Least promising Sequel/Remake/Franchise Flick of 2017

This would be so much easier if it were 2019 and I could vote for the sequel to the Emoji movie (or 2020, when the poop emoji gets its own spinoff).

I can't wait for the poop cereal.

God, looking through the animated films coming out this year, even beyond what's already listed here...do these people actually hate children? Every one of these things could easily be titled Hey Kid, Fuck You: An Animated Adventure Up Yours.

(Not the Lego stuff necessarily, cuz I liked the first one, but even Pixar looks like it's gonna be shittin' in some mouths a couple times this year.)

jesus the mouth-shitting has switched threads, is it airborne?

Wireless hotsplot

Look up to the birds flying o'erhead, mouths agape

Just remembered I'd used the phrase in this precise context before ( Dreamworks Animation shits in your mouth again: Rise Of The Guardians) why because it's fitting.

I am looking forward to this, from former Ghibli people.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J4vF4LDRrpo

Well Ghibli-affiliated people don't count, come on. I'm talking about those manic technicolor affairs where everything is smooth and featureless and where the hero does a lot of smirking and someone farts in the middle of a Shania Twain song and the needle is abruptly ripped across the vinyl Shania Twain album and the movie is either the fourth sequel of something you barely even remember, maybe about koalas or anthropomorphized can openers, OR it's a remake of a property that your parents barely remember (because what eight year old isn't literally pissing themselves over the prospect of Clutch Cargo as a 3-D animated shitstravaganza) but the thing you know for certain is that not one single approximation of a recognizable human behavior or emotion will find its way onscreen and the other thing you know mostly for certain is that the people responsible for birthing the squamous cinematic beast that left your half-melted eyes dribbling down your cheeks will drink themselves to death on piles and piles of money.

"That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?"

And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

lol "rings"

which one is this years star wars instalment, voting for that

― offshore syntax maven (wins), Saturday, 20 February 2016 16:10 (one year ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

hopefully "rings" never actually comes out and I can annually lol at "rings" before voting for star wars

I'm inevitably going to end up watching at least part of most of these animated movies, which I sometimes think is actually the worst part of being a parent.

I was sympathetically wondering about that very thing. The studios keep putting this waste out, and then kids (who, bless their hearts, have zero ability to appraise the critical merits of something manic and animated and candy colored) will not only beg to have the waste dumped all over them and their attendant parents but then also do that thing where they watch a terrible movie literally 487 times. Parenting does seem awfully heroic, it's true.

Citizen Trump

Daddy's Home was one of the worst movies I've ever tried to watch, can't believe they greenlit a sequel

"Rings" already opened and completely shit the bed: https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/rings_2017

Going in Style is an upcoming American heist comedy film and a remake based on the 1979 film of the same name, directed by Zach Braff

Yuck.

Re: Daddy's Home, Ferrell is clearly gunning for Richard Pryor's title of 'funniest person with the highest percentage of shitty movies to their name'.

Re: animated movies...

There do seem to be a lot more of these than before, don't there? I'm guessing that CGI animation is a lot easier to produce than hand-drawn (or combo hand-drawn and computer, if that's how they did it in the 80s). Also, though the Disney/Pixar stuff is always huge, things like Ice Age are consistently profitable enough that I'd imagine that more studios are getting into the animation game.

That said, I'm sure our parents sat through enough crap for us that this is hardly unique to today's parents.

Had to vote for Pirates...is there seriously a single person in America that asked for yet another Pirates sequel?

Transformers tho

There are weirdos obsessed with Pirates.

I want the People Mover movie to come out

is there seriously a single person in America that asked for yet another Pirates sequel?

Do Johnny Depp and his financial advisors count?

The Pirates and Transformers movies must still bring in a lot overseas.

Yeah on Best film performance by Johnny Depp since he became Captain Jack (no cameos) I expressed amazement at the existence and success of Pirates 4 and da croupier pointed out that it "was the least successful domestically but HUUUUUUUGE foreign" which probably is the same logic behind a ton of these movies (though not e.g. Daddy's Home 2) - who cares if nobody in the country of origin remembers the film a year later if it's bringing in hundreds of millions of dollars? I dunno I guess it's making its audience happy though given how bad the second and third ones were I kinda doubt that. I look forward to things like Power Rangers completely flopping since nobody green-lighting this stuff actually sits and thinks "will people who grew up with the original think of it in a way that says 'i should take my kids to this'?"

This thread's list of flicks is obviously a slow-motion volcanic eruption of garbage but off the top of my head the following strike me as having the very least justification to exist and yet the highest chance of being endlessly repeated on cable movie channels so that eventually you will get stuck seeing a large chunk of one at a bar or when home for the holidays. I don't even blink at things like Blade Runner getting remade or whatever though - the example of Total Recall and Robocop and so on is that these remade sci-fi classics make some money for a minute and then sink into oblivion, it's not like anybody's really going to mistake them for the real thing when someone is like "you've gotta see this awesome movie Robocop." Ghost in the Shell is a different order of beast since making it about white people seems errrrrrrrrrm kinda fucked up?

Amityville: The Awakening Ebert to Siskel in 1983: "Boy, you know you're in trouble when you're three movies in and the only thing you can praise is the windows on the house." Counting direct-to-video and direct-to-TV this is the fourteenth film in this franchise. Surely there cannot be much life left in those windows.
Bad Dads & A Bad Moms Christmas This has to be a record, right? Two sequels in the same year to a film that just came out the year before? I guess it wasn't universally panned but....
Beauty and the Beast this whole live-action Disney remake scam is so stupid, and of all the canonical Disney films this is maybe the most offensive, greeeeeat.
Daddy’s Home 2 was convinced the first one flopped but I think that's just because the omnipresent poster made it look sooooo forced.
Insidious: Chapter 4 saw the first in the theater, booorrrrring and cheap-looking unscary horror for kids. Can't kids just get sneak into and get scared by stuff that scares adults? What's the point?
King Arthur: Legend of the Sword not really on my radar but i just hate the glut of blah looking sword/shield/sandal whatever films, and Hunnam sort of epitomizes Hollywood blah in the otherwise pretty great Pacific Rim.
The LEGO Ninjago Movie a) the fuck is Ninjago b) oh god there's going to be two or three films a year where stuff is redone with Legos c) and yet the second thing they went for was "Ninjago"?
The Nut Job 2 didn't see the first but this particular style of CG animal against cheap-looking underdeveloped backgrounds is one of the lowest form of contemporary animation
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales - see above
Saw: Legacy the eighth one of this mindless, smug and deeply unpleasant series. This, after a six-year gap, and fourteen years after the first one which is also the only one that anybody (and most of these people are stupid) remembers as being any good.
Smurfs: The Lost Village more Dreamworks smirks on Smurfs, great! They'll be able to fill a whole channel with this in a few years. Apparently this is NOT a third film in the foregoing series, but an Amazing-Spider-Man-style reboot. I look forward to a grim-n-gritty take on Johann and Pee-Wee.
Spider-Man: Homecoming this will be pointless crap although I do hold out hope that "homecoming" portends the long-withheld revelation of Spider-Man's mysterious origin
Transformers: The Last Knight what can even be said

Ninjago are Lego Ninjas, like not a Lego version of something with Ninja qualities, but specifically designed to be Lego Ninjas, with their own TV show and mythos and probably a few hundred million young fans - if anything it's surprising that Lego Batman went first.

Dead Man's Chest is the best of the Pirates films! Though mark s can put up a fight for At World's End. This one will probably be garbage though.

Top 5 looking forward to:
John Wick 2 - seeing this weekend.
Star Wars: The Last Jedi - Rian Johnson!
Resident Evil: The Final Chapter - This really won't be 'a retread', the good Paul Anderson has been making a great slept-on series of action horror with three great leading ladies, and this is the last of them.
The Fate of the Furious - Oddly, both this series and Resident Evil have killed off Michelle Rodriguez's character and then brought her back later, because Michelle Rodriguez.
Logan - This might break my heart? The trailer looks sooo good.

Challops: Guardians of the Galaxy 2 could be terrible.

the ghost in the shell trailer was surprisingly excellent. who knows what that suggests for the actual movie

On the other hand, Horrible Bosses was 2011, its sequel was 2014, so we've dodged some kind of bullet there.

i will prob end up seeing the kong movie, even the worst king kong movies are somehow still kinda great

they are about a huge monkey, why would they be bad

The original Going in Style starred George Burns, Art Carney and Lee Strasburg. who the fuck has Zach Braff got lined up that can outdo those guys?

Logan is the first X-Men movie I've been interested in seeing since X2. considering how ill conceived his role and how off-key his performance on Narcos is, Boyd Holbrook looks shockingly amazing in the villain role

Logan looks really, really good. and I like all the x men movies to a degree

Holbrook studied acting with the William Esper Studio's two-year Meisner Acting Program, and with Shane Ann Younts' two-year voice and speech program, and he received an SCPS Certificate in 16mm film from New York University.[1]

oh christ, one of those guys

Dead Man's Chest is the best of the Pirates films! Though mark s can put up a fight for At World's End. This one will probably be garbage though.

Top 5 looking forward to:
John Wick 2 - seeing this weekend.
Star Wars: The Last Jedi - Rian Johnson!
Resident Evil: The Final Chapter - This really won't be 'a retread', the good Paul Anderson has been making a great slept-on series of action horror with three great leading ladies, and this is the last of them.
The Fate of the Furious - Oddly, both this series and Resident Evil have killed off Michelle Rodriguez's character and then brought her back later, because Michelle Rodriguez.
Logan - This might break my heart? The trailer looks sooo good.

Challops: Guardians of the Galaxy 2 could be terrible.

― Andrew Farrell, Friday, 24 February 2017 02:22 (six hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Broadly cosign all this but u mad as Johnny depps hatter if u rep for anything other than pirates 1

Alien will probably be the most disappointing compared to the original but Prometheus softens the blow there. (if not Alien: Resurrection - I 'm still very fond of A:R but most people hate it)

King Arthur trailer looks completely awful, it might be the worst of these because it will overall be competently acted and directed but just bad (unlike Transformers or Pirates).

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

Even the relatively negative Logan reviews are relatively positive.

"it sucks in a kickass way"

I'm still very fond of A:R but most people hate it

Alien > Alien3 > Alien: Resurrection > Aliens >>>>>>>>>> Alien vs. Predator > Alien vs. Predator 2 >>>>> that issue of X-Men that was a blatant ripoff of Alien >>>>>>>>>> Prometheus

disqualified due to your passing over the distinction between that issue where Kitty faces a lone N'Garai demon in the basement (which doubles as a blatant ripoff of Halloween), and the first storyline about the embryo-implanting Brood (which doubles as a blatant ripoff of The Thing). both are awesome btw and way better than either AVP movie so overall i find your challop poorly-researched.

can we get a ruling

Anyone putting Joss Wheedon's pathetic A:Res script above Aliens may be guilty of an actual war crime

Anyone putting Joss Whedon's pathetic A:Res script

!!!

things you were shockingly old when you learned...huh!

(I haven't seen the movie but I'll take your word that it's bad)

is the assembly cut of Alien 3 any good

Way back when I got a leaked draft of the Alien 4 script in hand, read it and wondered:WTF? Then I saw an early screening and yeah, WTF.

I didn't mind the sort of A3 directors cut.

I have been otm in that thread too, for weeks

Walked out of Trainspotting 2. Horrible movie.

Fifty Shades Darker has made $378M wordwide on a budget of $55M. Who the fuck cares about this in 2017.

Thats a p strange post to ilx tbf, do you really think there's any crossover

Raggett isn't gonna take up that question and point u towards his Jamie dornan blog is he

http://www.tor.com/2017/04/26/upcoming-sff-sci-fi-fantasy-adaptations-movies-tv/

Not restricted to this year, most of this stuff will probably never come out but I'm amazed just how many things are in the works. Further down the list is stuff that's definitely happening.

Will all this create many new readers?

I don't know why they didn't save themselves some time and list the handful of books/comics that haven't been optioned yet.

This one looks the most promising*:

Extreme Universe, from various titles by Rob Liefeld

Extreme Universe Rob Liefeld BloodstrikeOriginally published: 1992, Image Comics
Optioned for: Film (Fundamental Films)
What it’s about: Spanning nine comic-book titles and nearly 100 characters, Liefeld’s universe includes such superheroes as Bloodstrike, Brigade, Lethal, Re-Gex, Cybrid, Bloodwulf, Battlestone, Kaboom, and Nitro-Gen.
Status: Liefeld will work with Akiva Goldsman and Graham King to develop the property, with the potential opportunity to make it into a film franchise.


*for me to poop on

Yeah that one was a surprise. But he got Prophet and Supreme to go places.

akiva goldsman is like the rob liefeld of film so it's a match made in heaven, really

Wouldn't that be Michael Bay? A Beautiful Mind and A Winter's Tale aren't very Liefeldian.

Piers Anthony was another surprise, they'd have to radically change so much.

Michel Faber getting more screen adaptations is also weird.

there are plenty of claimants to the crown of 'cinema's liefeld' but goldsman seems to have a similar level of ongoing success despite appealing to no-one i've ever met irl

Akiva Goldsman: A Class Act

Wow that list of upcoming sci-fi/fantasy projects pretty much veers between rubbish and remakes of stuff that's already been made, often both.

It's also completely meaningless - the majority of these will never see the light of day.

Wow that list of upcoming sci-fi/fantasy projects pretty much veers between rubbish and remakes of stuff that's already been made, often both.

― écorché (S-), Friday, 28 April 2017 03:08

How many of those books have you read? Some of them are just released this spring. Has to be plenty of good stuff in there that hasn't been adapted. We Have Always Lived In The Castle is good but it's just barely horror, with no fantasy elements.

Park Chan Wook's Stoker actually reminded me of it a bit.

Grant Morrison on Brave New World is interesting. Hasn't had much luck with TV/movie stuff though

I thought Trainspotting 2 was a good faithful sequel, what was the consensus?

I thought it was horrendous

Still haven't seen it, but the consensus is good to great (depending on whether you think we don't get enough exploration of male mid life crises).

It's dramatically inert and visually repugnant (has that same nauseating digital look that all of Boyle's latter-day work does) and 90% of it is half-hearted callbacks to the original movie. Felt almost aggressively pointless to me

Somehow I missed this one:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KZwkStRlou4

Why

Because the script was probably written in 1992

Cop and a Half 2: Lou Diamond Phillips Has Some Expensive Landscaping in Mind

Is this Scorsese batman thing a hoax or what

Scouse I heard

Either I missed Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle when I was setting up the poll or (more likely) it wasn't listed on Wiki yet. Either way, it sounds awful (and racist), but I have to admit that I kind of appreciate that it apparently starts out as a Breakfast Club ripoff before developing a needlessly complicated plot about body-swapping avatars. More here:

http://www.filmfreakcentral.net/ffc/2017/12/jumanji-welcome-to-the-jungle.html

Some of the reviewers giving extremely positive accounts of this travesty must have been paid off generously.

http://www.vulture.com/2017/12/movie-review-jumanji-2017.html