OVERHEARD

English--17th/18th century.

I'm macabre. I think I freak stoners out.
-- Some guy at Squat & Gobble wearing a Gatsby who seemed to be some kind of Home Depot manager type

Really long monologue by mid-30s woman on PATH including
"We decided against that Benz - it got the worst ratings from consumer reports"
"See I'd never cheat on my husband. We've got the condo together, we've got all these investments..."
"I find myself thinking 'I wish I'd done Thomas, I wish I did David, I wish I had Andy."
"A 25-year old guy can't even make the decision to get married."
"My mom asked all of us whether we thought she should get back together with dad. Everyone who said no, she stopped talking to them...(a few seconds later) I had the best mom."

"He's got Assburgers Syndrome, so he gets turned on by wearing women's shoes"

--Part of a LOLheavy 20 minute conversation between two 16 yr old girls on the train.

more of that conversation plz

There's a store called Squat & Gobble?? Ew.

Squat & Gobble has some fine brunchy-type stuff, such as salads, tofu scramble, pancakes, and hefeweisen. European tourists, at least, seem to adore it.

"if he lectures me again i'm gonna stick a grenade launcher up his ass." --a couple of hollywood guys on the train who produce shows for nbc

"Well, it's raining! It was sunny this morning, we're not going to get a summer this year are we. Look at it raining, if anyone still doesn't believe in global warming now they need shooting"

SHUT UP OH JUST SHUT UP

"I've got the video of my hip surgery, and it's pretty cool..."

Is this commonplace now?

Jersey Lawyer 1: "I went to New York this weekend."
Jersey Lawyer 2: "Ah, yeah?"
JL 1: "Yeah, New York is great. I love the atmosphere. You can go to a restaurant, walk around, see a musical."
JL 2: "Did you ever go to John's Pizza?"
JL 1: "Nah"
JL 2: "Oh, you gotta go."
JL 1: "Why?"
JL 2: "It's great. You can take the whole family. It's a great place."

This conversation took place about 15 minutes from the George Washington Bridge.

"Yo that's a subpoena, yo"
"What?"
"Let me see that...yeah, that's a subpoena."
<peruses said subpoena, hands it back to the other guy>
"They ain't got nothin' on you."

this morning on BART

Woman just sitting at the table next to me with her fiance or husband just bitched for about 10 minutes about exactly what was wrong with her engagement or wedding ring and how she was planning to change it. She's "Thinking of going gold instead of platinum" and she wants the stones "recessed, because there's this design that everyone has" and she wants "something different." Then it was that the ring "has a smell" because "sweetie, the problem is it's not micro kava [?], it's just kava [?] so the mildew gets in."

All I could tell was that her ring looked expensive as all fuck. These are the kinds of things one overhears in Brooklyn Heights/DUMBO

the slash that should not be

Well this was in DUMBO, fwiw, but I've been hearing conversations like this ever since I moved to brooklyn heights.

oooh my turn!

2 ladies in the cafe at whole foods columbus circle discussing the merits of working or staying home:

"but if i have to work, i have to get a nanny. nannies are SO expensive - like $15 an hour!!"

i hate you people and your willingness to underpay the people taking care of what is supposedly the most important thing in your life.

I wish I could post the TONE of the ring woman's voice and the way she was talking to her poor fiancee. I seriously wanted to walk over and spit my coffee in her face.

I guess rich people be self-entitled because they rich and self-entitled people be rich because they self-entitled.

self help book in the making

coworker one: anthrax goes in the butt
coworker two: yeah and it's all thick and gooky
coworker one: yup

a woman sitting behind me at a cafe:
"these are veneers (sound of a tooth being tapped with a fingernail). when i got them i'd had these whitened so now the veneers are always whiter than the others. it makes them stand out, it makes them look bigger. see? they look heaps bigger than the others."

"you remind me of marianne faithful. you DO know who marianne faithful is, don't you?"

"yes of course, i love her voice."

"did you know she did it with mick jagger on the top of a mountain? did you know that?"

two dudes walking down the hallway at work. 1, to the other, very serious:

"I think wikipedia is wrong sometimes."

Woman talking on her mobile about her friend to another friend:

"There's fat, and then there's just greedy"

Oh, and another favourite was a lady talking about how she'd smashed someone's head in, and then she suddenly switched to talking about the Olympics, and described the British swimming lady as "the honky with the big nose, she done well"

At farmer's market:

Arugula seller: 'Have you ever burnt a Christmas tree'
Customer: 'No'
'Really? REAlly?'
'No...'
'It can be a very emotional experience'.

In Rothko Room at Phillips Collection gallery, woman to her friend after long worried pause gazing at Rothkos from bench (suddenly decisive): 'It's like a tie-die effect'.

Errr, tie-dye

Two london geezers by the door of my local, 'avin a fag. As I'm walking past they both suddenly embrace and one says

"I love you more than you'll ever know, Dave. You know that don't you."

bromance

tiny girl in exquisite clothes (sweetly): mama?
immaculate beautiful mother (in breathy cultured voice) : yes bea?
bee (in broad queensland accent): i just done a burp

:D

Hahahah thats fecking fantastic! Well done that girl.

Walking by the shore in New Zealand I see a middle-aged white haired man on a cell phone shouting in a thick Texas drawl, "I will NEVER! I will NEVER! I will NEVER do another deal with RANDY!"

Crazy blind Jamaican lady on the bus, standing up front yelling at us, preaching her wisdom: "Why do you t'ink you never see a Chinese drug addict? Or Chinese prostitute?"

Well we know why SHE doesnt oh yes I went there.

"You're awfully demanding for a Stone Age person."

teh Viceroy just got a 'QC SUPPLY' catalog & is musing over it out loud

"Huh, this thing holds up to 30 mice."
"Anticoagulants, nice!"
"There's anticoagulant resistant rodents? Gross."
"Cow de-licer. Awesome."
"Wow! A little cow cleaner stall. 'Cow goes in the stall, jets turn on.Cow becomes clean.'"

Hahah!

My upstairs the other day on the phone to a ladyfriend while in the back stairwell:

I can't believe we slept together the first night I mean . . . you must have a lot of confidence. Did you take me home thinking we were going to have sex or did it just happen?

I made my exit at that point. There are just some things I don't need to know about Luciano.

is it designed kinda like a car wash?

lol uh I thought you meant my neighbor's ladyfriend for a second there. I was very confused.

But is your neighbor's ladyfriend designed kinda like a car wash?

I don't know. Maybe if I'd stuck around and continued eavesdropping I would know more.

disgusting.

!!

http://img33.imageshack.us/img33/1701/carwashz.jpg

Well you know maybe it DOES take confidence to sleep with a carwash!

"You're awfully demanding for a Stone Age person."

Would like this said to me in bed.

Young Brooklyn woman to young Brooklyn woman, in caustic tone: "That's exactly what I fucking told him out of my mouth"