Things That Would Be Improved If They Were Read/Narrated by Werner Herzog

1. The Three Little Pigs

2. March of the Penguins (suggested on some other thread)

3. Miranda rights.

4. the stuff stewardesses say right before you take off re: oxygen masks, etc

5. This thread.

6. Product labels

7. That poem from the inauguration.

8. Wall-E

9. "Life After People"

10. this thread is really about getting older, realizing you're dying, and lowering your expectations for life

― congratulations (n/a), Monday, April 20, 2009 6:35 PM (33 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

The Civil War by Ken Burns

Peter and the Wolf

Pharmaceutical side-effect warnings

Should we just have a thread of things that WOULDN'T be improved if they were read/narrated by Werner Herzog?

Eh, on that note, eulogy of a loved one.

and that's about it.

Oh I don't know, I think Werner could lend a certain amount of gravitas to a good eulogy.

Sex and the City

Black Coffee Blues by Henry Rollins

lolz Sex and the City

"After a break-up, certain street, locations, even times of day are off-limits. The city becomes a deserted battlefield, loaded with emotional landmines. You have to be very careful where you step or you could be blown to pieces."

Really we couldn't just have posted "1. Everything" and have been done with it?

Really we couldn't just have posted "1. Everything" and have been done with it?

― suggest banh mi (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Monday, April 20, 2009 9:36 PM (16 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

I bet you guys are a lot of fun at parties

I'm not opposed to the idea of this thread, but I honestly couldn't think of anything that wouldn't be improved with a Herzog narration.

including prescriptions

hahahahahah okay I think this needs to just turn into a werner herzog sex in the city thread

"Mr. Big broke up with me on my birthday. I ate a pint of ice cream and my favorite pair of shoes."

"Do not read what iz on ze laptop. NEVER read it!"

hey look there are full Herzog films on youtube now incl Aguirre, Fitzcarraldo, Kaspar Hauser etc omg etc

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=starzmedia&view=videos

9. "Life After People"

This is either going to be the most godawesome thing the History channel could ever do, or the most disappointing, since I liked the book so very much.

watching movies on youtube is so depressing

Preach it. Even watching old-ass stand-up comedy is depressing on youtube.

I'm not opposed to the idea of this thread, but I honestly couldn't think of anything that wouldn't be improved with a Herzog narration.

― suggest banh mi (jon /via/ chi 2.0)

OTM... especially like philosophy/psychology textbooks.

lol old ppl

The Golf Channel

The entire oeuvre of Dr. Seuss

"How I Met Your Mother"

"The Wonder Years"

breakfast

The old testament.

The news.

The old testament.

About an hour ago, I sent an email to a friend of mine with the subject line "Werner Herzog reads from the bible" and a message that said "Wouldn't that be awesome?" and he got really mad at me for getting his hopes up.

Instructions on how to install a wireless network router.

A teenage chess tournament.

(incl profiles of some of the prominent players)

One of those terrible LOST catch-up/clip shows.

Marvin K. Mooney, Will You Please Go Now.

One of those terrible LOST catch-up/clip shows.

this made my day, ty nicka

as far as the bible goes I was specifically thinking of leviticus & deuteronomy.

The phone book

"Werner Herzog Reads the Torah"

you could have a DVD of this, with bonus material featuring Marc Anthony the stoner from the White Diamond reading the same stuff

all kinds of names in this phonebook yeah this phonebook's real niiiice

ay does anyone know a good place to buy Klaus' autobio online for cheap? Amazon is all 5 new and used from £stupid and Ebay's not much better

the specials board

Again...

"Green Eggs & Ham"
"Fox in Sox"
"One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish"
"The Sneeches"

by coincidence, 'encounter at the end of the world' arrived in my mailbox today. laughing so much already.

"i asked them why is it that a sophisticated animal like the chimp does not utilize inferior creatures. he could straddle a goat and ride off into the sunset."

<3<3<3<3

"doctor, is there such thing as insanity in penguins?"

9. "Life After People"

Finally got around to watching this series and completely agree.

1. The Three Little Pigs

"The third little pig looked through the window and into the wolf's eyes. His blank stare spoke only of a half-bored interest in food."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EvWh6PMi9Ek

http://vimeo.com/9880377

1. The Three Little Pigs

"The third little pig looked through the window and into the wolf's eyes. His blank stare spoke only of a half-bored interest in food."

― Bay-L.A. Bar Talk (Hurting 2), Sunday, 13 December 2009 17:04 (2 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

A++++

Would love to hear this directly narrated from the man or have been at the scene in person (also re: #4, the stewardesses point):

Some years ago, Werner Herzog was on an internal flight somewhere in Colorado and the plane's landing gear wouldn't come down. They would have to make an emergency landing. The runway was covered in foam and flanked by scores of fire engines. "We were ordered to crouch down with our faces on our knees and hold our legs," says Herzog, "and I refused to do it." The stewardess was very upset, the co-pilot came out from the cabin and ordered him to do as he was told. "I said, 'If we perish I want to see what's coming at me, and if we survive, I want to see it as well. I'm not posing a danger to anyone by not being in this shitty, undignified position.'" In the end, the plane landed normally. Herzog was banned from the airline for life but, he laughs, it went bust two years later anyway. Herzog tells this story to illustrate how he'll face anything that's thrown at him, as if that was ever in any doubt.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/film/2012/apr/14/werner-herzog-into-the-abyss

some of the comments on this are just :-O

http://www.sabotagetimes.com/tv-film/werner-herzogs-note-to-his-cleaning-lady/

http://magazine.good.is/articles/herzog-inspirational-posters