Real England

happy christmas

@sainsburys cancelling my turkey crown (pre ordered on 3rd Dec ref 821005409) on Xmas eve and also the ham joint but replacing it with 4 ham slices. Absolutely appalling pic.twitter.com/IwcGFERiTQ

— Jack Rice (@jackosboss) December 24, 2023

Better get to raisin' turkeys yourself if you want one next year

Modarn day christmas carol scrooj orders biggest turkey in shop for bob cratchit but they're out of stock and substituted with pack of turkey twizzlers

This is incredible…What you might call a win win situation

Some fella on TikTok there wearing a muzzle in solidarity with his XL bully, 2024 is off to a flyer pic.twitter.com/o2l8AGnMAP

— Laura (@_laurag23) January 1, 2024

it would be unfair to say that every XL Bully owner calls their dog something like "Mauler" but it's probably in the 90th percentile

Mayhem on Dolomite Avenue, which appears to be in Coventry

what's in a name you might ask. I used to know of this guy known as "Killer" and to my shock it turned out he wasn't a very nice person. If he's not serving time rn he's probably got one of these vile creatures.

There was a case in Maryland with a dog named “Mayhem” that killed a child.

Happy new year @BBCMaryam pic.twitter.com/Z6ExkS2SIj

— Scott Bryan (@scottygb) January 1, 2024

Look North has started a new feature called “how big is your hole?” pic.twitter.com/ngoNDDRBaB

— Scott Bryan (@scottygb) January 4, 2024

Can you fucking imagine seeing someone doing this irl, just tattoo ‘cunt’ on your forehead and you get the same effect and can drink easier

Dad wears muzzle to pub and sips pint through straw in solidarity with XL Bullyhttps://t.co/4jCVeWYQym pic.twitter.com/RLASyPu57N

— The Mirror (@DailyMirror) January 4, 2024

He went on to savage a nearby kid as a further show of solidarity

He’s probably got a bag to pick up his own shit.

lol thank u ilx this is good work here

i think "XL Bully" may be one for the marketing of masculinity thread

He’s probably got a bag to pick up his own shit.

This is more than can be said for most XL Bully owners!

One of my kids is currently visiting my sister in Leeds, and my sister's partner is apparently being an unbearable snob about the dumbest British things. I guess they went to a candy shop on the ocean and he freaked out that one of his kids wanted a watermelon flavored something but he refused because it was an "American" candy flavor. Then he complained that they have the wrong type of bacon in America to make a bacon roll. Most recently he supposedly went on a rant when my daughter mentioned how the Banoffee pie was similar to a banana cream pie. "No, you're dismissing the history behind it! This is what I hate about Americans saying they have the same thing! It's uniquely British! It's so special and there are all these little minute differences!" I think she is going to start trolling him. I told her to insist Americans invented bananas.

On your side on all of this except the bacon roll

I don't even know what a bacon roll is but it sounds gross.

I've literally just had one, fucking delicious.

it's a BLT without the L and T, with better bacon and bread

fried egg and bacon roll is more my thing or a good BLT, not those insipid supermarket BLTs. A freshly made one with coleslaw as well. Bacon on it's own feels like an incomplete sandwich to me.

There's some butter and ketchup in there to keep it company

would love more watermelon flavoured stuff in the UK tho

Fish & chips is a combination of a french dish (freedom fries) with a way of preparing fish brought over by Portuguese jews, see if that gets a reaction.

lol I think he already laid claim to chips/fries when my daughter and my sister both admitted they preferred crispy fries to mushy fries and he took offense.

Banoffee pie was apparently inspired by a San Fran baker's recipe only as recently as 1971. In other words, "real" England.

banoffee pie is a terrible name, it should be renamed after a famous singer, like peach melba: banana gaga

Hannah Banana was right there

Three slices of smoked back bacon on a toasted hoagie roll, onion marmalade under, ketchup over. Eaten this morning.

Josh, would your kid like fish finger sandwiches?

Most recently he supposedly went on a rant when my daughter mentioned how the Banoffee pie was similar to a banana cream pie. "No, you're dismissing the history behind it! This is what I hate about Americans saying they have the same thing! It's uniquely British! It's so special and there are all these little minute differences!"

She's not just teen, she's 19! I doubt she would eat a fish finger sandwich now, but when she was little she would probably have eaten the fish and bread separately, the former with (yes) ketchup and the latter plain.

And yeah, I think my common law brother in law is kind of lame, afaict (I haven't spent much time with him). He's a bright guy and plays in a band but has this unbreakable/unbearable bond with the north of England and yet, simultaneously, a shallow and tedious dislike of "authority" (which allegedly lead him to leave school at a really young age, which may in turn have amplified his shoulder-chip, who knows).

We have tried trolling before, but it's not always that satisfying. Like when they were visiting the States and it was overcast and we were all "I bet it reminds you of home!" and he freaked out. "It's not always like this in England!!! Americans always think every day is gloomy and rainy!"

Not sure who the teenager is there tbh

xp oh no I know the type already. Sees London paralysed by snow or airports shut or something and sends out memes “Northerners, time to put your big coat on”. Tedious.

https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/lifestyle/put-your-big-coat-on-how-to-survive-the-coming-winter-by-a-northerner-20210924212416

He refuses to even go to London. Like, my kids: maybe we can meet up in London! Him: why would anyone want to go there?! Us (to ourselves): why would anyone want to go to Leeds? He's not even some burley bloke or whatever, he's basically a big indie dork, which makes him extra insufferable.

a professional northerner from Leeds who is in a band and who does a fair bit of whiny belligerent culinary jingoism when with foreign guests, either for fun or maybe seriously idk? But I'm certain he sounds like a dickhead. But it might just the way you are making them sound here!

He refuses to even go to London

that London, to use the correct terminology

xpost Maybe! I've been trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. Fwiw I don't think he's messing with *us*.

Here's another one: when we were last there and following our visit with a stop in Lisbon, he just could not conceive of why we would want to go to Portugal.

LOL he's like a walking cliche

https://m.media-amazon.com/images/M/MV5BODg3OWZhZGYtNTMyZS00OTA4LTg4NDktMDg1NjI0YzU3OGI1XkEyXkFqcGdeQXVyMDIzNDc0MA@@._V1_.jpg

Next time he says the price of something, get your daughter to say ‘owwww mooch?’

Can't believe someone from Leeds is a nob

Next time you visit the UK, why not suggest meeting in Sheffield?

the worst professional northerner I ever met was this guy called Bob, he was someone who had worked as a mining electrician for 30 odd years. He was marking me for a practical testing and inspection exam. As I approached the rig he said "bloody 'ell you are humming.. I can tell you've been eating some foreign crap". I probably did eat a clove of garlic in something the night before, but so rude. Anyway he failed me on a minor technicality, the tosser.

We did go there once. Hiked around the Dales, it was lovely.

Worse than a professional Northener, a professional Yorkshireman.

that's what I meant, I always assume the main offenders are from Yorkshire - no other region is close at producing such wankers

Everyone I've known from the NE is pretty much like this, ditto Liverpool. PS I grew up in Muswell Hill

A professional Scouser is a different but equally as horrible phenomenon.