Il Douché and His Discontents: The 2016 Primary Voting Thread, Part 4

I think it's a Brit thing, Morbs. We wouldn't understand.

my tennessean father, who has recently discovered email, just sent me the following:

We're rooting for the Donald today. He's promising to do what the Iraq War catastrophe, the '08 financial crisis, and $4 a gallon gasoline couldn't do: send the muthafuckin' Republican party up in flames. The way things are setting, today could be a major landmark for progressivism.Who'd a thunk Drumpf could accomplished all that? What a guy. And talk about "mysterious ways!"

There were a couple of funny lines in that Oliver thing, but twenty fucking minutes?

lol dads

btw we need cruz to win texas tonight so that he stays in the race

I think that's pretty likely

https://twitter.com/anamariecox/status/704729755547865089

Trump just said he’s “never heard” the insult that he has small hands. The guy lies about the WEIRDEST things.

xp yeah he's ahead by 7 or 8 points in the RCP average

xpost

That’s the first John Oliver I’ve seen but it looks like more of the same old (John Stewart) shit. I guess these people can claim that they are comedians, but their really a bunch of irresponsible newscasters just like the rest of them IMO

i think i read something debunking the dong size/hand size thing

i misposted this:

this is pretty good

http://www.vox.com/2016/3/1/11135756/donald-trump-nationalism

― goole, Tuesday, March 1, 2016 12:52 PM (5 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

ymmv with yglesias explainer mode but the first two paras are like duuuuh of course

the anti-trump right trying to pin this all on obama or liberalism generally has been hilarious. so acrobatic, these guys

― goole, Tuesday, March 1, 2016 12:53 PM (3 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Yeah but did anyone do a dong/hand check on the author, seems suspicious

i didn't even get that and had never heard dick size = hand size. Feet yes, hands no.
i just thought it was funny he was uptight about having pudgy hands.

i thought it was short fingers not small hands

SHORT FINGERED VULGARIAN

i enjoy gawker's various descriptions of trump, i'd poll them except they're too numerous to track down

That’s the first John Oliver I’ve seen but it looks like more of the same old (John Stewart) shit.

John Oliver has one schtick that he uses over and over again. Every bit has the exact same rhythm and uses the same "it's like (non-sequitur cultural reference)!" joke construction

if cruz wins tx and rubio loses fl will rubio drop out?

oh for pete's sake

John Oliver has one schtick that he uses over and over again. Every bit has the exact same rhythm and uses the same "it's like (non-sequitur cultural reference)!" joke construction

also stuff like "Go to bed Anthony! No one likes you and you've been crabby for 3 hours, you are ruining this evening Anthony! Go to bed!"

if cruz wins tx and rubio loses fl will rubio drop out?

seems like a possibility, but who knows.

FL isn't voting today

i know

I can't see Rubio staying in if he loses FL (which is looking likely). I look forward to his humiliation though. Hopefully it will end his career.

gonna go out on a limb and say that trying to insinuate that donald has a small dick isn't really going to work. dude has slept with a lot of hot chicks

idea: we take away florida's right to vote and replace them with Afred as a mega-super-delegate

yeah i hope rubio gets completely jindalled

Trump 2016: It's Not the Size of the Boat, It's the Motion of the Ocean...but Seriously Have you Seen this boat? Fantastic! It's great, the People Love this Boat! What can you say? It's beautiful...beautiful

Read a report that Koch Brothers/other big donors have drafted a plan to stop Trump - $75 million to Rubio, $75 million to enormous campaign against Trump. Under the condition that Rubio wins FL. If he loses, they'll get behind................Mitt Romney.

sure, seems like a good plan

lmao

and only 3 months late

http://i.imgur.com/CSn9z85.jpg

big day for cruz!

the john oliver thing will be so irrelevant. it exists in an echo chamber for people who already hate trump and want to feel better/smarter than other people

Like Savage's thing with Santorum?

I think Cruz and Rubio will both get just enough victory (at least in delegate terms) to stay in for a while. Both have been running around for week saying the sky is falling and Trump must be stopped By Any Means Necessary - they would look pretty foolish if tomorrow morning they were all like, "So, yeah, about that? Never mind. I'm done."

Plus Rubio at least has been putting out there the idea that his pledged delegates will give him convention leverage, even if he doesn't win any states outright. Not that it will work. (As I said earlier you can't combine the votes from two almosts and two nevers and beat one big Fuck Yeah. Clear will of the voters and whatnot.)

Rubio will stay in for the next two weeks at least, even if he's down to one staffer and he's forced to drink tap water instead of bottled. Then he can go off and be a lobbyist or lawyer or something. Cruz, I dunno. He's so loathesome I don't even want to spend mental energy on psychoanalyzing him.

If he loses, they'll get behind................Mitt Romney.

god I hope this is true

Big M.I.T.T.

i'm neutral on john oliver, but the civil forfeiture thing he did was legitimately good broadcasting, bringing to light to a serious issue that was otherwise basically ignored.

Mitt Romney ‏@MittRomney Jan 29
RELEASE: My remarks from last night: “Happy birthday to you; happy birthday to you; happy birthday @SpeakerRyan…"
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CZ6-g1NWkAAOZVM.jpg

Carson is seeing this through to the bitter end, right? Like, he'll hopefully still be standing awkwardly on the side of the debate stage months after the nomination is already sealed up. That's all I ask for.

i'm neutral on john oliver, but the civil forfeiture thing he did was legitimately good broadcasting, bringing to light to a serious issue that was otherwise basically ignored.

― intheblanks, Tuesday, March 1, 2016 1:20 PM (22 seconds ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

yeah i think he's the best when doing things like this or the big thing regarding how lower income people often end up in jail for long periods of time for minor offenses like unpaid parking tickets, i mean get he can be a bit samey but he often does do things that the regular news media won't highligh

http://www.cnn.com/2016/03/01/politics/paul-ryan-donald-trump-kkk/index.html

Here we have Paul Ryan playing Two Truths and a Lie:

"If a person wants to be the nominee of the Republican Party, there can be no evasion and no games. They must reject any group or cause that is built on bigotry. This party does not prey on people's prejudices," Ryan told reporters on Capitol Hill.

(I'm not sure he's clear on the rules, though)

more like 3 lies

John Oliver has one schtick that he uses over and over again. Every bit has the exact same rhythm and uses the same "it's like (non-sequitur cultural reference)!" joke construction

― micro brewbio (crüt), Tuesday, March 1, 2016 2:01 PM (24 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I know what you mean. Every time I sit down to watch him I think, well, he's generally appealing; maybe this'll be a good show. But it's like biting into a chocolate-covered cherry, but instead of a cherry, there's a live bee! That's not a cherry! That's a bee! How'd that bee get in there? This isn't pleasant at all! This is very, very painful!

https://timethemoment.files.wordpress.com/2012/10/time_paulryan_20111205_04021.jpg

"If a person wants to be the nominee of the Republican Party, there can be no evasion and no games. They must reject any group or cause that is built on bigotry. This party does not prey on people's prejudices.

haha

https://45.media.tumblr.com/cef13f0bacf63b79bc5c2bc455c0d7fa/tumblr_mu8gjaCweb1qa9pg6o3_500.gif

lol Tarfumes I see what you did there

The Oliver 'Drumpf' piece seemed to be working on a couple of levels, one being the obvious-to-us* idea that being anti-immigrant in the US is a foolishly ahistorical idea, and another seemed to be (though I don't watch his show regularly at all) that the go big at the end is a parody of Trump and intentionally jarring with the "let's just sit and research these claims" air of the earlier stuff. And another is that Drumpf is a funny name.

*which is is the big problem, only 'us' are watching it

i am so sorry