Kids say the darndest things

Son has a great future ahead as a D&D DM.

sorry but "Shelby Comin' Round the Mountain" just made me lol.

the set-up for a knock knock joke isn't to set us a-dreamin of the days when ppl pounded on peephole-free doors -- as ymp says, even when this was an irl thing it didn't work the jokescript implies. it's simply to announce EXTREMELY SILLY PUN INCOMING, and to let you calibrate your comedy timing and rhythm against the anticipation of the person who's said "hit me with it"

Opal lives Amelia Bedelia. We have a whole thing where whenever I hear a phrase like “cut the deck of cards”I say “Opal! What would Amelia Bedelia do if you have a deck of cards and you ask her to cut the deck?” And she goes “she’d actually cut the deck!”

A blunt opinion regarding St. Patrick from a seven-year-old: "He was dumb. Snakes are cool."

2yo after sitting on potty: Mummy, this actually dream, isn't it

Oh I loved Amelia Bedelia so much and I remember once in a while finding them confusing (specif remember when I didn't know the expression "draw the drapes") but I knew most of them! Maybe they're just getting a little out of date.

maybe i tried to introduce them too young.

Tbh I think the same book as "draw the drapes" also had "dress the chicken" and really neither of those are in wide use anymore, probably? See also, "sponge cake" which...idk? Has the GBBO saved sponge cake?

The UK still draws the *curtains* and definitely has sponge cake. I remember getting Amelia Bedelia from the library as a kid and it being how I learned that one could dress a chicken so maybe it should be considered an educational text.

What helped us probably is we read some new series first. Where she’s a young girl. But I don’t remember it. We definitely have to explain a lot of the phrases. Even things like “stealing bases” and “running home” don’t make much sense if you’ve never played baseball!

Opal asked me to read the rainbow fairy book then asked me to find a toy in her closet. I said you want me to both of this things and she said “there’s plenty of time daddy. Plenty of time to do everything because the world is never ending”

opal not necessarily otm sadly

I have to try VERY hard to not make my usual cynical "jokes" about how the world is gonna end any day now.

The world is pretty durable. Seen on a geological time scale, it's been through quite a lot and is still here.

Civilization, human life, and the biome, not so much.

“You know what’s cooler than magic? Science is cooler than magic. Science is like a kind of magic.”

my son keeps calling people “bro” and “bruv”

he also swears like a sailor

apparently he has seen at least one episode of sex education at someone’s house

he is 11

what is going on

sounds like he's just a really cool guy

yeah he is way cooler than i was, or am now. speaking of sex education he gives people advice on their “relationships” at school. i don’t have any template to fit this into. my whole life has been quintessential “teacher pleaser” and he’s just like, school sucks, all i want to do is play basketball and talk to girls. if i was in his grade at school i’d probably feel inadequate.

(I somehow missed this whole borad. Will be posting more.)

A few years ago my son got a plush Kangaroo with a baby in the pouch.

Him, holding the mom up:
"This is Kanga."

Me:
"Aww, and is the other one Roo?"

Him:
"No, Sebatchi."

hahaha

lol at everything, this thread is a reliable joy

My kid, who is just learning to read, watches a handful of Minecraft youtubers to learn how to do stuff in the game, so he’s picked up some of their internet vocabulary and delivery.
This morning, he’s on the couch playing Minecraft: “M.O.G!”
Me: “what?”
Him, still playing: “What the?! M.O.G!”
Me: ohhh...
Lol

last weekend i was in canterbury w my son. on the high street there was a five guys, a subway and a nando’s right next to each other. he saw them and pulled at my arm.

“five guys. subway!” voice rising in intensity “nando’s! all in a row!!” he paused to take it in. then very seriously: “that hits hard.”

Hahaha!

kid: can i watch a screen now
me: you can in 15 minutes
kid: 15 minutes?! but that's like AN HOUR!

perfect

tell them they are allowed to watch the screen for 15 minutes

This isn't really for this thread, but my 3.5-yr-old was watching "Mulan" (the OG animated film) and asked what "honor" means. It's one of the few times I've been flummoxed when it comes to explaining something to a kid (I'm not even sure I could define it for an adult!).

Ha, I hit a similar roadblock a few days ago trying to define the word "concept" for my 8-yr-old -- we were playing 20 questions while hiking and she was looking for clarification about choosing a non-physical thing to make me guess.

My wife, cuddling with our daughter: “Remember, you can be anything you want to be... anything at all.”
Daughter: “I want to be a car.”

lol

I mentioned to F the other day that one of his favourite TV doctors is non-binary, and we had a chat about what that means. A few days later, he spent some of his piggy bank money on a fox toy. I asked if it was a boy or a girl and he went, “Drumroll please.............................. it’s not a boy or a girl, it’s a they!”
“Ah, right, so what’s their name?”
“Their name is THEY.”

So now he has a cuddly fox called They.

Which TV doctor?

Doctor Fox

Ha! Dr Ronx from Operation Ouch.

Thanks. Just watched a clip and it seems like a cool show.

dr ronx is the best!

Dr Ronx really is the best. Operation Ouch is one of a very small handful of kids’ programmes I genuinely enjoy watching.

"A box? With a boxing glove on a spring? And it hits you in the face when you open it? That's a classic booby trap"

otm

“Hey, what does ‘granite’ mean?”
Granite? It’s a kind of rock.
“No, the other kind of ‘granite’ – like, ‘don’t take me for granite.’”
Oh, granted – that means “given.” To take something for granted means you don’t appreciate—
(ignoring me) “Hey, I’ve got a pun for you: what did one wall say to the other wall?”
Uh... I’ll meet you at the corner?
“No – don’t take me for ‘granite’!”

lmao

Actual lol

Was explaining something regarding the origin of humans to my 7 year old when my 4 year old gives her theory:

"First there were dinosaurs, then there were pirates, then there were dragons, then there were doctors, then there was us"

I was unable to get any explanation for the pirates, but the doctors were there before us because "we all used to be babies and you need doctors for babies to be born"

― silverfish, Tuesday, August 18, 2020 10:27 AM (three months ago) bookmarkflaglink

I guess my daughter must have learned something about evolution somewhere because a couple of days ago she asked me if monkeys fed us bananas when all humans were still babies.

My son made up a Christmas song:

Christmas vacation, Christmas vacation/
Spitting on the gods of our nation

otm

I'd buy that 7"

This morning Opal said she's the opposite of a baguette, because she's hard on the inside (her bones) and soft on the outside (her skin).

y'all have smart kids