Posts you had second thought about and decided not to post - put them here

My mom doesn’t remember… and I kinda wanna say, “Mom, you remember Mrs Schmidt’s address from 40 years ago, you really don’t remember how menopause affected your digestive system? You don’t have alzheimers mom wtf”

_Or running at midnight

― sarahell_


like, what, _alone_? jesus god, my panic disorder is bad enough. when i wake up in the middle of the night and can't get back to sleep i write haha

tennis is a conversation boring

otm

Porn

was steve albini the punk rock rudy van gelder?

It all goes back to the lizard Alfred knows

this is the dumbest argument to end in profanity that i can think of today

i regret my previous post.

It's sort of ironic, or maybe just absurd, that someone might actually need to try harder to be a try-hard.

Look at me everyone, I’m so jaded that I’m not bothered by a guy with a conviction for reproducing violent CSAM!

i'm dancing on his grave, alright...

...to all the sick jams he laid down!!

lol

i don't give a fuck about (person). there are people i care about who have, in the distant past, done Bad Things. that they have done Bad Things doesn't mean I don't care about them. i won't tell you, ever, who they are or what those Bad Things are, except to say that... not only are those things horrifying to me, i don't remotely understand why _anybody_ would do those things.

if someone wants to think i'm a Bad Person because i care about certain specific people who have done Bad Things, i radically accept that.

"but given that you kinda haven't ever acknowledged me or other gay or queer posters on this board"

i still wish i knew what this meant. its been bugging me. i don't want to feel like i've been excluding or ignoring people. have i been? i don't always know who is queer or even who is who on here. i don't remember everyone's story. is that terrible? it kinda becomes one person to me. the ilx person. i think i respond to people if they ask me a question or start a conversation with me. i can be rude though maybe. when i post its to everyone! not anyone in particular.

maybe i should just let it go. but it makes it sound like i ignore all the queer people! that's so sad that someone thinks that! maybe the word "acknowledged" means something that i'm not getting.

scott, I wasn't at all insulted because I thought (a) you HAD interacted with many of us queer posters (b) as I like to point out, repeatedly (I guess I'm a minority), I don't assume the worst of any poster, especially those who've been here for 20+ years.

Alfred otm. I've been trying to figure out peoples' stories here for years and years and still haven't, so it's not terrible imo. You're fine. I'm gay and have only had good impressions of you

At the top of the Boards page you can see the number of posts you've made (as your current login). Mine now number 43,000 give or take a few. Scott likely has at least 30,000. Seems improbable that none of them contain acknowledgements of ilx's many gay or queer posters.

I would've laughed had you posted that image after I'd declared an interest in being a cop, but I accept a healthy amount of ribbing from people I know well.

i just picked one of the first goofy costumes i saw. you know what's funny in retrospect? i almost picked a sexy lady cop picture but then i thought what if that poster is a woman i better not in case they think i'm being rude...

anyway i apologize again.

this is me:

*You have posted 79,852 messages*

and believe you me there are plenty i wish i could take back.

Sexy Halloween costumes are an evergreen joke IMO though none will ever top the "sexy Ebola nurse" I saw circa 2014.

i also stand by this poll from 16 years ago. for the record.

Yer Fave Gayz 4Ever Poll!

i still wish i knew what this meant. its been bugging me. i don't want to feel like i've been excluding or ignoring people. have i been? i don't always know who is queer or even who is who on here. i don't remember everyone's story. is that terrible? it kinda becomes one person to me. the ilx person. i think i respond to people if they ask me a question or start a conversation with me. i can be rude though maybe. when i post its to everyone! not anyone in particular.

― scott seward

scott, you may not know this, because i pretty much never talk about it on ilx, but i am in fact queer - a transgender woman, to be specific. i don't really feel like you've excluded or ignored me.

there is no official Queer Position on things like this, but speaking only for myself, i didn't think of your joke as "hostile".

i definitely know that you are a transgender woman, kate! i admire and enjoy your posts and i always learn something from them.

I'm shocked to see that under Boards I've already made 10,476 posts! I don't think of myself as having been a frequent poster, and am pretty sure people here don't really know me

My thought is that the number of posts it takes for other people to feel like they really know you depends on how much you open up. Some of you have been good about being open and showing who you are, flaws and all, and that pleases me so much.

I want to open up more, but have been mostly too timid in my life. I am recently not as much afraid to open up here, fuck it who cares? getting dunked on often for my dumb opinions feels like a pleasure

Negronis for everyone!

i've said a lot of things here that i have never said to anyone in my real life. very personal things. i feel safe here. i have no idea why. i don't know everybody. there are way less people than there used to be. maybe that's part of it. it feels calmer here now. i don't feel a lot of judgement though. and i feel support. and supported. i appreciate that more than any of you will ever know. which is one reason why i never want to make anyone feel uncomfortable if i can help it. i feel like i can argue with people and not have it be the end of the world. but i don't want to make jokes at anyone's expense. even if its unintentional i still feel bad. there are a few jokes that i made here years ago that i still really regret.

i would buy you all negronis for sure. i would have to settle for a mock negroni? is that even a thing?

don't know if there is such a thing

one of my best friends loves negronis, we have made them often together and I can appreciate them.

my favorite cocktail though is still a dry gin martini with olives

Map’s state is v red

You have posted 148,957 messages

Good lord!

5929 posts for me. Blimey, I'm pretty taciturn but I've been here the best part of 15 years.

I sure had a lot to way about the Eagles!

43,644

Woah

Roman Anthony gets on his horse (gyac) at 3:50 10 May 24

Look at me everyone, I’m so jaded that I’m not bothered by a guy with a conviction for reproducing violent CSAM!


I'm assuming this is directed at me, so let me day unequivocally fuck that Sotos guy, I've read enough of the stuff wrt Albini's association that I wouldn't touch a book with a 10 ft poll and frankly that's an incredibly shitty thing to say about someone.

Albini's association with him is the worst thing I've read about him by far, but in a time when I'm mourning someone who's work meant a very much to me, who obviously impacted a lot of people, and treated so many people, including friends of mine with incredible kindness, I'm not going to judge him based on the dumbest shit he said nearly 40 years ago, especially when he's the only edge lord type to even attempt to grow and recant who he was back then.

No it’s not directed at you. It was a direct response to the comment above you.

Above mine!

Honestly considering how frequently you need to make shitty posts about his shitty posts… idk maybe follow an ilx tradition and make a separate thread for pointing out his shitty posts, because your vendetta is tedious at this point

You could even poll them!!!

That’s a weird thing for someone who sent me a load of messages about their decade plus old grudge about said person to say. On the subject of tedious grudges, killfile me will you? Thanks.

Keep making your anger everyone else’s responsibility to deal with! Really kind of you

I don’t care about your need to follow me around and try to mention me or draw my attention to me in some way. Just so you know, the post I responded to was unperson mocking Left for Left being upset about the cavalier response of some posters to writing a recommendation for a friend’s zine that contained a photo of a toddler being raped. But yes. Very irrational and bad thing for me to get angry about. How shameful.

In any case, enough. Catch this block and find someone else to follow.

Lol I have been posting here longer than you, and I was one of the people who started this thread that you are claiming I am following you around on?

The main reason I brought this up to you, is that you felt it necessary to point out the tedium of xyzzz/lj beef in re UK politics, and I am just saying that your beef w unperson has reached a similar level here.

While you have assumed the mantle of Branwell in many ways, they were an OG and you are not that.

"but given that you kinda haven't ever acknowledged me or other gay or queer posters on this board"

i still wish i knew what this meant. its been bugging me. i don't want to feel like i've been excluding or ignoring people. have i been? i don't always know who is queer or even who is who on here. i don't remember everyone's story. is that terrible? it kinda becomes one person to me. the ilx person. i think i respond to people if they ask me a question or start a conversation with me. i can be rude though maybe. when i post its to everyone! not anyone in particular.

― scott seward, Saturday, May 11, 2024 11:55 PM (yesterday) bookmarkflaglink

hey scott, this is all on me - turns out it was all in my head. i'm sorry for saying it. it wasn't warranted at all and not at all true. if anything i'm happy to have this fiction dispelled by seeing responses of other queer and gay ppl here. i truly love reading your posts and i'm glad you're back here posting. i kinda don't want to go back into that thread and read everything at this point so i may not be addressing everything, but basically i was wrong and i'm sorry.

i definitely know that you are a transgender woman, kate! i admire and enjoy your posts and i always learn something from them.

― scott seward

i was kind of self-deprecating a little with that, which i try not to do overall. i guess technically me talking about my lived experience is a form of political activism, but from my perspective i'm an autistic girl who never shuts up about her special interest

speaking of which i saw another funny bumper sticker today

"my puppygirl can beat up your honor student"

-

anyway, 13,668 messages. sounds about right. i don't know how long i've been here, though, and i'm not sure how to find out.

-

do ilx beefs have beef detectives? i think "beef detective" sounds like a fun job title. i wouldn't want to be one, though.

what i like about ilx is that i can find people my age here. i was at transfem brunch today and i told someone i was 48 and asked "how old do you think i am?", and she said she thought i was older. she's pretty young and also extremely autistic, like, clearly doesn't get social cues. when we were outside after the brunch i asked her about a youtube channel she followed that i'd never heard of and she asked me if i'd seen a certain meme from the channel, and acted out the meme very loudly and enthusiastically. it was a bit about shadow the hedgehog that sounded like something lenny bruce would say about shadow the hedgehog. a lot of stuff about shadow the hedgehog's cock. i'm not really embarrassed about stuff like that but my qpp, who was there with me, was. for the record, i haven't seen that particular meme, even though i've seen a fair number of memes.

anyway sometimes people will say things here that i can't relate to at all, but y'all can talk to a part of my life that i don't have much opportunity to socially express elsewhere. it's this or facebook, and honestly, whatever beefs people here have, ilx isn't built on systematically monetizing the cycle of abuse. i like being here. it's kind of a wistful experience, because it does get smaller year by year. i'm very aware of the impermanence of this place. i value it a lot now, though, value the people here now.

hey scott, this is all on me - turns out it was all in my head. i'm sorry for saying it. it wasn't warranted at all and not at all true. if anything i'm happy to have this fiction dispelled by seeing responses of other queer and gay ppl here. i truly love reading your posts and i'm glad you're back here posting. i kinda don't want to go back into that thread and read everything at this point so i may not be addressing everything, but basically i was wrong and i'm sorry.

― he/him hoo-hah (map)

fwiw i totally get how you got that conclusion. people are always finding all kinds of ways of disingenuous and nasty ways to be hostile to queer people, ways that aren't necessarily obvious to most folks. it's hard for me to know when somebody's doing that or when i'm reading too much into things. if you do read this, i think highly of you and i really like how you acknowledged and took responsibility for your unintentional mistake. that's really fucking hard to do.