What can you tell me about Autism?

that’s great news:)

Yes - wonderful :)

excellent stuff

thnx ppl. The uncertainty of the situation was causing me some real angst. I was ready to say: I'm going back to work, you will have provide 40 hrs a week care for disabled 16 yr old and 47 yr old woman with MS, otherwise we are all fucked!

Fantastic news man!

cheers LBI!

Can only imagine the relief <3

since i'm back already congrats calz

I'll tell what is a load of fun. When a neighbour makes a 2nd malicious and ignorant, hateful as fuck complaint about my partner physically assaulting Alex. When she is physically frail, all 5ft and spare change of her, has multiple sclerosis, hasn't even the dexterity to open a medicine bottle, and he (almost 6ft and built quite large) actually threw her over his shoulder last week and left her with bruises all over her arms (this isn't personal, he's a beautiful kid really). Because was this was the 2nd malicious complaint from this fucking oxygen thief, the whole child protection mechanism went into full effect, and he was pulled out of school for a medical examination, that we had to sit through, knowing that if he had corroborating bruises on him, he would be full section 47 taken into care at this point.

All that was found from the medical examination was the beginnings of eczema rash on his arms, and some mild redness on his head resulting from self-harm because he was head-butting the window in his transport to school earlier.

I was going to screw some Inch and half 8" screws into someone's tyres last night, but I calmed down.

Social Worker is telling me we might need some extra support, and my partner needs to apply for PIP again, and she will look into helping her. So it hasn't ended as badly as the malicious complainer wanted it to end, but fuck them all tbh!

I'm so sorry you're having to endure this. I would happily endorse the screws going into the tyres as a starter!

cheers. Partner is getting an MS nurse now and kid is getting CAHMS nurse, so good things have come from it. But that certainly wasn't the intention of the malicious reporter.

Damn, calzino, that is awful. I hope your dumb neighbor will shut up 4ever now, and I'm glad some good has come from it

calz your good humour in these circumstances is glorious, yr a fkn trooper and an inspiration. best to you and yours

OTM.

I think I've been guilty of humour fail on here countless times tbh. But that is not a good feeling and I do try to avoid doing it again! Anyway thanks ppl, a couple of dark days have passed, but am feeling a million times better today.

at least i think the majority of social workers/local safeguarding children boards are more aware of the issues nowadays and try to respond proactively. everybody otm, you deal with some tough situations way better than a lot of us might, i hope you all get the appropriate support for times like these. i still think that as he gets older he will get better at managing a lot of his frustrations. i'm sure he's a total joy most of the time, which is pretty much industry standard for any kid.

some of the younger social workers who initially came out to the house were abysmal and really got my back up, real sort of no-nothing children not far out of uni, coming to civilise the natives types. Thankfully I was a bit too much for them and they had to bring in a "big gun" as in Anna, who is a vastly experienced general practitioner, and has that golden skill of being able to talk to people on the level, rather than in the supercilious bank manager style!

when i first started working at Sure Start during one of our early team/strategy meetings i felt the need to gently point out to people "guys: we're not missionaries" lol

old mentalities in some social/health workers die haaaaaaard

I was actually quoting one of them old posts of yours at them and passing it off as my own material tbh! Might as well knick from one of the best!

oh man i'm just a grizzly make-it-up-as-i-go-alonger

all the horror stories I've heard about social workers have involved zealous fresh out of uni types

I suppose tbf they have to gain experience somehow and hopefully improve, as human beings and professionals. But god help us - don't ever let people like that make any important calls!

I got myself a very excellent advocate from the charity Carers Count (who had personally been through this same shit herself), have gone through quite an excruciating conference meeting with a mixture of grotesques and good ppl. The next-door neighbour who made the malicious complaint has actually done us a favour, because now respite has been upped to once a week (more time for me to get shit-faced and commit loud psychological terror against them with loud music), Alex has got Child At Risk (? or something similar) status - which isn't as sinister as it sounds - it means if I get ill or hospitalised there will be instant care help option for my partner with MS, who can't cope on her own.

They have come to the conclusion that my missus should never go anywhere outside the house with him alone again, which is fair enough. They got me to SafeSearch restrict his youtubing, which I thought was bollox, but I went along with it. When the arrogant chairman said Islamic State were targeting innocuous children's YouTube content I felt like shouting: allah jayid, brothers! Might not have gone down well. Also now Alex will get 8 hours a week with an escort taking him to whatever agreed leisure pursuit, whilst I gaffer-tape my bose to the neighbour's side of the house, and blast out the Merzbox for 8 hours straight!

It's been stressful as fuck, but the neighbour's report has been dismissed as bollocks and we got some more freebies - tldr versh!

also his 16-19 place at the NAS private school in Rotherham has been confirmed, so good times really.

Merzbu Akbar

My son decided he really likes this body sock thingy:

https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/41Ler2-ROmL._SL250_.jpg

At first I wasn't sure whether it's a sensory/spectrum-y thing of if he just thought it was fun/funny. But it's of a piece with some other strong preferences he has (getting under blankets, always being in long sleeves even in summer).

Predictably, he has fallen down stairs in it twice. He's wiggly and it gets twisted round and he needs it repositioned frequently. And he brings snacks and drinks into it.

http://imagizer.imageshack.us/a/img922/5223/7tpKGX.jpg
That looks far more manageable than the room-sized Zorb suit we got alex a few years ago. It never left the house for H+S reasons and we ended up donating to the school's sensory room!

That looks awesome; I kinda want one! No way we'd have room for it in our 1080-sq.ft. house tho

even though he couldn't really use it outside and it was way too big for our 2 up 2 down house, he had a lot of sensory fun climbing on it, lying under it, bouncing on it etc.

When the arrogant chairman said Islamic State were targeting innocuous children's YouTube content I felt like shouting: allah jayid, brothers! Might not have gone down well.

Calzino your updates mean so much to me. Yours too, Mad Puffin. Thank you for all you share on this thread.

no probs JCLC !

yea i appreciate the updates fellow travelers

ymp we have one of those stretchy suits too! and yea what's up with the long sleeves in summer - both our boys have been feeling very anxious about shorts and short-sleeves. they are willing to wear them (especially if i'm wearing shorts too, they want everyone dressed the same) but we have to do a ton of explaining about dressing appropriately for the temperature

we had our younger son evaluated, he has some major sensory issues and some quirks that made us think he's on the spectrum too, turns out he wasn't but the dev pediatrician wants to evaluate him again in a few years. tbh i am kind of bummed bc we will miss out on the freebies, he totally needs as much help as our older one w/ an official diagnosis. lots of special needs families we know are scared of getting a diagnosis - "we don't like labels" is something we hear a lot, but imo the labels are good bc you get more information and more resources. why not take advantage of that when your kids clearly need help? you don't need to put a lot of weight onto it, it's just information and can clear a path forward, help you be a better advocate, etc.

that zorb suit is wild btw

It's complicated in my house, because I tend to be laissez-faire and let him wear what he wants. After all, _I_ get to wear whatever I want, and I wear long pants year-round.

My wife is more like "It's 90 goddamn degrees outside and you WILL wear a t-shirt and shorts, because that is what one does." She doesn't want him overheating, but I think she also feels like seasonally inappropriate clothing triggers unwelcome attention from other parents. And potentially from nosy authorities (for whom it may indicate neglect/abuse).

Anyway, if we put him in short sleeves and/or shorts he will scream for a minute, signing "shirt big! shirt big! pants big!" Sometimes he will throw the clothes he doesn't want out of his dresser. But he _does_ generally get over it, and when I see him later in the day he's forgotten about the tantrum and is happily playing. I dunno.

So hard to know what's a hill to die on, parentwise.

yea it got really bad a few summers ago, lots of tantrums, J wanted to wear this goddamn scarf every day! for a little while we were searching for really light linen pants and shirts that he could wear without overheating. eventually though he got over it

I've found as Alex has got older he will only wear relaxed fit XL tracksuit bottoms and baggy t-shirts. How comfortable he is dressed has got much more critical in recent years, because even the slightest chafing or discomfort can be a trigger for a meltdown in some circumstances. His current fave head-wear is a US stetson, similar to Clint's in The Good, The Bad... there is something about brimmed hats like trilbies + fedoras that help him self-regulate. But his maverick style of dressing has earned him many fans at school.

Stetson is grebt but you may want to gently steer him away from trilby/fedora as he reaches young adulthood.

I like how toddlers - especially girl toddlers - can decide they'll only leave the house in a construction helmet and a tutu (or whatever). I kinda miss that phase.

I don't think it really matters if he is wearing a trilby or a fedora into young adulthood. His behaviour is so loudly and effusively classically autistic he can't just quietly blend into a crowd and pretend to be a neurotypical, that is not happening, ever!

can we de-index this thread? I would love to talk a little more openly.

We would like our pupils, within the limits of their condition, to wear a school uniform whilst at school. Due to increasing costs we do not specify a badged uniform and so parents or carers are free to buy clothing from whichever supplier/retailer they chose, which conforms to the following guidance.

this is my fave school uniform policy ever!

I'm finding the CAHMS nurse very helpful. She is drumming some simple guidelines into my head that I used to know, but had forgotten. Just ideas about keeping communication simple and direct when Alex is at his most challenging, I had got into the bad habit of using too many words in recent years, or words that escalate a situation. For example a meltdown because he isn't going to the swimming baths for the 3rd day in a row, isn't helped by using the words "swimming baths" at any point because he will edit everything else out and just hear "swimming baths", so keep it to (subject) "finished" or a flat "no".

one thing I love about Alex being 16 is now him qualifying for Aqua Relax sessions at the swimming baths. No kids allowed, lights turned down, shit radio 2 playlist on low volume - but it sort of works, 60% youngish to adult age peeps with autism, the rest a mix of physically disabled, blind people, old bastards (but the nice version!), downs syndrome, and people that like avoiding normal people. The sense of chilled bonhomie and lack of shittiness is heartwarming.

that sounds really good

sometimes you can forget the cost (in units of psychic energy) of dealing with "normal people"! It is really good to forget this at times, honest!

Sounds wonderful, and you both really deserve it!

Was offered some respite hours with some terrible company called Bluewater. Their opening gambit was 2 on 1 personal assistants to take him swimming, of which neither would get into the swimming pool with him and this fucker seriously looked me in the face and said: are you alright with that? I asked him what actual use was 2 on 1, at the side of the fucking pool? are you actually serious? I politely fucked him off and then he phoned back with a compromise: 2 on 1 PA's, one goes into the pool and the other doesn't. I asked what actual fucking use is the other one, then? If there is an incident in the water are they going to jump in?

anyway while I've been taking Alex swimming, I met an independent, zero hours contract PA who is taking a blind man swimming, and asked him if he'd fancy taking Alex, through the same Direct Payments scheme, and he's totally game on and more importantly, I've seen him over the summer period, and his interaction with disabled ppl is A+

Fucking shit week last week. I went out to pick up my partner's prescription. When I returned Alex was very unsettled and screaming, she was lying on the kitchen floor in a pool of claret after he'd pushed into a kitchen unit, whimpering that she was dying. When the ambulance paramedics arrived they told us both to calm down, and pointed out that even minor head wounds can bleed a hell of a lot. I took a pic of the kitchen floor before I cleaned up and it looks like a classic murder scene. But all she needed was a cleanup and a bit of superglue!

omg calzino, so sorry you all are going through this, hope for better days to come

good times are coming, his 16-19 education is sorted at a brilliant NAS school. Some poor student was at first offered a place at the same school and then refused because they realised they didn't have a group he fitted into:( and basically has nothing r/n. I didn't mean it to sound unremittingly bad, it can always be worse!

that sounds v positive man. sorry for the drama ye went through this week tho.