Kids say the darndest things

"Adults have hair in their noses, and little people have boogers."

Ella: "Nonna and granddad are my grandparents."
Me: "Yes. And they're my parents."
Ella: "Well, that's disappointing."

― as verbose and purple as a Peter Ustinov made of plums (James Morrison), Wednesday, July 29, 2015 4:10 AM (1 week ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

!!!!!!!!!!

^^^ How is this kid 2.5??? Amazing.

Me, dropping something: Son of a bitch.
Ivy: Bitch! Bitch! Bitch!
Me: o_O

lol

Glad she learned it from you first.

did you know there's a comic strip here about a toddler called Ivy the Terrible?

I did not! Is it any good?

Can't say it was my favourite tbh...

While taking a walk around the neighborhood and learning the different brands of cars:

"Goodbye Honda! I love you more than my wolf-husband!"

irl LOL

The background being that her latest imagination game to play has been "wolves". You know, there's a pack, she has to learn to hunt, there are alphas and omegas (she likes omegas better because it sounds better), there's a lot of howling and running. But I didn't realize she was still in wolf mode at the time and I certainly didn't know she had gotten married.

so there is this brand of soda here

http://57.img.v4.skyrock.net/3479/1883479/pics/31609515.jpg

and my kids reallllllly like asking if we can some of it, for some reason...

nice!

and then dinner was a litany of "I'm full of pschitt" etc

I make that same joke all the time.

never gets old

Somehow ella replaced our answering machine message with a fragment of alan bennett reading winnie the pooh and talking about "cunning plans"

lol

BEEPS: I was climbing off the bunk bed and slipped off the ladder. It hurt!

ME: Oh no! Let me look at you. What did you hit when you fell?

BEEPS: ... The floor?

Duh.

out of nowhere right now, "have I ever drunk George Washington's sweat?"

loool

now I'm wondering.

we all have, it's part of being 'merican

I think she's remembering the bit in Paulos' Innumeracy when he says the probability of having just inhaled a molecule that Caesar exhaled in his dying breath, is over 99%, which we talked about some months ago, and kicking it up a notch. but it really came out of nowhere today...

'My room, my rules!''my rules for me!' 'my phone, my rules!'

We seem to have hit another challenging authority stage. Girl's got a shock coming to her when she starts school a week on tuesday....

Haha she repeatedly said "my house, my rules" to me at the weekend; I was in no position to argue.

Whoa, Lulu has been doing this for a while. Usually wrt to laundry. "My pants, my rules". Just please put them in the basket or washing machine, not stuffed somewhere where I discover them a week later.

We're finally getting our decrepit and nonfunctioning bathroom repaired, but it is next to Ella's room and she has to sleep out in the lounge for a couple of weeks. She was disgusted to learn this.
"The builders CAN'T come and pull up the floor. If they do, I'll BASH them!"

And

"rRAAAAARRRRGH! RRRRRRAAAAARGH!"
"What are you doing?"
"I'm frightening the builders away."

loool

lol that genuinely sounds like our old downstairs neighbour (who was about 60 and had asked for the work to be done herself)

I told K that she had to follow my rule because "You are K and I'm the dad," and she said "No, YOU are K and I'M the dad"

AB! CD! ED! YEAH! YEAHYEAHYEAH!

Me, putting on a jumper only to discover it is covered in soup splatters:
"aw man, I cant wear this to work, its dirty! I look all grotty!"
7 y.o: "eh, you'll get used to it".

Xp

Sigh

http://youtu.be/lYIRO97dhII

yeah

Always love that clip.

More adventures in religious preschooling (K is now 3.5 so it's getting a little harder to navigate)

K: What are somethings that Hashem (God) gives to us?
Me: (trying to deflect) Well, there are many things to be THANKFUL for.
K: What things?
Me: Well, you know, like having a nice family, having food, having a place to live.
K: What else?
Me: How about...trees?
K: NOOOO!!!!! Hashem doesn't give us that kind of things!
Me: Well what does he give us then?
K: Toys!!!

Ella, unable to sleep, watched the first 15 mins of Back to the Future 3 with us

"I don't understand what's going on, but I like it!"

Me: Come on, we have to go. Get in the car.
Ella: (Incredibly enthusiastically) LET'S ROCK THE CASBAH!

some kid at the toy store last weekend was playing with a bunch of Thomas the Train toys and trying to tell me (at great length) about how coal-fired steam trains are better than diesel trains, cuz the diesel trains are mean. was preparing to blow his mind about how coal is possibly the worst most evil energy source in the world and diesel is much better fuiud but was distracted by Veronica asking me to explain a Calvin and Hobbes strip.

fucking Thomas, Thomas is a goddamn idiot is what he is

http://deadspin.com/why-your-childrens-television-program-sucks-thomas-f-732099029

lool Topham Hatt as Tom Coughlin

"knock knock!!"

"who's there"

"headface!!!!!!"

"headface who?"

"headface ON YOUR FACE!!!!!!!!"

...

Hank and I have been playing this game lately where we "Facetime" each other.

"Hey, Dad. Wanna Facetime?"

"Sure."

*SLAP*

_____

"Hey, Henry. Wanna Facetime Grampa?

"Yeah!"

"GO CARDS!"

*SLAP*

I... I just want you all to know that I don't really slap him hard or anything.

K: Tell a funny joke!
Me: Knock Knock.
K: Hahahahahahaha!

that's about the size of it