Kids say the darndest things

Gold!

Dalton: Do you know what a go-go dancer is?

Is this a trick question?

lol

my sister used to be p much addicted to gripe water. I think she used to steal it from the first aid cupboard and just walk around with it.

Max is Henry and Beatrice's cousin. He is 3 month younger than Henry. He lives in Australia.

One night Henry was getting angry because he had to do his homework.He suddenly declared:

"I don't hate God but I HATE everyone on this earth! Everyone!!! Except Max. God and Max.'

I texted this to my brother who told Max. He said Max laughed but also nodded like he understood. Cousins.

(On the walk to school)
K: Is there a car called "Tack-L"?
Me: Um, what do you mean? Did you see that somewhere?
K: You know, like "Tack-C." Is there "Tack-L"?

Took me a minute there.

lol me too at the time

We were playing "Say Anything" (kind of like Cards Against Humanity, but for kids).

Question (for Ben): What headline would I (Ben) most like to see?
Me and the wife wrote "Ben Wins Gold Medal" and "Videogames More Healthy Than Reading."

Owen wrote the winning answer: "Ted Cruz Assassinates Donald Trump, While Getting Shot By A Bazooka."

Question: What would be the weirdest thing to collect?

Ben's answer: Fox genitals

LOL

guess you better get rid of you fox genital collection

I think someone should shop Harry S Truman holding up a newspaper with that headline.

https://farm2.staticflickr.com/1647/26203826981_40e207997b.jpg

:D

Everything seemed normal after I picked my 5-year-old up from my wife's sister's house yesterday. An hour or so after we got home though, she started singing the chorus to Enter the Ninja by Die Antwoord. :(

lol

my 7-y-o has starting appending "babe" to everything he says. "i want some milk, babe."

Kid's ready to make some deals!

Follow-up to my last post:

Little kid: I I I/I am your butterfly/I need your protection/a mee mo samurai...
Me: I think the words are "be my samurai".
Little kid: I I I/I am your butterfly/I need your protection/be...my...samurai... I think "a mee mo samurai" is easier to sing than "be my samurai"
Me: Well, sing it however you want, I guess. It's your song now.
Little kid: Yeah, I got the ABCs, Twinkle Twinkle, I got uuhhhhhhh, Eye of the Tiger, Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Cherry Bomb, and...Hey - I haven't heard Cherry Bomb these days!

lol that Tracer's kid is a Jason Sudeikis character

http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/snl/images/2/25/Dennis_Miller.jpg

i have no idea where he gets it. my wife and i have never said that, ever. today he said 'sup bro.' am i raising a.... douchebag?

Lololol.

Haha hl, your kid singing cherry bomb reminds me of when I was about 6 and I used to sing "I was made for lovin' you" by KISS all the time. Much, I'm sure, to my parents amusement.

"cherry bomb" is a great family song, teaches you to politely say hello to both your parents

It's family-centered and very cordial!

Haha hl, your kid singing cherry bomb reminds me of when I was about 6 and I used to sing "I was made for lovin' you" by KISS all the time. Much, I'm sure, to my parents amusement.

When our son was pre-school age, he used to entertain us by singing along to 3 by Britney Spears, a song about threeways. Or a song about numbers! He's in an advanced math class now so I don't give a shit.

We're trying to get ready for bedtime. Henry addresses us from the top of this thing:

http://i.imgur.com/Bqqsvg6.jpg

"OK, I'm in no longer in Creative Mode. I am in Survival Mode."

Henry after hurting himself:

'Oh no! I took some damage!'

Henry after graduating Pre-K:

'I unlocked an achievement!'

Officially too much video game time :P

This morning, when I got to work, there was a voice mail from my 3 year old daughter informing me that her leg isn't broken.

(she fell yesterday, it was bleeding a bit and insisted that this meant it was broken, I guess it stopped bleeding)

<3

Little dude will eat a cup of yogurt, maybe two, every afternoon if we let him. I say "if we let him" because I sure as hell ain't going to buy 20 cups a yogurt a week for the boy.

But I went grocery shopping while he was napping on Saturday and brought home enough yogurt to fill the refrigerator drawer.

When he woke up and immediately pivoted to the kitchen, he exclaimed to his mom, "Oh cool! The yogurt respawned while I was sleeping!"

http://i.imgur.com/qoWan41.gif

both of my kids have started saying 'Oh Em Gee!' as a visceral, knee-jerk response to amazing (to them) turns of events. like it is just a genuine, non-ironic expression of amazement. which is amazing, to me.

One of my two-year-old toddlers has begun expressing a keen interest in identifying car logos. He is pretty much 100% accurate on:

Toyota
Honda
BMW
Mercedes

He's about 75% accurate on:

Mazda
Nissan

He has problems distinguishing these logos from the Honda logo:

Lexus
Hyundai

So far he does not give two shits about American cars, which means he truly is My Child

That's awesome! My kid went through a big car-identification phase about a year ago. Honda and Hyundai were her favorites. There's a disappointing lack of toy Hyundais at the grocery store.

There have been many "humorous" potty-training false starts because he has looked out the window and shouted "Toyot!" which we have then interpreted to be a request to be put on the potty.

Officially too much video game time :P

― schwantz, Monday, April 18, 2016 10:48 AM (3 weeks ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Most recently when more yogurt somehow magically appeared in the fridge (ie his father went grocery shopping):

"The yogurt respawned!'

Newsreader: Five men have been arrested in Far North Queensland attempting to sail a small fishing boat to Asia to join ISIS
Ella: (deeply weary) Oh no, not AGAIN!

This is less of a said than a did - youngest came in while B was still asleep and stood by the bed. I whispered "daddy's pretending to be asleep, wake him up!"

...I didnt expect him to do this by slapping his dad in the face :|

loool

It prob didnt help that I then spent the next 10 mins crying with laughter.

Since I deleted my Facebook account and I want to remember this in a decade or so:

I was a bit pissed off that my husband hadn't cleaned up something.

"Argh, why didn't he clean this up????!???"

I of course picked it up and threw it in the trash.

"That's why he married you!"

Alex: Do you want gelato?
Dalton: What's gelato?
Alex: It's like ice cream.
Dalton: Oh I thought it might be Spanish Ewok for popsicle.

One of my children yelled "BOOBIES" and grabbed my wife's nightgown while she was FaceTiming with her father

otm

Met up with Chris and the kids after work, they'd decided we were going to nandos for tea. While Chris is ordering mounds of chicken Molly (almost 5) pipes up 'did you you know that chicken comes from dead chickens?!' My blood goes cold and I reply 'well yes' 'why do we eat dead chickens?' 'Because they're tasty' 'but I don't want to eat dead chickens, or dead lambs' I start panicking about what the hell my fussy child is going to eat if she goes vegetarian when Aidan retorts 'well why did you just let daddy go and order you some chicken then?!' Her response - 'I was only kidding, I love chicken and lamb, they're really really tasty'

Phew!

hahaha lool. amazing. and i love aidan's logic! "duh!!!"