New Yorker magazine alert thread

Not much gives me hope for humanity these days.

One thing that does: that the internet immediately (and seamlessly) combined erudite quips about the New Yorker's fussy diacritical marks with dick jokes.

jacking it in the work bathroom and jacking it on a work zoom are both terrible but doing it in the work bathroom might actually be worse

you don't have to smell anything on a Zoom call

in mute no one can hear you fap

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gVqAI9SwLS8

i would honestly take listening to toobin' masturbating in a work bathroom then 99% of the public men's restroom experiences in my life. some grunting and some noise, i can take - if you work in a place with elderly men, you can and will hear extreme pain of them trying to convince their digestive systems to cooperate one. more. time.

i have pissed in a nightmare tent in absolute darkness with dozens of men all around me, at a beer festival in tianjin, in swampy, piss-logged grass. i have no idea what i peed on - it may have the been the side of a tent.

anyway, obviously everyone understands what i'm getting at here, so i'll leave it there

"toobin' masturbating (800% slower)" will be this year's novelty contrarian 77 track entry won't it

https://universal-new-yorker.russelneiss.repl.co/

https://i.imgur.com/sH5Y74N.png

doesn't work so well with the roz chast ones tbh

Caption needs to be in Adobe Caslon Pro

Guys, not in bathrooms where other people were present at the time. WTF you think I am, a prominent legal analyst?

A journalist who masturbates in front of people is called a “Louis TK”

— Erin 🎃GrudgePAC🎃 Ryan (@morninggloria) October 20, 2020

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u6d5jOElAxs

This seems to have been an accident not an intentional act.

ya THINK?

I am very surprised to learn that esteemed New Yoker reporter Jeffrey Toobin didn't get caught masturbating in front of Jane Mayer, Evan Osnos, Jelani Cobb, Masha Gessen, Andrew Marantz, Sue Halpern, Dexter Filkins and assorteed staff and producers from WNYC on purpose.

I’m glad to hear the workjerker has weighed in

getting some tuomas vibes itt

I wonder if cam sex workers ever get caught reading the New Yorker on breaks

Itself a fetish iirc.

shouts and murmurs

Department of Erections

Eustace Willy

getting some tuomas vibes itt

glad I have images off

Dammit Hadrian

Mrs. Parker and the Vicious Circle Jerk

the years with toss

John Updick

William Shown

A gritty reboot of the Christian Slater skateboard vehicle, Toobin' the Zoom.

gritty? not what you want in that situation

don't kink shame the Toob

shame him for everything else, just not his gritty preferences

https://cms.nhl.bamgrid.com/images/photos/309842964/1200x630/cut.jpg

one time I worked in a bank and there was a customer in the card index name of Shona Dick, just thought I'd share

“jeff hon. we can see everything”

multiple posters thinking he maybe jacked off on purpose, in front of a collection of some of the most decorated working journalists — including one of the giants of the #metoo movement — is very 2020 ilx

well I mean, he did jack off on purpose

he just didn't think he was on camera

like, we aren't subscribing to the "I tripped and then the next thing you know..." school of causality her

-e

kevin k, are you saying it would be unusual for someone to get off on the thought of sexual gratification in "public"? Like, that's a pretty common porn trope.

smh man lol

He might have liked the transgressive quality of knowing he was technically on a zoom call. But i find it implausible that he actually wanted to get caught.

You can not want to get caught and also get off on the possibility of being caught.

Right. But does the latter put him in louis ck territory? That is the moral quandry that faces us tonight.

Like, the most likely scenario to me is he was wacking it and had a "technical difficulty", lol.

xp

That is the moral quandry that faces us tonight.

As an attorney, I'm less about assigning moral blame to him than never wanting to listen to his legal analysis again because he is a stone cold moron.

all he wanted to do was zoom a zoom zoom and a poom poom

I honestly never paid much attention to him. I hate reading about law outside of work and he wasn’t even one of the analysts I thought was especially sharp. Someone gave me a copy of “The Nine” in law school and I found it very boring.

IN A poom poom