Do I need to call an exorcist for my girlfriend?

fuck i shouldnt have opened this thread in the dark

u kno wut they say

This is the kind of family that takes European vacations

Probably picked up some kind of evil infection when they were over there.

Love the use of “Again, readers” there — it really adds to the atmosphere and sense that this is an insane man who believes he’s privy to insider occult intel.

Did I never outline the time B sleepwalked into the kitchen one morning (there had, to be fair, been a LOT of drinking the night before) and proceed to ramble to me in a flawless Irish accent about how he had to be sure they'd cut the RED wire, and not the BLUE wire, or else the whole thing would blow up, and we had to hurry or the others'd be after us.

It was like he was channeling someone else and was reaaaally disconcerting.

Did he pee on the rug right after that?

Thankfully no.

before, then

Probably my favourite ILX thread, the phrases "did the envelope pengalope" and "is there bingling", will never leave me.

the fibonacci sequence is my fav

Days when i wonder whether i need to summon a demon for my wife but that's another thread

ive a couple sleep-talking stories i hadn't recounted itt

my ex-wife, still sleeping, once woke me up at about 6am to ask me "can i taunt (sic) you to a chicken pizza?"

my friend jonny, sleeping in a travel lodge while the rest of us were still awake from all the drugs, turned over in bed, sat up, and shouted "Kelly Clarkson".

didn't sleep talk, and i never have night terrors, but a few times in dreams where it appears i'm going to get stung, bitten, etc by an animal (which happens a lot), i've actually thrown myself out of bed.

one of these times i was dreaming I was fleeing a shitload of bees (enough to kill me) and I was jumping into the water to escape them and in the process I actually rolled out of my bed and faceplanted my cheek onto the oak dresser next to me, woke up bleeding.

I'd forgotten about B being sad about catbus leaving the bed, hahahaa.

B, in his sleep: “I think I’m going to go lie down now”.