Real England

Greg Knight?

*sings along*

it's tempting to believe that that song really captures the feeling of being a tory

think it might be the b-side to this old school banger:

https://www.discogs.com/Martin-Harvey-Maggie-Will-Always-Be-Around-Vote-Conservative/release/4753029

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sounds about right

a slightly more bombastic earlier work! https://audioboom.com/posts/2308707-vote-conservative-martin-harvey?t=0

oh my gosh

Vengaboys

https://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=xOHY8ZyK0Aw

Best Real Britain of 2017 so far!

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2017/06/11/mayor-andy-burnham-condemns-manchester-protest-against-islamist/

A few members of the crowd brandished a pig's head - a taunt to Muslims who do not eat pork - and took turns taking bites out of it.

nothing says you're a valuable member of a civilised society like patiently waiting your turn to gnaw on a pig's head in the street

Future Prime Ministers do more than bite pig's heads though amiriteHIGNFY?

just one of the many overlaps between the edl and the tories tbh

wouldn't sausages have been easier?

thx for the mental image of a young and eager david cameron pleasuring himself with a sausage

possibly while an exhausted and detumescent boris johnson, misted in a sticky spray of meat juices, looks on approvingly

just found out that in 1672 the dutch ATE their then-prime minister, johan de witt (along with his brother), in a protest against incompetence

they were likely encouraged in this act of politically symbolic cannibalism by william prince of orange. this belongs in the REAL ENGLAND thread bcz 16 years later the english hired william prince of orange to be our king william-and-mary, and shortly after this unleashed the curse of orange on ireland

somewhere out there there's a parallel world where the orange order's tradition is eating the rich instead of bowler hats, sashes and the least rousing marching bands ever

yet more evidence that we're living in the darkest timeline

having said that they're not rousing, i should give the bastards credit for unfailingly managing to wake me up on pleasant summer saturday mornings when they march past my house

scares the shit out of the cats, too

https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2017/jun/12/no-10-refuses-to-confirm-queens-speech-will-go-ahead-next-monday

"Any delay in the Queen’s speech would be difficult to accommodate, given the monarch is scheduled to attend Royal Ascot from next Tuesday until the end of next week."

brenda's got her hat all picked out and everything

for want of a horse

Thousands of bees swarm into car in Hull

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-humber-40252990

The 'title' options when purchasing tickets online for Royal Ascot pic.twitter.com/QVzs6mmoOl

— James McMath (@MrJamesMcMath) June 12, 2017

Captain The Jonkheer

Boy The Absolute

mates, look whats happening

https://image.prntscr.com/image/Nk1J9GjwS5_5mbfXTghVUg.png

that list has gotta be a poll shurely

Is Queen not going now?

oxford's list is better imo

registering for an alumni account at @StAnnesCollege pic.twitter.com/L1WILd31RN

— mike (@mikepqr) December 10, 2014

https://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2017/jul/11/local-radio-station-mansfield-hijacked-masturbation-winkers-song

It's actually called The Winker’s Song (Misprint), get it right.

By Ivor Biggun, who went on to present vegetables that looked a bit * like body parts for four years on That's Life under his "real" name Doc Cox.

* if you squinted and had really bad eyesight and a desire to find absolutely everything hilarious

Burger van owner prosecuted after going on anti-Islamic rant and refusing to serve a sausage sandwich

It was quickly clear the two men had opposing opinions and when Mr Gardiner produced some laminated anti-Islamic literature from beneath his sauce bottles, Mr Palmer refused to read them.

wheezing with laughter at this

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2017/jul/17/yorkshire-dales-bookseller-from-hell-quits-his-shop-hawes-steve-bloom-bloomindales

https://metrouk2.files.wordpress.com/2016/06/ad_209056498.jpg?quality=80&strip=all&strip=all

"nationalism"

there is um a lot to unpack there

It's from this. Apols for dm link.

what's wrong with being racy?

This is why you never hear so much about the fifth Beatle

http://i.imgur.com/rFeZupV.jpg

BNPS.co.uk

Those tea-towel slogans are like an ilx poll devised by a malfunctioning AI troll-bot.

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DFL4ey6XoAEvnO8.jpg

almost too real to bear

bring your kids and drink all day, to your social worker's dismay

I’ve given up on J.D.Wetherspoon’s Sir Robert Peel pub in Bury. For years I’ve gone on Sunday afternoon for a meal and a few pints. Now I’ve moved to another pub nearby, less choice of beers, more expensive food, but with some idea what customer service means, which Wetherspoon’s seem to have lost altogether.

They need more and better-trained staff. It’s common to stand at the bar for several minutes waiting for a staff member to appear, only for them then to serve their mates first. How do I know they’re their mates? Because they call them by name, and serve them all before asking “Who’s next?” Even if you walk up to an empty bar you have to wait for the bar staff to finish their chit-chat. Once, when I asked one of them if I’d suddenly become invisible, I obviously had, as she walked the length of the bar to serve somebody who hadn’t even reached it yet.

Now winter’s here the pub is bitterly cold, as it is every winter. Almost everybody sits in topcoats, and there appears to be no source of heating.

The cold also applies to the food. You can sit near the kitchen and see meals emerge only to spend five or ten minutes getting colder before someone arrives to deliver them to a table. Incidentally, the tables are cleared with the frequency of petrol price reductions, and with the same reluctance.

Still on food, Wetherspoons make much of their Steak Night, but if you order a steak dish on Sunday, you’ll get an ordinary knife, completely unsuitable and unusable. If you ask for a steak knife they can’t find any, even if you’re the only person eating food of any sort. Do they hire the cutlery for Tuesday nights only?

Amazingly, this pub serves a whisky in a half-pint glass. It’s true. When I asked for it to be changed I was told they didn’t have whisky glasses, always served it that way, and nobody else complained. Really? Everybody I’ve told is frankly incredulous. Eventually, having been shown every type of glass behind the bar, I got my whisky in a wine glass, unsatisfactory, but the best they could do. This aberration also applies to the Wetherspoon’s on Piccadilly in Manchester! As with steaks, I can’t understand why Wetherspoon’s boast about their whisky selection and prices, when they haven’t a clue how to serve them.

I do miss the guest ales, I admit, but not enough to sit all afternoon without heating or eating or being able to finish off with a whisky in a proper glass. Until I hear things have improved I won’t be back.

Yours regretfully

Ex-customer

Just discovered the Wetherspoons dress code and now I can't stop laughing pic.twitter.com/5DgXl6yEHw

— Mark Wilding (@mark_wilding) June 29, 2017

Incidentally, the tables are cleared with the frequency of petrol price reductions, and with the same reluctance.

nice

The manager of one of my closest Wetherspoons being quizzed by the local newspaper.

He said: “We have implemented a dress code. No tracksuit bottoms and no baseball caps.”

Didn’t that exclude half of Chatham?

“Yes,” he conceded,

My actual local Wetherspoons has large Rod Hull and Kelly Brook infographics on the walls. It's good, though.

large Rod Hull and Kelly Brook infographics on the walls

i uh i'm gonna need you to expand on that pls