Kids say the darndest things

my littlest today at lunch: "why aren't we allowed to be cannibals?" then she sang "we could be cannibals" to the chorus of that Tove Lo song "Heroes".

My dog is a pal and a comfy dog, so I see the confusion. (x-post)

Cannibals are the real heroes, if you think about it. O_o

my littlest today at lunch: "why aren't we allowed to be cannibals?" then she sang "we could be cannibals" to the chorus of that Tove Lo song "Heroes".

my daughter loves this song fwiw

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kTvdjlJUO8A

lol I will show her that

K's grandparents have this little stuffed dog that moves and sings "Thank You For Being a Friend" by Andrew Gold, and she loves it.

Recently she told us that her own toy dog was a "pal and a comfy dog" and it took us like a day to realize she was quoting the song ("pal and a confidant").

― the last famous person you were surprised to discover was actually (man alive), Thursday, August 25, 2016 10:15 AM (two hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Are you aware of Andrew Gold's halloween children's album?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yf031HvhS5E

ha, thought that was your response to hearing about a talking dog.

Arthur, 4 & 1/2, at breakfast: "when I die, then, I will be able to kill".

Yikes!

My wife was with Ben at Target yesterday, when she knocked over a lamp.

Ben: you break it, you buy it. I don't know you! [turns and sprints away down the aisle]

One of my sons has taken to saying "Ridiculous!" a lot. Today that morphed into "Dickless!"

lol

That same son was rummaging through the laundry this weekend, pulled out one of my wife's bras and waved it around yelling "Boobies! SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE"

I would like to state for the record that, despite my reputation, he did not get that from me.

hmmm

x-post

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Sure he didn't.

oops these posts were supposed to go here:

3yo son: "I'm gonna eat your penis!"
Me: "That is a thing that is not going to happen."
3yo son: "Us gonna eat all the penises!"
Me: ...

talking with my son now is basically like one long Butthole Surfers song

3yo son: "Us gonna eat all the penises!"

Good to have goals...

Dex, singing to himself: "goodnight fatty, I'll kill you in your sleeeeep"

Some other person's kid, at a minion-themed birthday party this weekend:

I wish I could dive into a minion's butt!

"daddy i don't wanna be gay!"

OK then fella

- "So you still want to go camping with the Boy Scouts?"

- "Yeah, but I'm a little nervous."

- "Aw, I know where you're coming from, but you're just now getting to know these guys. By the time you go camping, you'll fit right in."

- "... I mean, I'm nervous about the bears."

<3

Bears get nervous too.

^ a little appreciated and under publicized fact

My OH is convinced that our 21-month-old can point to correct number symbols in a book when asked. Is he bullshitting me? Toddler has known for several months the difference between one and two (but not beyond that) but we've only just started reading him a book "about" numbers. He recognises shapes I guess and always points out STAR! when he sees one. (There are loads in Tescos)

I'm skeptical. the distinction between one and more-than-one comes pretty early but discrete numbers? gtfo

One of my kids could read and spell a bunch of words by 1.5...

It wouldn't really surprise me? iirc our kids are right around the same age and mine has kind of been distinguishing between different number symbols, pointing at letters and saying "abc's" but not saying that about numbers, saying "H" when pointing at the Honda emblem on our car, and "counting" where he can sometimes say numbers in the correct order but more often says FOUR...FIVE...EIGHT over and over.

reading and spelling is different!

also yr kid's a genius :)

Here he is reading numbers at 17 months:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYvNyghecMQ

He screwed up 4, though :P

It was all very exciting at the time, but at this point, his twin brother is a higher-level reader than he is, so things seem to even out. In some ways, I think the decoding ability he had early on may have messed with his comprehension skills a bit.

We've got that book! That was a big one for both our kids. High-five, book buddy!

Jesus, Nora's 22 months and we've not even got anywhere near numbers or letters. Hell, I refused to learn to read until I was 6yo apparently.

achieving milestones early doesn't really count for much (no offense, early milestone achievers!)

Yep.

[EXT: INSIDE CAR]

ME: He drew that Peanuts comic strip for like 50 years though.

[pause]

BEEPS: Is he still alive?

ME: No. He actually died the day his last strip ran in the paper.

HANK: Then who draws Charlie Brown now?

ME: I guess just anyone who works for his publishing company. Snoopy's not that hard to draw.

[pause]

HANK: I'm going to tell everyone that you're the one who goes around saying "Good Grief."

Well, I'm more convinced. J successfully and unprompted pointed out '8' and '7' and a few others earlier. (His numbers book only goes up to 5 so o_O) but he still gets confused with other numbers and colours (I have synaesthesia so we'll see...). He just seems quite interested all of a sudden in naming stuff/looking at books and numbers/picking out objects and shapes and is picking up loads. He can also recognise drawings of owls in pretty much any form no matter how abstract. Not that he's a child genius or anything, it's just increasingly fun to see what he knows!

As a family, we were discussing where we were going to go on vacation. My 3 year old daughter has been saying for a couple of weeks now that she wants to go to Portugal and my girlfriend was saying that kind of trip would be expensive, so my son interjects that "any vacation is going to be expensive!". So I ask him what expensive means to him: "Anything that costs more than thirty dollars"

dammit, he's right.

9y/o Beeps: 'What's a dildo?'
Me: 'I...uhhhh...well...I have absolutely no idea but please don't ask anyone else, okay?'

Yet another stellar parenting moment.

lol, that's probably about as well as I would do.

LOL

Reminds me of the time when I was about 6. An older friend pointed out something in a (very decent) mail order catalog and I yelled through the room full of (very decent) people: 'Mom! What are condoms?!?'

Ella (3yo) and her pitches for TV shows she would like to see:

* Huggle Paddle the Duck and His Great Adventures of the Twinkling Fairy
* The Broccoli That Wore Underpants
* Robot of the Flowers
* The Ant and the Nice Leaf
* The Haloumi That Turned a Biscuit into a Cake
* The Magic Rose Who Turned a Princess Into a Beast

would watch

apparently donald trump is bad because he's going to send all the white people to mexico

xxp
of Montreal EP reissue series is going well

We have to calm down Beeps every few weeks since this election went full-tilt-swing. She's worried that her best friend at school, a Muslim, is going to be sent somewhere. She's worried that many of her Hispanic classmates are going to get rounded up. She's been guarded about this next point, but she's also very much aware that her mother is an immigrant, albeit a white English-speaking one.

We've talked to her about how this man is crazy with crazy ideas; how he likely won't get elected; how even if he did, many of these actions couldn't take place; how her friends aren't going to get deported; that Mommy is safe; that ---

But it's fucking ludicrous that we have to have these talks because of an actual major-party candidate running for president of the United States.

OTOH, Hammer told me that for his birthday, he wants a machete, one of those gray flannel moving blankets, and an American flag. I'm scared to ask him which candidate he supports.

Henry, portrait of a serial killer

Yeah, that one used to be funny.