Hollywood remakes of classic films

A remake of The Naked Gun that isn't a spoof?

David Fincher doing Strangers on a Train could work.

David Fincher doing Strangers on a Train

I opted not to click the above link specifically to avoid such nauseating prospects.

Seriously. Like someone could possibly top Throw Mama.

I think the Goosebumps director doing Seven Samurai was the worst.

OK, so clicked anyway and, some WTF ones aside (Flatliners?!), most of these are of the "who gives a shit" variety (another Batman movie? You're kidding!). Only SoaT, Don't Look Now, The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance and a Michael Bay-produced The Birds are all that frightening to me.

Not a film but, hey Hollywood: instead of making the bizarre decision to let Chris Columbus resurrect Alfred Hitchcock Presents (which, in NOT keeping with the spirit of the original, will apparently feature season-long remakes of Hitchcock films) why not maybe make the second half of the original series or y'know any of the '80s reboot available for people to watch, kthanx.

Then there's

http://deadline.com/2016/09/johnny-depp-murder-on-the-orient-express-at-fox-1201828368/

loled at this summing up of cinema-in-2016 by the guy doing the new pumpkinhead:

There’s a lot of Easter eggs for people who know the original — iconic shots and iconic lines that we’re going to use. But we’ve enhanced the setting, and we’ve expanded the characters somewhat, to give it a different kind of experience.

don't care what they do to murder on the orient express because it has always been dreadful. the train doesn't even move. why be on the train.

The secret is this is Murder By the Orient Express, where the train eats people.

all the trains eat people.

Most of these remakes are not ruining anything genuinely classic. The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance is a true classic and any remake of it would not be worth a fig in comparison.

curious what they'd replace "pilgrim" with. "sjw" maybe.

the MAD parody of Murder on the Orient Express is v funny

loled at this summing up of cinema-in-2016 by the guy doing the new pumpkinhead:

There’s a lot of Easter eggs for people who know the original — iconic shots and iconic lines that we’re going to use. But we’ve enhanced the setting, and we’ve expanded the characters somewhat, to give it a different kind of experience.

― florence foster wallace (difficult listening hour), Thursday, 29 September 2016 18:58

Never trust a geeky creator who uses the word "iconic" excessively.

iconic shots to appear in remake of pumpkinhead:

1) camera dives into pool w pumpkinhead

2) camera rises thru rafters of theater to reveal pumpkinhead holding nose

3) pumpkinhead stares wistfully at binary sunset

4) pumpkinhead traverses corridor lit by human arms extending from walls holding jack-o-lanterns

5) ape tosses uncultivated squash into air; jump-cut to pumpkinhead

Not the same thing at all, but speaks beautifully to another of the cliches of journalism and press hype around these kinds of movies: http://www.theonion.com/article/candy-land-screenwriter-under-impression-fans-coun-53517