The new rolling ILX parenting thread, since the other one was getting unwieldy

Speaking as an older parent of a two-year-old (I'm 42, my partner 40), my feeling is there's not a lot to be said for being older, and I do regret not having children younger.

First and foremost, there's the fertility issue. My partner had a hell of a time trying to conceive, with several miscarriages along the way. I kind of feel it's miraculous that we managed to have a child at all, and I know plenty of couples our age who weren't so lucky. Ideally, I'd have liked two kids, but that seems unlikely now.

Secondly, having children is incredibly tiring and I simply don't have the energy and physical stamina I had ten years ago. I can see it when I take my son to the park and the back twinges I get when I haul him up onto the slide or whatever, and I see the younger fathers around me who are having a better time of it.

Thirdly, there's the fact that I'll be so old when he's an adult, I won't have time to enjoy his adult life. I really appreciate the fact that, at 42, I still have my parents and they're still active and still working even. Will I even be alive when my son's 42?

I dunno, there are some benefits; I'm no doubt more patient than I was when I was younger. I don't regret not being able to go out etc., I don't feel having a child has cramped my style, as I might have ten or fifteen years ago... but in general, my advice would be if you know you want to have children, and you have a partner who also knows he/she wants children, then don't hang about. You can wait for the "right time" forever, there is no "right time", and once you have the child, you'll find you'll muddle through whatever else is going on with your life, buoyed by the love you feel for your child.

Thirdly, there's the fact that I'll be so old when he's an adult, I won't have time to enjoy his adult life. I really appreciate the fact that, at 42, I still have my parents and they're still active and still working even. Will I even be alive when my son's 42?

Yes, this is a concern for me since my mom is nearing 70 and I'm only 29. I doubt she will be around when I'm 42 but that is something that I've kind of come to terms with but who knows, she may surprise me. My Dad btw, is 6 years younger than my mom. Perhaps that kept/keeps her young too! ;-) Two of my good friends lost their young parents when they were teens so in the end anything can happen and I wouldn't dwell on it too much.

They tried to have kids for 7 years before conceiving me. It turns out that they were fertile all the long but a horrible doctor told my mother that her IUD had "passed" when it was embedded in her uterus for the entire time they were trying to conceive!!! If it weren't for that idiot Dr. they might have had kids much earlier. Then again, I might not be here if they had.

All this advice about not waiting is very interesting to hear. We'll still have to wait for a while. There is no way I can work full time, be a full time grad student, and a mom. Maybe we'll start trying when I'm finished with school which will be in about two years. Hmmmm. So many decisions!

In the meantime, I will have to make due with looking at all your ridiculously cute little ones. :-)

Well, you can be a young parent and die sooner than someone's who only had kids at the age of 40. You never know.

I'm about to be a parent for the third time and I'm almost 41. Weirdly, I feel a lot younger now than I did five years ago. And you can be 26 when your first kid is born and still have no idea how to be a parent.

Congrats on the kiddo!

I hardly need much encouragement I must admit, I'll see what happens once this holiday is over and done with.

I have a niggling feeling that my health is failing, my heart scare probably contributes to this even although the doc says that they'd rather not take any more action for the time being. I wonder if this will change when I tell him I want to conceive.

Rumpie: :-(

Ophelia just came back from the crèche. The caretaker (?) said she did very well and also added that Ophelia's a sweet girl!!!! I mean, shit, I know but I can't help but *enflate* with pride. hah

Owen in a pool for the first time:
http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1026/541586953_89ccbbd165.jpg

The boys are both sitting up on their own (never mind the cushion behind them...)
http://farm1.static.flickr.com/199/550131890_4bed8996a4.jpg

^^ great smiles! "This sitting up lark's easy! What's next?"

Megan's started pulling herself into a standing position against boxes and furniture. Stop growing up so fast! You're our last baby!

My oldest son Mark's got a karate grading tomorrow so I've got hours of being Supportive Dad. I'm a bit worried about this one as they've being getting progressively harder for him (I know: DUH!).

Then on Wednesday David's getting a prize at school and I get to be Proud Dad :)

I should scan the photo of me supposedly sitting at a very early age. Only years later did my mum admit that she was propping me up from underneath the table. Mums, eh?

In fact here it is...
http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1350/551586903_c4a8f531ef.jpg

Those legs! That smile! I just want to HUGGELZ you. :-)

http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1216/542548891_49f88d3006.jpg
Nothing much to discern (?) but this is BABY MK II. :-)

What kind of fancy scanner is that?

yeah, is it 4D?

The previous time we had an even swankier one (the salesrep brought it to test it and I was a *lucky* victim): in sepia colour we could almost *touch* the baby. Really 4D. This is one they use to test whether the brains, heart,... function properly. This way we know s/he has no "water head" (?), cleft lip, good connection with umbilical chord. It's better than the regular ones.

Hey, Nath.

What exactly is that.

This is the photo that Nathelie is commenting on in case it looks a bit weird that she says that to a photo that isn't there! Also I look so cute in it I cant resist putting it here one more time...
http://farm1.static.flickr.com/28/41222785_694e9e63f3_o.jpg

Sorry - I removed the redeye on the photo above, and Flickr changed the url. Here it is again:

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/199/550131890_3b7dd1f145.jpg

gorgeous!

Schwantz, please post cranky/screaming/crying pix also or I'll think that life is just a nonstop festival of laffs at your house.

When babies are cranky/screaming/crying do you really think to run for a camera?

Here's my little girl Ivy.
http://a559.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/60/l_36f55fb06ab1f188720a8e04bb2ebd8e.jpg

Sometimes yeah, every parent has blackmail material on the kid.

xpost, cuet!

Why are all ILX babies so CUTE?!

Also, "Ivy" is a cool name.

Cheers - that's not even in the top 20 cuet photos of Ivy lemme tell ya. Also, that's quite old. She's running around with hair these days.

I will make a point of getting a few pictures of them crying/frowning/sniffling. Shouldn't be too hard. Just stop paying my FULL, UNDIVIDED ATTENTION to them for about 30 seconds, and they should completely fall apart. Maybe I could enlist the help of Jill Greenberg.

Beeps got in such a foul mood the other day, she turned her head to the heavens and wailed at the living room ceiling fan.

Kinda odd since we kinda thought that she and that fan were like best friends. She spends enough time staring at it.

Howie has been less than his usual cheery self recently 'cause of his eczema... we had to take him to hospital on Weds because he'd had an AWFUL reaction to this supposedly 100% natural/non-reactive stuff the doc had given us. He was screaming for two nights and his skin went bright red then peeled :(

However today his skin was the best it's been in weeks, so maybe somehow it helped?? Anyway it's been great to have my smiley little guy back.

Here's a little taste of reality at our house around 5:30pm:

Ben:
http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1136/554374364_bde296d12d.jpg

Owen:
http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1222/554672181_77fee1bd80.jpg

Wow, those boys are cute even when they are crying. That's impressive.

I'm not sure what perversity made me ask you to post fussy pix. But thanks. They are cute when they're mad!

Meg, I am happy to hear Howie's doing slightly better. :-)

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/12/90981886_96546c9b92.jpg

Ophelia crying.

Also, sorry about the confusing login names. I should just switch to stevienixed.

http://homepage.mac.com/arobinso/.Pictures/sara_arm/4.jpg

Alex (age 9) reads to Julia (age 4)

wow...beautiful kids!

Oh, bless. It's like a real life Charlie & Lola.

Ivy is a smashing name; Am3li4 of M4rin3 R3s34rch/H34v3nly fame named her kids Dora and Ivy.

I haven't posted a pic of Tallulah for a while (she's 7.5 months and so close to crawling it's driving her mad) - this is by Pam in Greenwich Park at the weekend:

http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1022/558204080_5bae115943.jpg

My employee (or colleague depending how you look at it) is now off to Brussels to have a placenta test. Apparently she has "something in her blood." They didn't tell her what yesterday, when she was at the local hospiotal where they took her blood. She's also a little over 20 weeks pregnant. Her husband called and you could hear the panic in his voice. They didn't/couldn't tell him anything yesterday, they just said he had to go to a specialist in Brussels. :-(

I (stupidly) googled and discovered that, especially when you have your second child, it is/can be dangerous to catch the CMV virus. It's in the stool or blood of your children. Most people get it at one point and, I think, about 50 procent is immune to it. As nothing can be done about it and doctors don't want to freak out their (pregnant) patients, they usually don't test nor tell you about it. Maybe that's what she has? I'm not sure. I hope it turns out okay. Usually a virus doesn't affect a feotus/baby... Hopefully not in this case either.

Fingers x'ed we don't have the no remote linking thing on this folder:

http://freakytrigger.co.uk/lytton/JunSit3.JPG

Oh hurrah! More of Lytton:

http://freakytrigger.co.uk/lytton/JunPeep.JPG

http://freakytrigger.co.uk/lytton/JunSit2.JPG

omg Lytton looks fabulous!

nath, I hope your friend is ok. So many people have scares in pregnancy that turn out to be nothing though (including me).

Yes, I quickly calmed down - I got all teary eyed when I told my mom - and realized that in most cases a virus does not affect the baby. (That said, I'm not even sure it is a virus, I'll know more later in the day...)

http://freakytrigger.co.uk/lytton/JunSit2.JPG

"Leave it Phil, he ain't worth it"

Hilarious caption for Tom's last picture.
Damn.

Lytton is adorable; what a fantastically expressive face! And Tallulah has gorgeous eyes, WOW.

Nathalie, I hope all turns out well for your friend.

Fathers Day pix...

Owen:
http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1299/562068487_7b5c699a20.jpg

Ben:
http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1285/561876365_b9cf279b49.jpg

And yeah, the Jones girls have some crazy-beautiful eyes...

A long time ago, before I even met Kate, I figured that I could name my son (if I had one) My Full Name, IV. And since I'm called Tre, he'd be called Ivy. You know. I-V. Ivy Baker has kind of a nice ring to it.

But since I've met my wife, she has convinced me that Ivy is a girl's name. Coming from the South where women are named Chester and men are named Elaine, how was I supposed to know?

MONKEY SOCKS

OH NOES mine kids are both blogging, my life is pretty much over now

Just wait until they start posting here.