Il Douché and His Discontents: The 2016 Primary Voting Thread, Part 4

instead of terrifying and depressing this election is going to be terrifying and nauseating

is this being reported anywhere other than national enquirer and conservative blogs?

man what else do you need??!?!

same national enquirer writer who broke tiger woods + john edwards i think?

Starts with the Enquirer, I believe. Dicey, obviously, but the John Edwards' story was theirs.

lewinski scandal was broken by the enquirer too iirc

i can remember a weird week of limbo where cable news had to gingerly say "well, a lot of people are talking about this enquirer story..."

weirdly i just looked at drudge's twitter for nostalgia's sake and he has... only 3 tweets? did he start deleting them in solidarity with whatever rightwinger said he was getting censored?

yeah, i know they've broken legit sex scandals before, and i wouldn't be shocked if it were true, i just expected to see more about it the usual internet places, and there's nary a mention of it, although now i guess i'm seeing little snippets that mention it, , , , , , ,

editors are trying to keep their breakfast down maybe?

In the CNN exchange I posted above, the moderator was momentarily aghast: "Wait a minute, we haven't reported anything about this..."

Not today, anyway--I'm sure they'll be all over it tomorrow.

nothing on NRO

happy Good Friday y'all!

nothing on NRO

well no shit

anyway i guess i'm interested in ted cruz' sex life to the extent that it stands in contrast to his standing as the candidate that was anointed by god (who is of course monogamous, having maintained its sexual relationship with its godlover for eternity while commanding followers to stay faithful, which is a bit hypocritical since an omniscient and eternal god has experienced the most intense sex and infinite amount of times, from all possible subjects and perspectives, but that's not weird at all), and so might lead to a fall from whatever grace he managed to achieve with his bible friends, then his dropping out of the campaign.

aside from voting for Bernie in 25 days, i think i shall withdraw from this event. carefully and without slippage.

new superpac name idea: guardians of the seed

aside from voting for Bernie in 25 days, i think i shall withdraw from this event. carefully and without slippage.

― we can be heroes just for about 3.6 seconds (Dr Morbius), Friday, March 25, 2016 12:26 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w0kAf8wwKX0

new cybermetal band name idea: betrayers of the seed

Pretty clearly, Cruz has had sex on the brain for a long time.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vt-vG_TdOT4

xpost AD&D-based "gold box" computer game, surely

i wonder how his dad will react

are politicians actually more prone to adultery or is it just that they're more likely to be both hypocritical and found out

Power swells them.

hehehe

aside from voting for Bernie in 25 days, i think i shall withdraw from this event. carefully and without slippage.

― we can be heroes just for about 3.6 seconds (Dr Morbius), Friday, March 25, 2016 4:26 PM (6 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

When I read this, I couldn't help thinking about the clip you posted in the "Hail Caesar!" thread featuring excerpts of Jerry Lewis's "Errand Boy" - for God's sake be careful!

TOO DEEP FOR ME, but thx

https://twitter.com/johnfund/status/713396047188475904

Trump surrogate Adriana Cohen on CNN debating ex-Cruz aide Amanda Carpenter Suddenly accuses her of being
Cruz mistress. Stop this MADNESS!

@daveweigel
Cruz also navigates around the term ratf**ker: "Donald may be a rodent but I have no desire to copulate with him."

Let the MADNESS get MADDER!

Here's the clip:

http://www.mediaite.com/tv/trump-supporter-derails-cnn-segment-by-accusing-fellow-guest-of-having-an-affair-with-ted-cruz/

Bolduan expressions are pretty hilarious in those clips.

Let all the poisons that lurk in the mud hatch out.

daria's comment upthread about the delegate wooing process (and trump's weakness at it) is interesting

there is this tho:

http://www.nbcnews.com/politics/2016-election/trump-aides-plot-two-phase-strategy-win-potential-contested-convention-n545231

Man, things are getting metaphysical. How can you prove you did not sleep with Ted Cruz?

you still have skin?

"my genitals are not screaming 'WHY FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHY' at me 24/7, ergo I could not have slept with Ted Cruz"

(xposts) On Monday, (Trump) called the majority delegate requirement "unfair" seven times, arguing that it's too hard for the front-runner to win 50 percent in a race with over 5 candidates.

He's been complaining about this "arbitrary" number of 1,237 for a while, and always brings up how hard that is with so many candidates. The joke being, of course, that if there hadn't been so many candidates, he very likely wouldn't be leading.

Wait, I thought the tabloid story included no names?

internet sleuths have pushed some names out there

I did not sleep with Ted Cruz.

(xpost) That, plus live face-to-face CNN leaks.

Prove it, you lot!

I have in my hand a list of hundreds who have slept with Ted Cruz. And unlike my competition, I have pictures, too!
http://www.cheerfulgivers.org/wp16/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/Beanies.jpg

ew

1) True or not, this has all the earmarks of a ratfck by a career ratfcker, and I would be willing to hazard a guess that the "Washington insider" quoted by the National Enquirer is an old Nixon hand whose name rhymes with "Dodger Drone."

2) The Enquirer itself is run by the aptly monickered David Pecker, who is a longtime Friend Of The Donald.

3) Not enough people remember Jimmy Swaggart.

4) Not enough people have seen Elmer Gantry.

5) This campaign is nowhere near as nauseating as it's going to get.

Man, to hell with this story. Even schadenfreude has some limits.

http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/politics/news/a43321/ted-cruz-sex-scandal/

@jonathanjbarnes
Scott Walker predicts open GOP convention would nominate someone not currently running http://host.madison.com/news/local/govt-and-politics/election-matters/scott-walker-predicts-open-gop-convention-would-nominate-someone-not/article_e3eea03d-8f97-57ed-90bc-e5f737001d52.html … via @CapTimes

@dick_nixon Richard M. Nixon Retweeted Jonathan Barnes
Johnny thinks the Yankees will come calling if he can just get the bat off his shoulder.

lol at all of this

cruz you rascal. the only way for him to survive this is to channel his inner bill clinton, play it off as something that makes him more likable if anything.

@dick_nixon
The women who can be recognized jibe with certain specific rumors about Cruz that have circulated for some time.

This is not to say I'm privy to any alleged evidence on Cruz, but politically the thing to do is not leak all at once.

That is to say you leak, let the fellow rebut it, then hit him again. Watch him wave his arms, then reveal everything.

this guy's a pretty good Nixon

nixon sez two of the women are 'recognizable'

an old Nixon hand whose name rhymes with "Dodger Drone."

I can't work out who this is