The new rolling ILX parenting thread, since the other one was getting unwieldy

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Congratulations new babies and new mums n dads!

Meg: as ppl said to me upthread when I asked a similar qn, count your blessings! Ours now (at 3 months)has a regular pattern of sleeping at 10PM, waking at 6 or 7 for a short feed, then back to sleep for another 2-3 hours, and then nothing during the day bar the odd 10-minute naplet. We don't really want to move him back earlier - I really like coming home and seeing and playing with him, and my wife likes the extra morning sleep.

He is at his second swimming lesson, or splashing lesson or whatever you call it.

It's fun how they seem to try and "level up" different skills at different times - two weeks ago it was all about intense concentration on his hands and accurately touching stuff in front of him, and he'd hardly pay our voices any attention, then this week he's working on locating sounds and depth perception and its starey stary head turney all the time with his hands politely by his sides. He also has developed a happy but ear-splitting squawk which is louder than his unhappy cry or howl.

― Groke, Tuesday, 6 March 2007 15:42 (seventeen years ago) link

When we build the new house, we'll probably get bunk beds. They like sharing space. They're pals; we're lucky.

Maria, one of my regrets in our other house was that we built it assuming that the boys would share a room. A room for each, no matter how small, is preferable, I think. Tucker ended up moving out of the shared bedroom—not because they weren't getting along, but because Nigel was so much sloppier than him. He moved into that tiny tower room, which had no door and was freezing in the winter. We were paying HUGE eliectric bills so that he could run a space heater.
Don't forget, they're going to still be there as young men—home from college, home on holidays with girlfriends, spending time there between rentals, if they end up staying on the Vineyard (it DOES happen!) etc. So even if they like sharing a room now, I strongly advise building a room for each—big enough for a double bed, a bureau and a bookcase. Maybe a chair. Anything else is wasted space. Check out our guest room—it has all of the above, and it's a bit smaller than 8 by 12, not counting the closet.

― Beth Parker, Tuesday, 6 March 2007 15:54 (seventeen years ago) link

Tallulah's sleeping pattern at the moment is very similar to Lytton's - and it's fine by me, as I love the easy engagement with her after work and after the trauma of putting Ava to bed.

She's much less active than Ava was at the same age (we have a pic on Flickr of Ava jamming her feet in her mouth post-bath at 14 weeks; Lulu* is now 17 weeks and the idea of her even being able to get those tree-trunk legs more than an inch off the floor is laughable) but I guess a lot of that is down to her being a much bigger baby (4lb 10oz at birth to 14lb in under four months) and her not getting as much interaction with Mum and Dad during the day. The wild'n'crazy 2-y-o does tend to demand all your attention.

(* - Pam's pet name for her and Ava's too, so I've just gone with it; very crafty by Pam, as Lulu was one of her favoured names that I nixed)

Lulu chuckles and yelps and coos but there are no discernable vowel sounds yet. She's much readier with a smile than her sister was; Ava would hold your gaze, seemingly fascinated, checking out your hair, your eyes, but Lulu just smiles and laughs every time you lock eyes with her. I doubt she'll be crawling at 7.5 months and walking at 10 like big sis.

Our evening routine with Ava has totally broken down for the moment but we're about to impose a new, better one. For the first 6-7 weeks after Xmas, everything was great - bath with Dad, brushy brush teeth and spit out the yuck (copyright Bing Bunny), singsong on the bed as I changed her into her pyjamas and then bed without a problem. No way is that working any more. However, the nursery (after 13 months!) is nearing completion and soon she'll be in her first proper bed, surrounded by her toys and books in a room of her own. I'm sure the transition will be hell for a few weeks but she's totally ready for the bed experience, I reckon.

Latest Ava crazes: singing everyone's name to the tune of Fireman Sam, counting to 20 but with the teens in a quasi-random order, blowing kisses.

― Michael Jones, Tuesday, 6 March 2007 16:02 (seventeen years ago) link

Shall I post pictures? It's been a couple of weeks...

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/159/409271311_7e49eae1ab.jpg

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/125/409271301_d086f01e35.jpg

― Michael Jones, Tuesday, 6 March 2007 16:11 (seventeen years ago) link

Oh wow, it's so fascinating reading about other babies' development, habits etc!

Alice currently goes to bed about 7.30-8pm (obligingly falling asleep almost immediately she clocks the combo of bedroom, swaddling, darkness, and soft music) and then doesn't wake until about 3am. She doesn't settle well after the 3am feed, but usually has another 3 or 4 hours sleep once she does. 7 hours + 4 hours is of course FANTASTIC, but we are trying to edge last feed/bedtime later so that her 7 hour stretch coincides a bit better with ours.

She's not a smiley baby by any stretch of the imagination, preferring a look of intense concentration/suspicion. But she will stare raptly at colours, lights and her hands for ages, and has started to really fight sleep during the day in favour of looking around her - unfortunately this soon makes her outrageously overtired and she screams madly until we can persuade her to sleep through intensive dummy-rocking-shushing sessions.

― Archel, Tuesday, 6 March 2007 16:24 (seventeen years ago) link

Ava's EYES! Michael you must resist the temptation to make huge amounts of money from her beauty so that you never have to work another day in your life. It would be wrong.
Sicilians believe that if you go on and on about a child's beauty, it attracts THE EVIL EYE. So I'll stop.

― Beth Parker, Tuesday, 6 March 2007 16:30 (seventeen years ago) link

Lytton is very smiley but there's usually an (extremely adorable) moment of narrowed-eye wariness before you get the smile, a "hey hold on you don't fool me - oh ok then!" moment. (I project, but who doesn't). The only thing which gets a guaranteed first-time smile is a rattle from his blue bird after he's been changed.

Very little seems to upset him - lack of food, discomfort, but other than that he takes everything remarkably in stride.

― Groke, Tuesday, 6 March 2007 16:31 (seventeen years ago) link

Mummy morning sick and battling a cold, Ophelia also with a cold: BLERGH. I feel extremy utterly awfully CRAP.

― nathalie, Tuesday, 6 March 2007 16:34 (seventeen years ago) link

Yeah, Tallulah's amazingly resilient too - I mean, Ava is fairly brutal in her expressions of affection. Perhaps one time in every three or four she'll heed our instructions to be "gentle, soft" but usually she's headbutting her, trying to pull her off the couch, slapping her hands, sticking her fingers in her eyes, all the while cooing "Aw, baby Yuyu. Kiss baby Yuyu." Tallulah generally copes with it, unless Ava actually draws blood. Babies are tough! They should build planes out of whatever babies are made of.

Archel: Lulu needed her 3am feed until 9 weeks or so, and after that she started sleeping through - Alice could be the same (as if any two babes are ever the same). It was really hard for us at the time as we'd been spoiled with Ava sleeping through from something ridiculous like day 8 and weren't quite prepared; Ava was also going through a poor sleeping phase. We'd have both of them in the bed at 4am with work the next day...

(Pam took the pics above, btw - credit where it's due).

― Michael Jones, Tuesday, 6 March 2007 16:41 (seventeen years ago) link

Sorry to hear that, Nathalie; kids just don't allow you to be ill, do they? I've had a bacterial chest infection and I'm still not fully over it after a month - it's because "rest" is a foreign concept now.

― Michael Jones, Tuesday, 6 March 2007 16:52 (seventeen years ago) link

Owen:
http://farm1.static.flickr.com/125/409181303_edc6bc07df.jpg

Ben and Owen
http://farm1.static.flickr.com/158/401125259_9efb349b15.jpg

― schwantz, Tuesday, 6 March 2007 16:57 (seventeen years ago) link

Awww! That second pic is like those Greek comedy/tragedy masks :)

― Archel, Tuesday, 6 March 2007 17:07 (seventeen years ago) link

Luscious!

― Beth Parker, Tuesday, 6 March 2007 17:09 (seventeen years ago) link

Oh God, they're adorable.

Sometimes, sometimes, I wonder what it might've been like to have a boy...

― Michael Jones, Tuesday, 6 March 2007 17:12 (seventeen years ago) link

As one of two sisters, I can say confidently that you have the best combo M :)

― Archel, Tuesday, 6 March 2007 17:51 (seventeen years ago) link

schwantz, i was seriously thinking about you and the babies, wondering how everything was. so tell us, please, if you don't mind,how things are going? is he handling the medication pretty well and how are the strokes (?).

ophelia's coping quite well and doesn't really *bother* me that much. but boy oh boy am i morning sick. and the cold isn't a fullfledged one, in teh sense that you actually SEE me having a cold, so it's like i'm just moaning for nothing. as they say (but not in front of the kids, so cover their ears): BUGGAH.

ophelia's been standing indie style and doing little steps. it's so darn cute!

the funniest thing, someone in my knitting class opinionated that boys are closer to their mums than daughters. as a girl i was so attached to my mother, you didn't need any superglue to make me and my mum any tighter. i find the whole concept "boys are... than girls..." just ridiculous, really. but do say i'm wrong if you like and regale me with tales of your sister not being attached to your mom....

if my english comes out all weird: see above about cold and morning sickness.

― nathalie, Wednesday, 7 March 2007 08:05 (seventeen years ago) link

Well, I didn't really want to bum out the thread with tales of seizures and hospitals, so I haven't posted in a while. However, it hasn't really been that bad. Ben has had a couple of seizure spells. We have put him on some anti-convulsive meds (Keppra), which are still getting dialed in. He hasn't had any spells for about a week and a half, but that is about the normal inter-cluster time period, so we are crossing our fingers that he doesn't have any more for a few weeks, at least, so we know the meds are actually working. If this happens, then it pretty much rules out any of the really scary, intractable seizure disorders (go ahead and Google "partial focal seizures" if you want to see where my head was at a couple weeks ago). Also, his development seems to be on-track, so we're pretty hopeful that these spells will pass in a year or two (or less). We took him for an MRI yesterday, which was stressful in its own way, since they had to put him under in order to keep him still. We find out the results today. The most probable result is that they will find nothing, which is actually, statistically, the best option (it means that the spells have a better chance of going away on their own). If they find something small, then it will at least let us know what is actually going on (and rule out some of the scary shit). They probably won't find anything macroscopic, as they would have seen that stuff on the ultrasound they did of his head a couple weeks ago (you can ultrasound a baby's head through the soft spot!).

On the bright side, like I mentioned, his development seems to be on-track. Physically, he is a tiny bit behind his brother, but he was born a little smaller, and has always been a bit more verbal than Owen. He smiles and talks all the time, and is pretty strong.

Owen, I just found out, rolled over for the first (and then second, third, fourth, and fifth) time this morning, from his back to his front (ooo - adVANced!), trying to get across the crib to his brother. So that's exciting! Bummer that I have to hear about this stuff through email, but then, someone has to work, right?

Do any of the parents of slightly older children feel like your constant nervousness about your children ever subsides a bit? I can hear you laughing through the screen, but I'm serious. It seems like when they are infants, there is this fear that they will just freaking DIE randomly. Does this go away at all, or does you just get used to it?

― schwantz, Wednesday, 7 March 2007 17:06 (seventeen years ago) link

Beeps is in a crib in our room. When she fusses, I worry, and when she stops fussing, I worry. I hear that it's completely par for the course to feel this way.

I do a sports report daily at my job. If I'm ever late or we get an intern to do it for training, I get a phone call at 12:31 from my Dad going, "WHERE ARE YOU? ARE YOU OKAY?" It's annoying, I don't condone it, and I hope that I'm not doing that when Beeps is 33 years-old, but I now sort of understand it.

I hope everything works out for Ben. So often, you read about someone and find out that they were born with some incredible handicap or were eight months early or something, and look how they turned out! We'll continue to hope for the best from this end.

― Pleasant Plains, Wednesday, 7 March 2007 17:25 (seventeen years ago) link

Does this go away at all, or does you just get used to it?

Not really, not for me. Mine are each in their mid-20s and I still get panicky when I don't hear from them (they both live far from me) and I have occasional horrible nightmares of BAD THINGS happening to them. I have however, in the past 2 or 3 years, trained myself to stop phoning and emailing them constantly. Now I just take my panic out on Mr. Jaq. Everyone should call their parents right NOW and tell them things are fine.

I'm glad things are getting under control for Ben - both your boys are so darned cute!

― Jaq, Wednesday, 7 March 2007 17:43 (seventeen years ago) link

I have a knot of anxiety in my gut over my adult kids. It never goes away, but it lies dormant most of the time. Different things will activate it, like if one of them has a rough patch with a girlfriend, or gets speeding tickets. I went to the funeral of one of my younger son's classmates on Sunday. Car crash.

― Beth Parker, Wednesday, 7 March 2007 17:47 (seventeen years ago) link

One more pic:
http://farm1.static.flickr.com/187/413103206_ea65866782.jpg

Also, if you want to check out a whole ton of pics, check out my twins Flickr set

― schwantz, Wednesday, 7 March 2007 18:14 (seventeen years ago) link

OMG they are adorable. Crossing my fingers that the meds are working for Ben and that the seizures will disappear on their own.

I still freak out some about my 8 and 4 year old kids, but I no longer fear that they will just die. I'm more worried that they will blithely walk out in front of a car (especially J., who is not only younger, but also fearless). Mostly I don't let myself contemplate bad things happening to them, though, because it's just too scary.

― Sara R-C, Wednesday, 7 March 2007 18:17 (seventeen years ago) link

So we found out what Ben has is a mild version of Focal Cortical Dysplasia (don't Google it or you'll get freaked out), emphasis on "mild." This is one of the most common causes of seizures in kids. Our neurologist seemed to think she was delivering relatively good news, and told us that this rules out any of the really scary seizure syndromes. According to her, the effects of this could range from nothing, with the seizures disappearing within a year or two, to possibly some mild learning disabilities. Apparently many people have FCD and don't even know it.

Again, if you Google it, you will get a menu of frightening possibilities. It sounds like the version Ben has is very mild, and should be controllable with the meds, etc.

― schwantz, Wednesday, 7 March 2007 23:59 (seventeen years ago) link

Finally some hard information for you. Ben certainly doesn't look too worried!
Of course we're all going to Google it anyway. Who do you think you're talking to?

― Beth Parker, Thursday, 8 March 2007 00:03 (seventeen years ago) link

Oy! Too scholarly for me!

― Beth Parker, Thursday, 8 March 2007 00:08 (seventeen years ago) link

As much as I'd like to say that I would be relieved, I would still worry very much over my baby if he had it so I'm assuming you do as well. Still good to hear he has a mild form and that the meds seem to working. Here's crossinger our fingers!

Ophelia has her second *bad* night. She's teething, molars, and still battling a cold. As a result, I think, she wakes up and wants to sleep with us. She refuses to go back to bed and instead she screams and cries. It's not sad wimpering, it's angry crying. So what do I do? No, I don't ferberize, I put her in bed with us. My husband doesn't agree, he finds that we should just leave her crying until she gets the message that she won't be sleeping in our bed. WHAT TO DO!

― nathalie, Thursday, 8 March 2007 08:32 (seventeen years ago) link

I can't just leave Ava when she's really wailing and has been for 10-15mins; she's been coming to bed with us in the middle of the night fairly frequently recently.

When she had a bad patch like this before, she came out of it and went back to being able to soothe herself when she'd woken from a bad dream/whatever. I know bringing distressed toddlers to bed is considered dangerous practice (i.e. you'll never get them to sleep in their own bed), but I'm not sure of a viable alternative (I don't drive, taking them downstairs just seems like a recipe for an extra 2 hours of being awake, she doesn't have a room of her own yet - she's sleeping in a cot jammed into our office - so calming her in situ, as it were, doesn't really work).

We'll see how it goes in the next week when she moves into her own room and into a real bed...

― Michael Jones, Thursday, 8 March 2007 10:14 (seventeen years ago) link

Terrible night with Alice last night, speaking of. And, also on topic, when I finally did go to sleep I dreamt that she was drowning in the bath :(

― Archel, Thursday, 8 March 2007 11:12 (seventeen years ago) link

Your dream is probably all about wanting to protect her.

Oh, all you poor parents with your sleepless nights. It doesn't last for ever though :)

― C J, Thursday, 8 March 2007 11:21 (seventeen years ago) link

I took my kids in to the local hospital last weekend to visit a friend of mine who is recuperating after an operation. My friend's room was in the new part of the hospital, and her windows overlooked the helipad in the hospital grounds, which was quite exciting. While we were there, the ambulance helicopter brought in a patient - a very elderly, wrinkly bald man strapped tightly to a stretcher - at which point my eldest daughter exclaimed "ooh look, it's Britney Spears"

― C J, Thursday, 8 March 2007 11:28 (seventeen years ago) link

Yep they grow up fast!

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/149/414513213_f0160f25ea.jpg?v=0

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/136/414513209_8c9ff268c2.jpg?v=0

― Dr.C, Thursday, 8 March 2007 11:33 (seventeen years ago) link

Oh, they're gorgeous!

― C J, Thursday, 8 March 2007 11:38 (seventeen years ago) link

aww - ta! The top one is 6 feet tall and has larger feet than me. I got some hand-me-down converse shoes that he'd grown out of the other day.

― Dr.C, Thursday, 8 March 2007 11:41 (seventeen years ago) link

Beautiful children, Doc.

― Michael Jones, Thursday, 8 March 2007 11:45 (seventeen years ago) link

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/181/414520563_2b0c468a24.jpg?v=0

Couldn't resist posting this one.

― Dr.C, Thursday, 8 March 2007 11:54 (seventeen years ago) link

H gave us a good night's sleep last night - 12 til 9 with wakes for feeds at 2.30 and 5.30. Also we managed to get him to nap in his pram for an hour at 8pm while we ate dinner - up til now we had been eating in shifts as he refused to settle. The trick? Two laps round the block in his pram - we have found this sends him off to sleep like a dream.

On the minus side - we went for a long walk this morning which was lovely, but I don't think my episiotomy was ready for it and now I can barely sit down. Ouch :(

― Meg Busset, Thursday, 8 March 2007 12:34 (seventeen years ago) link

Also you can finally see a pic of the lil fella at a few minutes old - plus read about the birth in gory detail, should you wish to - here

― Meg Busset, Thursday, 8 March 2007 13:00 (seventeen years ago) link

speaking of sleep, I took the boy to a chiropractor, I had a suspicion that the neck problems he had at birth (tortocollis and also his shoulder got hung up a bit during delivery) hadn't fully resolved themselves and maybe that was interfering with his sleep. It helped a lot, I was really amazed.

― teeny, Thursday, 8 March 2007 15:24 (seventeen years ago) link

Aw Meg, Howie is gorgeous! Such lovely round cheeks already :)

― Archel, Thursday, 8 March 2007 17:06 (seventeen years ago) link

We're six days behind Meg! Sleeping through the night is possibly in sight!

― Pleasant Plains, Thursday, 8 March 2007 18:08 (seventeen years ago) link

How are you all otherwise, PP? Please for to let us see more pictures of Miss Beatrice, because she looked pretty darn cute in the first one, and I'm sure it's only improved.

― luna, Friday, 9 March 2007 02:40 (seventeen years ago) link

We're doing all right. Haven't had a solid night yet. You're never really fully prepared, but at least you can prepare yourself to be unprepared, if that makes any sense. I'm really hoping some sort of routine begins to develop, but six days in (and just four days since coming home from the hospital), we're still playing it by ear. Thank you for asking.

And by request, Ms Beeps.

http://img113.imageshack.us/img113/9378/im003519ud9.jpg

http://img184.imageshack.us/img184/5102/im003516wg1.jpg

― Pleasant Plains, Friday, 9 March 2007 04:48 (seventeen years ago) link

Aw, she's beautiful!

Meg - thanks for sharing the link to your blog with Howie's birth story. I enjoyed reading it! And he's looking fabulous as well!!!!

― Sara R-C, Friday, 9 March 2007 05:02 (seventeen years ago) link

We're six days behind Meg! Sleeping through the night is possibly in sight!

WTF! Thank your lucky stars if it happens. Usually it's the baby deceiving you. ;-) They do it once to show you what might be and then the next couple of weeks they wake up screaming. ;-)

Ophelia's molars have burst (?) through. She slept till 6:40. Double yay with hurrah on top. She's coughing a bit now so my husband's afraid she'll develop a lung infection. Worry? You bet ya. However it's much less than the first year, then I freaked out on a daily basis. :-)

― nathalie, Friday, 9 March 2007 07:30 (seventeen years ago) link

Yes, we're a long way off sleeping through the night, I think - he wakes every 3 hours or so demanding to be fed, though luckily he is pretty good at settling down again afterwards.

Main problem at the mo seems to be overproduction of milk on my part - not only am I constantly leaking out of both boobs like a tap, but H seems to guzzle too much at each feed nad make himself windyand grizzly. We had some serious projectile vomiting yesterday, which was nice...

Miss Beeps is beautiful!

― Meg Busset, Friday, 9 March 2007 11:31 (seventeen years ago) link

Lytton's Top Three Current Irritants

1. First mild snuffle, leading to coughing and grizzling.
2. Move onto larger size bottles, which he can't grab as easily - they have slightly harder teats I think.
3. Mum has been ill herself and Dad busy at work so less attention generally.

Lytton's Top Three Minor and Major Pleasures

1. Changing - he loves it: he can roll more easily, he gets toys shaken in front of him, it's great. I think he will grow up to be a nudist.
2. "Heads and shoulders knees and toes" - never fails to get a smile.
3. Being read to - he has learned to bash at a page to "turn" it. (at least we think this is what he's doing)

― Groke, Friday, 9 March 2007 11:38 (seventeen years ago) link

Lytton sounds like a little smasher.

I just tried to compile a list detailing Ava's current vocabulary; excluding Mummy, Daddy, Lulu, the names of friends/relatives/fictional TV & book characters, I came up with 207 words*. I think that's about average but she's not stringing together sentences to any great degree - well, none we can understand (the linking words are her own garbled phonemes). In the ongoing power struggle in the home, she's definitely winning (in bed with us again last night from 1:15 and again from 3:30, ridiculously extended bathtimes) - but we'll get through this. We haven't used the Fisher Price punishment dungeon yet.

(* - I'm generously including words probably only me & Pam recognise - tangaloo for triangle, cattapada for caterpillar).

― Michael Jones, Friday, 9 March 2007 12:29 (seventeen years ago) link

hey meg--I had overproduction for the longest time and it helps to nurse on one side for a while--like until the other side is ready to burst!

― teeny, Friday, 9 March 2007 14:10 (seventeen years ago) link

P.P., what a beautiful little girl!

― Beth Parker, Friday, 9 March 2007 14:22 (seventeen years ago) link

thanks teeny - will try that, he's been very unsettled and teary this afternoon, esp after feeds, so I suspect it's a bit of colic. Have dosed him up with Infacol so we'll see if that helps.

― Meg Busset, Friday, 9 March 2007 14:43 (seventeen years ago) link

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