Real England

retired from acting many years ago amirite?

His final film has just been released.

Just heard him on the radio. He's written a novel. Spare us.

only supposed to blow the bloody dust-jacket off

this is some Real England shit right here

Workers on London’s Millennium Bridge are hanging a bale of straw under the structure after triggering an ancient bylaw.

Repair works to the footbridge mean straw must be dangled to warn oncoming boats of the work going on beneath it.

According to the Port of London Thames Byelaws, clause 36.2: “When the headroom of an arch or span of a bridge is reduced from its usual limits, but that arch or span is not closed to navigation, the person in control of the bridge must suspend from the centre of that arch or span by day a bundle of straw large enough to be conspicuous and by night a white light.

weak sauce! the REAL real england is the yearly paying of the QUIT RENTS = a blunt knife, a sharp knife, six horeshoes and 61 nails, for two parcels of land of uncertain location in shropshire and hertfordshire, rent now paid annually for some eight centuries

https://www.liverycompanies.info/fellowship-of-clerks/sheriff-matters/quit-rents.pdf

https://Twitter.com/mrjacklowe/status/1715788692298608954?s=46&t=zQbxLGLurMqWqcXnRpq5zA

Chiltern Railways apologise for David Bowie pic.twitter.com/YQe2lHUKha

— simon read (@simonnread) October 25, 2023

https://www.swindonadvertiser.co.uk/news/23911145.elderly-couple-threaten-go-police-meal-brewers-fayre/

i understand, it’s a lot

brewers fayre

I’ve never heard of a chicken allergy.

look i think we can agree they're deeply irritating people with too much time on their hands who shouldn't be encouraged and indulged by the gutter local press without calling them liars

they both have the allergy it seems

and they are both FURIOUS

if I had a chicken allergy I would simply not order the chicken item

i would order "left* ribs no chicken"

*to include right ribs

s/b "none chicken left* ribs"

*includes right ribs

gimme the surf and turf, double the turf, no surf

so… two steaks then?

NO!!!! i’m allergic to fish!!!!!! *loses mind*

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lYHFMBAwZho

https://i.imgur.com/cgr8UKg.png

They keep getting Normaler and Normaler. pic.twitter.com/EkvxTlQsjV

— Chłoddy (@OfSymbols) November 13, 2023

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/athletics/67432970

Ultra-marathon runner Joasia Zakrzewski has been banned for 12 months by UK Athletics for using a car in a race. Zakrzewski accepted a medal and trophy for finishing third in the 2023 GB Ultras Manchester to Liverpool 50-mile race on 7 April.Tracking information later showed she travelled by car for about 2.5 miles before continuing the race.Zakrzewski claimed she told officials she used a car and finished the race "in a non-competitive way".

"The claimant had collected the trophy at the end of the race, something which she should have not done if she was completing the race on a non-competitive basis," said an independent disciplinary panel.

"She also did not seek to return the trophy in the week following the race.

"Even if she was suffering from brain fog on the day of the race, she had a week following the race to realise her actions and return the trophy, which she did not do.

"Finally, she posted about the race on social media, and this did not disclose that she had completed the race on a non-competitive basis."

If you could push a button to fast-forward to the end of the race, would you?

ultramatathons aren't really about the finish line though, they're about uber drivers we meet along the way

"Finally, she posted about the race on social media"

It's only the definite article there that makes this an unusual story

A different take on the thread title but I love this series - "Blossom Trees and Burnt Out Cars" - A reinterpretation of "the countryside" through the prism of radical history, urban flowerboxes and more

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/p0cl4wxx

Not Real Ireland

wkd and guinness 🥰 pic.twitter.com/V26yVTy4oI

— hammy. (@iamhamesh) November 28, 2023

want

lived with a Spanish guy once, he was a prick but anyway he introduced me to kalimotxo (red wine + coke) which I loved and spent the following decade introducing to house parties, so I have no business looking down on this tbh

Is this a new trend? I pretty much only drink Guinness and have been asked about the wkd mix three times in the last month

is this shopped? my eyesight is crap and I can't always identify obvious photoshops but I thought guinness would be heavier than blue wkd or maybe my booze science is bad.

gasoline/blue wkd would look good, that would float

https://www.irishcentral.com/culture/guinness-defies-laws-of-physics

This isn't that different to a Black Velvet in principle

I have just spent a few minutes on youtube and can confirm it's true, the guiness is poured over the back of a spoon and is full of bubbles.

I've done guinness and cider before, but never guinness and champagne. Champagne is so overrated I can only imagine it being improved by mixing other booze with it.

this prick

Today, I had to evict somebody out of my property with a chainsaw.

If they were at a hotel and refused to check out, security would break entry within the hour.

My lawyer suggested I send a certified bailiff, but I figured it was more fun doing it myself. pic.twitter.com/NSG8a63mb7

— Samuel Leeds (@samuel_leeds) December 13, 2023

a certified bailiff has powers that he himself probably doesn't have.

he's obviously a dick and is being told as much in all the replies.

https://t.co/haaR4f04y6 pic.twitter.com/xX76HKp4wJ

— Dan Douglas (@dandouglas) December 14, 2023

sounds like he's not a 'former' illusionist after all

happy christmas

@sainsburys cancelling my turkey crown (pre ordered on 3rd Dec ref 821005409) on Xmas eve and also the ham joint but replacing it with 4 ham slices. Absolutely appalling pic.twitter.com/IwcGFERiTQ

— Jack Rice (@jackosboss) December 24, 2023

Better get to raisin' turkeys yourself if you want one next year

Modarn day christmas carol scrooj orders biggest turkey in shop for bob cratchit but they're out of stock and substituted with pack of turkey twizzlers

This is incredible…What you might call a win win situation

Some fella on TikTok there wearing a muzzle in solidarity with his XL bully, 2024 is off to a flyer pic.twitter.com/o2l8AGnMAP

— Laura (@_laurag23) January 1, 2024

it would be unfair to say that every XL Bully owner calls their dog something like "Mauler" but it's probably in the 90th percentile

Mayhem on Dolomite Avenue, which appears to be in Coventry

what's in a name you might ask. I used to know of this guy known as "Killer" and to my shock it turned out he wasn't a very nice person. If he's not serving time rn he's probably got one of these vile creatures.

There was a case in Maryland with a dog named “Mayhem” that killed a child.

Happy new year @BBCMaryam pic.twitter.com/Z6ExkS2SIj

— Scott Bryan (@scottygb) January 1, 2024