The new rolling ILX parenting thread, since the other one was getting unwieldy

Yeah it sounds like you've become well-acclimated to the US Sunny! We only get 6 weeks which I think is probably too little.

I think that six weeks seems like way too little. I really want to be able to stay home for a couple of years when my kids are young but am terrified that we won't be able to afford for me to do so. If we wait until we can afford it, I'll be ancient before we can realistically contemplate having kids. Hopefully we'll be back in the UK when we have or first so I'll be able to take more time off. Maternity leave here in the States is a joke.

6 weeks is plenty of time for you to be physically ok to work (im assuming retail and or office situations here). I probably could have gone back in a week. As for the kiddo, its good to bond but Id think the earlier you socialize them the better. I get scared thinking of beeps believing we're her whole world.

6 weeks felt too soon after my first, so I stayed home (w/o pay) for 8 months. I ended up with some agoraphobia made worse by our living situation at the time (trailer park, no car, scary neighborhood), so returning to work would have been better for me. I leapt back to work at the 6 week mark after my son was born, which was better all around for us. The situation varies so much - I had a better support network as a working mom than as a stay-at-home mom, but it's different for everyone.

Tom, apparently most babies get their teeth in the same order although the timing can be hugely variable. So, bottom two middle ones first, then top two middle, then the rest.

My six months maternity leave is now up! (I was a bit early to qualify for the nine months boo.) My employer is reasonably generous but I certainly can't afford to take the option of further unpaid leave - and Matt would kill me anyway. He can't wait to share looking after Alice. NO WAY was I ready to go back after 6 weeks, but I guess if that had been my expectation all along I would have been...

J. went back to work at 6 weeks, but the daycare was next door to her workplace, so she walked over a couple of times a day to visit & de-stress. A perfect situation.

As for the kiddo, its good to bond but Id think the earlier you socialize them the better. I get scared thinking of beeps believing we're her whole world.

This was pretty much our thinking as well. What really scares me is people who have kids for emotionally needy reasons. For a while, the kids are going to be like, "oh shit, these people are my whole world!" And then suddenly one day they're going to be like "oh shit, these people aren't my whole world, but they made me think they were!" (/rant)

so its your fault shes independent enough to go off to london with out mom and dad!

what are signs of teething? beeps has started drooling like a faucet and shoving everything in her mouth to suck/chew on. and shes lost interest in pacifiers. it has to be her hand or a towel (bib/receiving cloth/shirt/blanket/towel) or toy. shes only 3 months though.

I think I read once that Napoleon already had two teeth when he was born.

womb biter

"you may see his first white cap (usually one of the bottom middle teeth) as early as 3 months"

uh oh

OMG! SCHWANTZ! we just bought the same exersaucer that one of your twinzies is in upthread! i looked all over the internet the other night for help with an assembly problem and found nothing. maybe you can help? the very bottom leg pedestals, the ones that attach the base with the spring, are supposed to snap back into place when turned. ours dont SNAP but they do return to their original position very very slowly. did yours do the same? im scared to keep assembling and find out i did it wrong and have to undo everything.

we also got the rainforest bouncer but shes not big enough for it yet.

does the rainforest bouncer send them up into the treetop canopy???

@Sunny: Yeah, I think that behavior is ok. It's just a friction thing, right?

Ben LOVES that thing. We call it his office. We had to replace the little bear-on-a-stick (Anger Bear!) attachment cuz he tries to eat it and it's sharp.
http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1164/533643765_515cc5c3f3.jpg

We got this instead:
http://www.baby-wise.com/images/images_big/10-0520-01.jpg

(not a picture of Ben in that photo)

oooh! attachments! i havent even taken the toys out of the bag yet.

thanks so much for the help!

does the rainforest bouncer send them up into the treetop canopy???

sort of, yes!

why do you all get so much maternity leave. i was back to work after 6 weeks.

what the hell is maternity leave? i didn't really take any. didn't really want to. i preferred being in teh shop over being at home alone (with the baby).

here you get three months (if you are an employer). you can also ask for breastfeeding and/or parental leave. the latter can only be postponed, the former can be denied by the employer.

sam, the one thing i should have noticed, when being pregnant (the first time), was the sensitivity in my nipples. it was very weird but my nipples were so sensitive (for a day or maybe more). the second time i was just very hungry for a couple of days. no bloated feeling though. well, not due to pregnancy anyway, maybe due to excessive eating.

in regard to babies and socializing: this is certainly not necessary before twelve months. children can only socialize from around 18months (according to my therapist). that said, ophelia loves being around children, she walks up to'em and strokes'em. very funny.

the fluttering? now, the second time, i was so scared that i didn't feel it. but i did, i was just thinking it would be clearer (or rather that i would be tell much better). i think this baby is quieter than ophelia though. ophelia was very active.

let us know if you are pregnant! (i tried to read the posts but might have missed if you mentioned if you were.)

Hello all. Just wanted to say that we have gotten our travel date, and that we will be able to meet our new daughter M0lly on July 7. OMG so excited and nervous and stuff.

If I get crazy later I will post the only picture I have of her.

Haha, not pregnant so far! The test I had at home had actually expired in May, which although not too far gone made my a little skeptical. I'll probably pick up another one. It's doubtful I'm accidently pregnant but the way I take my bc (skipping periods) I often get a little worried and take a test.

I worry about it b/c of my psychiatric pills b/c they weaken the effect of the birth control. Twice I've had to move to a stronger bc pill. Also I worry about being pregnant for weeks and weeks without knowing and hurting the baby with all those pills I shouldn't take while pregnant. :(

Just paranoid I'm sure. However if this weird fluttering feeling doesn't stop soon I will have to go to the doctor. It's annoying the crap out of me.

Sam,you take anti-depressants, right? Well, apparently they prescribe this to pregnant women who suffer from migraine attacks. Secondly, I wouldn't worry too much about the first few weeks. It doesn't harm the baby at that stage. (So doctors told me.)

The fluttering feel I haven't experienced in the first week at all. I mean, the foetus is certainly not big enough to flutter.

Get a blood test, it'll solve those feelings. :-)

xpost: Woohoo! POSTPICNOW!

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/234/536090655_15ede9efd7.jpg

Checking out zee Japanese books in Ebisu.

She's such a cutie. Is she learning any Japanese?

The two pills I take, Lithium and Lamictal, have not been cleared for pregnancy but are not strictly forbidden either. Not enough known. It will have to be something I decide with my doctor ahead of time. Both my pysch and obgyn have said making decisions about my meds will have to be something we all discuss before I get pregnant. So I'd prefer not to have it be by accident. Also I like to booze it up on the weekend and would like to stop this beforehand.

If it were up to my mom, she'd already be enrolled in a Japanese language school. In the space of a week, she has already learned to bow and say (konnichi) "wa" (though not consistently of course). Kinda freaky really. It's amazing how much she has changed this week. I wonder if it's the fact I am here with her on holiday.

I worry so much as well about my pregnancy, but I do realize and know that the first weeks are not that harmful. Heck, my gran was a pregnant alcoholic and my dad's relatively good. ;-) Seriously, have a blood test and start *prepping* now. This way you will freak out less about booze and pills. :-)

Also I worry about being pregnant for weeks and weeks without knowing and hurting the baby with all those pills I shouldn't take while pregnant. :(

I was 6 weeks' pregnant when I found out I was, and the week before, I'd been drinking and smoking pot and doing all kinds of horrible things, and he's just fiiiine.

Beeps is holding her head up like a champ:

http://img138.imageshack.us/img138/9415/headupue4.jpg

Also a champ at being cuet:

http://img46.imageshack.us/img46/5474/stareysn2.jpg

Aw, looks just like her daddy.

I forgot I promised photos on Wednesday.

http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1231/537193033_f8ba2387e8.jpg

http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1022/537193035_98051d57fd.jpg

http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1081/537193047_02651507c0.jpg

Howie can't quite hold his head up lying on his front (he does try, and usually ends up getting frustrated and crying). However, he can roll onto his side (and frequently practises at night when he's supposed to be sleeping). I am sure one morning we will wake up, find him lying on his front, and panic. I think it's OK for them to sleep on front or side once they can roll, though.

In other news, after two weeks of terrible night wakings there's been some changes around these parts. Firstly we went and bought him a big cot as he was looking all squashed in the crib. It has a drop-down side so much easier to get him in and out without major back damage (just as well as he's now over 15lb). Secondly, daytime naps are now in the cot (in fact he's there right now) unless we're out and about with the pram. And thirdly, no more breastfeeding to sleep and putting in cot asleep. Now he goes in the cot awake - something I thought would NEVER happen. I do use a dummy to settle him (which I said I'd never do, but it works a treat) but whip it out before he falls asleep.

Re: maternity leave, before I had H I thought I would return to work after the 6 months' paid leave, but I'm going to take the full year and maybe even longer if we can manage on one income. Absolutely no disrespect to mums who go back to work much sooner, but personally, I don't want to work just to cover the cost of childcare so someone else can bring up my baby. (The industry I work in has zero provision for creches or anything, plus very long hours.) So we are looking at a year or so of poverty, but then we don't seem to be spending much money at the moment as we're not going to pubs or restaurants or anything.

Aw she is so gorgeous onimo! Has she got you a birthday present or just teh gift of CUTENESS?

And Beeps looks so beautiful and wise already :)

Meg, I feel just the same - after the ridiculous childcare costs we'd be almost as poor anyway AND we wouldn't have our precious time with Alice. In our case though we're both working part time and making up one income out of two half incomes. If anyone stayed at home full time it would logically be Matt as he works in a very poorly paid sector, but I know I couldn't handle working full time yet.

My birthday's not till tomorrow. I'm hoping for a present but teh CUTENESS will do :)

We've managed to get through Mrs O's first week back at work (part time, 3 days) without any problems. Hopefully it stays that way. We're lucky we have willing grandparents or we'd probably struggle with childcare.

Mrs O is out boozing tonight so I am being stay at home Dad for the night. I got Megan to bed by 7.20pm and the boys are peacefully watching a dvd before bed. It won't last...

All these cute cute babeeez!!!! Awwwwww... Need to cuddle one.

Ours was once a small cute cute baby. No more. ;D

http://i99.photobucket.com/albums/l298/JRaynmaker/stonehenge.jpg

they rope stonehenge off now? tell me that red hair is natural.

omino, megan's eyes are incredible. i wish they were mine.

beeps started rolling on to her side two days ago and did her first full roll from back to stomach this afternoon. i was excited but also felt pretty bad since she had been making what i thought were pre-nap fussy noises/cries in her crib for about 5 minutes when i decided to check on her. there was poor beeps face first into the crib mattress. when i turned her over her face was all red and her eyes said "NOT HAPPY, MOM". she did another roll on the change table tonight.

The red hair is natural. The frizzy, uncontrollable curls, sadly, also natural. Both my fault, genetically. Sorry, Kiddo.

When the Kiddo was a wee pup, she used to sleep on her tummy in the corner of the baby bed, with her head wedged as far as she could get it in the corner. No matter where on the bed you put her down, or how, she'd eventually get in that position.

I honestly worried that she was going to suffocate herself, so whenever I found her like that, I'd move her back to the middle of the bed. Inevitably she'd get right back in that corner. She's been a strong-willed pup from the get-go.

Sometimes you just have to let them do what they want. I blame her dad. He sleeps on his stomach a lot, too, albeit not with his head in a corner. ;D

My hair is all crazy curls and frizz too. I straighten the bejesus out of it every day. When beeps came out with curls the first thing i said was 'OH NO!' but it seems to have straightened out since. I still flatten it down after every bath.

Yeah, I figure with a round head its hard to suffocate on a flat surface. Whenever I think those things, or get worked up by all the fear people instill in new mothers, I just remind myself of all the billions of children that somehow made it though childhood.

I straighten the bejesus out of mine, too. After years of frustration with blow dryers, curling irons, straightening irons, none of which worked worth a shit, I discovered nirvana last year. A Paul Mitchell flatiron which heats to 400 degrees.

Eureka! I finally have straight hair. :D

Kiddo still doesn't care enough about her hair to mess with straightening it. I figure the need will hit her someday.

Flattening the Kiddo's hair was an exercise in futility when she was a little one. It was just completely pointless. If beeps' hair seems to be lying down a bit, you might have dodged the curly bullet.

That's a really weird-looking sentence, now that I look back at it.

Alice sleeps with her head mashed into her sheepskin (which she grabs and buries her face in as soon as she hits the cot). I do worry about suffocation but then until recently the official advice was to put babies to sleep on their fronts, exactly the opposite of now. So screw it.

Jude, straightening is a total bore but NECESSARY for my sanity. those little curls ends sticking in my face all the time drive me nuts. I've been straightening since i was around 10. Anyway, i think you're right, Beeps dodged the curly bullet.

Archel do you use a movement monitor? we do but honestly id have no idea what to do if it went off for real.

Your babies are all so cute!!

I need to get another preg. test but I seriously doubt I am just like all the other times I was paranoid. (well, except for that one time when I wasn't paranoid just shocked. which was part of the problem.)

My brother and his wife have four kiddos 7 and younger. For awhile now just she was working while he was housedaddy. But they've come across tough times so it looks like he'll need to get a third shift job. The childcare costs would sink them. :(

childcare is remarkably cheap here. the average in LR/AR seems to be $125 a week. i know in australia its more like $100 a day.

xpost Do you mean a monitor taht detects movement (or rather lack of movement) so as to prevent cot death? I have read this is unreliable.
Once babies roll over (and sleep on their bellies) the risk for SIDS is much lower (in fact, some claim it's finished).

Poor Ophelia is not handling the jetlag so well. She's nearly sleepwalking at times and then suddenly *erupts* in a frenzied running around Lucy (our dog).

haha...cute! i hope you guys adjust soon.

yeah its a pad kind of thing that you put underneath the matress that detects whether the kiddo is breathing or not. we had one that you strap to the diaper ("respisense") but she kept knocking it around too much so we had a gazillion false alarms. the pad thing however seems pretty reliable. the only thing i could see not making it work would be something else in the room making movement that it detects. it sure goes off loud and clear as soon as we lift beeps out of the crib.

wait, isnt sleeping on the belly bad as far as SIDS is concerned?

I guess it's bad unless babies can roll into (and out of) that position themselves?

I have never even heard of a movement monitor!

wait, isnt sleeping on the belly bad as far as SIDS is concerned?

Yes, placing very young infants (<4 months) on their belly to sleep is considered to increase risk of SIDS, but once they're old enough to flip over themselves there's no need to keep putting them on their back. So goes the current received wisdom.

Of course, we worried about all this stuff with Ava - with Tallulah, not so much.

xp

Child care rates at my rate of employment. Level three means household income 55K to 99K.
Level 3
Infants $810
Toddlers $665
Two’s $605
Pre-K $580

That's per child with a $25 per month discount for additional children. This is considered a good deal and there's a long wait list.

2nd rate = place, duh.

archel, seriously? i dont know anyone in AUS that doesnt use one. I dont know anyone else with babies here in the US so im not sure if theyre popular or not.

this is our one:

http://www.bebesounds.com/products_movementsensorsound_description.asp

honestly, i dont think its ever going to come to the alarm sounding but it sure lets me get some good sleep.

sam, do not tell me thats $810 a week!?!

haha, that's per month. But from what I understand, being childless myself, that's a better deal than general, public daycares. In the case of my brother, multiply that by 4 and it's just madness.

yeah, we figured if we had two kids one of us might as well stay at home and look after them.

I think we're talking around £35-50/child/day here in London for childcare. So if Pam were to return to work full-time and we could find somewhere that would take the two of them, she'd conceivably have to be earning £28k-35k just for us to be in the same financial position we're in now with her freelancing from home (and earning about £500/month). There are things like childcard voucher schemes from some employers (it's paid out of your pre-tax earnings so the employer gets an NI break too) and Child Tax Credits and so on, but the sums still don't add up for us.

So here's Ava in the garden to cheer us up:

http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1190/533883295_54038dfaf6.jpg

beautiful. i love brown tops on girls.

Let's assume your baby stops moving long enough to set this movement monitor thing off. By then *if* anything was wrong it'd be too late to do anything, right? Or does it literally measure something like heart rate and if it stops for 10 secs it goes off?

Sounds like just one more horrible paranoid product designed to make parents even more twitchy and scared, but what do I know.