-you-regular

lol mordy so did I

ilxors are I'm beginning to think a lil uh crazy

i love being a regular tbh. if i'm in there all the time giving money to the same people and there's no recognition at all, then i get a little annoyed.

I like smiling at people, being friends, being liked, exceeding expectations for whatever (except calculus). So I don't really get the deal here.

phew thks guys I was getting worried

i being completely invisible at all times

i do kinda get a perverse thrill when i interact with people who have seen me 1,000 times but don't know my name and are scared to ask. "hey there... buddy!"

Also when I could still order a regular deli counter breakfast, my preference was kinda complicated and it was a huge relief to make eye contact and just nod when the guy said, "Usual?" If he was out sick, though, my morning would suddenly suuuuck.

being a regular somewhere great is the best.

being a regular somewhere shit is the worst.

― Junior Dictionary (LocalGarda), Wednesday, March 4, 2015 5:06 AM (8 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

this

i once worked at an office near an italian place, i would go in a few times a week for lunch and get the same sandwich with a dr. pepper and a pickle. it didn't take long before i was asked if i want "the usual" and eventually they just started making my food as soon as they spotted me coming through the doorway. and since the food made me happy, this made me doubly happy.

on the other hand, there is a record store around here that is pretty not-great, and as soon as i realized the owner knew my name and was recommending stuff to me based on what he knew of my tastes, i got kind of weirded out and stopped going there.

it didn't help that the recommendations were usually bad.

at one coffeshop where i used to be a regular, the staff told me that this one guy had specified to them explicitly that he preferred no small talk, at all, he wanted no distractions, he just wanted to receive his coffee and sit down

i actually wish i could find a lunch place like that italian place around here, but

- the neighborhood where i work is to chi-chi for a place like that

- i can't eat like i did in my twenties anymore

i'm totally up for being an old guy who goes to the same place for lunch everyday and sits around reading the paper for three hours. like this place, which at off hours is usually filled up with old chinese guys: http://www.philippes.com/

coffee places make it stressful to be a regular. I dont always get the same thing & if they've already started making "my usual" when i walk in the door it just feels like pressure i dont need maaaan

plus they get familiar & want to make conversation about my weekend or where i'm "off to" & i hate small talk sooooo much it just feels like social torture

i am a jerk

i'm totally up for being an old guy who goes to the same place for lunch everyday

people who seem to have etc etc

at the trader joe's near here, the employees once seemed to be under some kind of management-dictated obligation to make small talk with customers in the check-out lines, and i can't tell you how many times i was asked "any fun plans for this weekend?" by people i had never met before. i honestly don't know how to handle that one, esp. since the correct answer was usually, "no."

ugh tj's are the worst with that
i hate it

I like smiling at people, being friends, being liked, exceeding expectations for whatever (except calculus). So I don't really get the deal here.

― Orson Wellies (in orbit), Wednesday, March 4, 2015 2:41 PM (32 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

same

That TJs thing is gross though.

ENBB, do you have any fun plans for the weekend?

I've established regular status at the Vietnamese restaurant near my work. Lately they've been popping a freebie crab rangoon into the box with my order, so I got that going for me, which is nice.

not a coffee? an ESPRESSO? what is GOING ON everything is so OUT OF WHACK you're really changing it up!!!! whoa!!!!!!!!!!

psst amateurist, what neighborhood do you work in (Monroe St?)?

I like making friends with the corner store people. I think that I've gotten to know the corner store folks at every store near every apt I've lived in so far (there have been a lot). Sometimes after I've moved I've missed them a little bit.

god i hate the "plans for the weekend" question

A couple weeks ago, I bought a 1.75L bottle of vodka at the liquor store near my workplace. As I was paying for it, the owner did the "Whaddya got planned for the weekend?" thing. I gestured to the bottle and said, "Pretty much just this."

haha.

wish i could pay extra to not talk during a haircut.

otm

my hairdresser is a very awesome very butch lesbian and we mostly talk about our dogs and reality television and it's awesome

I got to be the one to break the news to her about Bruce Jenner. It was a really special moment.

in college i started eating at a deli just after it had opened, and i became such a regular that the owner, who was usually behind the counter, officially comped me meals for life because i had been so loyal.

since i was near-broke most of that time this was pretty much the best thing that could happen to me and will probably be the one thing i look back on in old age as making my life truly worth being grateful for (insert 'blessed' emoji here)

but since i wasn't always sure whether an employee behind the counter would know that i was supposed to get free food, when i was extra broke i still always had to be sure to have money before i went in, and sometimes i tried it without having the money, and would get super anxious about whether i might be chancing an awkward 'well… so-and-so said i wouldn't have to pay' conversation (which i never had to have)

the only places I'm a regular at are the video store, the comic book store, and the co-op grocery, and in each case I have favorite employees I'm on a first-name basis with. they're fun to chat with, they're friendly with my kids, exchanges of gifts/baked goods/etc are not unheard of. I really enjoy it, it's called being part of a community.

oh yeah and the dude at the corner store. I mean we see him at least twice a week to buy beer and coffee, seems stupid not to be friendly with him.

the "video" store

;)

miss my corner store guy from my old neighbourhood :/

yeah let's get some ~~~real human connection~~~ baloney in here, cmon people, there's a difference and you know it

dvd rental outlet and comedy performance space doesn't really have the same ring to it

xp

j.'s story warms my heart

man i miss those sandwiches

and their freeness

if you are having trouble making small talk with a hair stylist, it's best to focus the conversation on stuff they'd care about. ask things like 'How many volts does your hair clipper run on?' 'Where do you buy your blue stuff?' or 'What's your social security number?'

i often make faux-pas by asking people about money. "are you paid on commission?" etc.

i mean, i'm genuinely curious about stuff like that, but a lot of people don't take very kindly to those kinds of questions.

Guy who used to be behind the counter at my regular video store (closed years ago) recently cropped up behind the counter of my regular liquor store, which was nice.

http://www.fanpop.com/images/polls/23840_15_full.jpg

it's like guy is a "regular" in your life story

wonder how he feels about that

In 8 years of our "regular" relationship we really only chatted once, about Voivod.

I'm a regular at the bar down the street from me. It can be nice sometimes, but other times I do get the feeling that I'm only appreciated because I've spent the most money there.