Do I need to call an exorcist for my girlfriend?

God, my dreams are SOOOOO boring recently. Is it a sign of getting old? I haven't even had sex in a dream for about two years. I'm usually shopping or something. I wish I woke up babbling or something.

I've been known to sit up with a start yelling "--aaaat the fuck!"

I famously woke my gf up one night with by groping around the bed. She wakes up and asks what I'm looking for: "Dammit Niki, it's the Cinnabons, isn't it?"

ruby's last post = whoa nelly, call the head doctor on this dude

i dumped his ass (eventually) instead. believe me - the crazy dreams were just the tip of his insane iceberg!

xpost to myself unless you were somehow dropping hints that you were unhappy with him and what you REALLY wanted was a 5-dude gangbang while he was strapped into a clockwork-orange-like apparatus. That seems a whole lot less likely than him just having MASSIVE issues that not even years of therapy have taught me handy names for.

xpost good girl, that's bad news, right there

i mean, the words for that kind of nuts you don't hear in therapy, you hear on episodes of Law & Order and CSI, know what I mean?

oh yes, i do know what you mean.

OMG, I can't believe I never posted about the time she sat up and said

"BLIMPS...with the EYES"

She's entered a hellish realm and has met some now deceased Australian National Party politicians.

awesome :)

moley to thread: tell me who i'm gonna end up married to!

-- Rubyredd

Ruby, I missed this. Are you still unmarried?

yeah but not for long...

i still love that 'poofy' post - that just cracks me up :)

Yeah, that became one of our cute memes. I will slightly embarassedly share that the newest cute meme in our life is something she made up while awake - singing "Kiss and a head-tilt...for you!" to the tune of "Shave and a Haircut" and simultaneously blowing a kiss and tilting her head to the side in the pause.

so you should just think about this stuff when you get sad about the stuff on that other thread.

http://onesorryblog.files.wordpress.com/2007/06/fursomcover.jpg

Link please Maria:D?

Tell us about this lucky man ruby - or, spookily, perhaps you'd like me to tell you about him?????

we'll be getting married primarily for the purpose of a visa, but he's the whole reason i want the visa in the first place. in brief: he's the most awesome person i've ever met in my whole life, in pretty much every way. also: he is a total babe (bonus).

www.myspace.com/dionmcgregor

The other night she urgently called me into the room to ask me, quite cheerfully, "Did the envelope pengalope?"

well did it?

my wife does this, too. encourage it, nighttime lulz are hard to come by.

It's true. Nighttime roffles are scarce indeed. There was one time that I told myself a joke in my sleep that made me laugh so hard I woke up.

But that was an isolated incident.

My husband says some seriously funny shit sometimes, cracking me up. I always think, "I've GOT to remember this in the morning" but never do.

Alas, I never understand my husband's jokes. He finds'em hilarious though.

Your poor husband. Or poor you, I'm not certain which.

Last night:

Anguished cry from bedroom.

Me, running in: "What's wrong?"

Wife: "Is there bingling?"

...

An hour later:

Call from bedroom.

I go in.

My wife, eyes half open, repeatedly rubs the bridge of her nose with her index finger and puts her finger to her mouth as though tasting something and says "Mmmm"

she's cheating on you

So????

Was there bingling!?!????

[Cue guitar riff from "Scorpio" and LL Cool J]

has she seen this thread?

either you stop pengaloping envelopes or there'll be trouble

Every time I have arranged to exorcise a girlfirend it has ruined our sex. You were wise to resist the temptation.

perhaps you mistakenly had them sexorcised instead?

hahahaa

Recent works:

Her: "Cow."
Me: "Cow?"
Her: "Meow."

---

Her (agitated): "I have to go to the shoe!"
Me: "The what?"
Her: "The long shoe!"
Me: (laughing) "What?!"
Her: "The shoe list!"

---

Just now: a simple, sung "Ah"

You got a good one.

"The long shoe" sounds like something casinos have to discourage card counting.

Wife: "Is there bingling?"

big or small?

They're bingling, baby.

This thread restores my faith in humanity.

wife is asleep on the couch

her cell phone rings -- it reads "Parents"

She raises her head, looks at it and says "Parents?! What the fuck is Parents?!"

As long as you're together, you'll never be bored. Congratulations :)

Two nights ago, her head pops out the bedroom doorway -- "The rush Michael tree!"

Tonight - I find out I got a couple of job interviews, I go in to tell her, hoping she might be awake.

Me: "I've got good news!"

Her: "Why does love need news?"

It's a fair question.

On her way to the bathroom, she just informed me that "Shaman definitely wanted to stay at Leparla (?) home"

Man, all I ever got was a girl who occasionally sat bolt upright in bed and stared at me in UNBLINKING FEAR AND HORROR until I stroked her head and laid her back down for a cuddle. It wasn't funny at all! As has been said, but it's v true, YOU ARE V LUCKY dude

Mrs. H. napping. I think I hear her call out to me and I come in.

Me: Did you make a noise?
Her: (suddenly opening her eyes and looking upset) What?!
Me: I thought you made a noise
Her: WHAT????!!! I bought the sea pie-pen! What's so bad about that?
Me: (laughing)
Her: Everything is bad!
Me: (still laughing) I have no idea what you're talking about! I think you're half asleep!
Her: So?!
Me: It's ok, you can buy whatever you want.
Her: (calming down) ok

d'ya reckon she's doing it deliberately by now