on every artist-specific message board ever

103. Young member of the forum, possibly brainwashed into liking said band/artists by his/her middle aged divorcee parents, who take him/her to gigs by said band/artist simply to have someone to go with because the realities of parenthood and work have decreased their social circles significantly, makes occasional posts about how he/she finds the 60+ year old singer/keyboardist/bassist attractive.

104. On the forum of an older, established band: a middle-aged poster who enjoys spending his evenings getting absolutely rat-arsed, logging onto the forum of his favourite band, and arguing with or insulting everyone he possibly can.

105. The person who isn't a moderator, but somehow thinks they're a moderator. So you think my signature is too big or too long, do you? Fuck off.

106. Fans of the earlier stuff and the later stuff lock horns. Fans of the later stuff accuse the fans of the earlier stuff of being nostalgic and precious, and that the band/artist has moved on and has left them behind, fans of the earlier stuff tell the fans of the later stuff that they weren't there at the time and you just wouldn't understand, man.

107. Journalists or critics who have even dared to write a middling or bad review of a bands/artists gigs or albums are immediately noted down by hardcore fans who can't take the slightest bit of criticism regarding the work of their favourite band/artists and are mentioned frequently on the boards as an example of someone who "has it in" for the band/artist.

108. "Let's flood the comment box of this review with comments to show this idiot critic just how wrong his or her opinion really is!"

109. "Have you seen what this dickhead has written on Amazon? Let's flood Amazon with positive reviews to show this idiot just how wrong his or her opinion really is!"

110. "Holy shit, have you seen what people are writing on RYM? Have you seen how unfairly low the RYM average is on the new album? Let's flood RYM with positive reviews to show everyone just how wrong everyone else is about this album!"

109. Being aware that 70% of front row/'golden circle' tickets for band's arena tour is populated by forum regulars; Recognising many of these faces but personally keeping your distance 6-7 rows deep from the front

111. People speculating about what Pitchfork are going to think of the new album when they get around to reviewing it: "I think it'll be 7.6", "Nah, I'm feeling an 8.1", "BNM!", "Yeah, if it doesn't get BNM there's something wrong"

Eh, 112

113. "It's not that the new stuff is awful, far from it! You just have to hear it live!"

114. Forum member dares to criticise a new single or new album by a band, gets immediately shot-down with: "You're not a true fan, fuck off and listen to Justin Bieber."

115. Culture clash between the Main sub-board and the Other Music sub-board, many regulars of which claim no longer to like the band.

116. uncomfortable sexual tension

117. Hurt/Heal forum games

118. Attempts to sway the result of sites' clickbaity polls/tournaments/etc

119. Lecherous and/or lovelorn comments directed at photos of any female artist/band member

120. Regular hate/trolling/banning/invasions/general animosity toward the one artist designated as an untalented copycat of the forum's subject

121. Year-end lists and freakoutery about how the forum's subject is not on them

122. non-musical sub-boards that invariably includes a Politics board where the discourse rarely hovers slightly above cringeworthy

123. avatars which features the poster quoting himself one time he shined some other n00b who said something stupid about <band>

*THE one time

124. No activity because everyone has moved to Facebook.

125. "Hey! So, I bought two copies of the new album on vinyl today, and (*insert painfully long description of the pressing, the weight of the vinyl and the sound quality*), I've gone one of the items right here with me - the other, of course, is going to stay sealed LOL."

*gone=got

103. Young member of the forum, possibly brainwashed into liking said band/artists by his/her middle aged divorcee parents, who take him/her to gigs by said band/artist simply to have someone to go with because the realities of parenthood and work have decreased their social circles significantly, makes occasional posts about how he/she finds the 60+ year old singer/keyboardist/bassist attractive.

― You’re being too simplistic and you’re insulting my poor heart (Turrican), Thursday, August 27, 2015 4:48 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

"on every artist-specific message board ever"

Incredibly, I've seen that happen quite a few times.

126. "What songs should [band] cover?"

127. "What songs are you sick of hearing live?"

128. Alternate versions of albums that include demos and b-sides from the same era

129. Arguments about drummers

130. "Help me make a mixtape for friend who only knows the hits"

131. Songs tournaments

132. Someone gives way more thought about the band's music and lyrics than the band themselves ever did

133. Has anyone heard this obscure b-side by (band) named "Call Out Research Hook," I have ordered a CD with it for $11 and can't wait to hear it!